Showing posts with label iwsg. Show all posts
Showing posts with label iwsg. Show all posts

02 August 2017

So Busy I Can't Think of a Title

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!


I almost forgot to write this post! In my defense, I'm busy busy busy. On top of work, I'm getting ready for my birthday trip to NYC next week where I will be eating lots and lots of food and FINALLY seeing Hamilton. Whoop whoop. If you follow me on Instagram, I'll probably be posting a lot. Mostly food. Watch out. 

Anyhoo, I don't really know what to write about. Well, I haven't been writing much in the past week or so. Because, you know, busy. My Camp NaNoWriMo goal kind of went down in flames. I only edited for just over 10 hours, waaaaaaaaaay short of my 60 hour goal. I did get through the dreaded Chapter 11 AND Chapter 12, so that's good. There has been a lot more rewriting in this draft than I thought there would be. I've been adding a ton more words to this draft. I'm sure at some point I'll actually get to the last third of the novel where I have to completely rewrite it. Not looking forward to that as much.

A new development on the editing front is that my husband has been reading my chapters and we've been talking about each one afterwards. I don't want any beta readers until this draft is done, and, well, I don't want anyone reading the last draft because it sucks. But he read the first draft way back when so he's at least familiar with the story and honestly, just talking about it out loud even with someone who isn't a writer helps me to figure things out.

Of course, since he's my hubby he has to say how he thinks it's good, despite the fact that he would never ever read this book if I wasn't the person who wrote it. And I kept asking him if he thought the voice was annoying so many times that he told me to stop. It is kind of a confidence boost because as I go through things, I can see the parts I got right. The symbolism is crazy at some points and I think I had a big stupid grin on my face when I was explaining it. I also kinda just love when he's reading and then laughs at a line and I have to ask which one was it (I can usually guess).

Well, that's about it. I'm off work tomorrow but then have to work four days until I leave for my trip on Tuesday. I still haven't picked out my bus ride books!

05 July 2017

Failing at Camp

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!


How the heck did it get to be July so fast? As usual, I'm way behind on my goals. I wanted to be done with my third draft of UL by now and I'm still stuck on Chapter 11. I've been wanting to give myself a bit of a kick in the butt when it comes to editing, so I did something drastic. 

On Friday night, pretty much at the last minute, I decided to sign up for Camp NaNoWriMo. I chose a revision project and set my goal for 60 hours of editing. I figured that was roughly 2 hours a day, which was way more than I've been doing but not so ridiculous that I didn't think I could do it. Now with four whole days under my belt, how have I been doing?

Well, uh, not so good actually. As usual, whenever I set a goal, I never seem to come close. The very first day I did absolutely nothing. I don't even know why. I didn't have work that day. I don't really have a good excuse. The next day, I did make a solid effort, but didn't even get over two hours, let alone to four to catch up. I set the stop watch on my phone while I edited and ended up with an hour and thirteen minutes.

Then I had to change things up. When you have your goal set as hours, the Camp NaNo site only accepts whole hours as counting toward the goal. So when I tried to put in that hour and thirteen, I was only credited for the hour (even when I tried 1.25 it just put in one...yes I know that was giving myself two extra minutes...shhh....). I wanted those extra minutes to count, so I changed my goal from hours to minutes. 

So now it's 3600 minutes. How far have I gotten? As of writing this post (about 5PM on the 4th): 73. Yup, just that hour and thirteen from Sunday. I suck at this. 


The good news is that the day is not over, so maybe by the time you read this, I'll have added some minutes. The even better news is that it's still really early in the month, so maybe somehow and with some kind of miracle occurring, I'll actually get to my goal. 

I have no idea where 60 hours of editing will bring me in the story, but at least it will be further than when I started. 

Do you think I can still achieve my editing goal? Anyone else doing Camp NaNoWriMo? 

07 June 2017

Seduced by Another Book

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!


I've been feeling kinda down lately. Things have been kind of at a standstill when it comes to the editing front. I was doing so well during my staycation but I just couldn't seem to keep that motivation going. I'm stuck on Chapter 11. It's a really tough one. I think I either need to break it into two chapters or combine two scenes. Mostly because I don't think one chapter needs TWO make out scenes (but what do I know?). But I'm also trying to sneak in some subplot stuff and I always have a hard time with that. I feel like I'm forcing it and no one's going to care. Basically I know this chapter is difficult and I've been avoiding it. 

I know motivation isn't my only problem. If I could just get my brain to focus on Chapter 11 during my free thinking moments, I could start to figure it out. Times like before I fall asleep, in the shower, at work. I do my best brainstorming there. But I just can't focus. I'm distracted. By another book.

Yeah, you guessed it. Book 3. It has seduced me into some sort of mind-numbing oblivion. Now, I'm pretty much the last person on earth who would have a real life affair, but I think this is what it feels like. It's new and exciting and kinda dangerous. I think about it all the time. I know I shouldn't be thinking about it, shouldn't be working on it, but I can't help it. It's just where my passion is dragging me. But then I feel guilty about it because I'm not working on the book I should be working on.

Plus--hello! I can't actually get through Book 3 without finishing Books 1 & 2! But I can't be reasoned with! I know the basic structure of 1 and 2 so I know what happens and what leads to 3, which has me telling myself it's ok to work on it. 

I just like Book 3. There's something about it. I don't even think it's anywhere near perfect but I guess that's part of its appeal. I want to figure it all out way before I actually write the whole thing out. There's just more emotion in that book, or as I like to say, it gives me all the feels. I already have an entire playlist for it. I listen to it more than the playlist for Book 1. Book 3 just kinda drives me crazy, but in a good way, whereas Book 1 just frustrates me. 

Maybe sometimes it's good to have a distraction, when you're not getting any writing done, when the passion just isn't there. But I can't seem to shift my focus back to where it should be. I can't get back with the book I'm supposed to be with. 

Have you ever been seduced by another book idea? What did you do? 

03 May 2017

Rewriting, Research, and a Release!

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!


What am I insecure about? So, so, so much. How can I fit it all in one post?? I probably can't. Plus I do kinda want to answer this month's question. Well, I guess I'll just dive in. 

The editing front! Still not done with Chapter 7. I think I'll spend the rest of my life on it, actually. And there is SOOOOOO much dialogue but I think it works for this particular scene. My characters are basically creating a kind of verbal contract, so...they kinda have to talk to each other. I'm actually adding so much more than was in the previous drafts, which is a good thing, because I know this scene was always rushed before. I just wish I could reach the end of it. 

Now for this month's question, which is: What's the weirdest/coolest thing you ever had to research for a story?

I like this question a lot, but I've had a hard time coming up with just one thing that was really weird or really cool. So...I made a list, of course! I didn't think writing a piece of fiction would require SO. MUCH. RESEARCH. But it does! All the little things you need to check out seem to add up over time!

So here are some of the things I've had to research while writing UL. 

- Setting related stuff: streets, landmarks, subway stations, apartment price ranges, THOSE DAMN WINDOWS.
- MATH! (I hate math). I’ve watched YouTube videos on geometric proofs. That scene turned out awesome so it was totally worth it. I also have a geometry textbook.
- Some unsavory things I won't mention here. (Well, you see, I don't have...never mind.)
- FOOD. So much food! Different recipes. How to make fresh pasta. One time I made chocolate chip cookies and then took notes while I ate them. Some of those descriptions are in the book.
- Probably one of the weirdest things I know from writing this book is about age of consent. It goes by state and is from 16-18 (17 in NY where my story takes place). I don't need to know this for real life. It's creepy that I know it. But what can you do? I did need to know it for the story.

And of course, I can't forget the Chapter 3 Valentine's Day cupcakes. Extremely important research, here, people. Very scientific stuff. 

 


And now for something completely different...

In case you missed it (you probably didn't), yesterday the IWSG Anthology, Hero Lost: Mysteries of Death and Life was released! Woo hoo! I'm honored to be a part of this great group of authors. Plus, now after my years of insecure ramblings, you actually get to read something I wrote! Something I actually finished! Something the muse says he "let me" write (because it wasn't about him!). 


Hero Lost
Mysteries of Death and Life
An Insecure Writer’s Support Group Anthology

Can a lost hero find redemption?

What if Death himself wanted to die? Can deliverance be found on a bloody battlefield? Could the gift of silvering become a prison for those who possessed it? Will an ancient warrior be forever the caretaker of a house of mystery?

Delving into the depths of the tortured hero, twelve authors explore the realms of fantasy in this enthralling and thought-provoking collection. Featuring the talents of Jen Chandler, L. Nahay, Renee Cheung, Roland Yeomans, Elizabeth Seckman, Olga Godim, Yvonne Ventresca, Ellen Jacobson, Sean McLachlan, Erika Beebe, Tyrean Martinson, and Sarah Foster.

Hand-picked by a panel of agents and authors, these twelve tales will take you into the heart of heroes who have fallen from grace. Join the journey and discover a hero’s redemption!


05 April 2017

So Long, Symbolism!

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!


So, it's April. How is it April already??? I know a lot of you are participating in the A to Z Challenge, but I've decided to skip this year. I have a GIANT list of reasons for that (some I'd rather not get into) but the main thing is that I really need to focus on editing my novel and I know doing the Challenge will take away an entire month from that. It is rather relaxing, though, not having to worry about getting posts done and visiting others. Now I just actually have to make good use of the free time.

Recently I was doing some setting research that led me to a heartbreaking realization (ok, I'm exaggerating a little). It really just started out in Chapter 7 with the narrator mentioning a ten minute subway ride to get to another character's apartment. I just wanted to make sure it actually would be ten minutes--turns out, yes, I had that right all along--depending on which station my MC lives closest to, I'm flexible with that. But at least it was believable enough to work.

But for some reason I went into research mode and turned into some kind of psychopath. I've always had a vague idea of what neighborhoods my characters lived in, but I wanted to make sure it was realistic for them to live there. So this leads me to browsing actual apartments and wondering if a character could afford an apartment on the Upper East Side and...well, probably, but said apartment would be a lot smaller than how I pictured it in my brain. But that's not a big deal. Easy fix.

The devastation came because I've always kind of wondered if a certain detail about said character's apartment would actually be realistic. I don't even know why I haven't done the proper research before, but I decided I needed to settle the matter.

So all this nonsense is about windows. I've always had this character's bedroom not have any windows. This was for some pretty heavy symbolism. It was just one of those things that worked and made sense but I wasn't bashing the reader over the head with it too much. I'm pretty sure I only mentioned it twice. But if they're able to read between the lines, it was saying a lot.

The problem? It's actually illegal for a bedroom in an apartment to not have any windows. In New York, at least, and I assume most other places. I know what some of you might say--so what, do it anyway! I'm just not sure it's an important enough plot point to do something that would never happen in the real world. Was it a cool bit of symbolism? Yes! But am I willing to have the reader question if the story is realistic over it? Uhhh...not really.

So, farewell symbolism! You were cool while you lasted. I guess I'll just have to put up curtains.

01 March 2017

Secure but Overwhelmed

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!


This came up on me way too fast. February always seems to end so abruptly that I forget it's even happening. I almost forgot to pay a credit card bill, mail my rent, and yes, write this blog post. Usually you get a few extra days each month but February likes to trick me.

So what the heck do I write about? I'm actually not feeling all that insecure. Overwhelmed at times, maybe, but not insecure. Well, there's always the optional question! This month's is: Have you ever pulled out a really old story and reworked it? Did it work out?

No.

CRAP.

Ok, I guess I'll talk about the overwhelming stuff.

I have about a gazillion things to do for the anthology. I have to do my final edits. I haven't written anything for the joint blog yet, and I have interview questions for pretty much everyone to write. Plus we're trying to set up a blog tour and do more marketing stuff.

SPEAKING OF WHICH. We have a sign up form for the blog tour! I literally finished it while writing this post!!! Because I wanted to include it! Look at the exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, click HERE to sign up! The tour is going to run from May 2 through May 31. There are a few different options for posts. If you sign up for a review, we'll hook you up with the publisher to get a review ebook copy.

It can be really hard to balance real life and all of the stuff I need and want to do. I'm halfway through my edit of Chapter 5 for Uneven Lines. The end of the chapter needs a bit of work (which is a little frustrating since the first half was pretty much perfect). So I've kind of been avoiding it since I want a large chunk of time to sit down and figure it out. Usually I have too much to do or I'm just too tired after work.

So I've been working on Shiny New Story quite a bit. I guess I'll take any progress with writing as a win. I really really like it, even though it's super complicated (yeah, because UL is simple *pfft*). I love my characters and I want to hug them. But I swear to God, I cannot write a story without a secret romance to save my life. Can't do it! I've never had nor wanted a secret romance why do I keep doing this???

Well, that's about it. I set my alarm for 5 AM every morning but I always wake up at 4:37. EVERY DAY. I don't know what that is either.

Ever feel overwhelmed? What time do you wake up in the morning? 

01 February 2017

The Anthology Where It Happens

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!


This post is kinda sorta a sequel to another IWSG post called "Wait For It." Ok, so the references will make a lot more sense if you've listened to/seen (you lucky duck! *side eye to my August tickets which may or may not be chained in a briefcase to my wrist*) the musical Hamilton. Because when it comes to my writing, how I go about it, how I deal with motivation, I am, in fact, Aaron Burr. 

Ok, so you may be scratching your head even if you know the musical inside and out. Basically, I would call myself a hesitator. I do not actively seek out inspiration, I don't even push myself very hard to get any writing done--even though I want to, and I do want great things to happen with my writing. And I do get terribly frustrated seeing other writers succeed and thinking, why can't I have that? All the while knowing deep down the answer is that I'm barely even trying. 

Still with me? Horribly depressed now? Don't worry, we'll fix that. This story has a happy ending (and does not end with a duel). 

So, you all know about the IWSG anthology. We'll talk about this year's in a bit. I actually have to go back to last year's anthology to tell this tale. When they first presented it, I thought maybe I would enter. I bounced around a few story ideas but didn't feel that strongly about them, so I didn't write anything and didn't enter. Obviously, you can't win if you don't enter. Of course, I was happy for the authors who won and were published, but I couldn't help thinking, what if? 

I put the thoughts aside for about a year, that is, until they announced the theme and deadline for the second anthology contest. I didn't have a concrete idea in mind right away, but I thought, I have to enter. Why would I want to be on the outside looking in over and over again? I can't get anywhere if I don't even try. So it was a bit of an epiphany. 

(I wanna be in the room where it happens, the room where it happens...err, I mean, anthology. You get it). 

The thing was, once I actually started plotting out my story, I just had this feeling. If I could get it done, and edit the crap out of it, I really did think I stood a chance to get in. And for once I was not horribly wrong. I did get in! It was good! I was no longer on the outside looking in! There may have been some dancing.

And you know why? Because I actually tried. Because not only did I put my mind to it (because ideas come easily to me), but I actually motivated myself until I pulled it off. I didn't just sit around and wait for an opportunity to come to me. I had to actually get it for myself. So, there you have it. 

Click-boom. 

On a related note, all of the authors for the Hero Lost anthology have created a website you can find here! There's lots of info on all of the authors and our stories. We should be adding some regular blog posts pretty soon, too!

04 January 2017

The Year in Which I Do Stuff

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Click here to learn more and sign up!


So it's that time of year where everyone is making goals and resolutions. I'm usually on the fence about creating them, because I tend not to follow through on actual goals. But this year, I would really like to make some accomplishments. So here are the goals:

1. Finish the third draft of Uneven Lines. 
I'm pretty sure I've had some version of this goal for the last six years (for the 1st and 2nd drafts), and probably this exact goal last year (and the year before...). I think I want to finish it by the summer (maybe June-July), although I wouldn't be opposed to anytime sooner than that, and get some actual beta readers for it. Then once it's done figure out what to do with it.

2. Get back into blogging.
In 2015 I went a little psycho and blogged every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Last year I didn't blog much at all. I'd like to blog every Monday at least. I really have no idea what's been going on with other bloggers lately, too, so I'd like to make sure I visit everyone more often and branch out more to new blogs. I'm on the fence about doing the A to Z Challenge this year. I actually do have an idea that won't be a ridiculous amount of work and could be fun, but I'm just not sure if I'll have the time.

3. Do NaNoWriMo.
I know, this is waaaaaay in advance, but I figure I need to start thinking about it now. I've halfheartedly made this a goal a few times before, but I've never accomplished it. I've never even come close. So this year, I'd like to do it. AND: I want to write the sequel to Uneven Lines for it. That's why I want to start planning it now. I want to make sure I have every detail mapped out before I start writing. There's also a bit of research involved so I'd like to get that done before writing rather than sorting it out after.

4. Read 100 books. 
I've made this goal before, and I know it's incredibly unrealistic. But I still want to try it. Last year I only read 3 books (one of which was a reread), which was pretty pathetic. While I'm not exactly sure if I'll reach 100, I'd like to get closer than ever before. I'd like to read all of the books I already own, and not just fiction--nonfiction, poetry, etc. I think if I have a few books going at once it may help. We'll see.

5. Watch 100 new movies.
I've made this goal before but I've never actually achieved it, even though it would be much easier than the 100 books goal. Last year I only watched 48 movies, which was way less than my usual low 80s from the two years before. If I watch one movie every three days or so, this should be pretty easy. Only movies I've never seen before count.

6. Have an awesome 30th birthday.
Ok, so it's not until August, but I'm already trying to plan it. Well, because for Christmas, my husband got me Hamilton tickets (!!!!!!!!!) for the day after, and I bought tickets for the Amelie musical on my birthday. That's all I have so far, but I have lots and lots of time to plan everything else. I'm hoping to travel to NY the day before my birthday and leave two days after.

So that's it, pretty much. I would like to look into publishing some smaller things (like all those poems that have been sitting around collecting dust), lose some weight (and keep it off!), organize my apartment, yada yada. The really good news is that I've actually started out the year with a big accomplishment, but I think you'll read about that somewhere else...*insert evil laugh* Hopefully I can take the momentum and run with it.

Do I have terribly unrealistic goals? What are your goals for the new year?

07 December 2016

When Words Happen

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!


I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that I haven't written a blog post besides IWSG for months. I feel so out of the loop. I do read some blogs now and then but definitely not every day. And I never comment because I don't want anyone to come back here and see all the tumbleweeds. I think I'll probably stay on my sort-of-hiatus for the rest of the year. Although Jordan's birthday is this month, and he's finally turning 21 (sort of)...help me! ("What makes you think I haven't had a fake ID for years??" he says). I could do something for that (but not a Muse Party. I haven't given myself enough time to set that up, womp womp). I'm hoping to get back into the swing of blogging next year.

Anyway, the good news! You'll never guess. I'VE BEEN WRITING ACTUAL WORDS. Wait, it gets weirder. NOT SOMETHING USELESS. I know, right? FOR THE ACTUAL THIRD DRAFT OF UNEVEN LINES. WHAT IS THIS MADNESS????

*cough* I'll stop shouting now. I wouldn't say it's a ridiculous amount of words, but maybe a ridiculous amount of ideas. Like I keep thinking about it all the time, whereas I've mostly been avoiding thinking about it for quite some time now. Sometimes I'll get struck by an idea and have to stop everything to write it down--whether it's at work or 5 in the morning and I'm trying to sleep and can barely keep my eyes open to type it into my phone. But I will definitely take what I can get.

I'm still trying to figure out how to rewrite the last third of the book, but I want to keep editing and writing to get there and hopefully I'll have a plan by then. My ideas have been all over the place, at different points in the book, but I'm not trying to rein them in. Because like I said, I'll take what I can get!!!!!!

I am trying to get more organized, though. I finally bought Scrivener and I'm loving it so far. I had the trial sitting on my computer for years. I tend to leave little scraps of ideas all over the place--on my laptop, my flash drive, my phone, in notebooks, on random pieces of paper. Sometimes I'll think of a sentence I wrote a while ago but can't remember its exact location. So I'm trying to find all those pieces and put them all in the same place! I'm hoping it will help tie everything together and maybe I can figure some more things out.

Ok, I'll stop rambling, BECAUSE  I HAVE TO GET BACK TO WRITING. Ok, not really. When this posts I'll actually be at work. But when I get home, WORDS. WILL. HAPPEN.

02 November 2016

New Story Syndrome

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!


Hello blogging universe! (Blogiverse?) I know I've been super off the grid lately. I guess it's hard to blog about writing when you're not actually writing, which has pretty much been the case for the past few months. I just haven't been able to come up with ideas lately. And I don't think I could write a blog post every week just talking about how I'm always tired...

Anyway, this month, I thought I'd take a crack at the IWSG's question, which is: What is your favorite aspect of being a writer? 

While I think there are a ton of favorite things, one in particular came to mind. I love that excited feeling when a story is brand new and the ideas just keep coming to you non-stop. I guess I've been feeling this way lately because I actually wrote something new! 

I wrote a short story to submit to the IWSG anthology contest, and I actually had a lot of fun crafting the characters and the world they live in. At first, I just had a basic idea of what I wanted the story to be. Then one day, the ideas started flowing (at work, of all places!) and every gap began to fill itself in. Of course, I procrastinated on actually writing the story, but I think I tend to do that when I really like a story idea. I like to keep it in my head for a while before I put it on the page. 

I think no matter the outcome of the contest, I'd like to continue with this story, whether that means writing short sequels or maybe even a novel (because I have chronic novelitis!). Even if the stories are just for me, it would still be a good way to keep the creativity going. I've come to realize that the less I write, the less I want to write. It's hard to pull yourself out of a rut. But since I've actually been writing lately, I feel more motivated to keep doing it. 

But that newness of a story is one of my favorite things. When it's all you can think about and you just want to keep writing and get those ideas down. That kind of excitement is a hard thing to ignore. 

05 October 2016

Everything and Nothing

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!


I can't believe it's October already! Where is the year going?? I haven't written a blog post since last month's IWSG, and I guess technically a lot has changed, well, since I GOT MARRIED. But you knew that was coming (most of you, anyway). Vegas was lots of fun and the wedding was short and sweet and (mostly) stress free. I did manage to win a little money on the slot machines but you go through a lot of money on food and alcohol and getting around. So far married life is pretty much the same as non-married life, but my husband and I have been together for nine years before we got hitched, so really not much has changed. And no, I haven't changed my last name yet and probably won't change it on the blog or my social media even if I do, since I think I'll still use just my maiden name for my pen name. Still deciding. 

Ok, you get one picture before I move on to writing stuff! I loved my flowers! They were so pretty. And my blue shoes, but they killed my toes and I switched to flip flops after the ceremony. 


Anyhoo, onto writing stuff. Well, not much progress there. I mean, I have been busy. Plus having a full time job makes it difficult to get any writing done. But I also just haven't felt like it lately. I just don't feel the drive. I get hints of it here and there but I feel like I don't want to force it. I think it will gradually come back once I get back into a normal life groove. I'd really love to get the third draft of my novel done some point soon. I doubt it will happen before the year is over, but the sooner, the better. 

Sometimes I feel like I just don't know what to write about. That's probably why I haven't been blogging too much lately. I just don't have any ideas. I can never seem to come up with anything new. I really would like to write something for the IWSG anthology contest, too, but I'm not sure if there's enough time or if I even have a good idea. I do have something in mind, but I just don't know if I can develop it enough and get it to where I want it to be in the amount of time we have. 

It seems whenever I don't know what to do, I just end up doing nothing. I would really love to get something submitted for the anthology, because I think I would regret not doing it more than doing it and not getting in. How can you have a chance if you don't even try? The good news is that I do have a lot of time this weekend by myself to try to work on some things. Whether I get a story done or even just some editing on UL, I think I'll count that as a win.

07 September 2016

Off the Grid

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!


I've been kind of off the grid lately when it comes to pretty much all forms of writing, blogging, and social media. Probably because I'm going crazy between work and planning this Vegas trip (which is this Saturday!!!!!!!!). I just haven't had the brain capacity for it. I even almost forgot about this blog post and I'm sure it's going to be half-assed since I'm trying to pack for the trip and still have to work the next three days. 

So I'm probably going to stay off the grid until we get back. Then I'd really like to crack down and get back into writing and blogging again. I did finish that Chapter 3 edit a few weeks back, but other than that, I haven't been writing at all. I do want to take a few chapters with me to maybe work on during my flights but I can't promise anything. Usually when I plan to be productive on a plane I just end up watching TV. 

So hopefully I'll start blogging again towards the end of this month. If not, then definitely next month! I kinda still want to do a Halloween themed muse party but I don't know if I have enough time to put that together! And what the heck would Jordan and I wear for costumes??? I'll probably keep up with Instagram during my trip because pretty much the only time I like to take pictures is when I'm doing something fun. Or if my cat is being cute. Or if I bake something...

But anyway, I shall be back (hopefully) in a few weeks! And hopefully with lots of writing happening as well! Right now I have to figure out what book(s) to bring on the plane!!!

03 August 2016

My Brain Doesn't Work

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!


I should be honest, I've been staring at this post for a while now trying to figure out what to write. I don't know if I'm just too tired right now or just burnt out from everything. Work continues to be nuts. I work in a hospital so it's hard to predict--it could be crazy one day and slow the next. Right now it's pretty much just crazy. Plus this is the time of year where everyone takes vacations. I've actually had to be in charge quite a few times while my manager is off so that can be stressful. So I'm tired all of the time.

Then there's wedding/Vegas trip planning! I still have SO MUCH to do. I do have the most important things done, though. But I feel like there are still so many things I have to buy and plan and pack and yada yada. I also just got contact lenses for the first time, which is so weird for me. I've been wearing glasses since I was ten. I feel weird without them. I tend to switch back and forth depending on how tired I am when I wake up in the morning.

So I haven't had too much time for writing lately. I've been trying to finish up my Chapter 3 edit, but the first half of it pretty much needed to be completely rewritten. With the second half, I'm just trying to make the end more interesting. I think in the last draft it was a little boring, and I like to end the chapters not on a cliffhanger, exactly, but with something to make the reader want to keep going. But this chapter does have the cupcake eating scene, which is one of my favorites.

Luckily, we now have questions to answer for the IWSG, which is great when my brain isn't working. This month's question is: What was your very first piece of writing as an aspiring writer? Where is it now? Collecting dust or has it been published?

I love this question because I actually still have my first piece of writing. It was a children's book that I wrote when I was eight! I even drew all of the illustrations myself (poorly). I went on to write a whole series of books about mice before I switched to novels, but I keep this first one as a look back to where it all started.


Do you still have your first piece of writing? Anyone else's brain malfunctioning?

06 July 2016

IWSG (because I can't think of a title...)

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!


So...I haven't been blogging for a while now. Or writing, actually (well, that's not all that unbelievable...). I've just been drained lately. Physically, emotionally, creatively. Work has been particularly stressful lately. So when I'm not working I pretty much just want to sleep. I've even started taking naps in the afternoon. I hate naps. So anyway, I just haven't been feeling the inspiration lately. I haven't even come up with blog ideas, but honestly, I haven't been trying very hard to find them. I guess I just felt like taking a break.

So of course, I have no idea what to write about! Luckily the IWSG folks have added a new feature: a question to answer! This month's is: What's the best thing someone has ever said about your writing?

Hmm. Well, ok, when I first read this question, it kind of depressed me. I honestly couldn't think of anything. I could tell you several instances where people told me my story was awful (ok, two), but I don't think anyone's interested in that. But good? And something specific? That was tough. I actually had to go digging for something, in a long buried Facebook message from a former coworker who read the original short story that would turn into UL. He said: "I am very impressed with your ability to flesh out your characters and environments. You have an attention to detail that is of a high order, without being overwrought, and you know just when to pepper dialogue into the exposition." So that's good, right? He went on to provide some constructive criticism as well, adding that "I hope this isn't too harsh. I'm harshest on work that I like the most." It was actually kind of nice to go back and read this since I don't let anyone read my stuff, like, ever.

Perhaps I would add another honorable mention, because it wasn't really something good that was said, but the reaction was exactly what I was looking for. When I was sending out my second draft chapters as I rewrote them, I did have a few friends and coworkers who were actually keeping up for a good chunk of the book (you know, before everyone decided to just give up *sigh*). I'm sure I've mentioned the twist at the end of Chapter 17 before. It's one of my favorite moments in the book, actually. Well, the day after I sent it out, I went to to work and when another coworker came in, she walked up to me and screamed "WHAT DID YOU DO????" which honestly was the exact response I would want from a reader after that particular chapter. So it was pretty uplifting for me.

Ok, so I started this post thinking I had nothing to say and I've rambled on forever. That's usually how it goes, isn't it?

01 June 2016

Wait For It

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I frequently have a hard time motivating myself, especially when it comes to writing. The words just don't seem to come, so I don't do anything to seek them out. I spend most of my time just waiting for inspiration, motivation--whatever that spark may be that finally gets me writing again. But most of the time it doesn't come. How much time have I spent (and continue to spend) just waiting

It's not exactly something I'm proud of, but I can't really help it. I feel like I'm always waiting for the right moment, the right time. What if it never comes? What am I supposed to do in the meantime? I guess the easy answer is--WRITE. Just write anyway. Even if it's hard. Even if every single word is a struggle, it would be better than nothing. But most of the time, that's easier said than done. 

Some days I think I could do great things if I only tried a little bit harder. Other days I don't feel capable of much of anything. But I don't really think it's a fear of failure that keeps me from trying. So what is it? 

Sometimes I wonder how other writers can bust out book after book, publishing several per year. I'm taking forever just to get one done. I just don't get how they do it. I wish I could write like that. I keep waiting for some breaking point where I'm finally able to just write pages and pages. Even when I have time to sit down and write, it still doesn't happen.

Waiting may sometimes feel like the right thing to do, but is it the best thing? What if that perfect moment, that perfect motivation never comes? I could spend my whole life waiting for it, or I could actually try. Try to take that inspiration instead of waiting around for it to show up. If you take control, then maybe you won't have to wait anymore.

**If anyone knows where I got the title for this post (and in a strange way that would take too long to explain, the inspiration behind it), you get a cupcake. :D

04 May 2016

So Many Insecurities

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!


I have so many insecurities I don't know where to begin! But that's what happens most months, actually. So I thought I would break it down.

Blog Insecurities 

I don't want to talk too much about the A to Z Challenge here because I'm saving that for my reflections post. I will say that this year's was kind of disappointing for me, and that's mostly my own fault. But right now I'm just glad it's over, and I hope to come up with a more fun topic next year so I can enjoy it more. I'm also insecure about writing new posts. This week has been easy, since Monday, Wednesday, and Friday were at least somewhat figured out way beforehand. And next Monday I'll post my A to Z reflections. After that? I have no idea. I'm also very close to both my 400th post AND my 5th blogiversary. I could probably make them happen on the same day, actually. I have no idea what I would want to do, though (and no, not a Muse Party).

Writing Insecurities 

I've gotten zero done on the revision front lately, which is kind of disappointing since I seemed to be on the right track for a while. I still haven't finished the first chapter revision. I know things will get so much easier once I finish it. The next few chapters don't need much work at all. And then besides a few major edits, I can probably fly through to the last third. When I get to the last third, however, I'll be completely lost again. It just seems so overwhelming that I don't even want to work on it. But at the same time, all I can do is think about it.

Life Insecurities 

Did I mention I have a wedding date? NBD, right? September 12 in Las Vegas. We've already got our hotel suite, flights, and the chapel booked. I'm looking at wedding dresses for the first time in a couple weeks and I'm petrified. I'm bringing my fiance because otherwise I will be a nervous wreck, plus I'm not superstitious at all. I am so not the type of person who likes to be the center of attention. I must be the most anti-bride of all the anti-brides who ever lived. So far we've got six people going and that's already too many in my opinion. I just want to hide.

I'm also trying to lose weight. I started Weight Watchers again and it's going pretty well. I've already lost ten pounds (although I think I cheated because I was definitely bloated for my first weigh in...the ladies know what I'm talking about). I want to exercise more but a few weeks ago I pulled a muscle and could barely walk. Work was excruciating at times and today is actually my first day without taking any Advil at all. I think the fact that we have the crappiest mattress ever did not help the healing process, but luckily we're getting a new one this weekend! I just hope it doesn't cost too much because I'm still super broke from that whole not having a job thing. Glad that's over! And do you know how much money it costs to eat healthy? So many fruits and veggies...goodbye paycheck...

Ok, I'm done. I think. What is everyone else insecure about?

06 April 2016

Evolving

**My theme for this year's A to Z Challenge is THE REVISION PROJECT. Topics I come across while I write the third draft of my novel, Uneven Lines.**

Today's post is also a tie-in for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up! 
I used to go out with girls, if you can believe it. Like, a lot. Crazy, I know. 

Most people don't stay the same over the course of their entire lives. You've probably changed a lot at this point in your life and will continue to do so as you get older. The same can be said for characters. They are supposed to be like real people after all, right? Sometimes the point of the story is for a character to evolve. But what if the characters or the story evolve without you even realizing or meaning to? 

I've noticed a ton of changes from the very first draft of UL up until now. And not just the ones I made on purpose. Because there were a lot of those (and more to come). I've noticed that not only have my characters evolved from where they started, but I've also evolved quite a bit as a writer. I guess that's just what happens when you spend over five years on the same story. 

My characters have changed quite a bit. In the very first draft, Jordan was basically a sociopath and was definitely bisexual (bwahahahaahaha...sorry, it makes me laugh). He's softened over the years (although he's still quite the manipulative little SOB) and although he's dated a few girls before the novel begins, it was just for show (there is a brief encounter with a girl about halfway through the book, but that is another post!). I know sometimes I complain about spending so long on the same story, but without that amount of time developing every single detail, I don't think he would have become the character he was supposed to be. He would have been a different person entirely.

When I first started this story, I thought it was the best thing I had ever written. It started as a short story (although it was a bit on the long side). Eventually I decided to change it into a novel, to be able to flesh out those parts that were rushed and add in more details. So the story was evolving from the very beginning. What I didn't expect was to eventually feel so differently about that first draft. Because now I hate it. 

I'm sure most people are frightened by their first drafts. They can often be a mess. Every time I look at that original story, I cringe. I can probably count on one hand the number of lines that have made it through all the drafts untouched (and they're probably all dialogue). So why did I think it was so good at the time? Maybe the answer is that it was. Maybe it was the best thing I had written up to that point. That doesn't mean it was perfect. It just means I was improving as a writer. I still had a long way to go. What was good about it wasn't necessarily the exact words on the page, but the story they told. And that was something worth working on. 

So my characters have evolved, my story's evolved, I've evolved. And I'm sure we're not done. 

Have your characters evolved as you write your stories? How have you evolved as a writer?

02 March 2016

Where's the Motivation?

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I stayed up way too late on Sunday night to watch the Oscars, just because. Actually, I love watching awards shows, but probably not for the same reasons as most people. They always give me a little kick of motivation. I usually get some writing done, maybe even make a big editing revelation about my writing. Why? Well, I tend to dream big. I would love to write something good enough to win awards. One of my dreams is to turn my book into a screenplay. I know it's a ridiculous dream, but if it helps me to get any writing done, I can't really say it's a bad thing.

But here is my problem: even when I do feel those surges of motivation, not a lot gets done. I know a lot of my issues involve time and energy, but my biggest problem is probably motivation. I'd say it's nearly impossible to motivate myself. Of course I really want to get things done, but it feels like that part is buried under the desire to just do nothing.

It's a vicious cycle, really. Not getting any writing done leads to depression, which makes it even harder to get anything done. When I have those few moments where I actually feel the desire to write, I'm caught off guard and spend too much time just trying to figure out which part to work on. Motivation isn't something that comes easily to me, so when it actually shows up, I don't know what to do with it.

I try to do little things to motivate myself. I actually made a short, six song motivation playlist, with the goal of starting every day by listening to it. Music usually gives me a little push of motivation, as well. But I don't listen to it every day. I don't even know why. It would be so easy to do, not take too long, and worst case scenario, I get to listen to some music that I like.

I don't know why motivation is so hard for me to come by. Maybe I'm afraid of my dreams. Maybe I'm afraid of failing. Maybe I'm just afraid that everyone will hate what I write, since that's been the case more than once. So I don't know. Maybe it takes more than motivation. Once I get that motivation, I still have to commit. And I still have to work. Like everything else, I guess I'll have to take it one step at a time.

Do you struggle with motivation? What do you do to motivate yourself?

03 February 2016

Blog Insecurity

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click the link to learn more and sign up!


So what am I insecure about lately? You mean besides the same old, same old, right? For once I actually don't want to talk about writing, since nothing's really changed (still). I think I've completely unloaded all of my insecurities on that at this point. But one never really runs out of insecurity, do they? 

I've had quite a few blog related things on my mind lately. I definitely don't have the same momentum that I had through most of last year, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I have a lot less time now to write more posts, so I'm lucky to get one post a week out. But I'd rather be writing something that actually means something than just trying to fill space.

There are also a lot of things coming up in the near future that have me feeling a bit insecure. The A to Z Challenge is coming up way too fast and I officially signed up the other day. But I'm still not sure on my theme yet. I have a few ideas but I'm having trouble figuring out which one to use. My initial idea that I also mentioned last week was guilty pleasures. I've come up with a bunch but I don't know if I have 26 guilty pleasures, particularly one for every letter. Most of the ones I've come up with are just TV shows or junk food. I'd really like to have more of a variety of topics but I just don't know if they're there.

My second idea would actually be writing related, most likely to be called "The Revision Project." It would be kind of a way of dissecting what parts of my novel need to be fixed, sort of as a way to actually get me back on the revision track. My worries with this is that it may be too personal. I feel like some of the posts may be slightly therapeutic and I'm just not sure if people will care. Plus I'll probably be dishing out a lot of information on the book which may not keep everyone interested.

Besides all the A to Z brainstorming, I've got my own blogfest coming up in less than two weeks! I'm really excited for it but I'm worried it won't be as good as the first one. I still haven't written my post for it yet either. The signups are slowly getting up there but I don't know if they'll match the first Muse Party Blogfest. I know people will have fun with it, but I still worry that they won't.

I think what I always worry about with anything is that no one will care. Maybe that's an insecurity I need to get over.

06 January 2016

The Year of No Resolutions

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It's that time of year where pretty much everyone has made a list of goals they'd like to accomplish at some point during the year, or just things they'd like to do better. Usually I'm the same way (although apparently my muse despises resolutions...), but this year I'm trying something different. I'm not making any actual resolutions.

I have a few reasons for this. First, I just didn't really have any time to think about it. My full time job pretty much takes up all of my time. The 11-7:30 shift was a lot more difficult than I anticipated. I spend most of the morning just getting ready (both physically and mentally) for work, and then after work I'm exhausted. I just want to eat dinner, maybe watch some TV and then pass out. My days off are usually spent doing chores like laundry and grocery shopping. So there's not a lot of time left for anything else. Luckily I'll be switching to an earlier shift in a couple weeks (probably 6:30-3) so I think I'll be able to make better use of my spare time.

But the other reason for not making any resolutions was that I just wasn't feeling it. I feel like I make the same exact goals every year and never accomplish them. Lose weight, finish my book, publish some poems, read 100 books. It just never works out. I'm kind of tired of the disappointment.

So I thought this year I would take a different approach. I still have the same goals I've always had, but I'm trying to think of them in a different way. I don't want to push myself on too many things so that I burn out right away and give up. I want to start tackling these goals in a more realistic way. One step at a time. Maybe work an hour on UL's third draft at this point, maybe go to the gym on this day, say no to pizza and get a salad. I don't want to try to do everything at once or think too much about what needs to be done in the future. Just try to do my best one day at a time. And if I need a day to relax and do nothing, then that's ok.

I have no idea if this approach will work but I guess without making any concrete goals, even if I accomplish one tiny thing, it will be a small victory. I've just got to take everything one tiny step at a time.

How do you tackle your goals? Did you make any resolutions this year?