Uneven Feelings

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This month's optional question is: What is the most favorite thing you have written, published or not? And why?

That's an interesting question for me. Despite the fact that it's definitely not finished, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to publish it, and I haven't even worked on it a little bit for I don't even know how long, I just have to go with Uneven Lines. 

I mean, I might as well call it my magnum opus at this point. I started it in 2011 and it's still not done, and no other idea has ever been able to take its place. 

I definitely have a love/hate relationship with this book. When I first started writing it, I was obsessed with it. I loved working on it, thinking about scenes, developing the voice. I really do think it contains the best writing I've ever done. There's so many intricate details and symbolism and themes and all that jazz that I just love. And if you've been here a long time, you know I'll always be obsessed with my main character, Jordan. He's definitely my character soulmate (even if he's abandoned me...). 

HOWEVER. It's been hard to find that passion for the story again. I do think a good 2/3 of what I have is really solid, but there's still so much to fix. I don't really have an ending. I've always thought I knew how the story would end, and I don't mind ending it that way, but at the same time, it feels like I'm forcing my characters into it. I can't figure out how to get them there, but I also can't think of an alternative. That's probably the biggest hurdle to finishing this book. 

There are some other little things that I'm just avoiding. There's a subplot that is really weighing down the last third of the book, but I don't want to cut it completely. I don't like most of the first chapter. I will probably be able to fix these things eventually, but it's hard to get that motivation and inspiration back to be able to do so. 

I also don't think anyone's going to actually want to read this story, so part of me thinks, what's the point? But I've put so much time and work into it already that I just can't give up on it. Even though it's been a few years since I've worked on it, I still don't feel like I've given up. I've just taken a pause. A very, very, very, very long pause. 

But yeah, it's still my favorite.