Pasta Murder, or, Cannibalism Symbolism

I had this dream once where my characters were partaking in cannibalism. So instead of deciding what sort of sexual act would be appropriate, it was more like, “Well, if I just slice off some of your leg, it won’t kill you, so let’s do that.” When I woke up, I was horrified and confused, and slightly nauseated. I mean, I love dreaming about my characters, but then it finally happens and this is what I get?

It took me a few months to realize that my subconscious was, as usual, way ahead of me. And if I’m going to be honest, I’ve had a mild fascination with cannibalism since I was little. There’s something sexual about it, even though the realistic thought of it nauseates me. So what if I think of it symbolically? If I boiled it down, my book is about food and hunger and sex and consumption. Suddenly I realized that my dream wasn’t really that off track.

I’m crazy about symbolism. But I love it even more when it’s so ridiculously subtle that most of my readers won’t even get it. I know, it’s weird, but I like that sort of ambiguity. That’s exactly what I wanted to do when I decided to use cannibalism as symbolism in my novel. Ok, bear with me. One of my characters is a cook and a repressed ephebophile (like a pedophile, but attracted to post-pubescent teenagers). And the other is basically offering himself up in exchange for getting the things that he wants. He exchanges sexual favors for food, so he puts himself on the same level as food, as something being consumed. Genius, right?! You can say crazy; it’s ok.

The hard part is figuring out how to work in this sort of symbolism. One of my favorite lines that I’ve written is, “Of course, if I got a taste, then he got one, too.” But I have to go beyond just some random little quips. Since I’m constantly writing about food, I figured I could parallel these ideas of hunger and consuming—not just how they relate to food, but to sexuality.

And so…food equals murder.

Before my characters have their first kiss, one of them is making pasta from scratch—the idea being that he is as careful and delicate with his ingredients as he eventually is with my narrator once they become intimate. But once dinner is ready, the narrator sees the vibrant red tomato sauce and thinks of blood spattered against a wall. Then as he eats, he uses words like “severed” and “stabbing” and “attacked.” To most readers, this might go unnoticed—he’s just really hungry. But to some it might seem like a violent, animalistic moment. And honestly, either way is fine with me.

I can’t help myself when I get an idea I love. I just run with it. Even if it only makes sense to me.

 My actual notes from editing the pasta scene. :)

Why You Should Write Every Day

Aaaaaand we're back for another Muse Monday! I've been thinking a lot lately about the balance between inspiration, motivation, and focus. You really need all three to get anything done. But sometimes it's hard to work through the fog of limited time and self-doubt. Sometimes you lose that motivation. How can you get it back?

I have a new goal for myself, and it's a very simple one: write something every day. It's not a huge, daunting goal. I'm not setting any word counts here. Because I realized that while making progress with your work is important, it isn't always what's going to motivate you.

I think writing every day is important for two reasons: keeping the creative energy alive and having a sense of accomplishment. If you go days without fueling your creative outlet, doesn't it just drain you of something? It can leave you feeling depressed and less willing to work on your writing at all. If you're a creative person, then you have to feed that energy. How can you be yourself if you don't?

Just writing anything can help you feel more accomplished, even if it's just a little bit. You can still say that you got something done, and hopefully that will generate more motivation for the next day. How many times have you said, "oh, I'll get something done tomorrow," and when tomorrow comes, you're saying the same thing? You've got to break yourself of that cycle in order to get anything done.

Don't overexert yourself. Just--for the love of God--write! It can be a note, a scribble, a thought. Anything. Just get it down.

When You're Just Not Feeling It...

I've been in such a rut. Ever since I finished my contest entry, it's been hard to focus on any writing. I thought maybe I just needed a break, but since I can never stop thinking about my writing, it was hard to take a real one. But every time I opened up the laptop and stared at the contents of my flash drive, I found myself just reading my work and not actually adding anything to it. This is fine--sometimes--because you really should enjoy your own writing, but I was craving progress.

Even when I felt the itch to write, I couldn't focus enough on one particular moment to work on. Nothing interested me. Even all of my ideas for blog posts or poems that had seemed so intriguing a week before left me with a blah feeling. So that's when I realized....I just wasn't feeling it.

It's going to happen from time to time, when you just don't want to write, or you don't know what to write. Don't fight it. It will only lead to more frustration. I think one way to cure this is to indulge. Write something pointless. This was how my sequel came about. I like to picture my characters after the story is over. Or don't write at all. Sit on your bed for hours stuffing your face and watching Netflix (Did I do that all day yesterday? Perhaps.).

Another option is to visualize. You don't have to commit to any writing, but keep thinking about your work. Maybe it will help you figure something out. It might even lead to words forming in your mind. But don't be disappointed if it doesn't. The important thing is just to keep the story alive in your mind. And if you're in love with your story, this will be a form of indulgence, too.

The most important thing is: don't panic! This has happened before, and it will happen again. You've just got to find your own way of getting through it.

Writer's Block Pie

Welcome to the first installment of Food Fridays! Where my love of food and cooking meets my love of writing, because, well, a good chunk of my WIP is about food. It's funny because while I love cooking, I'm really not that good at it. But I try.

This first little vignette has been long overdue, months--a couple years, even. Because I sort of have this obsession with reenacting the food moments from my book. The first chapter ends with Jordan eating an entire key lime pie in one sitting (come on, you could do it, too, if you were a teenage boy). The whole point of this scene is to show him giving in to a private, animalistic side. The food becomes symbolic for a sort of hunger for life.

But anyway, the book isn't what's important here. It's the pie. Because this scene has existed from the book's very first incarnation, and since I'm completely insane about these things, it was only natural for me to make the signature pie. But for the longest time, I didn't make it.

I don't know why I put it off for so long. Maybe it was too important. Maybe I just didn't want to screw it up. But finally, last June, I decided to do it. I was having an enormous case of writer's block, and needed a way to break it. I was completely convinced that making this pie would instantly cure my writer's block the moment I took the first bite. There was no question in my mind about it.

Here's the major problem: I live in a tiny studio apartment with a tiny oven and barely any counter space. My oven doesn't even tell me when it's done preheating. But I had a mission, dammit, and I was going to accomplish it. Making the pie wasn't hard, but once it got in the oven, it was out of my hands. And when it was supposed to be done, well, it wasn't. The center wasn't cooking as fast as it should have, but while I was forced to leave the pie in the oven, the crust started to overcook. Eventually I had to make the decision that it was good enough and took it out.

Next was the meringue, which, in all honesty, I shouldn't have tackled in the first place. It took forever to beat the egg whites to the right consistency. And then about the second after I placed it under the broiler, it started to burn. I got it out in enough time so that it wasn't a total disaster, but I still felt like a complete failure. This was supposed to be a great homage to my book and a cure to my devastating writer's block. And all I had was a slightly burnt pie.

But I wasn't completely giving up hope. In true obsessive fashion, I attacked the pie with a fork, because that's they way it happens in the book (slices are for weaklings). I gave a second fork to my boyfriend, because I sure as hell couldn't do it on my own. We ate straight from the center, and while it wasn't the greatest thing I've ever eaten, it was pretty decent.

I know what you're wondering. Did my magical pie cure the writer's block? OF COURSE NOT. You probably knew that from the very beginning. It would be great if pie could cure writer's block. But really the only thing that cures it is effort--effort in writing or just eliminating self-doubt.

But still, it had to be done. And I'll probably do it again. Hopefully with better results.

The Procrastination Solution

I was going to title this post “How to Deal with Deadlines,” but I realized I actually don’t have the answer to this problem. I’m by no means a professional writer, and don’t have experience in meeting a deadline for a manuscript or article. And setting goals for myself never goes very well. However, since last week I had to finish a novel draft for a contest deadline, I was having flashbacks to high school and college when I would always wait until the last minute to get something done. While I wouldn’t recommend procrastination if you have no experience—if you’re good at getting things done early, more power to you—I do have some tips for the amateurs and even the most skilled of procrastinators.

1. It’s all about PRESSURE. What’s more likely to light a fire under your ass than the fact that you absolutely have no choice but to get your work done? It’s either get it done or fail, or you may even lose money or integrity if this is a professional piece. So what else can you do when you have only a few hours left? Pressure leads to greater concentration. 
2. Make a sacrifice to the caffeine gods. Who needs sleep when you’ve got all this great writing to do? The more sleep-deprived you are, the crazier you are, and so your ideas could be more interesting! You know what? Skip the quadruple shot latte and invest in an IV that drips espresso.
3. Commercial breaks. Sometimes concentrating too much on one thing can be overwhelming. Maybe there’s a marathon of your favorite TV show on at the same time you’re doing your work. The mute button is now your best friend. You can turn it into a game and see how much work you can get done during one commercial break before you can relax for a few minutes and watch your favorite detectives solve a murder.
4. Take a shower. I figured this one out in high school. When the ideas weren’t coming together, I’d take a break and hop in the shower to wash my hair. There are no distractions and you can be alone with your thoughts. I would always have some sort of epiphany under the hot water.
5. Don’t panic. Don’t bother asking yourself WHY you waited so long to do this. That’s irrelevant now and it probably won’t make a difference the next time. Don’t fight your nature. You were born a procrastinator and you’ll probably stay that way. Just fight onward! Every time you’re successful will just reinforce the fact that you were right to procrastinate in the first place.

I’m sorry, I have no idea how serious I was trying to be anymore. Maybe I shouldn’t have put this off until nine o’clock…

To Write or Edit?

So the good news is that on Friday, I completed my contest submission (much thanks to my muse for putting up with depression and PMS to get through it). I sent in the first fifty pages of my novel about two hours shy of the deadline, along with a painstakingly crafted outline—you know how I hate those.

Now the only question is: what do I do now? My editing process brought me through the first five chapters (after completely cutting Chapter Two) out of the eleven I had written. So do I plow onward with the editing, or jump back to Chapter Twelve? It’s a tough decision. I feel as though I’ve been avoiding the next chapter for a while, and not just because of the contest, but because I know it will be difficult to write. A huge part of me just wants to pick up where I left off and finish the book, and finally have a complete first draft.

On the other hand, it makes more sense to keep editing. If I move into the final round of this contest, I’ll need to submit the next fifty pages as well, probably sometime in June. Wouldn’t it be easier just to have it done already, just in case?

Also, I’ve been so focused on the beginning of the book that it might be a little weird to jump ahead. I’ve gotten into a groove with the voice and tone, and to write a part where my characters are at a different stage of their relationship might be a little odd. I might want to get through what I’ve already written and edit it to how I want it to be, then when I start writing again, what needs to happen and how the characters should act will be much clearer.

Plus—bonus! The next chapter I would have to edit includes the scene when my characters (finally) have their first kiss. Which I just love. Side note—is it totally wrong of me to think my characters are adorable? Am I some kind of sick pervert? Or do I just spend WAY too much time with them?

Anyway, I think the answer is clear. It might be a little unconventional, but I think the universe (and muse) is telling me to edit what I already have first. Who knows, it may make writing the second half of the book even easier, because I’ll have a better perspective on what I want the book to be as a whole.

It’s always important to follow your instincts, and just see what you get from it. 

The Power of Focus

It’s hard to say who has a shorter attention span, me or Jordan. It’s actually a big point in the first few chapters of my book how distracted he gets, even though sometimes he’s faking it. So you can imagine that he doesn’t exactly provide full-time inspiration. And me? I take forever to get the creative process going. I have to listen to music, then sit in silence (if there aren’t sirens or blaring music from the church across the street or my neighbors aren’t screaming), and then when I finally get a few sentences down, my stomach starts growling. And since I can’t write and eat, I’ll turn on the TV and then get sucked in to watching it for hours and hours and what was I trying to do in the first place? Writing?!

It’s difficult to stay focused, even when I’m desperate to get something done. Sometimes I wish I could get some sort of tunnel vision where all I can see is my laptop and I can’t hear anything from the outside world.

Focus is different from inspiration. Inspiration is what makes you want to write; it’s where you get your ideas from. Sometimes it can be completely out of your control. Focus is what you need after you already have your inspiration. You need to pull from a lot of things in order to have the right focus—inspiration, yes, but also motivation and will power. It’s easy to get distracted by everyday things, but also by the big picture sort of things. If you start worrying about how you’re going to succeed and get your book published before you’ve even finished the first chapter, then you’ve already lost focus. You don’t want to get too ahead of yourself, get too distracted by life and lose that wonderful inspiration that made you start this to begin with.

Just keep your attention on the task at hand. Find out what works for you. You may have a nice, quiet space where you do your writing. If you write better with a notebook or a computer, don’t try to force yourself to do the opposite. I once thought it might be a good idea to go to the beach with a notebook, but since my muse likes to provide digital inspiration, I couldn’t get out a single word. Find a song or two that gets you in the right mood, or reflects whatever scene you’re working on. Or read a passage of a book that inspires you. But once you’re finished honing all this great inspiration, it’s time to focus on your work, your writing. Don’t let the outside world, or even your own doubts, ruin your concentration.

And if you have to shoo the cat away, then so be it.