I'm Not That Sneaky

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month I'm a co-host! The other awesome co-hosts are Ronel Janse van Vuuren, Natalie Aguirre, and  Olga Godim! Be sure to give them a visit!

This month's optional question is: What is the most unethical practice in the publishing industry?

I'm not too knowledgeable about the ins and outs of the publishing industry (that would require finishing a book in order for it to be published...) so I'm sure there are quite a few practices that I'm not aware of. I guess the worst one to me would be plagiarism. Stealing another person's work and passing it off as your own just seems unfathomable to me. On top of being unethical, it's just lazy. If you don't want to actually write something, or can't for whatever reason, then just don't! Maybe writing isn't for you. 

Hey, I've gone a few years now not really being able to write anything and I've never considered plagiarism. I honestly wouldn't even know how to pull it off even if I wanted to. At my job we recently had someone steal money out of a coworker's locker, and all I could think was, even if I wanted to do that, I'd be too afraid of getting caught! I'm just not that sneaky! 

I'll leave the unethical activities to the characters in my stories...

I know I *just* had a vacation a few weeks ago, but I start another one tomorrow! And it's a good old fashioned staycation. Do I plan on doing any writing? Well...probably not. I mean if the mood strikes me I'll certainly go with it, but I don't foresee that happening anytime soon. 

I plan on spending a lot of time getting my new apartment more organized, watching some of the dozens of movies on my many watchlists, and maybe if we're lucky, get back into some reading. I know that not reading any books certainly doesn't help me start writing again, so I figure that will be a nice first step. No real pressure. 

I had a great time in NYC as well! I had mac and cheese on pancakes, got spit on by my favorite actor (iykyk), and pet lots of kitties at our favorite cat cafe. Three days went by way too fast! And I got my chocolate martini, of course.

The Horror!

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Hey! Long time no see! Probably because I forgot to post last month. In my defense, it was only a few days after I had just moved into my new apartment and I had a lot going on. I'm loving the new space and it's so much quieter than my old apartment, but I do still have quite a lot of crap lying around that I have to organize and find a home for, so I haven't exactly set up my dream writing space. But hey, baby steps! 

I think I've used this gif before...

Anyhoo, this month's optional question for the IWSG is: Is there a genre you haven't tried writing in yet that you really want to try? If so, do you plan on trying it?

I think I would like to write something in the horror genre at some point. I really enjoy horror movies, so it seems like something I would enjoy writing as well. I haven't really read all that much horror, however, probably because my love of horror movies came later in life (and I've also been in a reading slump for a few years), but I'm definitely interested in exploring the genre with reading and writing. 

I've had a couple horror story ideas floating around in my head but they're not that fleshed out. They may be better as short stories than novels, but I've never felt like I'm very good at writing short stories. I think if I read more horror books then maybe I'll find some inspiration and explore some new ideas or figure out the existing ones. 

In other news, hubby and I will be going to NYC in two weeks for a couple of nights. We're seeing a musical one night and hubby booked a comedy show for another, but other than that I think we're just gonna wing the trip. I like the idea of just going with the flow. I do know I want to go back to Max Brenner to get the best chocolate martini I've ever had again...no, seriously, I've been dreaming about it for two and a half years...

🤤

Am I Still a Writer?

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month's optional question is: Some common fears writers share are rejection, failure, success, and lack of talent or ability. What are your greatest fears as a writer? How do you manage them?

Um...all of the above? And also some other ones? 

Ok, ok, I'll dive a little deeper...

While rejection is certainly a reality, I wouldn't say I'm afraid of it. I think it's to be expected, and I've faced it before in a particularly brutal way. I think just being told "no" wouldn't faze me at all. 

I think my biggest fear isn't that I never had any talent or ability, but that I lost it and I'll never get it back. Do I think some of my work would be a hard sell? Yes. But did I think I was writing it well? Yes! But it's been so long since I've been able to do that. I used to be really proud of some of the things I was writing. I thought it was really complex and entertaining and would hopefully reach some kind of audience. But for the past few years, I just haven't felt like a writer. 

I haven't been able to feel motivated or inspired for so long now that I'm afraid I'll never be able to write again. And that leads me to another fear about what the hell I'm supposed to do with my life. I wanted to be a writer since I was 8 years old. If I'm not a writer anymore, then what am I? 

How do I manage these fears? Well, I've been pretty lenient on myself. I don't put pressure on myself to write or do other creative things. I kind of just go with it. If I start thinking about a story, I don't stop myself, but I don't force it either. But I've been doing this for so long that I think maybe I should be a little harder on myself. Maybe I should force myself to do just a few minutes of writing every day. I guess the problem there is that I wouldn't know where to start. I don't have any ideas for anything new or any existing project. I think if I open up a document or sit down with a notebook, I'm just going to stare at the blank page. 

I mentioned a while ago that I would be moving into a bigger apartment soon, and it's finally happening this month! I'm hoping that having more space and more peace and quiet will lift some of the stress and anxiety from my mind and eventually lead to wanting to create again. But as always, I'm taking it one day at a time. 

Blog Post with the Vampire

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month's optional question is: What fantasy character would you like to fight, go on a quest with, or have a beer/glass of wine with?

I'd have to go with a character I've loved since I was a teenager: Lestat de Lioncourt from Anne Rice's The Vampire Chronicles. I guess only one of us would be drinking wine, though...

I've always loved this book series and Lestat is a really fascinating character. Not to mention the fact that he's immortal, so I'd probably never run out of questions to ask him. 

I do think it's the writer in me that's drawn to this type of character. I've always loved characters with strong personalities, and antiheroes are also really fun characters to work with. Since I've been reading from Lestat's point of view when I was probably around 14 years old, I definitely think his voice has influenced me as a writer. I prefer to write in first person and really love crafting a voice for the book in that way. 

I definitely think there was some subconscious influence from Lestat when I created Jordan, the main character from my WIP (who would disagree and say he created himself, which is a very Lestat thing to say...). He's also an antihero and the nickname "The Brat Prince" would also apply. I have vaguely thought about this connection before, but I feel like it's really just dawning on me now. Maybe that's why Jordan wants to be a rock star...

So I guess in a way, I have my own Lestat to hang out with (IF HE WAS AROUND). 

How Do You Write Every Second You're Alive??

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month's optional question is: If for one day you could be anyone or *thing* in the world, what would it be? Describe, tell why, and any themes, goals, or values they/it inspire in you.

Well, my immediate response to this question is that I would want to be a house cat. Just living the good life, taking lots of naps, looking cute, and getting fed. But that's not really what the question meant, is it??

I don't know if I would necessarily want to be any particular person for a day, but I would like to understand how certain people's minds work. Anyone who is able to just keep constantly writing, constantly coming up with new ideas and churning out project after project. I feel like even when I was actively writing, I was only able to focus on one idea at a time and didn't have too many other ideas on the back burner. 

I would love to absorb the drive these kinds of people have. I want to be able to just keep writing and writing and writing and then writing some more. 

Finding inspiration and drive has been really hard for me for a long time now. I know there's no secret to finding it, but it's hard to understand how other writers can keep coming up with new ideas and getting them done so quickly. I wish there was some kind of switch in my brain that I could turn on and make the writer in me go into hyperdrive. 

I guess I'll just have to keep plugging away day by day, trying to find scraps of inspiration. I have been listening to my book's playlist when I'm at the gym lately, and while it does make me think of that story, I haven't actually brought that inspiration home with me and done anything with it. But, baby steps, right? Maybe one of these days I'll pick up a pen and start brainstorming again. 

Are you always writing or coming up with new ideas? What's your secret??

A Day Late and Several Dollars Short

 **YESTERDAY was the first Wednesday of the month, which was the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!**

Well, well, well, look who forgot to post AGAIN. To be honest, the days tend to blur together sometimes and all I really know is whether I have to go to work or not. Last night it dawned on me that it was indeed IWSG day, and I was way too tired to come with a post at that point. I wasn't even going to write this post since at least I knew I posted last month and didn't skip two months in a row, but last night I actually dreamt of the title and so I decided I needed to do it. I'm also off work today so I'll have the time and mental capacity to go read everyone else's posts. 

I feel like I've said this a million times before, but there never seems to be enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do. I'm trying to lose weight so I need to time to exercise and cook healthy meals and research recipes and so on. I'm also always exhausted after work so that makes doing more physical activity difficult. 

But writing doesn't require much physical activity, right? Sure, but is my brain ready to write yet? Nope. I just have no desire to do it. I know I would be happier if I was writing, but at the same time, I'm not exactly unhappy that I'm not, if that makes sense. It might just be that it's been so long since I've written anything that I'm used to the feeling, or maybe other things in life just seem bigger and more upsetting. 

I might be moving soon which I hope will be good for my mental health and for my creativity. Hubby and I have been in the same tiny apartment for over 13 years and we've been planning for a while to move into the apartment above my mother-in-law's house which is three times the size. It'll also be a lot quieter over there, with no neighbors literally on the other side of the wall to bother us. Maybe I can set up an acutal desk to write at, instead of it basically being the nightstand on hubby's side of the bed. I'll also have room for a couch! We've never had one where we are now. It's funny how the little things like that actually seem exciting. 

I'm hoping that between the peace and quiet, as well as more space and less clutter, my mind will feel more free to want to start focusing on writing again. I've felt stagnant for quite some time and a big change like this could be good. 

We also have a couple trips planned in the next few months (are we still paying back our New Orleans trip? No comment...). Hubby and I are going back to Las Vegas at the end of March for his 40th birthday. We haven't been there since our first anniversary in 2017. The hotel and flights were pretty cheap but I'm sure we'll spend a fortune on food and activities while we're there. 

I also just bought tickets to a Broadway musical for July since my favorite actor is in it and the theater is going to be set up like a nightclub with some actual seats on the stage. Did I have the money for that? Not really. Did I have to buy them anyway? Why yes! Hubby knew this would happen if I passed this up: 

Anyhoo, I've rambled sufficiently, I think. The next few months may be busy and chaotic, but we shall see what they bring! 

It's Been Rough

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

I kinda sorta forgot to post last month. I did think about it once the day before, like, "huh, I need to do that." And then I forgot. In my defense, it's been a rough couple of months. I got sick with pneumonia at the end of November and it took a long time to get over it. In fact, when I was almost completely better, just a little bit of a cough left, I got a cold. So it was almost like starting over the healing process. I'm still not 100% and just going to work takes a lot out of me. 

My father-in-law was also in and out of the hospital since October, and finally lost his battle with cancer this past Saturday. I've been trying to help out my husband and his mom and sisters as much as I can. I helped edit the obituary since it wasn't up to my writer's standards! 

Other than that, have I been writing? Of course not! Are you new here?? 

I feel like I usually have some kind of plan with the start of a new year, but I don't even have that. I do have a planner, though. So...baby steps. I really just want to start reading more and going through the different writing workbooks and guides and figuring out where to even start when it comes to writing. 

I did get an interesting fortune cookie on New Year's Eve, though: 

Food plays a huge role in my main WIP, so I would gladly welcome this. Still hasn't happened yet, but I can dream. Literally.

Finding Creativity (And New Orleans!)

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month's optional question is: What creative activity do you engage in when you're not writing?

You say that like there is a time where I AM writing....

It's hard to say what I really like to do that's creative besides writing. I think I go through phases of trying new things but the want to do them kind of fizzles out, or comes back now and then when I feel like trying it again. I really got into puzzles a few years ago but I haven't done one in quite a while (I really think it's because my apartment is so small. I'd probably do them more often with more space). I also got into jewelry making for a bit, but didn't do much besides a few bracelets for myself and some Christmas presents for my niece. Although knowing how to make bracelets did come in handy recently...

I don't know what other creative outlets I'd like to try. Does content creation count? I would like to get more into TikTok (if it's not getting banned...should probably look into that...) and maaaaaaaaaaybe starting a YouTube channel about getting back into writing. But we'll see. 

I mentioned in last month's post that hubby and I were taking a week long trip to New Orleans to see Taylor Swift (and eat lots of food...), and we had a great time! If you follow me on Instagram you've probably seen all these photos, but I thought I'd share a summary of our trip. 

Also I can't for the life of me figure out how to make these photos go side by side without the post going nutty so it's gonna be a (literally) long post. 

Here's a few pictures from the concert (they probably look better on my phone XD). It was a blast! 

We went on a haunted tour our first night there and heard all kinds of ghost and true crime stories. We visited places like Marie Laveau's house (the "Voodoo Queen") and The Haunted Hotel. 

And of course we had lots and lots of scrumptious food. So much shrimp...And beignets! 

The night before the concert we went on a Swifties cruise on the Mississippi River. I wish I had thought to take a picture of the actual boat! It was called the Creole Queen and was a huge paddleboat. This was one of my favorite things we did...just had a good time on the water having drinks, listening to Taylor Swift songs, and trading friendship bracelets with other people. 

We also took a very long walk to Metairie Cemetery to visit Anne Rice's family tomb, which was one of the main things I wanted to visit while we were there. We wisely took an Uber back to our hotel. 

On our last day, my husband and I both got our own psychic readings. I got a tarot card reading years ago at my cousin's bachelorette party and I've always wanted to do it again. We got a combination of tarot cards and a tea reading, and it was really interesting! Some of the things they psychic said about me were definitely true so we'll see what the future holds as far as the other things she said...She also told my husband that one of his deceased relatives is yelling at him which we thought was hysterical! We were trying to figure out who it was and why. 

The place was also a crystal and jewelry shop so I bought a few crystals. I've always been curious about it and figured I have nothing to lose by trying them. Three of the crystals I bought are supposed to help with creativity and inspiration (which I desperately need) and the long clear one "cleanses and clears blockages (spiritual and physical), opens higher states of consciousness" (which I also desperately need). I had asked one of the workers a few questions and had talked about wanting the creativity ones, and when she rung me up, she said "I'm so glad you got that one!" 

So maybe I'll be back into a creative mode sooner than later. That would be lovely! Hey, this post came full circle, didn't it? 

Wanna Get Away?

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Not gonna lie, life has been pretty hectic lately. I don't think I would be able to sit down and write even if I wanted to. You know, because I TOTALLY would have done some writing if I wasn't stressed out, right?? That's definitely the only thing stopping me...

I feel like I desperately need a vacation, not just from work, but like an actual getaway. I need to go far far away and just enjoy myself for a little bit. 

Well, good news for me, I have a trip coming up at the end of the month!! Hubby and I are going to New Orleans for a whole week. I haven't been away from home for more than two nights in a long time so I'm really looking forward to it. 

The main reason we're going is to see Taylor Swift! (Don't ask me how much I paid for tickets...) It's also a city I've always wanted to visit so we're going to make the most of the week there doing things we've never done before. And probably eating and drinking quite a bit. 

I've been a big Anne Rice fan since I was a teenager so I always wanted to visit her hometown and see all the places that inspired her. I'd like to visit her grave site as well (did you know all graves in New Orleans are above ground?).  We're also going right before Halloween so I'm hoping for some extra spooky events and we'll probably take some kind of haunted tour. 

All in all, it should be a great time and I'm really looking forward to it. Do I think that visiting one of my favorite author's hometowns will somehow inspire me to get back into writing? Not really, but you never know, right? I'm just really looking forward to being many many miles away from home and just having a great time for a whole week. Maybe destressing will lead to the inspiration coming back. 

Know What You're Writing

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month's optional question: Since it's back to school time, let's talk English class. What's a writing rule you learned in school that messed you up as a writer?

I can't remember where I first heard this "rule." It may not have even been in an English class and it's just one of those things that you always hear as a writer, but I've always hated it:

Write what you know. 

As a fiction writer, I've always found this advice incredibly stupid. If all I did was write what I know, it would be some pretty boring writing. While I've certainly written poetry from a personal perspective, most of my fictional characters have been nothing like me. Writers are always reaching outside of themselves to craft their stories, sometimes creating entire worlds that don't exist. If we only stuck to what we know, we wouldn't get very far. 

That being said, I think under the surface level, there is actually some good advice in this phrase. But to really understand it, I would want to rephrase it:

Know what you're writing.

This could cover so many different aspects that are important to writing a story. You want to know where your story is going (unless you're a pantser like me...), what you want it to be about, what kind of message you want to tell. You want to make sure you do your research for anything that you don't know when you start, whether that's a setting, the demographics for your characters, or really any topic that comes up in the story that you aren't already an expert on. 

It's important to at least have some idea about what you're writing when you start, even if you don't always know where it's going. But I think it's important to be aware of every aspect and be open to changing things when you know you got it wrong or it isn't working. 

So if you only wrote what you know, you're limiting yourself in what you can achieve. But if you don't know what you're writing, you may be stumbling blindly through that limitless space. 

Can AI Show Me the Way?

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

SO THIS POST WAS *SUPPOSED* TO GO UP AT 3 AM BUT MY BRAIN APPARENTLY MALFUNCTIONED AND I HAD IT SCHEDULED FOR THE TIME I WAS WORKING ON IT YESTERDAY AND I DIDN'T KNOW IT WASN'T UP UNTIL I GOT HOME FROM WORK. SO, YEAH....

Today I'm a co-host! And it's even more exciting because after 2:30 today I'm on vacation from work for my birthday (which is Friday). So after work I'm gonna cozy up with some coffee and get to visiting lots of blogs! The other fabulous co-hosts today are Feather Stone, Kim Lajevardi, Diedre Knight, and C. Lee McKenzie. Be sure to visit them and give them some love!

This month's optional question is: Do you use AI in your writing and if so how? Do you use it for your posts? Incorporate it into your stories? Use it for research? Audio?

I've never used AI before but I have thought about it. I would never want to use AI to replace any of my actual writing, but I've been wanting to try it out to help me brainstorm. It's just one of those things on the neverending list of things to try in order to help me figure out my book and get back into writing. 

I think I've actually blogged about this idea before, but I still haven't tried it. I've wondered if I could have AI read what I've written for my novel so far and then ask it to come up with an ending. I've been so stumped on how to write the last chapter of my book, and while that isn't the only reason I haven't been writing, it is a huge part of it. 

I figure this could have a couple different outcomes. Maybe something clicks for me with what the AI gives me and I'm able to figure out the end of my book. I would rewrite it myself, of course, since what I want out of this is ideas, not actual words. 

Or just reading what it gives me, even if it isn't any good, inspires me to get back into it myself. Maybe it will help me narrow down some possible endings by seeing that it doesn't work. Or maybe it'll be so bad that something will click in my brain and I'll finally come up with the answer on my own! 

Or maybe it'll be so bad that it'll just make for a really funny story that I can write a blog post or make a TikTok about. 

Worst case scenario, I'll get nothing from it and just be right where I started. And at least I'll have tried something that I've been meaning to try. I really have no idea how to go about doing this, but that's mostly because while I like to make lists, finishing them is another story. 

Would you use AI to help you when you're stuck? 

Down Bad

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Have you ever related to a breakup song not because of a past romantic relationship, but because of the relationship that you had with one of your own fictional characters? No? Just me? Well, buckle up! 

Yes, I'm talking about a Taylor Swift song. Again. 

The song is called "Down Bad," and for the first few weeks of listening to it, I didn't think I related to it at all. Other than my husband, I only had one boyfriend for a couple months in high school, so I generally don't relate to breakup songs at all. I just don't have all that much experience. 

This song uses an alien abduction as a metaphor for being swept up in an intense romance that feels other-worldly, and then being left suddenly, stranded like none of it ever happened. 

Funnily enough, the connection hit me while I was at the gym (the first line of the chorus is "Now I'm down bad crying at the gym"). I've been in a writing rut for several years, so I'm not surprised I didn't pick up on it right away. So long, in fact, that if you're new here or just stopping by from the IWSG list, you probably don't even know what I'm talking about. But I realized I felt exactly the same way about my relationship with Jordan, my main character/muse from my novel Uneven Lines (that I've been off and on working on since 2011). 

I remember those first days of writing this particular story. The idea hit me out of nowhere, and the need to work on it was so intense that I would forget to eat or be physically bothered by the fact that I wasn't writing. I was obsessed with this story, and continued to be obsessed with it for years. Life, time, and energy always kept me from finishing it as quickly as that first short story. Turning it into a novel was a daunting task, but it was still an obsession. 

I also truly felt like Jordan was practically a real person who I had this intense relationship with that can really only happen with your own characters. It's some weird combo of best friend, brother, son, and arch enemy. I would talk to him. I felt his presence. I wanted to finish this book so badly and get it out into the world. 

But then one day it all kind of went away. Maybe it wasn't all at once and was more gradual than just being dropped in the middle of a field from an alien ship. But it definitely felt like being stranded. I felt like Jordan had left me. I felt like this story had left me. I loved working on it so much and I still long for the days where everything was intense and the ideas and the words just flowed so easily. 

One of my favorite lines in the song is: "Like I lost my twin." That's what it feels like. 

I feel like this post is getting more depressing than I intended. I just miss that feeling of wanting to work on something every second I could, because it's been so long since I've wanted to really work on anything at all. I don't know how to get that feeling back.

I guess I'll just keep staring at the sky, hoping he'll come back and pick me up. 

**here's the song if you'd like a listen, but just a warning, there are many many many f-bombs**

Deep Cleaning

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

I've been on a cleaning kick lately. My apartment tends to get dusty very easily and I'm determined to do as much as I can to make everything cleaner and neater. I've been deep cleaning the bathroom currently. Yesterday I scrubbed all the rust and dust off of a light fixture that I'm not sure if I've ever really cleaned. I want to tear apart my closet and find different storage bins to put all of my junk in so it won't get covered in dust. Basically, it's been quite the deranged mission for me lately.

What does any of this have to do with writing? WELL...nothing, really. But I couldn't think of a single thing to blog about and it was on my mind so I thought...I will ramble about this until something makes sense. 

I suppose the simplest correlation is that if I'm happy with my living space (which would also be my writing space if any writing were to actually happen), maybe it'll make writing easier. Maybe I'll be more inclined to focus on my writing if there wasn't a layer of dust piling up around me, or something that desperately needed scrubbing. I'll usually find some excuse not to write, and something like cleaning or dishes is usually the culprit. 

I'm also thinking about how my mental/creative energy functions. I know cleaning isn't all that creative, but I feel like the way I'm approaching it takes some creative thought. I'm thinking about different ways I want to organize and change things around my apartment. 

But maybe the main takeaway is that I think I have a hard time juggling multiple projects at once. On top of a full time job and just general life taking up time, if I have something like this that I really want to get done, I'm probably not going to force myself to try writing unless the inspiration really strikes (can it?? Please??? No, really, I'll stop cleaning). 

I do tend to get overwhelmed when I have too many things lined up. Even with my cleaning, I was all over the place until I decided to just focus on the bathroom for now before moving on to some other part of the apartment. I guess this explains why it's hard for me to work on more than one writing project at once. I need all of my focus to be on one thing so I can get it done properly and not get distracted. 

Anyway, I've rambled enough. I have no idea what point I was trying to make, but hey, I wrote something! Maybe I need to deep clean my brain...