Crazy Super Awesome Goals

Time for a quickie. Yeah, I said it. I regret nothing.

I was just browsing through some tweets this morning when NaNoWriMo came up. And as usual, I thought to myself, "pfft I'm not doing that." I've really only tried to write an entire novel in the month of November once, when I was still in high school, and I gave up rather quickly. There's the usual excuses, I don't have time, I don't have any ideas, which are of course true. But isn't the whole point of NaNoWriMo to push yourself, to make it happen? To go beyond the lame excuses that you let yourself get away with during the rest of the year?

Anyway, since I've tried to get more serious about my writing after college, I've considered doing it. The problem was always that I already had another novel in progress, one that I certainly didn't want to interrupt. And I never had any other ideas that were good enough to try.

Well yesterday I wrote about a page and a half of my sex scene for the final chapter. It's handwritten and in a smaller notebook, but at least it's something. I've started to make some progress. So really, I don't see any problem with finishing the whole book by the end of October. There goes my first excuse.

So what about the second? Well, it just so happens that I came up with an idea for a novel about a month or so ago, one that I think I actually could write quickly. I've only written the first paragraph, but I've played out the scenes for pretty much the entire plot in my head over and over again. The best part is that this is a story that combines my two favorite genres. If you don't know what those are, you'll have to stick around to find out (insert evil laugh). But the whole thing is rather sexy and suspenseful and I've only put off writing it to finish my current WIP.

So! My goals are to finish my WIP by the end of the month and to FINALLY do NaNoWriMo. And I mean actually do it, not just say I'm going to, or write a few chapters and give up. I mean, the whole thing. Hopefully everything will work out.

Oh, I need to give a shout out to my former muse, Amber, because today's her birthday. I swear I'll get back to her story eventually. I had a dream once that she and Jordan met up and we were all going to go to a carnival. I have no idea what it meant.

The Stupid Sex Scene

Ok, so I've decided it's about damn time to kick my butt back into regular blogging. And what better day to start! It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. Check out Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog to learn more. 

Lately I’ve been insecure about a lot of things. What I want to do with my life, what sort of career I should be pursuing, how to get back into blogging and trying to do something with the piles and piles of poetry that I’ve written.

But mostly it’s this stupid sex scene.

Ok, really, it’s more about finishing the book in general. It’s about figuring out how the book should end. Because obviously I know what needs to happen (sex scene, duh), but it’s a bit more difficult figuring out why it happens. As I was writing the book, whenever I would think about the ending I would always say to myself that I would know what to do when I got there. That I just couldn’t picture the ending without getting through the rest of the plot first. Well, now I’m here, and I still don’t know.

And yes, there’s also the sort of physical mechanics of the sex scene that are bothering me. I still don’t know how vague or graphic to make it. I feel like going in between will be some sort of cop out. Making it vague might make sense to the plot, but I feel like it would also disappoint my readers if they go through the book waiting for the juiciest part and it just fizzles out. But writing a straightforward, graphic scene doesn’t feel right either. I mean, I haven’t exactly held back in any descriptions before in the book, but none of those were actual sex scenes. There was always a limit.

I try to tell myself constantly, “Ok, just write it one way and see if it works. If it doesn’t, try another.” But every time I even try picturing the end, it’s like my brain shuts off. Like it’s just too difficult to deal with and figure out. And I’d rather just watch TV or something. But I want, no, need to finish this freaking book, like, right now. I just can't figure out how to do it. 

I suppose the best thing to do is just to write and write, and write some more. Even if it's horrible. Because then at least there will be something. Even if I have to rack my brain for twenty minutes just to get one sentence down. It's better than nothing. And if I keep trying, maybe I can figure it out. 

Losing My Motivation

Hey, everyone! First off, I want to thank everyone who left comments on my last post, as well as all of my followers for putting up with my absence. It means a lot to me. I know I said I'd be back right away but that's kind of what today's post is about. Today's the day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Check out Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog to learn more.

I guess I'm insecure about my motivation. I just don't have any. A little over a month ago I was just one chapter away from finishing my novel and couldn't have been more excited. Now I'm still in the same position, but not excited at all. And certainly not moving forward.

I haven't wanted to write, blog, or even tweet lately. It seems that all I have the motivation to do is go to work and then spend my free time rotting in my apartment watching Netflix with my boyfriend. I don't feel depressed, but I'm sure on some subconscious level I am. I'm not sure if I've fully processed my mom's passing. I feel fine most of the time, then I'll have a moment here and there when I'll feel sad but then I'll move on from it. It still doesn't feel real.

I guess lately I just don't want to do anything. I didn't even want to write this blog. I still think about my book a lot and how I'd like to end it. I think I might also be avoiding it just because finishing it is hard. There's still a lot to figure out. But I really need to finish it.

Maybe I can't just sit around waiting for my motivation to come back. Maybe I just have to push through and get the words out even if I don't want to. Because in the end it will be worth it.

A Brief Hiatus

Hey all, just wanted to do a quick check in to let you know what's going on. I'm taking a short break from blogging. My mother passed away over the weekend. It was very sudden and we're all in a state of shock. She was only 59 and was taken from us far too soon. I've spent most of the week with my sister and her husband making arrangements, and the service will be on Monday.

So I won't be doing Jordan's Muse Mondays or Insecure Writer's Group next week. I'm still gonna try to finish the book before my birthday next Friday, and I'll most likely be back to blogging on Monday the 12th to let you know how that goes.

Thanks to everyone for following and for your continued support.

Work, Distractions, and Impending Good News

I know, I know, I haven't blogged in a week. Transitioning back into real life after vacation was rough. I think after spending so much time writing, I brought some of Jordan's sassy wit with me but you know, just being at work kind of squashed that out after about a day. And on Saturday I worked over 15 hours straight, just sitting down for about ten minutes to scarf down some food. So back to the usual exhaustion, really.

Anyway, I'll be brief here. Just a few goodies to share!

The good news is that I have managed to keep writing despite being back at work, which was exactly the sort of push I needed, so the vacation writing extravaganza continues to pay off. That's part of why I haven't been blogging--I wanted to fill my spare time with novel writing.

Want to know the BEST news??? I should have a complete first draft by the end of the week. I'll wait for you to do a double take and read that sentence again. Yes, that's right--a FINISHED first draft! Finally! Right now it's looking like I need to write about 1 1/2 chapters. Unfortunately, the last one is going to be the hardest, but I do have Wednesday and Thursday off to work on it.

So I may not be back to blog on Wednesday (since I'll be busy and whatnot), but hopefully on Friday I'll have some INCREDIBLE news!

Final Vacation Stats!

Well, the day has finally come. The awful day where I have to go back to work. And the first thing I need to do is punch my manager for screwing up my schedule. But anyway, I suppose I should share my final results for what I got done over vacation.

And by now you should know that really only two of my goals made it to fruition. It's not really all that surprising...

Word Count: Drum roll please! The final word count is.......22,284! I know, I know, it's not the 25k I planned on, but it's pretty damn close. I was up until around 1 A.M. last night adding to the final count. So why am I up now? I have no idea.

Despite not reaching my goal, I did manage to knock out a HUGE chunk of my WIP. Four complete chapters written, and three almost complete ones, some of which I may finish today. I'm getting closer and closer to the end and it's getting kind of scary. But I'm really pleased with how it's turning out.

But every time I think that I'm almost done I remind myself that I still have to write the sex scene...so it really doesn't feel close to done at all. Oh well, I'll just keep writing until I get there.

Reading: This one's not so impressive, but at least it's something. I finished my reread of The Catcher in the Rye and read all of Don't Let Me Go. Then I thought I needed a reading break. Because I feel like finishing a book is like ending a relationship--you want to start a new one right away, but sometimes, you just can't. So no, I did not plow through my entire pile of new books. But they'll still be there.

Well, thanks to everyone for checking in on my progress. Hopefully within the next few weeks, I'll have some fantastic news to report. :)

I Hate My Title and Playlists on Crack

It wasn't too long ago when I told you my working title for my WIP, The Formula, as well as shared my playlist for it. Well, I've sort of backtracked, because I hate my title again. So now I'm all alone and titleless. It's like standing in the rain without an umbrella.

Here's the thing--if it wasn't for that contest I entered a while back with the first five chapters, I probably wouldn't have picked a title at all. But since I had to, and had to live at least temporarily with that choice, it grew on me. But then I didn't even advance to the final round of the contest, so I realized I really didn't have to commit to this title at all. And when I didn't have to commit to it, I realized I really didn't like it as much as I thought.

I really think titles are the hardest part of writing a book. If you're trying to make a point in the story, you can spend pages drawing it out, using every word you could possibly think of to get that point across. With titles, you're much more limited. How are you supposed to sum up everything that your novel is about in one short phrase? That's why I realized I didn't like my title. What did it actually say about my book? What about it was going to draw readers into the story? Nothing, really. Because it's not good enough.

But how do I come up with a title that is good enough? Is it even possible? I've been trying to come up with one for over two years and I've got nothing to show for it. Ah, well, the struggle continues.

And for a little added bonus, I wanted to share a little playlist I made. This little story arch between Chapters 12 and 13 is one of my favorite parts of the book. So a lot of songs spoke to me when I wrote it. But I realized that if someone looked at this mini playlist without knowing the context, it probably looks like I was on crack when I made it. But of course, it makes perfect sense to me!

I know I should explain each song choice, but that would just take the fun out of it, wouldn't it? Plus I'd have to explain every detail of those chapters. So instead I decided on an emotion or mood (there can be a violent mood, right?)  that occurs in the book and sort of goes with why I chose that song. (Although I think 1 & 2 could also be swapped or mingled or...whatever!)

1. Lust

2. Insanity

3. Jealousy

4. Regret

5. Violence

6. Forgiveness


What do you think? Was I on crack? How do you choose your titles? Will I ever figure out which chapter is which?

More Vacations Stats:

Word Count: 14,017. Got through Chapter Fifteen. I know I want seventeen chapters when this is all done, and that eighteen should work for the first draft because of the Chapter Two cut, but I feel like I'd be rushing the story if I try to cram everything else in to only three more chapters. So I'm just gonna go with it for now and figure out how to restructure it when I go back and edit.
Poems: ....*crickets*
Blogs: Three. So, as usual, my plans to have blog posts written ahead of time never work.
Reading: I gave up on Tinkers (temporarily, I suppose) because I just had to attack my new stack of books. I couldn't really get into it. I started Don't Let Me Go by J.H. Trumble, got almost halfway through in one day, and talked with the author on Twitter for a bit. Remind me never to fight my reading habits again.