Liebster Award!

This is a really, really long time coming since I’ve been nominated for this award, not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES, and I’ve just kind of been putting it off for forever. First I was nominated by Li at Flash Fiction, then Chrys Fey at Write with Fey, and finally, Nikki at Travels with Pen and Paper. Well, I’m finally doing it, and thanks so much to the three awesome ladies who nominated me. 

The Rules: 

1. Post 11 random facts about yourself.
2. Answer the 11 questions provided by the person who nominated you.
3. Nominate 11 more bloggers who have less than 200 followers and let them know they’ve been nominated.
4. Provide 11 questions for those bloggers to answer. 

I’ll be honest, the hardest part is coming up with 11 people to nominate, since most of the blogs I follow either have over 200 followers or they already have the award. But! I figured I could cheat, and since Nikki’s post also said to nominate “up to 11 bloggers,” I was totally on board with that. So, here we go!

11 Facts About Me

1. I’m horribly near-sighted, hence the glasses. I wear them for pretty much everything except reading.
2. My favorite color is gray.
3. My least favorite emotion is probably embarrassment. I hate it so much that I can’t even stand watching or hearing about other people being embarrassed.
4. I haven’t cut my hair in 3 years, not even a trim.
5. I can’t drink anything with carbonation because the fizz hurts my tongue. I haven’t had more than a couple sips of soda in my entire life, I’ve never even tried beer, and I don’t plan on drinking any champagne at my own wedding.
6. I own way more cardigan sweaters than any normal person should.
7. I’m really good at identifying celebrity voices in commercials and cartoons.
8. Most of the time you’ll find me in jeans and a t-shirt, but at heart, I’m a girly girl. Dresses, high heels, etc. I just rarely have a reason to dress up.
9. When I was three months old I had to have surgery to reduce fluid buildup in my brain (caused by hydrocephalus and Dandy Walker syndrome). I have a cerebral shunt in my head that’s basically a tube that drains the fluid. It’s possible that the symptoms no longer exist, but it’s not really worth it to have the shunt removed if it’s not needed. I can actually feel the tube through the side of my neck and I have a scar on my stomach from having it lengthened when I was four.  
10. I can’t do things like ride a bike or ice skate (probably due to poor balance). You can imagine how horrible my seventh grade field trip to the ice skating rink was.
11. I pretty much never listen to the radio, so I'm never up to date with current music. 

The Questions!

Ok, I’m also cheating on this part. Well, since I’ve been nominated three times, I’ve been given three sets of questions to answer! I didn’t want to bog this post down with 33 questions, so I decided to pick and choose my favorite questions (or maybe just the ones I knew how to answer) from each of the people who nominated me. The first four are from Nikki, the next four are from Chrys, and the last three are from Li.

1. What was your worst job? 

When I was 16 I sold makeup through mark.—a sort of younger division of Avon. The job itself wasn’t terrible, but teenage girls don’t have all that much money, so I didn’t sell all that much and ended up buying too much stuff for myself with the discount.

2. What was your favorite childhood toy? 

Not one in particular, but I was CRAZY about stuffed animals. I don’t know the exact number, but it’s over 300. I still have them all, but they’re in my storage unit.

3. What's your favorite vegetable? 

I’m a picky eater, so I could probably count the vegetables I like on one hand, but I’m gonna have to go with green beans. Except I’m really weird—I eat them with steak sauce. My sister does it, too. At some point in our childhood we were having steak and green beans and the sauce accidentally got on them and we realized how good it tasted.

4. Would you rather have a live in chef or live in maid? 

I’d have to go with maid since I love to cook but I’m very messy about it. It would be nice to have someone else clean it up for me. Actually, can I choose a live in hairdresser/makeup artist/personal shopper? Those exist, right?

5. On a Friday night, what are you most likely to do? 

My fiancé and I like to stay at home, have a few drinks (usually Malibu rum and some kind of juice), and order some scrumptious take out or I’ll make something like tacos. Then we’ll probably watch a movie or binge watch a TV show on Netflix. We’re practically hermits so it’s a lot of fun.

6. What is your biggest dream? 

You mean besides being a bestselling author? I secretly really really want my book Uneven Lines to be made into a movie (but only if I get to write the screenplay, obviously). I’m actually already convinced that the universe has sent me a sign that it will happen. No, I will not tell you what it was, since I’m also convinced I will jinx it. Yes, I know I’m delusional.

7. If your house were burning down, what would you take and why? 

After making sure my fiancé and cat were getting out ok, I’d grab my flash drive since it has all of my writing on it, my engagement ring (besides the obvious reason, it also belonged to my mom), and my Playbill binder (which has the Playbills to every play & musical I’ve ever been to).

8. If you were not in your current line of work, what would you be doing instead? 

I’ve always kind of wanted to have a bakery, or maybe just a cookie shop. I like coming up with new ideas for recipes. Ooo but I’d totally have to make cupcakes, too.

9. Have you ever witnessed a truly heroic act by someone else? 

The closest thing I can think of is when my dad jumped into our pool fully clothed to pull out my little cousin, who was probably about to drown. I think we look at it as more amusing than heroic at this point.

10. You've just had a novel published and the fanfiction community is going wild.  How do you feel about it?  Are you flattered, angry, resigned? 

Well, if it’s UL, I’m terrified, because I’m sure you’re all sick perverts…but I’m totally gonna read all of it. Hey! It doesn’t count as slash if the characters are already gay! Unless you paired up other characters…no! Do not do that! Stop it! Stop it right now! How dare you even give me those ideas??

11. You can choose any location in the world to pursue your writing, but you must remain there for the rest of your life.  Where would it be?

I absolutely love New York City, so I would want to move there. This may have less to do with my writing and more to do with my love of Broadway musicals… 

My Nominees!

I tried to find as many as I could but it's difficult! So I only have four. Go check out their awesome blogs!

S.E. Dee at Blue Bic Blog

Crystal R. Martin at The Write Life

Debra McKellan at The Write Mage

and Brian S Creek 

And finally:

11 Questions for my Nominees to Answer

1. If you could dress up as anyone/anything for Halloween, what would it be?
2. If you could only write one genre of books for the rest of your life, what would it be?
3. Where were you when you were struck with the idea for your current WIP? Did something trigger the idea or did you pull it out of thin air?
4. Who is your celebrity crush?
5. What literary character would you want to be best friends with? BONUS: Which one of YOUR characters would you want to be best friends with? Describe him or her.
6. You have to pull off a huge heist (such as robbing a casino like in Ocean's Eleven). Who do you want on your team? You can pick people you know, celebrities, or any fictional characters (but no magical powers!). 
7. What is your least favorite household chore?
8. Has there ever been a book/movie/TV show that made you sob uncontrollably?
9. Has one of your favorite books ever been made into a movie and you hated it? If not, did you love it? Why?
10. How do you take your coffee? Do you like flavored coffee? (Or what is your favorite tea if you’re a tea person?)
11. What would your demise be that gets you kicked out of Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory? (You can pick one from the book/movies or come up with your own!)

Not gonna lie, I had a lot of fun coming up with these. I hope they're not too obscure or too involved to answer! 

NaNoPrep: Research Before or After?

With NaNoWriMo fast approaching, it's about that time when most writers planning for it (or maybe just me...) go into panic mode. Have I thought this story out? Do I have everything I need to get an entire novel written in just one month? What if I don't? Am I doomed to fail? Should I even start?

I know I'm not 100% prepared to start writing this novel. I don't think I'm even 50% prepared. I think this is equally caused by the fact that I just decided that I was going to do NaNo, and let's be honest, I'm a procrastinator. I've got the basic story planned out in my mind, and I've thought over several different scenes, but I think there's still a lot about this story that I haven't figured out.

I'm not all that worried because I'm a pantser (I'm assuming all of you know what that means :P). I just have some sort of natural aversion to doing outlines. I usually don't plan what I'm going to write. I just write whatever scene is pestering my brain the most, then as I write more and more, start to piece everything together and figure out what's missing. Is it the most organized method? Definitely not, but I know what works for me.

What I've come to realize is that every book requires at least a little bit of research. If you're writing a realistic novel set in the real world, then you want to make sure all of your details are accurate. For this particular novel I'm planning on writing, I don't have to do a ridiculous amount of research, but I'm a bit worried that I don't have enough time to figure out everything before I start writing. So what should I do?

There are plenty of options, of course. I could get all of my research done before I start writing. I could research what I need as I'm writing it. Or I could just put all of the research on hold, write out the novel, then check the accuracy once it's done and fix any mistakes. Obviously the first two seem the most logical, mostly because if you write something without doing your research, you may find that what you wrote is inaccurate and you may have to rewrite the entire thing. But when it comes to something like NaNo, where you're trying to get as much writing done as possible in a short amount of time, you also don't want the research to trip you up and take up a huge amount of time.

I haven't quite figured it out yet. Most of the research I need to do involves the setting. I still have a few days to get my research done, but I also want to focus on figuring out a bit more of the story line, and--oh, I don't know, naming my characters. I also think I could just develop the setting the way I picture it and it won't be terribly inaccurate, or at least have any huge errors that I can't easily fix once I get all of my research done. I just don't want to be in the position where I finish an entire novel then find out it could never happen the way I wrote it. I don't think this could happen, but you never know.

I guess I'm going to take it one day at a time. And I've still got three days to get some research done.

I Hate My Book

I'm sure every writer goes through this phase when they're editing a novel. The high of writing the first draft is long gone and now you're ripping it apart trying to fix every tiny little thing that's wrong with it. It's not easy, and it's definitely not as fun as actually writing. It's one thing to know when something isn't working, but it's another to know how to fix it.

I've been in such a rut lately. I don't even want to look at my book, let alone work on it. I know I've been whining about this for a while now, so bear with me. It's just really frustrating when you've worked for so long on something and been so passionate about it and then suddenly you want nothing to do with it.

I know there are a lot of reasons for why I'm feeling this way. I think I'm still a little burned from sending my book to people I know. I mean, I sent it out to fifteen different people, and only one acknowledged that she finished it. Another two made a few comments here and there, but those stopped along the way. Everyone else said absolutely nothing, not even something as simple as, hey I finished a chapter. I'm wondering what the point was. I honestly don't even know if those other people read any of it at all. So if I can't get people I actually know to read it, how can I get strangers to?

Then of course there was the whole Pitch Wars fiasco. Don't even get me started on that. I don't blame it completely, but it is what triggered this rut I'm in, this desire to do absolutely nothing at all when it comes to writing and editing.

I'm hoping that maybe doing NaNoWriMo will help me in some way, being able to work on something different for a while. Because I've been doing nothing for quite some time and it isn't helping. I really want to work on editing, but every time I try it's like I can't even look at the words I've written.

Ok, I'm done ranting/whining. For now I'm just going to worry about getting my NaNo book outlined and ready and maybe when November is over I'll be in a better head space for editing. Fingers crossed.

Good News, Bad News

So I'm trying to get back into the swing of things when it comes to blogging. Sometimes it's hard to come up with ideas for blog posts, other times it's hard just to write them at all. But in the past, I've always found when I can't think of something to write about, then it's ok just to ramble. Or sometimes make a list. Or both. So that's what I felt like doing today. Here are some of the good AND bad things going on with my writing, and maybe a few from my regular life as well.

Good News!

Gizmo seems to be doing a lot better since his second shot on Monday. The vet also recommended getting a laser pointer so he could get more exercise and lose weight. I think watching him chase the red dot is more entertaining for me than for him, though...

Even though I said I wasn't going to do NaNoWriMo, I think I changed my mind. I'm going to do it, but with a different story idea that's been in the back of my head for a while now. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, so I figured I'd give it a shot.

I came up with a theme idea for next year's A to Z Challenge! I was convinced I wouldn't come up with one, at least not with enough time to plan it out. But I have more than five months now and I really like my idea. I have no idea how I'll come up with posts for the trickier letters, though. X? Z? *shudders*

I noticed our bananas were going bad yesterday so the obvious thing to do was to make banana bread. I kicked it up a bit by adding some shredded coconut and cinnamon. So yummy!

Bad News...

No editing on UL whatsoever. I did try a little brainstorming on the subplot front and may have figured out a few things, but then I worry that I'm taking it in the wrong direction. I think it's hard to get the whole idea out of my head and start from scratch.

I really don't think my brain is capable of coming up with a book idea that doesn't involve a forbidden and/or secret romance. Come on, brain, stop being so predictable.

I've never ever finished a NaNo book so part of me is already convinced that I'll give up halfway through like I did last year.


That's it, I think. I thought I had more bad news...which I guess is good news...

BRB

So I WAS going to do something super awesome and cool seeing as this is my 200th blog post (no idea what, but something). But yesterday morning all of Gizmo's UTI symptoms came back so I'm kind of in the middle of a nervous breakdown. I'm bringing him back to the vet for another shot in about a half hour. The guy I talked to on the phone this morning said sometimes it takes two to really get rid of the infection. I just kinda wish someone had told me that the first time and maybe I wouldn't have been freaking out yesterday. But anyway, I'm all stress and nerves right now so all I want to do after the vet is watch tv and possibly take a nap.

So, uh...yay for my 200th post? 

Soulless Blog Tour

Today I'm hosting the very awesome Crystal Collier! She's sharing an excerpt from her new book, SOULLESS, which just came out on Monday. I'm super psyched to read it since I loved the first book in the series, MOONLESS. Check it out!

Title: SOULLESS
Series: Maiden of Time
Author: Crystal Collier
Pages: 263
Pub Date: October 13, 2014
Publisher: Raybourne Publishing
ISBN: 9781629830032

The Soulless are coming.

Alexia manipulated time to save the man of her dreams, and lost her best friend to red-eyed wraiths. Still grieving, she struggles to reconcile her loss with what was gained: her impending marriage. But when her wedding is destroyed by the Soulless—who then steal the only protection her people have—she’s forced to unleash her true power.

And risk losing everything.

BUY

What reviewers are saying:

"5 Stars." - Invincible Love of Reading Book Blog

"I LOVED it! So good. Seriously...exceeded my expectations." -Kristin Smith, advanced reviewer

"Entirely unique and chilling." Gabby @ What’s Beyond Forks

"Unputdownable." T.C. Mckee, BookFish Books

Excerpt:

Mae stood on the brink, arms crossed.

Alexia’s head felt like a pillow full of down, a soft buzzing in her ears, the taste of sulfur at the back of her tongue. “The Soulless—” she warned.

A wicked smile crept over Mae’s face, her blind eyes crinkling at the corners. “I can hear them.” She stepped over the line of white blossoms.

The grass reached for her foot—like iron shavings drawn to a magnet. The stretching plants shriveled and blackened, desiccating and writhing into the dirt. Deadness bled out from the innkeeper across the foliage, spreading like the black fingers of an inky night, but halting along the perimeter Kiren had marked. Like a giant sucking breath, an invisible force drew the color and life out of the earth, pulling it into Mae’s body. Her eyes closed, nostrils flared, chest lifting as though she were breathing for the first time. Death ringed her foot, extending twice the woman’s height in all directions and growing while her skin gleamed and brightened.

A shriek rent the air. The creature nearest Mae collapsed. Those on either side dropped. A fourth and fifth toppled.

Hesitating, Mae retreated back over the line. “Go away. The girl is under my protection.”

The one creature still standing trembled and disappeared in a blinding blur of motion. A wide berth of shriveled nothingness remained, five immobile lumps littering the ground, not a whisper of life stirring them. Mae turned and faced Alexia, her innocence a halo of light against a backdrop of devastation.

Giveaway:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Get your free copy of book 1, MOONLESS, October 13, 20, 27, 31 or Nov 7.

Author Bio:

Crystal Collier is a young adult author who pens dark fantasy, historical, and romance hybrids. She can be found practicing her brother-induced ninja skills while teaching children or madly typing about fantastic and impossible creatures. She has lived from coast to coast and now calls Florida home with her creative husband, four littles, and “friend” (a.k.a. the zombie locked in her closet). Secretly, she dreams of world domination and a bottomless supply of cheese. 

You can find her on her Blog, Facebook, Goodreads, or follow her on Twitter.

Quick update before I scurry off...

Sorry I didn't blog much last week. My poor Gizmo was sick all week. We started noticing a problem on Monday night and I spent most of my time on the internet trying to figure out what it was with no luck. We finally took him to the vet on Thursday, found out he had a UTI on Friday (do you guys know how hard it is to get a urine sample from a cat? Because now I know), then had to take him back on Saturday for a shot. He actually handled the shot pretty well but he really hates being in the car and being at the vet in general, and was extremely vocal about his disapproval the whole time. I still have to give him oral antibiotics twice a day as well, which is very hard and I now have a wound on my hand to prove it. He does seem to be getting better, though.

So this week I'm hoping to get back into editing. I just have to take the plunge and start doing it. Even if I just get a few things fixed every day, it'll be worth it. I actually don't think I'm going to do NaNo this year--the fantasy story I had in mind still needs a LOT of planning and I don't think I'll get it all done in time (I still haven't named the characters!). Plus I'd rather focus on editing if I can actually get back into it.

I'm hoping to get a book review written for Friday's post. We shall see. If not, then I'll definitely be back on Monday to let you know if I got any editing done or if I failed miserably.

Missing Muse & Shelfie Blogfest

Do you ever feel like your muse has abandoned you? Like they just got sick of your crummy attitude and went away to do something more fun than inspire you? I'm starting to think that might be part of my problem. I haven't been feeling all that inspired lately but I think it goes beyond that. I used to talk to my muse--like actually talk out loud and hear him answer in my head. I can't remember the last time I did that.

Usually on the first Monday of the month Jordan takes over and writes his own blog post. Well, it just feels like he didn't show up. Ideally, I'd like for him to show up every day, but since this is pretty much the only day of the month where he's actually required to do something, I'm wondering if I should put up fliers. Well, here's the best I can do, I suppose:

Missing: Muse
Male, approximately 5' 10"
Somewhere between the ages of 15 and 19, depending on his mood. Probably 15. I have pictured him as old as 35, however, so be on the lookout.
Caucasian, brown hair, brown eyes. Most likely wearing skinny jeans and a gray t-shirt.
Answers to: Jordan, Palmer, or "gorgeous"
Does not answer to: Jojo, no matter how many times I call him that.
Last seen here on September 1. Could be anywhere between his hometown of New York City and eastern Massachusetts, where I live. Or wherever it is that muses go. Is there a muse dimension where all the muses just hang out and laugh at us?

Image credit

Can be lured with sweets. Just stick a cookie or cupcake in your window and he might show up.
If found, please hold hostage and let me know. He WILL try to trick you into letting him go, and will most likely be successful unless you wear earplugs. Or give him the whole batch of cookies.

Anyway, onto something else! I've been procrastinating forever and now it's the last day of the Shelfie Blogfest! Thanks to Tara Tyler and all of the awesome co-hosts for putting this together!

First off, let me say these shelves are a complete lie. It's not as bad as that sounds. I live in a studio apartment so there's not a lot of space. Most of my books are actually in boxes in a storage unit. The books I keep in my apartment are the ones I haven't read or have recently read, as well as my favorites. And all of my writing reference books. I also usually don't get the third shelf--it's home to my fiance's horror movie collection, but I cleared it out and organized all of my books so that they looked more presentable. :P Enjoy!

My sad three shelves. Yes, I own the DSM and a Geometry textbook.

Winner of worst spine goes to The Catcher in the Rye. Surprise--I have none. 

And I originally wasn't going to do a true selfie shelfie because I hate pictures of myself, but I thought literally sticking a costar on the shelf would help me out. He seemed to enjoy it, except for the fact that this was the last picture after about thirty failures...

Sufferin' Subplot!

I know I have a stuffed Sylvester the cat somewhere, but don't ask me to dig it out...

Anyway, today is the first Wednesday of the month so that means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! It's also the one year anniversary for the IWSG website! If you're looking for my submission for The IWSG Guide to Publishing and Beyond, err, well...I haven't written it yet. I'll go ahead and blame my writing slump, and maybe my tendency to procrastinate. But I can think of several high school and college essays that were done at the last minute and still came out amazing, so this will be my project for the day! I know what I want to write about, at least, so, fingers crossed!

Anyhoo, whenever IWSG day rolls around, I feel like I always waste it. I usually vent about some minuscule problem or dilemma that having just one or two people respond to it makes me feel better or reinforces something that I already knew in the first place. It's great to get feedback, but on a day where I usually get three times the comments, I feel like I should be talking about something more meaningful. So that's what I'm going to try to do from now on.

I've been talking about my editing woes a lot lately. Basically I've been avoiding it like the plague. There are a ton of reasons behind this, but part of it is that I'm having a really hard time figuring out how to fix all of the problems in my novel. I'm starting to think I have to completely scrap the last third of it and figure out how to get to the ending. I've always known how the book needs to end, I'm just not sure I got there in the right way.

A lot of my problems come from the subplot. I think I have two options at this point: either scrap it or find a way to make it reflect the main plot more. There are a lot of parallels in my book--parallel moments, parallel characters, parallel LINES (there's geometry--it makes sense, I swear!). So my subplot should parallel the main plot in some way. I think what I was going for is to show how my main character is constantly manipulating people in some way--so this should go for the minor characters as well as the main ones. But I don't think I got that point across very well.

What worries me is that I can't quite figure it out. Every solution I come up with seems stupid, but I think I'm relying too much on what I've already written. I think up to a certain point it works, but once my MC has made the decision to basically destroy one his friends, it didn't really go where I wanted it to. It ends kind of weakly, and I want my MC to have more control of the situation, and honestly, be a bit more evil.

I'm also worried that having this subplot will weaken the book as a whole. Do I even really need it? I know I need these minor characters to have certain moments happen, but besides that, is it necessary? Do you think subplots just distract from the main plot? Or do they enhance it? I guess that all depends on if they're done right, but I'm still not sure about mine. I think I need to reevaluate why I need it, and try to revamp it so that it makes the story better.

What does everyone think? Are you for or against subplots? And if you'd like to help me brainstorm (and just for fun!)--how would you get revenge on someone who hurt you? 

Hope for Her Release Day Blitz and Giveaway!

BLOG TOUR: SEPTEMBER 29 - OCTOBER 3

Hope for Her By Sydney Aaliyah Michelle

Release Date: October 1, 2014

Get it on Kobo: http://bit.ly/HopeKobo

Get it on Amazon: http://bit.ly/HopeAmazon

Get it at Barnes & Noble: http://bit.ly/HopeBnN

No one ever expected much from him.

Joshua Elijah Griffin, IV is on his last chance. A stint in rehab and a transfer to a new school has scared him into putting his life on track. He’s determined to live up to his family’s expectations, but on the first day of class, Josh meets a girl, and he knows his father won’t approve, but in Carrington, he sees a kindred spirit. He's willing to give up everything to be with her.

No one ever thought she was special.

Carrington Olivia Butler is ready to shine. Always in the shadows of her siblings, she goes away to college to break out of her shell. All Carrington wants is to feel special. Josh's attention is exactly what she craves, but their intense and sometimes volatile relationship is more than what she bargained for.

Josh’s demons return, and Carrington’s feelings fade, but both aren’t ready to give up hope. They give their love one last shot to survive, but hope, may not be enough.

**This book contains adult subject matter. Not intended for young readers.**

~*~ABOUT THE AUTHOR~*~

Sydney Aaliyah Michelle is a New Adult Contemporary Romance writer, a voracious reader and movie fanatic who hails from Texas.

After surviving 5 1/2 years living in China, she had the courage to finally pursue her passion and become a writer.

Sydney has been blogging at sydneyaaliyah.com for three years, where she interviews people about their tattoos, discusses her favorite movie quotes, reviews books (New Adult & only the ones she loves) and journals about her writing and editing process.

Sydney’s self-published debut New Adult Novel Another New Life released in May 2014.

An active tweeter, she is also a JuNoWriMo (2x) and NaNoWriMo (2x) winner who notes the sci-fi action flick “The Matrix” as the best representation of her life in the past. She is now awake.

She can recite the entire script for the 80’s teen comedy/drama “The Breakfast Club” and loves any and everything associated with the Avengers Movie, especially Tony Stark.

When it come to books, Sydney reads different genres, but some of her favorite writers are Stephen King, Alex J. Cavanaugh, Cora Carmack & Emily Bronte. Under the Dome, The Great Gatsby & Wuthering Heights are her favorite books.

~*~EXCERPT~*~

I reached out and grabbed her, wrapping my arms around her waist. She resisted,

pushing and punching my arms and shoulders. I wanted her to fight me. To hit me and scream and show me what I did to her.

After a while, she collapsed in my arms, exhausted from fighting, but her sobs

continued for several more minutes. My neck and chest dampened from her tears, and her whole body convulsed when she released an uncontrollable series of coughs. It shook us both, but I held on tight. The vibration of our bodies glued together made me hard, and I found it difficult to concentrate. I tried to push those thoughts out of my head. I wanted her to understand.

It tore me up to know I caused her an ounce of pain. I held her tight with one arm and stroked her back with the other. Each stroke, her body softened. When her last bit of energy drained, I turned us around and her back was up against my car. I placed my hands on her hips; she whimpered as I lifted her and sat her on the trunk.

Her damp hair stuck to her face, and I pushed it away. I wiped her eyes and lifted her chin.

"How could you leave me like that?" she asked. The desperation in her voice

fucked with my mind. I hated myself.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as my lips sweep across her cheek. She tensed. I

expressed my gratitude by kissing her other cheek. She whimpered, and my heart

cracked.

I kissed her forehead, dropped my hands to her waist, and her head fell forward without my support.

"Why?" she asked. Her voice sounded defeated, but defiant. She wanted an

answer. She deserved an answer.

"Since I meet you, I've had the time of my life." I kissed her jawline as I placed

my hands on her thighs. “I’ve never met anyone like you before." As my lips moved to her ear, she leaned into me. I pushed her legs apart. I wanted to hold her, get closer to her. She relaxed more with every kiss. "I want to be with you so bad." When I reached her earlobe, I bit it, and she moaned. "But eventually you're going to leave me."

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