The Most Anti-Climactic Drum-roll, Please!

Well, I thought I'd share some news with my readers. I just found out that I did not advance to the final round of the contest I had entered. I'm not thrilled, of course, but I'm not devastated, either. I spent the past two months fretting over all the things that I thought were wrong with my manuscript, so much so that I was probably over-thinking it. So I guess I'm just glad to be out of the insecurity limbo.

Plus, this was the first thing I ever tried to do with my novel, and it's not even finished yet. Of course I was going to fail! It's the harsh reality of the publishing world. But it's certainly no reason to get discouraged. I just have to keep writing until I can't find anything to nitpick anymore. Then maybe there won't be any more insecurity, only optimism.

Fun Facts: I Wish...

Time for another round of ramblings! It's better than nothing, right? Tonight's edition is a list of things that I wish for, some big, some small. Some have to do with writing, others don't. But it was fun.

I wish…

• I could eliminate 98% of my social awkwardness. I think 2% is good for being quirky and adorable, don’t you? 
• Writing burned lots and lots of calories. 
• I was more stylish. 
• I had 20/20 vision. Or like, 30 pairs of glasses. Because, you know…STYLISH. 
• I had an apartment with two rooms. 
• I hated cheesecake. But I don’t. I really don’t. 
• That my book will be turned into a movie and I get to write the screenplay and I get my dream cast and we all win Oscars! Totally realistic, right? 
• I could make friends more easily. And also had a real life gay best friend. That’s probably why I created one to live in my head… 
• I had a library like Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady. 
• I didn’t look horrible in every single picture of myself. I mean, every. Single. One. 
• That I could change at least one person’s life with my writing. 

Well, that's it (for now). What sorts of things do you wish for?

The Formula Playlist...oh yeah, and a title, or something...

For today's Muse Mondays post, I thought I'd share some inspiration that I'm sure most writers can relate to: music. We'd probably go insane without it. While silence is golden when you're actually trying to write, it can also drive you nuts if it goes on for too long. So what do you fill that silence with? Not something that will distract, but inspire.

I'm an absolute nut for playlists. I've been making them for my books since I was thirteen. It's a lot of fun to come across a song that you can relate to your own writing. It can help you understand what your characters are feeling. And when choosing songs for your playlist, you don't have to limit yourself to the viewpoint of just one character, even if you only write from that character's point of view. And if you get stuck, listening to the songs you've picked can help inspire you to keep going.

So I thought I'd share my playlist for my book. I was just going to list the songs, but through the magic of Spotify, you can also listen to them if you'd like.

But first! I've decided to share the title for my WIP. It's called The Formula (I'd italicize but since I haven't even finished yet, it seems a bit strange). This was just my placeholder title for the contest entry, but it's been growing on me. Sort of like an arranged marriage, I'm gradually growing to love it. I plucked it out of my fifth chapter, when my characters are trying to decide what to do with their attraction for one another: "This was a lot like a math problem--there was one precise answer that was going to make everything work. All I was missing was the formula." Hey, I can make math work symbolically, too.

Well, I hope you enjoy the playlist. Since I have to go to work now for almost twelve hours, I would absolutely love it if somebody got to.

Pasta Murder, or, Cannibalism Symbolism

I had this dream once where my characters were partaking in cannibalism. So instead of deciding what sort of sexual act would be appropriate, it was more like, “Well, if I just slice off some of your leg, it won’t kill you, so let’s do that.” When I woke up, I was horrified and confused, and slightly nauseated. I mean, I love dreaming about my characters, but then it finally happens and this is what I get?

It took me a few months to realize that my subconscious was, as usual, way ahead of me. And if I’m going to be honest, I’ve had a mild fascination with cannibalism since I was little. There’s something sexual about it, even though the realistic thought of it nauseates me. So what if I think of it symbolically? If I boiled it down, my book is about food and hunger and sex and consumption. Suddenly I realized that my dream wasn’t really that off track.

I’m crazy about symbolism. But I love it even more when it’s so ridiculously subtle that most of my readers won’t even get it. I know, it’s weird, but I like that sort of ambiguity. That’s exactly what I wanted to do when I decided to use cannibalism as symbolism in my novel. Ok, bear with me. One of my characters is a cook and a repressed ephebophile (like a pedophile, but attracted to post-pubescent teenagers). And the other is basically offering himself up in exchange for getting the things that he wants. He exchanges sexual favors for food, so he puts himself on the same level as food, as something being consumed. Genius, right?! You can say crazy; it’s ok.

The hard part is figuring out how to work in this sort of symbolism. One of my favorite lines that I’ve written is, “Of course, if I got a taste, then he got one, too.” But I have to go beyond just some random little quips. Since I’m constantly writing about food, I figured I could parallel these ideas of hunger and consuming—not just how they relate to food, but to sexuality.

And so…food equals murder.

Before my characters have their first kiss, one of them is making pasta from scratch—the idea being that he is as careful and delicate with his ingredients as he eventually is with my narrator once they become intimate. But once dinner is ready, the narrator sees the vibrant red tomato sauce and thinks of blood spattered against a wall. Then as he eats, he uses words like “severed” and “stabbing” and “attacked.” To most readers, this might go unnoticed—he’s just really hungry. But to some it might seem like a violent, animalistic moment. And honestly, either way is fine with me.

I can’t help myself when I get an idea I love. I just run with it. Even if it only makes sense to me.

 My actual notes from editing the pasta scene. :)

Why You Should Write Every Day

Aaaaaand we're back for another Muse Monday! I've been thinking a lot lately about the balance between inspiration, motivation, and focus. You really need all three to get anything done. But sometimes it's hard to work through the fog of limited time and self-doubt. Sometimes you lose that motivation. How can you get it back?

I have a new goal for myself, and it's a very simple one: write something every day. It's not a huge, daunting goal. I'm not setting any word counts here. Because I realized that while making progress with your work is important, it isn't always what's going to motivate you.

I think writing every day is important for two reasons: keeping the creative energy alive and having a sense of accomplishment. If you go days without fueling your creative outlet, doesn't it just drain you of something? It can leave you feeling depressed and less willing to work on your writing at all. If you're a creative person, then you have to feed that energy. How can you be yourself if you don't?

Just writing anything can help you feel more accomplished, even if it's just a little bit. You can still say that you got something done, and hopefully that will generate more motivation for the next day. How many times have you said, "oh, I'll get something done tomorrow," and when tomorrow comes, you're saying the same thing? You've got to break yourself of that cycle in order to get anything done.

Don't overexert yourself. Just--for the love of God--write! It can be a note, a scribble, a thought. Anything. Just get it down.

When You're Just Not Feeling It...

I've been in such a rut. Ever since I finished my contest entry, it's been hard to focus on any writing. I thought maybe I just needed a break, but since I can never stop thinking about my writing, it was hard to take a real one. But every time I opened up the laptop and stared at the contents of my flash drive, I found myself just reading my work and not actually adding anything to it. This is fine--sometimes--because you really should enjoy your own writing, but I was craving progress.

Even when I felt the itch to write, I couldn't focus enough on one particular moment to work on. Nothing interested me. Even all of my ideas for blog posts or poems that had seemed so intriguing a week before left me with a blah feeling. So that's when I realized....I just wasn't feeling it.

It's going to happen from time to time, when you just don't want to write, or you don't know what to write. Don't fight it. It will only lead to more frustration. I think one way to cure this is to indulge. Write something pointless. This was how my sequel came about. I like to picture my characters after the story is over. Or don't write at all. Sit on your bed for hours stuffing your face and watching Netflix (Did I do that all day yesterday? Perhaps.).

Another option is to visualize. You don't have to commit to any writing, but keep thinking about your work. Maybe it will help you figure something out. It might even lead to words forming in your mind. But don't be disappointed if it doesn't. The important thing is just to keep the story alive in your mind. And if you're in love with your story, this will be a form of indulgence, too.

The most important thing is: don't panic! This has happened before, and it will happen again. You've just got to find your own way of getting through it.

Writer's Block Pie

Welcome to the first installment of Food Fridays! Where my love of food and cooking meets my love of writing, because, well, a good chunk of my WIP is about food. It's funny because while I love cooking, I'm really not that good at it. But I try.

This first little vignette has been long overdue, months--a couple years, even. Because I sort of have this obsession with reenacting the food moments from my book. The first chapter ends with Jordan eating an entire key lime pie in one sitting (come on, you could do it, too, if you were a teenage boy). The whole point of this scene is to show him giving in to a private, animalistic side. The food becomes symbolic for a sort of hunger for life.

But anyway, the book isn't what's important here. It's the pie. Because this scene has existed from the book's very first incarnation, and since I'm completely insane about these things, it was only natural for me to make the signature pie. But for the longest time, I didn't make it.

I don't know why I put it off for so long. Maybe it was too important. Maybe I just didn't want to screw it up. But finally, last June, I decided to do it. I was having an enormous case of writer's block, and needed a way to break it. I was completely convinced that making this pie would instantly cure my writer's block the moment I took the first bite. There was no question in my mind about it.

Here's the major problem: I live in a tiny studio apartment with a tiny oven and barely any counter space. My oven doesn't even tell me when it's done preheating. But I had a mission, dammit, and I was going to accomplish it. Making the pie wasn't hard, but once it got in the oven, it was out of my hands. And when it was supposed to be done, well, it wasn't. The center wasn't cooking as fast as it should have, but while I was forced to leave the pie in the oven, the crust started to overcook. Eventually I had to make the decision that it was good enough and took it out.

Next was the meringue, which, in all honesty, I shouldn't have tackled in the first place. It took forever to beat the egg whites to the right consistency. And then about the second after I placed it under the broiler, it started to burn. I got it out in enough time so that it wasn't a total disaster, but I still felt like a complete failure. This was supposed to be a great homage to my book and a cure to my devastating writer's block. And all I had was a slightly burnt pie.

But I wasn't completely giving up hope. In true obsessive fashion, I attacked the pie with a fork, because that's they way it happens in the book (slices are for weaklings). I gave a second fork to my boyfriend, because I sure as hell couldn't do it on my own. We ate straight from the center, and while it wasn't the greatest thing I've ever eaten, it was pretty decent.

I know what you're wondering. Did my magical pie cure the writer's block? OF COURSE NOT. You probably knew that from the very beginning. It would be great if pie could cure writer's block. But really the only thing that cures it is effort--effort in writing or just eliminating self-doubt.

But still, it had to be done. And I'll probably do it again. Hopefully with better results.