Monday Morning Ramblings

I don't have any set topic for today and I've got a lot of things on my mind so I think a rambling post is in order.

I'm up way too early and having an anxiety attack. But the good kind. I'm waiting for tickets for the American Songbook series to go on sale. Technically, they go on sale tomorrow, but not if you like their Facebook page! So I'm just sitting here waiting. I have a hunch they'll go on sale at 10, but since they haven't actually said so, I must stalk the page all morning. I know, I'm a complete spaz. But if I get tickets to this particular show, I get to plan a really awesome trip to New York for my three year muse-iversary! (Since, you know, last year's was so successful and everything). Hey, when the universe tells you to do something, you don't question it.

The great thing about being up early, though, is that I get to watch Buffy.

Speaking of vampires, I guess I'll talk about my NaNo progress. As you can probably tell from my abundant enthusiasm, it's not going very well. I've had trouble focusing lately. Between that and work, I'm about 5,000 words behind of where I should be. If I can get back the same momentum I had on the first day, I should be able to get back on track. Right now it's kind of discouraging, though.

I realized something last night that could potentially be pretty awesome. I'm getting close to my 100th post here (this one is the 85th). And if (and this is a pretty big if) I post on every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday until I get there, my 100th post would be on Monday, December 16. And well, because I'm a spaz, remember? Why don't I just reschedule that for the day before, December 15, because guess what day that is! Yup, it's Jordan's birthday. If I could have my 100th post on my muse's birthday, well, that would be pretty damn awesome. The only problem is that I actually have to stick to my blogging schedule. I can't miss a single post. It's going to be tricky. It's going to take a lot of ideas and a lot more motivation. Because, that's right, the universe has spoken!

Do you think I can stick to my blogging schedule? Anyone else being a spaz about anything? Falling behind on NaNo? Or just watching Buffy? Crickets?

Having Some NaNo Issues

I almost forgot to blog today! Work was blah, and I have to be back tomorrow morning at 7 for some lame meeting. Also, I sliced my thumb open last night on a can lid (not stitches worthy, but still pretty bad). So I'm only functioning with one good hand. Hey, I really don't mind reenacting scenes from my book, but the part where Jordan cuts his finger while chopping vegetables and blood gets everywhere--not my first choice! I do love that scene, though...

Anyhoo, I thought I'd check in with my NaNoWriMo progress. It WAS going really great, but I've fallen behind in the past few days. Not ridiculously behind, but I'm not exactly happy about it. Maybe the fact that my narrator has a weak voice is bothering me. I'm not exactly going for a masterpiece here, but I do want to get it done and I still want it to be a good story.

I pretty much know exactly what my problem is. I wrote the first two chapters in order, then started jumping around writing random scenes. Mostly the ones that I've been playing over in my mind since I came up with this story. Which is ok, I guess, in that I'm getting out the ideas I already have, and it's ok if I fill in the gaps later.

Well, it would be ok, if I wasn't already writing all the good parts. Seriously, all the violence, suspense, kidnappings, bad guy staking, and man on man snuggling (hey, I'm leaning more YA here, nothing too sexy). All of it! All the good parts! Guess what happens when I write all of the good parts? They're done! And I know what you're going to say, everything should at least be interesting, if not intense. I'm just worried about getting bored. I'm avoiding the flashbacks altogether. I know it's because I don't want to write them. But they're part of the characters' background stories that need to be told. If I don't add the flashbacks, you'd wonder why these characters are in the situation they're in, and how they became vampires in the first place.

I just don't want to write all the parts that I find interesting and then get bored and give up entirely. I guess that's why falling behind on the word count is discouraging. As long as I stay ahead, I'll have more motivation to finish. But why am I wasting my time writing this blog? I could be writing my NaNo book! See ya!

How is everyone else doing on their NaNo books? Having issues, too?

Second Draft Woes

It's that time again! The first Wednesday of every month is the Insecure Writer's Support Group day. Check out Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog to learn more!

There’s plenty for me to be insecure about lately. I’m insecure about my NaNo book, but I think Jordan pretty much covered that on Monday. So I’m aware of what isn’t working, and I’m just trying to push through with it, hoping that my narrator grows a backbone.

What I’m really insecure about is diving in to the second draft of my newly finished novel. For several reasons. The first of which is that editing is scary! It’s so different from writing a first draft. The first draft is fun; it’s passionate. It’s all about words flying onto the page and not worrying about how perfect they are. Well, editing is more about hard work. It’s about getting those words to be perfect. I don’t even know if that’s possible. In poetry, people say that the work is never really done. A poet can even look at a piece they’ve published and think of ways to make it better. Is the same true for fiction? There’s a lot more to work with, so you’d think that every time you looked at one page you’d find a word or two to change. So when does it end?

I’m also nervous because I really want people to read my story, and I’ve had some people express interest in it, but I’m afraid to give it to them. I don’t know if I should wait until I have a second draft. But then I think, wouldn’t it be easier to combine my own edits with whatever critiques they have, rather than doing two revisions? But there are some portions that I know need to be fixed. There are some parts that embarrass me and I don’t want anyone to read yet. I know Chapter Eight needs a complete overhaul. The setting doesn’t feel developed enough. I’m still uncomfortable with the sex scene. And some of my potential readers are gay men, so I have this fear in the back of my mind that they’re going to tell me how wrong every single aspect is, not just with the sex scene, but with how the characters act and well, everything!

So I’m not sure what to do. Give my first draft out or fix everything that I know is wrong with it first? 

But I’m just dying to get some readers who aren’t my boyfriend who just says everything is wonderful. I’m having these fantasies of going into work and having someone come up to me and say, “I just finished Chapter Twelve and I hate you,” or “Oh my God…that fight scene…I was in tears!” I want it so bad. But what if I don’t get that? What if everyone hates it? Or thinks I’m some kind of weird pervert for coming up with it in the first place? 

I don't know what to do but I guess this is just the sort of thing I'll have to deal with when I actually publish it. Some people are going to love it, some will hate it. Some people will get what I was trying to say, others will think it's sick and wrong. I'm still hesitant to give it out even though I think for the most part it's a good story, just with a few hiccups. But I also feel I should give it out now while people are still interested, before they forget all about it and don't care anymore.

What do you think? Should I give out my first draft or edit first? Anyone else going through the second draft woes? 

Jordan Takes Over: Creating a Voice

**The first Monday of every month, I let my muse take over the blog. I apologize in advance. **

Sarah wanted to write a quick little paragraph to introduce this post but guess what? I get one post a month and it’s MINE. So no. No no no. I’m plenty good at explaining things.

But first, holy shit I haven’t posted since we finished the book! No one has given me any credit! You know it’s not entirely my fault that it took so long, right? But we won’t get into that. I mean, yeah, the end was tough, but I don’t think everyone is just peachy spilling their guts over how they lost their virginity. So there. But yeah, it’s done! I won’t get into the second draft woes. She’ll probably write about that on Wednesday. *heavy sigh*

So I guess we’re taking a break to write about VAMPIRES. Ugh. Whatever. It’s only a month. But it’s kind of like being in a relationship with someone for a while and then they turn to you and say, “Oh by the way, honey, I love this super lame thing and you have to love it, too!” And you’re stuck.

But anyway, we’ve been writing away on this thing for only three days and she’s already having doubts about it. I mean, like, put on the brakes and give up sort of doubts. Because she’s got good ideas, but they’re just not translating to the page the way she wanted. As usual, I figured out the problem right away. And it’s all about voice.

The problem is the narrator, Alex. He’s a wimp. He’s not even a good vampire and he can’t decide who or what he’s attracted to—boys, girls, or just someone whose blood smells tasty. He refuses to kill anyone and that’s really what gets him into trouble with the bad guy, who’s still nameless, by the way. Needless to say, I don’t like him. And I had absolutely nothing to do with creating him, thank you very much.

The other characters are cool. Jackelyn is the best—she used to be a slayer who tried to kill Alex and when he beat her instead of letting her die he turned her into a vampire. So since they’re eternally linked or whatever, or because she just wants to annoy him to get revenge, they live together. And she kinda still wants to kill him. Benny, the love interest, isn’t exactly a strong character, but he’s well developed. He’s sort of fragile and naïve, and he was abused as a kid and is afraid of the dark. I mean, come on, you’re dating a vampire and you’re afraid of the dark? That’s some complex stuff right there. Oh, and the baddy is just sadistic for the sake of being sadistic. Who doesn’t love that?

I’m getting off track here. I’m supposed to be talking about voice. Your character’s voice is never gonna come to you instantly. No, not even mine. When Sarah first wrote the short story about me, guess what? It sounded like a girl’s voice. It takes a while to craft a unique voice. The first step with me was to just throw in a bunch of f-bombs and then we worked from there. Now it’s hard for her to NOT write in my voice. It’s like second nature. It’s probably because I’m so awesome. Does my voice annoy you? I’m not as bad in the book, I swear.

So I know why this book is bothering her so much. Alex doesn’t have his own voice yet. Sure, it’s fine for the character to be wishy-washy because that’s something for him to overcome. But his voice shouldn’t be, and right now it is. There’s nothing very striking about it, nothing to distinguish him from anybody else. But honestly, we’re probably not going to make it perfect AND get the whole book done within a month. The best thing we can do is make the story interesting, and then if she wants to go back and edit, then we can craft the voice into something better.

But if she keeps WORRYING about it, then nothing is going to get done. Nothing. We just need to go with it.

JP

NaNo is Here! Gay Vampires, Shorter Chapters, and Why I'll Always Be a Pantser

The time has come! It’s finally November 1!!! The first day of NaNoWriMo. I’m so excited to finally be doing this. I just hope I’ll have enough time to get it done.

I guess I’ll start by revealing the plot of my NaNo book, since I’ve been so psychotically secretive about it. You might as well know it all. Here’s the synopsis I’ll be posting on my NaNo page for Blood Lust (Blech. Titles. Why do they vex me so?):

Alex is still breaking in his fangs. The vampire who made him is long gone, and he’s stuck with Jackelyn, his psychotic protégé—a former slayer who may still want to kill him. With only two years of being a vampire, he’s taking immortality one night at a time. But after saving a boy from a group of bullies, everything changes. Benny is shy and a little damaged. And he’s gay. For some reason Alex feels drawn to him, and is now forced to question his sexuality along with his existence. When he finally accepts the relationship for what it is, a new threat arises when an older vampire comes into town, wanting to probe into every aspect of Alex’s life. Now Alex must protect his human companion and prove his love, not only to an unbeatable enemy, but to himself.

Thaaaaaaaaaaat’s right. I’m combining my love of fantasy with my love of gay fiction. Someone had to have seen this coming. Besides my sixteen-year-old self. This all started with a really bad short story that I wrote, and then I tried to develop the characters more, but it just never worked out. But it always stayed in the back of my mind, and now I feel like I’ve finally figured it all out.

Obviously my NaNo book is going to be completely self-indulgent. That doesn’t mean that I don’t think it’s a good story. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, plotting out scenes in my mind, repeating lines of dialogue over and over so that I would remember them. But I haven’t written down a single word. I’m really a pantser when it comes to writing a book. I don’t like to outline. I don’t usually even write in order.

My favorite thing about a new story is to imagine the scenes in my head like a movie, sort of indulging myself with the story before I write it down. If you can’t enjoy your own ideas, then how can you expect other people to enjoy them? The images will usually plague me until I get the words down, and then they’ll be gone. Since these scenes will relentlessly bother me until they’re written, I don’t really worry about forgetting them. It’s actually bittersweet to write them down and let them go, but I can always go back and reread.

For a while I’ve thought about plotting out Blood Lust, maybe making an outline or just writing down ideas for a few scenes. But every time I tried, it just didn’t feel right. Because that’s really not my style. And I’ve learned not to fight my instincts when it comes to writing. They’re usually right.

Some good news! On the editing front, I had an intense two days of marking up my manuscript, and managed to get through the whole thing. It was like editing boot camp, with the muse as a drill instructor, screaming, “What do you mean you’re hungry????!! Food is for wimps! Pick up the goddamn pen!!!” (Side note, Jordan says he could never be a real drill instructor. Too much distracting eye candy.) Surprisingly, there aren’t really any scenes that I feel need to be cut. Several that need to be rewritten of course, or trimmed down, but everything feels necessary to the story.

What I have realized is that my chapters are waaaaaaaaaay too long. I need to break them up. For the most part, I think each individual scene could work as its own chapter. My next step before rewriting will be an outline of sorts (gasp!), writing down each scene with a brief summary, maybe on notecards. I’ll be able to see what scenes can stand on their own, maybe shuffle a few around, and, the most exciting part, writing a few new scenes to fill in the gaps. If I can somehow manage to balance this with NaNoWriMo, I think I’ll have a second draft by the end of the year. Then I’ll probably get some readers and maybe even start querying. Ahh! Scary times.

Well, I’ve got to start cranking out my NaNo book. I’ve got work all this weekend, so I’m aiming for 3,000 words then I’ll do a lot more during the week. Of course, Jordan will be taking over on Monday for his monthly post. I have no idea what he’ll be writing about, so that probably means he doesn’t either. Now that’s scary. 

An Abundance of Symbolism

I was a sophomore in high school when we read Lord of the Flies. It was a long, grueling unit filled with endless discussions and essay topics. We would even take paragraphs and break down every single word to show how they symbolized this or that. Every word in the book had its place. This sort of thing happened a lot in high school English classes: they want you to pick out themes and symbols and figure out what the author was really trying to say.

Well, I wasn't buying it. I'd been writing since I was eight years old and I had not once tried to put any symbolism in anything I had written. I was convinced that no writer ever actually did this on purpose, and that English teachers just found all these things in books to give us more work. I thought all writers really did was tell stories. Anything else was accidental.

If I could go back and talk to my sophomore self, I'd probably slap her. Because I love, love, LOVE symbolism. Of course writers put it into their stories on purpose! We're geniuses. But she was half right. Sometimes it is accidental. But that doesn't mean we don't notice it.

I use a ton of symbolism and other devices to weave a more intricate story. Remember how I subtly use cannibalism to be symbolic? Yes, on the surface, you're just telling a story. You've got characters and setting and plot. But underneath is where all the juicy stuff lies. Stuff that not everyone may even notice. I think that's the most fun part about it.

Most often, symbolism is used in the form of an object representing a more abstract idea. That doesn't mean you have to limit yourself to whatever is lying around your character's house. I feel that underneath my main story line is an intricate web of linking moments, characters who mirror each other, words that are repeated a specific number of times. And if you brush up on your Ancient Greek history, you might know exactly why I have a scene where my characters are looking at statues in a museum.

Sometimes it works the other way around. Sometimes I have to figure out why I put a particular object in a scene and then figure out how I can make it work in a symbolic way. If I didn't find a way to make them work, they would seem awkward and out of place. Like any other moment in your novel, there needs to be a reason for it. You don't want to have something there just for the hell of it.

Symbolism and other literary devices can be a lot of fun if you know how to make them work for your story. I could ramble for days about it, and probably will again. Hopefully this made at least a little sense. :)

Breaking Promises and NaNo is in a Week???? Whaaaa?

I almost made a promise at the end of my last blog post. I was planning on writing up a quick synopsis for my WIP (doesn't seem like a fitting title anymore, Editing in Progress? Work in Post Progress? Work in Grueling Never-ending Not a Whole Lot of Progress?). You know, to fully explain all of my vague descriptions of plot and for all those people who have asked me "what's your book about?" Luckily, I made no such promise, because I don't really feel like it today. I know it's going to take a bit of time to get it just right. So all I will promise is that I will eventually at some point post it. When? I don't know. But soon.

I think it's important not to make promises when it comes to blogging. Even if they're small, even if you don't have a lot of blog followers, it's not a good idea because you might not always be able to deliver. I've done this a few times--you know, the "stay tuned and I'll explain everything on Monday" sort of thing. Well, what if someone was really looking forward to that Monday post? And what if it never happened? And then you come back on Friday apologizing and offering excuses. Yeah, 'cause I've never done that or anything.

You need to be able to keep people's attention. If you break a promise, they may stop checking out your blog altogether because they won't trust you anymore. Chances are it isn't nearly as serious as this, but you never know. You wouldn't want to lose even one follower just because you were too tired to keep a promise you made a few days ago.

It's important to really think things through. If you already have the next post written, then it's ok to promise it. If you're just planning on it, it might be better to not say anything. You may change your mind and not want to write that post at all. It's happened to me before. Luckily I didn't make any promises on the blog, but I have said on Twitter something like, "I think I'll post about this tomorrow!" And then the next day changed my mind. Sometimes the idea doesn't seem as appealing or even feels embarrassing to write about.

Anyway, I've rambled way too much about this. It's only a week until NaNoWriMo!!!! I'm working next Friday night (boo!) so I won't be able to participate in #writeclub. But I think I'll request Friday nights off for the rest of the month. The writing sprints usually help me get a lot done.

All right, since it's only a week away, I guess it's time to reveal something big about my NaNo idea. GENRE. In case you didn't figure it out by Jordan's incessant hinting, it's...drum roll please...VAMPIRES!!!!! I'm so excited to be going back to my fantasy roots. But there is a twist, as well, so that this story will tie in all of the things I love to write. It's hard to decide on a genre on the NaNo site, as they've got Fantasy as well as Horror & Supernatural. I wish I could pick several genres. Oh well, I'll figure it out.

I guess I'll throw in some bonus info, too. My super awful, probably been done a million times, pending title for my NaNo book is Blood Lust. Yeah, I know, it's terrible. But at least it's something.

How do you feel about breaking promises? Excited for NaNo? Are vampires Fantasy or Horror? And do you still need a NaNo buddy? My NaNo name is sarahafoster. Let's buddy up!

To Blog or Not to Blog

My goal for this blog is to post something every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Most of the time, however, that doesn't happen. For all of my various excuses, I think I've really narrowed it down to two.

The first reason we'll call exhaustion. I think this covers both long work days (like my 13 hour shift last Monday) and just generally being tired. So even if I have time to write a blog, sometimes I'm just too tired to actually do it. I know this isn't a very good excuse, but I'm sure most of you can also relate. Also, the solution to this problem is pretty obvious. I need to write my posts ahead of time. I could even type the posts up on Blogger and just save them rather than posting. Then on the posting day, just click Publish. It's that simple.

Of course, it's easier said than done. Finding the time to get a bunch of blog posts done is difficult, especially when there's editing and NaNo prep, and well, life. And there's also the problem that is my second reason for not blogging regularly: not having any ideas.

I think my two problems are combined most of the time, actually, but it's the second one that really stops me from blogging. How do you blog when your mind is blank? When there are no ideas that pop up, nothing interesting going on to tell everyone about. I'm in between things right now, I finished my book and I'm waiting for November to start my NaNo book. So there's nothing going on right now. I haven't gotten deep enough into editing to offer any progress or advice. So what the hell do I write about?

That was my problem for today and answering that question will only work for this one post. If I have the same problem on Friday, then maybe I won't blog at all. Which leads to me to an even bigger question: is it better to not blog or to blog about nothing?

I suppose the obvious answer is that you must, under any and all circumstances, blog something. Surely you can find something to talk about, even if you're just rambling about life in general. I guess the only problem with that is that you still want your blog to have some focus. I write about writing, so if I'm not writing, then what do I write about? What sort of topics are going to intrigue my followers or anyone who stumbles upon my blog or my tweets to actually read through to the end? Should I be writing about more topics, things that interest me or relate to my writing somehow? I really don't know. But it is something I've been thinking about.

So what do you think? Blog or not blog? Where do you get ideas from? Should I expand on the things I write about?

Post Book Stress Disorder

I know, I know, I said I would blog on Monday. I forgot that I also had to work thirteen hours that day. Yeah, that was fun. I don't really have an excuse for the other days, except maybe exhaustion.

Anyway, I feel like I'm having some sort of anxiety attack. And I have no idea why. I don't think it's because I have to go back to work tomorrow for a twelve hour shift. It might be because I feel like I've wasted my two days off, not accomplishing much besides watching a couple movies and a trip to Wal-Mart. It might also be because I have no idea what to do next.

Maybe this is all subconscious. Maybe being in the stage where my book wasn't finished was a safe place. Now I have the daunting task of editing, then query letters, then rejections. It's terrifying.

But this is supposed to be a happy time! And it is, really. I'm glad the book is done. I suppose I should start with the tale of how I finished. Last Friday, a miracle occurred, and not in that I finished the book, but that I had the day off. Since my boyfriend was going out, mostly my plans consisted of eating leftover chicken tacos and watching a movie on demand that I'd been dying to see. But I also figured I had time for writing.

Back during my vacation in July, I discovered the magical Twitter hashtag that is #writeclub (check out the website here). At the time, a small group of writers were using it nightly, but its real purpose is for Friday nights. This is when writers get together and write for 30 minute sprints, not stopping until time is up. It runs for at least twelve hours, starting at 7 PM UK time. So that's 2 PM for me. And I thought I'd get an early start in the afternoon, then do my planned activities and get back to writing late night when my inspiration is really at its best.

What I didn't plan for was the muse being so active. On the first sprint I joined, I stared at the blank screen for at least five minutes. I couldn't think of how to start my last chapter. Then I thought to myself, "It isn't going well." And then I typed it. And it just seemed to work. It's exactly how Jordan feels at this point in the book, about his relationship, about his life in general. This sparked a whole scene in my head, a discussion with his best friend, Eric, who usually ends up being unintentionally insightful. And so the words started flowing.

And I just kept writing. I only stopped once to have dinner (yes, tacos). I never watched my movie. The breaks between the writing sprints were agonizing because I just wanted to keep going. I would cheat and write a few sentences when I wasn't supposed to be writing at all. And, by some other miracle, at exactly ten minutes before midnight, I typed out the last line. At this moment, I think I had a good panic attack. I couldn't breathe for a moment. The last line, which I had never once envisioned, was perfect. The ending was heartfelt and sad, but real. The sex scene, which certainly wasn't perfect, still had a good balance of vagueness to vulgarity. You only know what the narrator is comfortable telling you. All in all, it was a good wrap up for the entire novel, the main theme saying not that you should embrace every aspect of who you are, but that you are helpless to fight it. I know, it's a bit daunting, but while it's not a happy ending, it is an ending of acceptance.

So it was done. First my Twitter account was bombarded with congratulations, then after I announced the event on Facebook, several coworkers offered their support over the next few days. Of course, it was often followed by the inevitable, "what's your book about???" that I'm always too terrified to answer. But that's probably another issue entirely.

Well now it's been a week. I've let the joy settle and now I'm really starting to think about editing and finally deciding on a title. It goes between excitement and mind-numbing fear. And that's probably why I'm stressed out. I know I should also be plotting out my NaNo book, but part of me also just wants to write it out of thin air once November 1 hits. I'd love to join #writeclub tonight, but I don't actually have anything to write. Just a whole lot of editing. I do want to also write a brief synopsis that I can post on here so that my readers can actually know what the book is about besides all my constant vague references.

So I've got editing, I've got NaNo. I want to write poetry again and even personal essays. There's a lot to do. Strangely enough, I think the last two sentences of my novel are quite appropriate, despite the fact that there's still a lot of work to do, and I'll never really move on:

What's left, anyway, after something is complete? You just move on to the next thing. 

THE BOOK IS DONE

Yes, you read that correctly. I didn't want to save this news for Monday. After about two and a half years of bitching and moaning and not getting much done, I finally finished a complete first draft of my novel. There are fireworks going off in my head. Anyway, I'll come back on Monday to explain more.

Next stop: TITLE! But probably NaNoWriMo first because coming up with a title for this book is a bitch....

Points, Pounds, and Prose

Let the counting begin!

It’s now my fifth day on Weight Watchers. I did it once before, about three or four years ago, with great results. I don’t quite remember how many pounds I lost at the time, but I remember how much I gained back. I mostly blame my job. I don’t think I should mention where exactly I work, but I’ll say it’s in a restaurant that has very fattening food and even worse desserts. And by worse I mean delicious. And I have absolutely no will power. So I’ve gained roughly 30 pounds working there, despite the fact that it’s such a physically demanding job that I should literally be working my ass off.

I only quit WW before because I was unemployed and couldn’t afford to keep going to meetings or buy all the fruits and veggies that you’re required to eat. Let’s face it, the foods that are bad for you are also the cheapest. But since I’ve recently come in to some money, I figured a great way to spend some of it would be to better myself.

It’s a lot of work. But since I think I’m pretty fixated on food, it’s a good program for me. You have to keep track of what you’re eating, making healthier choices and getting in specific servings of fruits and veggies, dairy, etc. And I’m taking vitamins. If I could only get myself to floss…

Something else I’ve been thinking a lot about lately is word count! In order to win NaNoWriMo, your novel has to meet at least 50,000 words. I haven’t quite mapped out a schedule yet, and it will probably be hard to do so since I get my work schedule less than a week before it begins. So it’ll probably be a day by day process. But I have begun mapping out my novel. I’m even finally breaking in my free trial of Scrivener. We’ll see how it all goes.

I thought I’d reveal something about my NaNo book with every blog post until November 1, when I’ll post my synopsis on my page there (I’m still fine tuning it, actually). Something that I’ll have to use in this particular story that I’ve never used before are flashbacks. There are some details about my protagonist that while they aren’t essential for the plot line itself, they are necessary in order to understand the character and his situation. Like, if I left these things unanswered, the reader would be confused. They’d want answers. But I think flashbacks can be tricky. Certainly I’ve alluded to the past with other stories before, but that’s usually not more than a few sentences. For this particular book, I’ll have to include whole scenes of flashbacks.

I’ll probably be able to write more on the subject of flashbacks once I actually write them. I do think you have to find a good balance, not overdoing it and finding the right spot to include each one. The flashback should be relevant to what’s happening in the present.

Oh! I almost forgot! If you want to be buddies on the NaNoWriMo site, check out my page here (which I promise to develop more): http://nanowrimo.org/participants/sarahafoster

Jordan Takes Over: Musing Around

**The first Monday of every month, I let my muse take over the blog. I apologize in advance...**

Did you miss me? I know you did.

So. Business. Blech. This will be short, though. We’re gonna be doing a revamping of the whole Muse Mondays thing soon, so that it’s more concrete and easier for other people to do. But not right now. We’re way too busy. Trying to finish this book, right? Then stupid NaNoWriMo, which she just insists on doing, and I guess I have to help. So I’m thinking December-ish. Just in time for my birthday! So think about what you’re all getting me.

There’s supposed to be a point to this, right? A certain point to each post I make. Like, I’m supposed to give you some insight from the point of view of a muse and character. Well, I don’t really feel like it. I mean, why do I need to solve your problems anyway? So I’ve got no major points to make today, no writing tips or advice. I’ll save that for the writer.

I want to spoil this whole NaNoWriMo thing sooooooo bad. But she’d kill me. I mean, like really, she could kill me off (pfft yeah right, I could barely say that with a straight face). But I’ll give you some little tidbits. Well the great thing about being a muse is that I can dig through memories and old projects and find some juicy stuff that we can make even better. So it’s something old. Something she started when she was a teenager, but didn’t have nearly the amount of insight or, ahem, inspiration that she does now. It started out as a really bad short story and a few cute but not well plotted vignettes. But we’re taking the characters and giving them whole new life. Or death, for some. Get it yet? I can’t say anything more. I’ll get in trouble. Wouldn’t want to get BITTEN or anything.

I swear I’ll come up with a better idea for next month’s post. I’m open to ideas, too. Like, what would you want your muse to explain to you? Why they exist? Why they’re such assholes? Or what would you want to ask your characters? We’re like real people, just living in a world that you designed. That’s some crazy philosophical shit, right? 

JP

Crazy Super Awesome Goals

Time for a quickie. Yeah, I said it. I regret nothing.

I was just browsing through some tweets this morning when NaNoWriMo came up. And as usual, I thought to myself, "pfft I'm not doing that." I've really only tried to write an entire novel in the month of November once, when I was still in high school, and I gave up rather quickly. There's the usual excuses, I don't have time, I don't have any ideas, which are of course true. But isn't the whole point of NaNoWriMo to push yourself, to make it happen? To go beyond the lame excuses that you let yourself get away with during the rest of the year?

Anyway, since I've tried to get more serious about my writing after college, I've considered doing it. The problem was always that I already had another novel in progress, one that I certainly didn't want to interrupt. And I never had any other ideas that were good enough to try.

Well yesterday I wrote about a page and a half of my sex scene for the final chapter. It's handwritten and in a smaller notebook, but at least it's something. I've started to make some progress. So really, I don't see any problem with finishing the whole book by the end of October. There goes my first excuse.

So what about the second? Well, it just so happens that I came up with an idea for a novel about a month or so ago, one that I think I actually could write quickly. I've only written the first paragraph, but I've played out the scenes for pretty much the entire plot in my head over and over again. The best part is that this is a story that combines my two favorite genres. If you don't know what those are, you'll have to stick around to find out (insert evil laugh). But the whole thing is rather sexy and suspenseful and I've only put off writing it to finish my current WIP.

So! My goals are to finish my WIP by the end of the month and to FINALLY do NaNoWriMo. And I mean actually do it, not just say I'm going to, or write a few chapters and give up. I mean, the whole thing. Hopefully everything will work out.

Oh, I need to give a shout out to my former muse, Amber, because today's her birthday. I swear I'll get back to her story eventually. I had a dream once that she and Jordan met up and we were all going to go to a carnival. I have no idea what it meant.

The Stupid Sex Scene

Ok, so I've decided it's about damn time to kick my butt back into regular blogging. And what better day to start! It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. Check out Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog to learn more. 

Lately I’ve been insecure about a lot of things. What I want to do with my life, what sort of career I should be pursuing, how to get back into blogging and trying to do something with the piles and piles of poetry that I’ve written.

But mostly it’s this stupid sex scene.

Ok, really, it’s more about finishing the book in general. It’s about figuring out how the book should end. Because obviously I know what needs to happen (sex scene, duh), but it’s a bit more difficult figuring out why it happens. As I was writing the book, whenever I would think about the ending I would always say to myself that I would know what to do when I got there. That I just couldn’t picture the ending without getting through the rest of the plot first. Well, now I’m here, and I still don’t know.

And yes, there’s also the sort of physical mechanics of the sex scene that are bothering me. I still don’t know how vague or graphic to make it. I feel like going in between will be some sort of cop out. Making it vague might make sense to the plot, but I feel like it would also disappoint my readers if they go through the book waiting for the juiciest part and it just fizzles out. But writing a straightforward, graphic scene doesn’t feel right either. I mean, I haven’t exactly held back in any descriptions before in the book, but none of those were actual sex scenes. There was always a limit.

I try to tell myself constantly, “Ok, just write it one way and see if it works. If it doesn’t, try another.” But every time I even try picturing the end, it’s like my brain shuts off. Like it’s just too difficult to deal with and figure out. And I’d rather just watch TV or something. But I want, no, need to finish this freaking book, like, right now. I just can't figure out how to do it. 

I suppose the best thing to do is just to write and write, and write some more. Even if it's horrible. Because then at least there will be something. Even if I have to rack my brain for twenty minutes just to get one sentence down. It's better than nothing. And if I keep trying, maybe I can figure it out. 

Losing My Motivation

Hey, everyone! First off, I want to thank everyone who left comments on my last post, as well as all of my followers for putting up with my absence. It means a lot to me. I know I said I'd be back right away but that's kind of what today's post is about. Today's the day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Check out Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog to learn more.

I guess I'm insecure about my motivation. I just don't have any. A little over a month ago I was just one chapter away from finishing my novel and couldn't have been more excited. Now I'm still in the same position, but not excited at all. And certainly not moving forward.

I haven't wanted to write, blog, or even tweet lately. It seems that all I have the motivation to do is go to work and then spend my free time rotting in my apartment watching Netflix with my boyfriend. I don't feel depressed, but I'm sure on some subconscious level I am. I'm not sure if I've fully processed my mom's passing. I feel fine most of the time, then I'll have a moment here and there when I'll feel sad but then I'll move on from it. It still doesn't feel real.

I guess lately I just don't want to do anything. I didn't even want to write this blog. I still think about my book a lot and how I'd like to end it. I think I might also be avoiding it just because finishing it is hard. There's still a lot to figure out. But I really need to finish it.

Maybe I can't just sit around waiting for my motivation to come back. Maybe I just have to push through and get the words out even if I don't want to. Because in the end it will be worth it.

A Brief Hiatus

Hey all, just wanted to do a quick check in to let you know what's going on. I'm taking a short break from blogging. My mother passed away over the weekend. It was very sudden and we're all in a state of shock. She was only 59 and was taken from us far too soon. I've spent most of the week with my sister and her husband making arrangements, and the service will be on Monday.

So I won't be doing Jordan's Muse Mondays or Insecure Writer's Group next week. I'm still gonna try to finish the book before my birthday next Friday, and I'll most likely be back to blogging on Monday the 12th to let you know how that goes.

Thanks to everyone for following and for your continued support.

Work, Distractions, and Impending Good News

I know, I know, I haven't blogged in a week. Transitioning back into real life after vacation was rough. I think after spending so much time writing, I brought some of Jordan's sassy wit with me but you know, just being at work kind of squashed that out after about a day. And on Saturday I worked over 15 hours straight, just sitting down for about ten minutes to scarf down some food. So back to the usual exhaustion, really.

Anyway, I'll be brief here. Just a few goodies to share!

The good news is that I have managed to keep writing despite being back at work, which was exactly the sort of push I needed, so the vacation writing extravaganza continues to pay off. That's part of why I haven't been blogging--I wanted to fill my spare time with novel writing.

Want to know the BEST news??? I should have a complete first draft by the end of the week. I'll wait for you to do a double take and read that sentence again. Yes, that's right--a FINISHED first draft! Finally! Right now it's looking like I need to write about 1 1/2 chapters. Unfortunately, the last one is going to be the hardest, but I do have Wednesday and Thursday off to work on it.

So I may not be back to blog on Wednesday (since I'll be busy and whatnot), but hopefully on Friday I'll have some INCREDIBLE news!

Final Vacation Stats!

Well, the day has finally come. The awful day where I have to go back to work. And the first thing I need to do is punch my manager for screwing up my schedule. But anyway, I suppose I should share my final results for what I got done over vacation.

And by now you should know that really only two of my goals made it to fruition. It's not really all that surprising...

Word Count: Drum roll please! The final word count is.......22,284! I know, I know, it's not the 25k I planned on, but it's pretty damn close. I was up until around 1 A.M. last night adding to the final count. So why am I up now? I have no idea.

Despite not reaching my goal, I did manage to knock out a HUGE chunk of my WIP. Four complete chapters written, and three almost complete ones, some of which I may finish today. I'm getting closer and closer to the end and it's getting kind of scary. But I'm really pleased with how it's turning out.

But every time I think that I'm almost done I remind myself that I still have to write the sex scene...so it really doesn't feel close to done at all. Oh well, I'll just keep writing until I get there.

Reading: This one's not so impressive, but at least it's something. I finished my reread of The Catcher in the Rye and read all of Don't Let Me Go. Then I thought I needed a reading break. Because I feel like finishing a book is like ending a relationship--you want to start a new one right away, but sometimes, you just can't. So no, I did not plow through my entire pile of new books. But they'll still be there.

Well, thanks to everyone for checking in on my progress. Hopefully within the next few weeks, I'll have some fantastic news to report. :)

I Hate My Title and Playlists on Crack

It wasn't too long ago when I told you my working title for my WIP, The Formula, as well as shared my playlist for it. Well, I've sort of backtracked, because I hate my title again. So now I'm all alone and titleless. It's like standing in the rain without an umbrella.

Here's the thing--if it wasn't for that contest I entered a while back with the first five chapters, I probably wouldn't have picked a title at all. But since I had to, and had to live at least temporarily with that choice, it grew on me. But then I didn't even advance to the final round of the contest, so I realized I really didn't have to commit to this title at all. And when I didn't have to commit to it, I realized I really didn't like it as much as I thought.

I really think titles are the hardest part of writing a book. If you're trying to make a point in the story, you can spend pages drawing it out, using every word you could possibly think of to get that point across. With titles, you're much more limited. How are you supposed to sum up everything that your novel is about in one short phrase? That's why I realized I didn't like my title. What did it actually say about my book? What about it was going to draw readers into the story? Nothing, really. Because it's not good enough.

But how do I come up with a title that is good enough? Is it even possible? I've been trying to come up with one for over two years and I've got nothing to show for it. Ah, well, the struggle continues.

And for a little added bonus, I wanted to share a little playlist I made. This little story arch between Chapters 12 and 13 is one of my favorite parts of the book. So a lot of songs spoke to me when I wrote it. But I realized that if someone looked at this mini playlist without knowing the context, it probably looks like I was on crack when I made it. But of course, it makes perfect sense to me!

I know I should explain each song choice, but that would just take the fun out of it, wouldn't it? Plus I'd have to explain every detail of those chapters. So instead I decided on an emotion or mood (there can be a violent mood, right?)  that occurs in the book and sort of goes with why I chose that song. (Although I think 1 & 2 could also be swapped or mingled or...whatever!)

1. Lust

2. Insanity

3. Jealousy

4. Regret

5. Violence

6. Forgiveness


What do you think? Was I on crack? How do you choose your titles? Will I ever figure out which chapter is which?

More Vacations Stats:

Word Count: 14,017. Got through Chapter Fifteen. I know I want seventeen chapters when this is all done, and that eighteen should work for the first draft because of the Chapter Two cut, but I feel like I'd be rushing the story if I try to cram everything else in to only three more chapters. So I'm just gonna go with it for now and figure out how to restructure it when I go back and edit.
Poems: ....*crickets*
Blogs: Three. So, as usual, my plans to have blog posts written ahead of time never work.
Reading: I gave up on Tinkers (temporarily, I suppose) because I just had to attack my new stack of books. I couldn't really get into it. I started Don't Let Me Go by J.H. Trumble, got almost halfway through in one day, and talked with the author on Twitter for a bit. Remind me never to fight my reading habits again.

Blog Etiquette

Sometimes when you're starting out blogging, it can feel like you're all alone. Like there are tumbleweeds rolling along at the bottom of your posts. It takes a while to build followers and relationships with other bloggers. But there are certain things you can do that not only help you get more blog traffic, but also show that you're a courteous blogger who knows that you need other people to help you out. The following are just a few tips for being a friendly and successful blogger. They’re really just some basic ideas, and things that irk me when I notice them not happening.

Check out other blogs

This could probably go without saying, but there are some great reasons for checking out other blogs. How can you expect other people to visit your blog if you don’t put yourself out there? The best way to do that is to frequent other blogs that are similar to yours—leave comments, make virtual friends who will then check out your writing because you looked at theirs. I find myself looking forward to days when I know certain bloggers will write a new post. It’s not only a great way to network, but also to get information and advice. Who knows? You could be struggling on a certain aspect of your book, and then one of your blogger buddies writes a post that helps you figure it out. There’s oodles of information out there that can be useful to you.

Return the favor

Don’t you get excited when you see a new comment on your blog? Wouldn’t it be great to give other bloggers that feeling? If somebody took the time to read your blog, you should check out theirs as well. It’s just common courtesy. Where would you be if no one looked at your blog? If you have this constant back and forth between other bloggers, then you’ll create some great relationships and eventually a good reputation as a blogger. There’s a few ways to do this. If somebody leaves a comment on your blog, go to theirs and leave a comment on their latest post. Also, just following someone else’s blog is a great way to support them. You don’t have to read every single post they make, but they’ll get a great boost of self-esteem just by having you as a follower. So it’s a great idea to follow back anyone who follows your blog.

Reply to comments

I’ve finally gotten to the point where I always receive at least one comment on every blog post, so I like to reply to those who took the time not only to read my post, but consider their own thoughts on it and leave a comment. I didn’t always reply to comments because they were usually rare, and I was still in the awkward beginning phase of blogging where I felt like I had nothing to say. But it’s important to show your commenters that their time and thought is appreciated. Even if you don’t know exactly how to respond, even just a thank you or “thanks for stopping by” would be better than nothing. I’m sure most of you just leave a comment on other people’s blogs and that’s that. But I’m one of those psychos that need to keep checking to see if the author replies and what they have to say. And it’s not the end of the world if they don’t respond, but it is a bit of a letdown.

So those are just a few ideas for being a kind and courteous blogger. I’m sure I’ll come up with some more tips in the future and have a Part Two. Just remember how hard it is to start out blogging and the sort of things you would want other bloggers to do for you.

More Vacation Stats!

Word Count: 5,569. I finished Chapter Tweleven (Is it 12 or 11?? I still don’t know) the other night, and it’s AWESOME. Until I reread it next week; then it’ll be awful. I plan on getting another 5k done tonight. Yes, 5! I plan on having another 10k done by the next time I check in.

Poems: Yeah, uh…let’s just move on, shall we?

Blogs: Two! It’s going great, as you can see.

Reading: I finished The Catcher in the Rye this morning and started Tinkers by Paul Harding the other day. Because I’m some sort of masochist who likes to read Pulitzer winning books and try to figure out how my writing can be like that. But I want to finish it fast because MY BOOKS CAME YESTERDAY. I could probably read all four in four days. And by now I’ve probably convinced Amazon that I’m a gay man by my book selection. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. 

Embrace Your Book

Or a better title, Keep Calm and Do What Your Muse Tells You to Do.

Have you ever panicked when you look over the bestseller lists or started to read some award winning book and you just didn't understand it? You look over the books that everyone is reading and you have no idea why--because clearly they're just books that everyone reads because everyone else is reading them. They're cranked out every other week by some famous author with armies of ghost writers. They're not even that good. And the books everyone says is good? It's like you can barely grasp at why these books get good reviews and win awards. You can understand that they're well written, but nothing clicks when you read them. You're bored. You might even feel stupid or that you just don't get it.

So where do you fit in, if you don't feel comfortable in either of these groups?

Everybody wants their book to be a mix of these things. A hot bestseller, but well-written and prestigious. But chances are, you can't have both. There's a good chance you won't have either, but let's not get too depressing here. There's an audience out there for your book, but the first step is knowing exactly what your book is, and not what you want it to be.

Chances are, you started your book with a simple idea, maybe even just a character. But somewhere along the way you had to ask yourself exactly what kind of book you wanted to write. An epic fantasy? A trashy romance? A coming-of-age story? It isn't just about genre, either. You had to choose a writing style, get into a groove with the voice, all the while considering exactly who would want to read your book.

You could get into trouble if your answer is, "everyone." There is no book that every single person is going to like. Even the popular books are hated by someone. So if you try to write your book and please everyone at the same time, the writing will seem disjointed. It won't have a set style. It'll be all over the place. And no matter how good a story it is, it will be bad.

Let your story speak to you. Let it be what it needs to be, not what you desperately want it to be. If you get distracted by long term goals, you could lose sight of the actual story. And you could lose what is great about it. Sure, everyone wants the bestseller list. Everyone wants a Pulitzer. And it's ok to dream. But you have to be realistic, too. When you're writing your first draft, the only person you should be trying to please is yourself. Because you know your story, and you know what it needs to be.

And now for something completely different...

Vacation Stats!

Word Count: 1,838. I would have pushed it to 2k, but I finished the scene I was working on. Plus it was 1 AM. I was sleepy. But the best part? I rewrote the horrible mess that was the hand job scene. And I'm probably experiencing post-scene adoration, but I LOVE it. I think because I managed to have some great subtle dialogue as well as not repeating the same actions over and over again. Plus, it's pretty damn sexy.
Poems: Nada.
Blogs: One, obviously.
Reading: Almost through with my 112th reread of The Catcher in the Rye (or maybe it's just my third, but who's counting? It feels like 112). Holden's definitely a big influence for Jordan's character, but it was one of those things I realized after the fact (psychic???). So reading it usually puts me in the right mindset to write. Also! My Amazon order shipped and should be here on Wednesday! Boooooooooooks!