Let Crappy First Drafts Lie

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Well, another month has passed and where am I on my third draft progress? Err...about the same place I was last month. Ok, ok, not exactly the same place! For my last IWSG post, I said I had written 3 pages for Chapter 27. So, good news...I currently just went onto page 11! So, obviously, words are happening. Just very slowly. And we will ignore my concerns that this chapter is turning out way too long and I'll probably have to split it but that will leave me with 30 chapters and I need them to be UNEVEN, hello??? *deep breath* Yes, ignoring that for now. 

I know one of the big reasons this chapter is taking forever is the fact that I don't often make myself just sit there and write it. Especially on a work day, I just kinda want to sit there watching TV and go to bed early. But another problem is that when I actually do sit down to write, I find it very difficult to actually get the words out. I know it's because I want those words to be perfect, and sometimes it's just hard to make it that way. Probably the worst thing I do is that I won't even write a sentence down until it's perfect in my head. So when perfection isn't happening, words aren't happening, either. 

But I think something kinda clicked. At one point while working on 27, I said to myself, "UGH. This feels so first drafty." Then I realized...well, it basically IS a first draft. While I'm working on the third draft of the novel as a whole, almost everything I've written past Chapter 19 has been brand spankin' new. Not rewritten, like everything before it, but completely new stuff that never even happened in the first two drafts. So the words I'm writing right now are essentially a first draft. And can you make a first draft perfect? HELL NO!

It's difficult to part with that idea of finishing this draft and basically having it ready to go, but I think if I keep clinging to it, I'll never even get to the end. I just have to put the words down and if they're kinda crappy, just let it be. I can always go back and fix it. I just have to look at everything before Chapter 19 to see how great things can turn out if you just keep working at it. But you can't fix what isn't there. And trying to make it perfect before it's written will just lead to a whole lot more waiting. 

So I'm plowing through this chapter. Even if I think some moments are illogical. If I think two characters should have gone deeper with a certain conversation but can't quite figure that out right now. If some moments were too drawn out, but others were rushed. I may not know how to fix certain things, but I'll at least know what needs to be fixed. And maybe some time and distance will make the figuring out much easier.

Think, Think, Think

Being a writer means you spend a lot of time thinking. That kind of goes without saying. The stories and all the words that go into them come straight from our brains. Sometimes you're lucky enough to have the ideas and words flow so fast and easily that it doesn't feel like you're thinking much at all. Other times, it's not so easy. Sometimes, you have to do a whole lot of thinking. 

That's pretty much where I am right now. Ok, I still haven't finished Chapter 27 yet, but I'm chipping away at it. The major thinking I need to do there is just find the right words. I already know every scene and event that needs to happen. But once I get done with this chapter, that's when things will get tricky. 

I'm in this weird predicament where I do know what needs to happen, but at the same time, I feel like I don't. I haven't quite figured out how to get my characters there to make it a satisfying ending. And I know I can't draw out the story any longer, either, because it will start to get boring and lose the momentum of the last few chapters. The end is so close, and yet still feels so far away. 

So what's my strategy to figure it all out? Think. A lot. 

Maybe thinking about something in order to figure it out is a bit obvious. But it feels like the only thing I can do. I want to spend as much time as possible just considering everything. I think one of my problems with the ending is that I have always pictured it the same way. For years. So I'm trying to get out of that corner, start going about it a different way. It helps that the events leading up to it are a lot different than previous drafts. I've already come up with a few little tweaks that I never would have even considered when writing the first draft, so I think it helps to keep an open mind. 

I just feel like the ending is missing something. Some type of punch-the-reader-in-the-face type moment. There is going to be a bit of a reveal because my MC has been hiding things even from the reader, but that part still doesn't feel like it's quite strong enough to me. There needs to be something else. Maybe he realizes something about himself that he never considered. Maybe both characters are finally confronted not only with the lies they tell each other, but the ones they tell themselves. 

I think I'm slowly getting there. I try to indulge every thought that crosses my mind, see where it takes me. Even if it doesn't work out, at least I've ruled something out, and who knows? Maybe a bad idea could trigger a good one. You never know what you could figure out if just let the thoughts flow.

Doing More Stuff

Do not attempt to adjust your screens! I am really writing a non-IWSG post! For the first time in...exactly a year! Yup, September 17 of last year was the last time I wrote a regular blog post. Not the same date, but the exact same Monday. That's actually just a weird coincidence, because this blog post wasn't even a thought in my head until yesterday afternoon. Well, because I've been doing a bit of thinking...

I realized I don't really do enough stuff. Writing, you say? Well, yes, but you already knew that. But, I mean, online stuff. Blogging and networking and such. I have my toes in the water but I feel like I've fizzled out. I used to blog three times a week! Well, I don't think I had a job when I did that. But like I said above, my only posts are for IWSG. But blogging isn't the only thing. So I'm trying to come up with some ideas to get me out there more, doing more stuff! And maybe the stuff will fuel the writing, and vice versa.

1. Blogging

Obviously! Or this post wouldn't exist. I'd really like to get back to posting something every Monday. I think I've stopped not only because of motivation, but because I don't feel like I have any good ideas to write about. But I want to start paying attention to any thought that pops in my head. If I think it'll make for a halfway decent post, I will write it immediately!

I also don't visit other blogs enough. Like writing my own posts, I only visit others on IWSG day. I usually feel out of the loop with other bloggers' news, blog tours, book releases, etc. I have no idea what's going on! And if I can hop on some blog tours, that covers writing my own posts, too! Two birds, one stone, people.

I could also possibly let Jordan write his monthly posts again?? That would be fun. I may change when they happen, since I found whenever the first Monday of the month was the same week as the first Wednesday (IWSG day), I got less traffic, which was disheartening. Maybe the last Monday of the month? There could be overlap there but I think it happens less often. I'll figure it out. Now I just have to wake up Jordan and convince him to do it...

2. Twitter/Instagram 

Twitter drives me nuts sometimes because I have about 2,800 followers but I feel like I get hardly any interactions. So I think two main things need to happen--I need to tweet more, especially writing related stuff, and I need to interact more with others' tweets. Hopefully if I just keep putting myself out there more, it'll start to come back.

Instagram is a little more tricky, because I feel like I don't have a lot of things to post. I can only post so many pictures of my cat, right? So maybe with this, I need to do some more research first about what other writers tend to post, and start figuring out what I can do. For now, I'll just continue with the cat.

Ok, I thought I had more major things but maybe that's it? Of course, those aren't the only things I want to accomplish...

Frightening tasks that I may or may not attempt in a more distant future:

- writing book reviews and posting them on Amazon and Goodreads
- trying to get some of my poetry published/write more poems
- try to write a short story or two (yeah right, they'll just turn into more novels)
- figure out the whole Goodreads Author thing. It looks tricky. Especially since I've only been published in anthologies.
- find more anthologies/contests to submit to
- set up an Amazon author page (I've been putting this off forever)
- updating my LinkedIn page and trying to get some actual writing jobs!!

Since blogging is one of my major goals, and this blog post is now DONE, I guess I'm off to a good start? But I should probably get back to actual writing now...

I'll Figure It Out Eventually

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

What am I insecure about this month? Well, probably the fact that I haven't been doing much writing. At all. For those of you keeping score at home, I'm still on Chapter 27. I don't know what is so difficult about it. It's not really difficult at all. I know exactly what needs to happen. I even made an outline for it! And I'm a die-hard pantser, so you can imagine how difficult that was for me. It's just, for some reason, actually sitting down and making myself write just isn't happening. 

I guess I can't be too hard on myself because I have *occasionally* gotten some words down. I've got 3 pages done on Chapter 27, which is something, at least, but I don't feel like I've gotten very far with it. I think it's going to be a very long chapter. I'll get through one chunk of it and then get stuck, and just stay stuck for days. 

I've been working on Shiny New Story a bit as well, which I swear will get a title someday, especially since it's not really new anymore, but is still very shiny. Sometimes I like to dive into that when I'm feeling blocked, to try and get the creative juices flowing a bit. It helps to work on something that's a first draft and I don't have to think so much about getting all the words perfect. I just wish it would lead me back to my main project. 

Something I'm not insecure about? The aha moments! One of my favorite things about writing is figuring things out. When you have a problem that you can't see your way out of and eventually it comes to you. I was working on Shiny's first chapter and I was trying to create this suspense between my two main characters, like you think they're just friends and there's a reveal where you realize they're actually a couple (which is probably silly because the blurb would totally give that away, but I digress...). My problem was that I was starting the chapter with the characters not seeing each other for a week. Wouldn't they immediately run into each other's arms and start smooching? That sort of killed my suspense. But since the scene took place on a farm, I had one character working on something, and figured out...his hands could be dirty! The character has to wash up first, which gives time for the two characters to talk before anything romantic happens. It was such a simple idea but I think it really made the scene work the way I wanted. 

I love those moments because it makes me think I'll always be able to figure things out eventually, no matter how impossible they may seem. I just would like that to be sooner rather than later when it comes to the rest of Uneven Lines. Please?? I'm talking to you, brain. 

Here's some really good news! I'm on vacation starting this Friday for a week and a half. Another vacation?? you're probably asking. Yeah, I took a lot of time off this year because I always have way too many hours accumulated by the end of the year. But anyway, that is lots and lots and lots of writing time! I'm hoping it'll be like my boot camp for Chapter 26 back in June, where I just spent all day every day (mostly) working on it. Maybe I could even...dare I say...finish the whole third draft? No way, right???

Full of Surprises

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

I'm on vacation from work so that means I can visit many many blogs today at a reasonable hour. It also means I'm going to actually try to get some writing done. I mean, yesterday was my lazy recovery day and today is blogging day, so...

I'm still working on Chapter 27. Actually, I haven't been working on it much at all. I don't know the exact reason. I just haven't felt like it. Maybe writing Chapter 26 took a lot out of me, but I think it's been way too long for that to still be an excuse. I guess I'm just having a motivation problem. I know everything that needs to happen in this chapter, so it's not like I have anything to figure out. I just have to actually make with the words.

Well, since I'm not at work this week, I can't use being tired as an excuse. Bring on the words!

Onto this month's optional question: Has your writing ever taken you by surprise? For example, a positive and belated response to a submission you'd forgotten about or an ending you never saw coming?

Uhh, literally everything? Seriously, go tell my teenage self about the story I'm writing. She'll think you're crazy, and she'll wonder where the vampires are.

Sometimes I'm surprised by random lines, like there's no way I could have come up with them on my own (because Jordan is writing the book, not me, duh). There's one in particular that always comes to mind, but it involves a bad word. Well, ok. I took "whatever floats your boat" but replaced "boat" with a male body part. One of the many lines that I didn't write. And yes, I know that makes it not rhyme anymore. It still works, trust me.

My biggest surprise is actually my entire idea for Book 3. It involves something that I swore would never happen. I'm so secretive about it, which I know is silly since I haven't even published Book 1, but I am keeping this concept locked up in my brain. I did tell my husband, but he probably forgot. When I first got the idea, I thought, wait, this wasn't supposed to happen. But the more I thought about it, the more I fell in love with the idea.

So if I ever finish this book, maybe someday I'll get to that surprise book idea.

Country Music, Chest Hair, & Cupcakes

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Someone please tell me how it's July already! And how I'm still not done with this book! I am making progress, though. I finished Chapter 26! I had a staycation at the beginning of June and spent every single day (mostly) working on it all day long (mostly). Boy was it difficult! I had two super intense scenes in the same chapter because that's the kind of masochist I am. But it's done! And it's not terrible! I think? It has some killer lines. I think it has the most important line in the book. And I gave it to Jordan's mom of all people! She doesn't deserve it! She's terrible! Oh well...

So I'm winding down with this book. Too bad the ending is the hardest part to write. I'm trying not to force it, just let the ideas come to me in their own time. I know everything that has to happen in Chapter 27 so once I actually sit down and WORK ON IT it'll get done pretty quickly. I wish I could be on vacation all the time (you know, as long as I was getting paid). I think I will end up having 29 chapters. I wanted to push it to 30 to have a nice even number, but as my husband pointed out to me, the word UNEVEN is in the damn title of the book *facepalm*. Plus 29 feels like such an uncomfortable number to me. It's perfect! 

Anyhoo, moving on to this month's optional question: What personal traits have you written into your character(s)?

Oh! This is a fun one! So I pretty much have nothing in common with Jordan. Maybe that's why I like writing him so much. We really are polar opposites. But in a book where pretty much everything has some sort of hidden or symbolic meaning, I've found that Jordan has a few random dislikes just because they're things I dislike, like country music and chest hair. I just don't like these things. I couldn't force Jordan to like them. I'm sure there are other things that I dislike that Jordan could like or dislike, but these were the only ones that came up in the story. 

My second most important character, Tom, bakes a lot, which is definitely something I like to do. This may be a chicken and egg situation, though. I did take a cake decorating course when I was 13 so I've always been interested in baking, but my signature nowadays is definitely cupcakes. But I only got obsessed with making cupcakes after writing about a cupcake that Tom brings Jordan in Chapter 3. So being obsessed with cupcakes is just because I'm obsessed with my own book...

One of the things I would love for someone to ask me if this book is ever published and anyone actually reads it, is "are you more like Jordan or Tom?" To which I would say, "lol I'm Eric." Eric is Jordan's best friend and is a shy nervous wreck. I don't think I'm exactly like him, but I'm definitely most like him. Another thing I think we have in common is being really passionate about something (for Eric, it's music) but being terrified to share it with the world or even people we know. 

Oddly enough, it's Jordan who gets Eric out of his shell and showing off his talent. Hopefully he'll do the same for me. You know...if we can FINISH THE BOOK! He's a good friend (when he wants to be) but he's a terrible muse. Don't tell him I said that...

Feeling Out an Ending

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month, I'm also a co-host (what what!). I haven't done it in so long and it's so much easier than it used to be! But I'm psychotic and since I don't have work today I want to visit as many blogs on the list as I can! Be sure to check out the other co-hosts: Diane Burton, Kim Lajevardi, Sylvia Ney, Jennifer Hawes, and Madeline Mora-Summonte! 

This months optional question is: Of all the genres you read and write, which is your favorite to write in and why?

Well, ever since Jordan sunk his claws in me (sorry not sorry), all of my other story ideas have also been LGBT. Although it hasn't been a lot of ideas, honestly (Shiny New Story and Shiny New Story: Fantasy Edition are pretty much it). Jordan hogs all of the attention. I've always gotten more attached to a character or a particular story idea than a genre. And it usually takes me a loooooooooooong time to finish! Don't ask about the fantasy novel I started when I was 14, rewrote twice, worked on several sequels & prequels, and then gave up on.

Jordan wants me to say that HE is my favorite genre ever. He's not wrong.

Anyhoo, moving on...

I am slowly, slowly chipping away at Chapter 26. It's ok that it's taking a while, really, because it's a very complicated chapter. I think even after I finish it, I'll have to give it some time and go back through it again. Maybe after the whole book is done. But since this is basically a brand new scene, I don't really expect to get it perfectly polished like I've done with the earlier chapters in the book. 

Well, once 26 is done, I know exactly what happens next in the story. Woohoo! I'm wrapping up my second subplot in Chapter 27. It may run into 28 as well. I'll see when I get there how long it is and if it needs to be broken up. So then all that's left to do is to end the main plot! 

Oh, if only that were easy. I've always known the ending to my book, and I feel like it's the right ending to the story, but I think I have a hard time explaining *why* it's the right ending. I mean, it's not exactly an ending that readers would want. I don't think that makes for a bad ending, though. As long as it feels right for the story, it should work, even if it's disappointing. Right? Maybe disappointing isn't the right word. I think it's a realistic ending. 

Basically, I can think of two ideal outcomes for my characters' relationship, being either they break if off before something extreme happens, or they stay together forever. I find the first idea boring, and the second one very unrealistic. The ending that actually happens isn't something I can see anyone rooting for, but I think it feels right for these characters. But I also worry if the ending I chose is predictable. There are a few mini twists here and there leading up to it, but I don't think anyone will be extremely surprised that it turns out this way. 

I don't know, maybe it all depends on how good of a job I do writing it. If it feels right, and I can pull it off in the right way, then ultimately it'll be the right ending. 

Oh, well, I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it. I've still got a little ways to go. I think finishing this book will feel super weird, actually, since I've been working on it FOREVER. I won't know what to do with myself. 

How do you know when an ending is right?