Hey, So...I Lied...

Ok, maybe not lied, exactly. More like jumped the gun. Which I tend to do. But hear me out. I worked eleven straight hours yesterday, no breaks, no food. Just brief drinks of water while walking very fast. I didn't even make it home in time to call my mom before she went to bed. So today I still had to run around to find a Mother's Day present (I'm a procrastinator. You should know this by now.) and then drive for forty-five minutes and spend the whole day with my mom and sister. So now, I get home and I'm all set to start writing my blog (except my boyfriend got himself a coffee and not one for me), and suddenly it's the only time that we have to go see Iron Man 3. Well then. Off we go.

So come back on Wednesday for Part Three to my Visualize Your Characters series. I'll probably have better ideas by then anyway.

Visualize Your Characters, Part Two

We all know how important it is to give a proper description for your characters. If you don’t, your reader will have a hard time picturing what is happening to them, or they might create their own idea of what your characters look like (and you wouldn’t want that, now would you?). The real problem isn’t why you want to give a decent physical description, it’s when and how. You want the descriptions to fit in flawlessly with the rest of your prose. You want to introduce your characters in a way that fits in with your narrative.

To demonstrate what I feel is necessary in order to describe your characters properly, I’m going to use my three main characters as examples. Bear in mind that this is the roughest of rough drafts, but while the writing certainly isn’t flawless, I think the main points are there. So I’ll be able to describe when a character is describing himself, someone he's just met, and someone he's known all his lives. You’ll want to approach each character in a different way—what do we need to know about their appearance to get a good picture of them? If you’re writing in first person (which I do), how are these traits noticeable or important to your narrator?

One of the hardest things to do is to have a first person narrator describe him or herself. If you think about it, the narrator is basically talking to the reader, and if you were talking to somebody, would you start describing yourself? No, because that person would be looking right at you. So the narrator/reader relationship is slightly different. This is why it gets tricky. You want your narrator to be clear, but you don’t want the description to seem forced. And for the love of God, don’t have them stand in front of a mirror describing themselves. Don’t just work with your character; work with the story. Find a spot in your narrative where it works and doesn’t seem random. I snuck in Jordan’s description while he and his friends are talking about girls. He starts thinking about why girls find him attractive, which he finds hilarious because no one knows that he’s actually gay.

I don’t really know why I was hot. I guess you’ve got some girls that like muscular guys, you know, with lickable abs. But then some girls go for skinny guys. They all like tall guys, of course, and I wasn’t a giant or anything but I had my growth spurt at thirteen. And I didn’t really think the girls were going crazy over my brown eyes, or short, light brown hair…I guess it had to be my face. I’ve got high cheekbones and a smile that can kill. Plus a complexion that girls would be jealous of—I’ve probably had about three zits in my entire life. So I wasn’t drooling over myself in the mirror or anything, but I understood.

It’s probably the easiest for a first person narrator to point out their best features. He sort of glazes over most of his description, comparing himself to other guys, but then points out what he thinks actually makes him attractive. Like I said in my first post, it’s all about the character. Jordan is cocky, so he’s going to emphasize his good traits, and not even downplay his mediocre ones. But if your narrator is an insecure teenage girl, she might talk about how she hates her nose or can never get her hair right.

While having the narrator describe himself might be difficult, the easiest part is probably when he meets someone new. You get to see this character along with the narrator for the first time. Think about when you meet someone, like a classmate or a new coworker. You’ll notice their most striking features right away—red hair, bright blue eyes, an unusual way of dressing. But you’ll also be taking in their whole appearance, trying to memorize what they look like while remembering their name. When describing a new character, you’ll also want your narrator to respond internally. If they’re repulsed by the way the person smells or their crooked teeth, then they’ll be thinking mostly about that. If they find this person attractive, they’ll be thinking about that while trying to act calm and collected. And they’ll probably be taking in more detail. When Jordan first meets his math tutor, Tom, he immediately takes in every detail of his appearance because he is struck by it:

That smile nearly knocked me on my ass. He was definitely older, maybe around thirty. I couldn’t be sure. Just a bit taller than me, and skinny but not a twig. He had dark hair, almost black—a bit long but brushed out of his face, falling back in delicate waves down to his ears. And these blue eyes—I mean, I could have just died right there.

The thing I like about this is that Jordan tends to see people in comparison to himself—older, taller, etc. Always keep your character’s attitude in mind. Your reader doesn’t necessarily have to agree with your narrator’s perception, but they have to believe it. If he’s attracted to the person he meets, make it striking. Make him notice everything about this person and understand why he feels this way.

When it comes to somebody your narrator already knows, it’s a tricky balance. Like himself, he already knows what this person looks like. You probably want these descriptions to be brief—let the reader know what this person looks like but don’t make it a page long, glorifying every detail (unless say, your narrator is secretly in love with his best friend whom he’s known for years). While this person isn’t going to stand out to your narrator, he will notice things that are different or impressive—like a new haircut or a nice outfit. When Jordan describes his mother, he once again relates her to his own appearance, but mostly notices how she dresses, because it’s part of who she is:

Mom looked a lot like me—you know, a tiny stick of a thing—but with boobs. Since she was always working, she was always in some tight little dress or skirt with her hair pulled back. Today was no different. She threw her purse on the counter and started rummaging through it. When I stood next to her she stopped and looked up at me, crinkling her eyebrows. “When did you get taller than me?”

You can add in little details that work within the scene so that they are noticed but don’t stand out like a sore thumb. I could have had Jordan say that he was taller than his mother, but worked it into the scene instead. Rather than a passing thought, it asks questions about their relationship, like, why is she just noticing this now? How often do they see each other? There are a million little ways you can work in these sorts of details. Just look at your story and figure out where they fit in.

About halfway through this I decided there needs to be a Part Three. So come back on Monday for more about keeping descriptions fresh and maintaining them throughout your book. And probably some other things. :) 

Visualize Your Characters, Part One

Have you ever played the Sims? If you’re also a writer, I’d be willing to bet money that you’ve played it as one of your characters. It’s a fun little indulgence. But isn’t the best part crafting your character before you even start the game? You get to pick every tiny detail, down to the shape of their nose and what they wear for pajamas. While it may not be perfect, (I couldn’t get Jordan’s hair quite right. And what do you mean a teenager can’t be in a relationship with an adult? Sheesh.) it’s pretty damn close. Then your character gets to frolic around town wreaking havoc (or just fishing a lot). It can be a lot of fun.

When you’re picturing what your characters look like, how do you decide? Do you plan out every tiny detail of their appearance, or does it just come to you? You want your readers to be able to visualize your characters. So the first step is that you have to be able to visualize them.

I’m having a difficult time truly picturing one of the characters for my side project. Other than the fact that he has green eyes and is just a little chubby, I can’t really picture him. His face isn’t clear, his hair, how he dresses. Nothing. And while this sort of predicament can be frustrating, it isn’t the end of the world. I truly believe in letting the characters speak for themselves, rather than forcing them to be what you want them to be. Sure, you could come up with a quick description, and if you don’t like it, you can always change it. But if your character is constantly changing, does he feel real to you? Or does he feel contrived?

Every character is different. You may be able to see them perfectly in your mind before you get the first word down, or you may have to start your story with your characters being blurry ghosts that haven’t fully developed yet. It took a very long time before Jordan was clear to me, probably over a month after I had finished the initial short story. His love interest, on the other hand, was clear to me in the very first scene I wrote him in. I really have no idea why. Maybe because it’s easier for a narrator to describe someone else rather than himself (more on this in my next post!). Maybe my characters are just finicky.

But how do you decide on what your characters look like? You want them to look like real people. You want there to be differences between them, like not having all of them have brown hair (Whoops. I may have done that. But there are like a million shades of brown…). And unless you’re writing romance, you probably don’t want to have your hero be a tall, muscular god who can easily lift the petite, long, flowing-haired beauty into his arms. Appearances have to work for the story as well as the characters. If your character is awkward, maybe he can have an awkward appearance. If he's confident and self-centered, he's probably good-looking. 

You can have fun with it, too. I’m a full supporter of geeking out when it comes to people who look like your characters. I once saw a boy on the subway that looked just like Jordan and had to seriously restrain myself from taking a picture of him. And I know there are plenty of authors who come up with dream casting for their books, which I feel can be a good and bad thing. But if a book is made into a movie, isn’t it hard to read the book without picturing the characters as the actors? I don’t think this is a bad thing. It really helps make the characters, and thus the entire book, more concrete as you read. If it helps you to see your characters better, then go for it. Just try not to get too attached, or realize that one of your characters looks like an actor you already like and become even more obsessed (not that I’ve done that or anything). But still, it’s a fun thing to do, like playlists or playing the Sims.

Come back on Friday for Part Two, where I’ll attempt to explain how to describe your characters.

Read What You Write

If you ask advice about how to better yourself as a writer, most likely anyone will tell you that you have to read. You’d be hard pressed to find a writer who didn’t love to read. That’s probably what started us all on this crazy path they call being a writer. A love of words, and so, a love of books. So, of course you should read. But what?

I went through a phase (when I worked at a book store and got a decent discount) where I bought dozens of writing reference books. The how-to’s of dialogue, first pages, characters, plot, etc., etc. They accumulated in piles on my bedroom floor once the bookcase was full. And while I never read one in its entirety, I would pick them at random (or if I was having a specific issue) and skim through, searching for answers. And if I’m being honest, I didn’t find any. Sometimes advice is good, but those sorts of books aren’t going to tell you how to write your book. Only you can do that.

But that’s not to say you can’t seek out some kind of influence. When I used to write ridiculous, Gothic fantasies, my favorite writer hands down was Anne Rice. I adored The Vampire Chronicles. But it’s sort of like the chicken and the egg. Which came first? Did I write vampire stories because I loved to read them, or did I read them because I already wanted to write them?

Nowadays I struggle to name a favorite author, even a favorite book. I’ll occasionally jump on the bandwagon and read something that everyone else is reading, like The Hunger Games or the Millennium trilogy. I sometimes try to read poetry or short stories, but I crave novels more than anything. I don’t read nearly as much as I should, mostly because I’d rather be writing in my limited spare time.

But it should come as no surprise, really, that in the past couple of years I’ve been reading a lot of gay fiction. Obviously this time the writing came first. But I do find it interesting that I still crave to read the same genre as whatever it is I’m writing. I think it’s more than just being aware of how your genre works. It’s almost like wanting to be around people with whom you have things in common. If you like to write a certain genre, chances are you like to read it as well.

Of course, there’s the possibility for overkill. You want to absorb the influence of the books you read, but in the end, your work should stand on its own. There’s a chance you may get discouraged, if you start thinking that every idea has been done before. But you still have a story to tell. The most important thing I take away from reading is the drive to write. Sometimes I can’t get through a page without my thoughts drifting off into my own story. And that’s perfectly fine. That book will still be there when I close my laptop. 

Unleash the Ideas

Occasionally Jordan bothers me with tales of his various sexual escapades. It’s not really a problem, because it helps me to understand and develop his character more, even if these events occur in the future beyond the scope of my novel. But the funny thing is that I rarely write them down. They’re usually just silly little fantasies.

Here’s the problem: if I don’t write something down, and think about it enough that I can really visualize it, then it never stops bothering me. No matter how much time goes by, they always come back to haunt me. But if I do write them down, then I stop thinking about them.

So I’ve put the book aside for a quick recess to write a cute little short story. There’s no purpose to it, really. It’s just about one of Jordan’s relationships about a year after the book takes place. And I’m writing half of it from his point of view, and half from his love interest’s (multiple POVs? What is this madness?!). Why am I doing this? Really, it’s just for fun.

I’m all for giving in to indulgences when it comes to writing. I have pages and pages of ideas that will probably never be used for anything, but the joy I got from writing them down makes it worth it. Usually writing these sorts of things reinvigorates my drive to write in general. Plus, if I’m distracted by some random idea, how can I get back to my actual work until that idea is out of my head?

It took me a couple months to finally make the decision to write this story down. I just couldn’t ignore it any longer. But I almost simultaneously made a decision to write down an idea I’ve had in my head for years. It’s completely insane, but I’m going to commit to it. Let me start by saying I love, love, love musicals. I would love to write one, but I don’t have a drop of musical talent in my body. And for some crazy reason, sometimes I concoct an idea for a musical based around a CD that I own. Usually it’s just a fleeting idea, but I’ve had a concept for Fall Out Boy’s Folie À Deux for a few years now (Yes, I like Fall Out Boy. Leave me alone.), and every time I listen to a song from that album, I see the ideas playing out in my head. So I figured, why not? If nothing else, I can get the ideas out of my head, and get some practice in script writing while I’m at it. It’s nuts, I know, but I just feel like it’s something I have to do. These ideas will just nag and nag at me until I do something about it.

If you let the ideas build up in your head, then it just might drive you crazy. Not everything has to be a masterpiece. It doesn’t even have to be shared with anyone else. It can be completely for you. You’re going to get something out of it, even if it’s something small. 

The Most Anti-Climactic Drum-roll, Please!

Well, I thought I'd share some news with my readers. I just found out that I did not advance to the final round of the contest I had entered. I'm not thrilled, of course, but I'm not devastated, either. I spent the past two months fretting over all the things that I thought were wrong with my manuscript, so much so that I was probably over-thinking it. So I guess I'm just glad to be out of the insecurity limbo.

Plus, this was the first thing I ever tried to do with my novel, and it's not even finished yet. Of course I was going to fail! It's the harsh reality of the publishing world. But it's certainly no reason to get discouraged. I just have to keep writing until I can't find anything to nitpick anymore. Then maybe there won't be any more insecurity, only optimism.

Fun Facts: I Wish...

Time for another round of ramblings! It's better than nothing, right? Tonight's edition is a list of things that I wish for, some big, some small. Some have to do with writing, others don't. But it was fun.

I wish…

• I could eliminate 98% of my social awkwardness. I think 2% is good for being quirky and adorable, don’t you? 
• Writing burned lots and lots of calories. 
• I was more stylish. 
• I had 20/20 vision. Or like, 30 pairs of glasses. Because, you know…STYLISH. 
• I had an apartment with two rooms. 
• I hated cheesecake. But I don’t. I really don’t. 
• That my book will be turned into a movie and I get to write the screenplay and I get my dream cast and we all win Oscars! Totally realistic, right? 
• I could make friends more easily. And also had a real life gay best friend. That’s probably why I created one to live in my head… 
• I had a library like Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady. 
• I didn’t look horrible in every single picture of myself. I mean, every. Single. One. 
• That I could change at least one person’s life with my writing. 

Well, that's it (for now). What sorts of things do you wish for?

The Formula Playlist...oh yeah, and a title, or something...

For today's Muse Mondays post, I thought I'd share some inspiration that I'm sure most writers can relate to: music. We'd probably go insane without it. While silence is golden when you're actually trying to write, it can also drive you nuts if it goes on for too long. So what do you fill that silence with? Not something that will distract, but inspire.

I'm an absolute nut for playlists. I've been making them for my books since I was thirteen. It's a lot of fun to come across a song that you can relate to your own writing. It can help you understand what your characters are feeling. And when choosing songs for your playlist, you don't have to limit yourself to the viewpoint of just one character, even if you only write from that character's point of view. And if you get stuck, listening to the songs you've picked can help inspire you to keep going.

So I thought I'd share my playlist for my book. I was just going to list the songs, but through the magic of Spotify, you can also listen to them if you'd like.

But first! I've decided to share the title for my WIP. It's called The Formula (I'd italicize but since I haven't even finished yet, it seems a bit strange). This was just my placeholder title for the contest entry, but it's been growing on me. Sort of like an arranged marriage, I'm gradually growing to love it. I plucked it out of my fifth chapter, when my characters are trying to decide what to do with their attraction for one another: "This was a lot like a math problem--there was one precise answer that was going to make everything work. All I was missing was the formula." Hey, I can make math work symbolically, too.

Well, I hope you enjoy the playlist. Since I have to go to work now for almost twelve hours, I would absolutely love it if somebody got to.

Pasta Murder, or, Cannibalism Symbolism

I had this dream once where my characters were partaking in cannibalism. So instead of deciding what sort of sexual act would be appropriate, it was more like, “Well, if I just slice off some of your leg, it won’t kill you, so let’s do that.” When I woke up, I was horrified and confused, and slightly nauseated. I mean, I love dreaming about my characters, but then it finally happens and this is what I get?

It took me a few months to realize that my subconscious was, as usual, way ahead of me. And if I’m going to be honest, I’ve had a mild fascination with cannibalism since I was little. There’s something sexual about it, even though the realistic thought of it nauseates me. So what if I think of it symbolically? If I boiled it down, my book is about food and hunger and sex and consumption. Suddenly I realized that my dream wasn’t really that off track.

I’m crazy about symbolism. But I love it even more when it’s so ridiculously subtle that most of my readers won’t even get it. I know, it’s weird, but I like that sort of ambiguity. That’s exactly what I wanted to do when I decided to use cannibalism as symbolism in my novel. Ok, bear with me. One of my characters is a cook and a repressed ephebophile (like a pedophile, but attracted to post-pubescent teenagers). And the other is basically offering himself up in exchange for getting the things that he wants. He exchanges sexual favors for food, so he puts himself on the same level as food, as something being consumed. Genius, right?! You can say crazy; it’s ok.

The hard part is figuring out how to work in this sort of symbolism. One of my favorite lines that I’ve written is, “Of course, if I got a taste, then he got one, too.” But I have to go beyond just some random little quips. Since I’m constantly writing about food, I figured I could parallel these ideas of hunger and consuming—not just how they relate to food, but to sexuality.

And so…food equals murder.

Before my characters have their first kiss, one of them is making pasta from scratch—the idea being that he is as careful and delicate with his ingredients as he eventually is with my narrator once they become intimate. But once dinner is ready, the narrator sees the vibrant red tomato sauce and thinks of blood spattered against a wall. Then as he eats, he uses words like “severed” and “stabbing” and “attacked.” To most readers, this might go unnoticed—he’s just really hungry. But to some it might seem like a violent, animalistic moment. And honestly, either way is fine with me.

I can’t help myself when I get an idea I love. I just run with it. Even if it only makes sense to me.

 My actual notes from editing the pasta scene. :)

Why You Should Write Every Day

Aaaaaand we're back for another Muse Monday! I've been thinking a lot lately about the balance between inspiration, motivation, and focus. You really need all three to get anything done. But sometimes it's hard to work through the fog of limited time and self-doubt. Sometimes you lose that motivation. How can you get it back?

I have a new goal for myself, and it's a very simple one: write something every day. It's not a huge, daunting goal. I'm not setting any word counts here. Because I realized that while making progress with your work is important, it isn't always what's going to motivate you.

I think writing every day is important for two reasons: keeping the creative energy alive and having a sense of accomplishment. If you go days without fueling your creative outlet, doesn't it just drain you of something? It can leave you feeling depressed and less willing to work on your writing at all. If you're a creative person, then you have to feed that energy. How can you be yourself if you don't?

Just writing anything can help you feel more accomplished, even if it's just a little bit. You can still say that you got something done, and hopefully that will generate more motivation for the next day. How many times have you said, "oh, I'll get something done tomorrow," and when tomorrow comes, you're saying the same thing? You've got to break yourself of that cycle in order to get anything done.

Don't overexert yourself. Just--for the love of God--write! It can be a note, a scribble, a thought. Anything. Just get it down.

When You're Just Not Feeling It...

I've been in such a rut. Ever since I finished my contest entry, it's been hard to focus on any writing. I thought maybe I just needed a break, but since I can never stop thinking about my writing, it was hard to take a real one. But every time I opened up the laptop and stared at the contents of my flash drive, I found myself just reading my work and not actually adding anything to it. This is fine--sometimes--because you really should enjoy your own writing, but I was craving progress.

Even when I felt the itch to write, I couldn't focus enough on one particular moment to work on. Nothing interested me. Even all of my ideas for blog posts or poems that had seemed so intriguing a week before left me with a blah feeling. So that's when I realized....I just wasn't feeling it.

It's going to happen from time to time, when you just don't want to write, or you don't know what to write. Don't fight it. It will only lead to more frustration. I think one way to cure this is to indulge. Write something pointless. This was how my sequel came about. I like to picture my characters after the story is over. Or don't write at all. Sit on your bed for hours stuffing your face and watching Netflix (Did I do that all day yesterday? Perhaps.).

Another option is to visualize. You don't have to commit to any writing, but keep thinking about your work. Maybe it will help you figure something out. It might even lead to words forming in your mind. But don't be disappointed if it doesn't. The important thing is just to keep the story alive in your mind. And if you're in love with your story, this will be a form of indulgence, too.

The most important thing is: don't panic! This has happened before, and it will happen again. You've just got to find your own way of getting through it.

Writer's Block Pie

Welcome to the first installment of Food Fridays! Where my love of food and cooking meets my love of writing, because, well, a good chunk of my WIP is about food. It's funny because while I love cooking, I'm really not that good at it. But I try.

This first little vignette has been long overdue, months--a couple years, even. Because I sort of have this obsession with reenacting the food moments from my book. The first chapter ends with Jordan eating an entire key lime pie in one sitting (come on, you could do it, too, if you were a teenage boy). The whole point of this scene is to show him giving in to a private, animalistic side. The food becomes symbolic for a sort of hunger for life.

But anyway, the book isn't what's important here. It's the pie. Because this scene has existed from the book's very first incarnation, and since I'm completely insane about these things, it was only natural for me to make the signature pie. But for the longest time, I didn't make it.

I don't know why I put it off for so long. Maybe it was too important. Maybe I just didn't want to screw it up. But finally, last June, I decided to do it. I was having an enormous case of writer's block, and needed a way to break it. I was completely convinced that making this pie would instantly cure my writer's block the moment I took the first bite. There was no question in my mind about it.

Here's the major problem: I live in a tiny studio apartment with a tiny oven and barely any counter space. My oven doesn't even tell me when it's done preheating. But I had a mission, dammit, and I was going to accomplish it. Making the pie wasn't hard, but once it got in the oven, it was out of my hands. And when it was supposed to be done, well, it wasn't. The center wasn't cooking as fast as it should have, but while I was forced to leave the pie in the oven, the crust started to overcook. Eventually I had to make the decision that it was good enough and took it out.

Next was the meringue, which, in all honesty, I shouldn't have tackled in the first place. It took forever to beat the egg whites to the right consistency. And then about the second after I placed it under the broiler, it started to burn. I got it out in enough time so that it wasn't a total disaster, but I still felt like a complete failure. This was supposed to be a great homage to my book and a cure to my devastating writer's block. And all I had was a slightly burnt pie.

But I wasn't completely giving up hope. In true obsessive fashion, I attacked the pie with a fork, because that's they way it happens in the book (slices are for weaklings). I gave a second fork to my boyfriend, because I sure as hell couldn't do it on my own. We ate straight from the center, and while it wasn't the greatest thing I've ever eaten, it was pretty decent.

I know what you're wondering. Did my magical pie cure the writer's block? OF COURSE NOT. You probably knew that from the very beginning. It would be great if pie could cure writer's block. But really the only thing that cures it is effort--effort in writing or just eliminating self-doubt.

But still, it had to be done. And I'll probably do it again. Hopefully with better results.

The Procrastination Solution

I was going to title this post “How to Deal with Deadlines,” but I realized I actually don’t have the answer to this problem. I’m by no means a professional writer, and don’t have experience in meeting a deadline for a manuscript or article. And setting goals for myself never goes very well. However, since last week I had to finish a novel draft for a contest deadline, I was having flashbacks to high school and college when I would always wait until the last minute to get something done. While I wouldn’t recommend procrastination if you have no experience—if you’re good at getting things done early, more power to you—I do have some tips for the amateurs and even the most skilled of procrastinators.

1. It’s all about PRESSURE. What’s more likely to light a fire under your ass than the fact that you absolutely have no choice but to get your work done? It’s either get it done or fail, or you may even lose money or integrity if this is a professional piece. So what else can you do when you have only a few hours left? Pressure leads to greater concentration. 
2. Make a sacrifice to the caffeine gods. Who needs sleep when you’ve got all this great writing to do? The more sleep-deprived you are, the crazier you are, and so your ideas could be more interesting! You know what? Skip the quadruple shot latte and invest in an IV that drips espresso.
3. Commercial breaks. Sometimes concentrating too much on one thing can be overwhelming. Maybe there’s a marathon of your favorite TV show on at the same time you’re doing your work. The mute button is now your best friend. You can turn it into a game and see how much work you can get done during one commercial break before you can relax for a few minutes and watch your favorite detectives solve a murder.
4. Take a shower. I figured this one out in high school. When the ideas weren’t coming together, I’d take a break and hop in the shower to wash my hair. There are no distractions and you can be alone with your thoughts. I would always have some sort of epiphany under the hot water.
5. Don’t panic. Don’t bother asking yourself WHY you waited so long to do this. That’s irrelevant now and it probably won’t make a difference the next time. Don’t fight your nature. You were born a procrastinator and you’ll probably stay that way. Just fight onward! Every time you’re successful will just reinforce the fact that you were right to procrastinate in the first place.

I’m sorry, I have no idea how serious I was trying to be anymore. Maybe I shouldn’t have put this off until nine o’clock…

To Write or Edit?

So the good news is that on Friday, I completed my contest submission (much thanks to my muse for putting up with depression and PMS to get through it). I sent in the first fifty pages of my novel about two hours shy of the deadline, along with a painstakingly crafted outline—you know how I hate those.

Now the only question is: what do I do now? My editing process brought me through the first five chapters (after completely cutting Chapter Two) out of the eleven I had written. So do I plow onward with the editing, or jump back to Chapter Twelve? It’s a tough decision. I feel as though I’ve been avoiding the next chapter for a while, and not just because of the contest, but because I know it will be difficult to write. A huge part of me just wants to pick up where I left off and finish the book, and finally have a complete first draft.

On the other hand, it makes more sense to keep editing. If I move into the final round of this contest, I’ll need to submit the next fifty pages as well, probably sometime in June. Wouldn’t it be easier just to have it done already, just in case?

Also, I’ve been so focused on the beginning of the book that it might be a little weird to jump ahead. I’ve gotten into a groove with the voice and tone, and to write a part where my characters are at a different stage of their relationship might be a little odd. I might want to get through what I’ve already written and edit it to how I want it to be, then when I start writing again, what needs to happen and how the characters should act will be much clearer.

Plus—bonus! The next chapter I would have to edit includes the scene when my characters (finally) have their first kiss. Which I just love. Side note—is it totally wrong of me to think my characters are adorable? Am I some kind of sick pervert? Or do I just spend WAY too much time with them?

Anyway, I think the answer is clear. It might be a little unconventional, but I think the universe (and muse) is telling me to edit what I already have first. Who knows, it may make writing the second half of the book even easier, because I’ll have a better perspective on what I want the book to be as a whole.

It’s always important to follow your instincts, and just see what you get from it. 

The Power of Focus

It’s hard to say who has a shorter attention span, me or Jordan. It’s actually a big point in the first few chapters of my book how distracted he gets, even though sometimes he’s faking it. So you can imagine that he doesn’t exactly provide full-time inspiration. And me? I take forever to get the creative process going. I have to listen to music, then sit in silence (if there aren’t sirens or blaring music from the church across the street or my neighbors aren’t screaming), and then when I finally get a few sentences down, my stomach starts growling. And since I can’t write and eat, I’ll turn on the TV and then get sucked in to watching it for hours and hours and what was I trying to do in the first place? Writing?!

It’s difficult to stay focused, even when I’m desperate to get something done. Sometimes I wish I could get some sort of tunnel vision where all I can see is my laptop and I can’t hear anything from the outside world.

Focus is different from inspiration. Inspiration is what makes you want to write; it’s where you get your ideas from. Sometimes it can be completely out of your control. Focus is what you need after you already have your inspiration. You need to pull from a lot of things in order to have the right focus—inspiration, yes, but also motivation and will power. It’s easy to get distracted by everyday things, but also by the big picture sort of things. If you start worrying about how you’re going to succeed and get your book published before you’ve even finished the first chapter, then you’ve already lost focus. You don’t want to get too ahead of yourself, get too distracted by life and lose that wonderful inspiration that made you start this to begin with.

Just keep your attention on the task at hand. Find out what works for you. You may have a nice, quiet space where you do your writing. If you write better with a notebook or a computer, don’t try to force yourself to do the opposite. I once thought it might be a good idea to go to the beach with a notebook, but since my muse likes to provide digital inspiration, I couldn’t get out a single word. Find a song or two that gets you in the right mood, or reflects whatever scene you’re working on. Or read a passage of a book that inspires you. But once you’re finished honing all this great inspiration, it’s time to focus on your work, your writing. Don’t let the outside world, or even your own doubts, ruin your concentration.

And if you have to shoo the cat away, then so be it. 

Challenge Results: How I Crashed and Burned

I was going to push this until around midnight, but I since I already feel like going to bed...

I'm not going to make excuses (WORK! IT WAS WORK! Also, it took me all day yesterday to write one scene. Do you know how difficult it is to have your characters flirt while writing a geometric proof?), but obviously, and not surprisingly, I did not even come close to my 20 page goal. The final count: 7 1/2 pages. So not even half.

Which isn't to say that all the effort got me nowhere. I finished two chapter revisions and I have 28 out of the 50 pages I need for the contest entry. I feel good about where these revisions are going and the consistency in the voice. I feel more motivation now than when I was about halfway through the book.

I guess the moral of the story is that it's good to challenge yourself. But also, don't hold yourself to too high of a standard. It's ok once in a while to set a goal that you know you won't reach, just because you'll work so hard and end up getting a lot done in the process. But doing this over and over again can lead to a lot of disappointment, and you may lose your motivation altogether.

So, yes, challenge yourself. But don't be ridiculous.

Challenge Check-In #2

Ok, I just got off a 10 hour shift, so I'll keep this brief. I'm on the verge of passing out. Plus my boyfriend will NOT stop talking to me.

As of tonight, I'm at 4 1/4 pages. I know, it's abysmal. I spent more time yesterday watching YouTube videos on geometric proofs than I did writing. But hey, you gotta do research.

So it's crunch time! I'm hoping to get at least 10 pages done tomorrow, then finish up on Friday night.

Bring on the coffee!

Challenge Check-In #1

So, how am I doing with the challenge? I worked a double today (blech!) so here's a quick summary.

The bad news: I only have two and a half pages done out of twenty.

The good news: I have most of the day tomorrow before work to get some writing done.

The better news: I have ALL of Thursday off.

The worse news: I'm working another double on Wednesday. Gotta love school vacation week!

The worst news: Still no title.

The best news: Since the contest entry I'm working on is double spaced and my challenge is single spaced, by finishing the challenge, I'll have the entry done.

The news of impending doom: I have to do laundry tomorrow.

The Muse-iversary Challenge

I really hope two is my lucky number.

So today marks the two year anniversary of when I first started my work in progress. Two ridiculous, insanity filled years. And I don't have much to show for it besides a whole lot of ideas and several unfinished Word documents. Of course when I started, I didn't realize how much this little idea was going to change everything.

There's also two weeks left until the deadline for the contest I'm hoping to enter. I have eleven pages done out of the fifty I need. Plus I need to outline the entire novel. And come up with a title, which I obviously haven't been able to do for two years.

I've come to realize that while I certainly don't lack passion, I have a problem with motivation. I get distracted easily. I struggle through scenes. But there was a time when it was a lot easier.

I've decided to challenge myself. When I first started this, I busted out a nineteen-page short story in just a week. I haven't had that sort of drive ever since. I’ve worried that I’m chasing a high I’ll never feel again. So I want to recreate it. I want to force myself to write that fast, to turn my passion into motivation, and thus into words on the page. So over the course of the next week, I'm going to keep track of my writing. And I want to beat my first record. By next Friday, I'm hoping to write twenty pages. If I can grasp that drive I once felt, maybe I can hold onto it, then get the fifty pages done, then the entire first draft, and so on...

This may seem like a measly task to some, but on some days I struggle just to get one page done. I think a challenge may be just the sort of kick start I need. Planning and outlining are usually my downfall, but in this case, I'm trying to rekindle what I started two years ago. To be unstoppable.

So I'll be checking in on Monday and Wednesday with my page counts and what has been working or not. Then hopefully, on Friday, I'll be able to say that I was successful.

And happy anniversary to my darling muse. I know you don't care. <3

The First Line

Every story has a beginning. More specifically, every written story has a first line that sends the reader into the world of that story. Like me, you’ve probably read from dozens of books or blogs that state just how important it is to have a well-crafted first line. While this is certainly true, if you focus too much on making it perfect, especially in a first draft, you could be headed for disaster. Or even a broken heart.

I’m going to say something that I didn’t even realize I believed until I started writing this. The first line isn’t as important as people make it out to be. Think about some of your favorite books. Do you remember the first lines off the top of your head? Probably not. But at the same time, if you look back at those books and read the first lines, they’ll most likely resonate with you. So while it isn’t necessarily going to make or break your whole novel, it is important.

The first line is a fickle creature. You need the perfect balance of vagueness and intrigue. You don’t want to give away the whole novel in the first line, but you do want to give away enough to make the reader curious. It can be simple, but not dull. Sometimes a simpler sentence will be more intriguing than a complicated one. And it will be a jumping off point for the next few paragraphs or pages, where you will have more space to expand your ideas and themes.

Once you have that first line written, keep going with your story, but every so often go back and see if the first line is still a good fit. Even if you think it’s perfect, take another look. Because while writing the first line can be difficult, rewriting it can be even harder. If you leave it alone and move on, you become used to it, and thus attached to it. You won’t see any other way of starting your novel besides that one sentence. So when it comes time to really edit, you’ll be incapable of seeing its flaws. Because to you, it’s already perfect.

Let me explain more about the attachment. I’m in an interesting situation because of a contest I’m looking to enter for novels-in-progress. I’m just over halfway through my work-in-progress, but now I’m forced to go back and edit from the beginning in order to submit the first fifty pages. So it’s kind of like draft 1.5. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but I feel I have time to make it better from what I already have.

So of course, the first thing I looked at was the first line. When I adapted the first chapter from the short story I wrote, I didn’t change the first line. This could have been a huge mistake, except for the fact that I already wasn’t satisfied with it, just didn’t know how to improve it at the time. I’ve had this experience before, where I became so attached to the first line of a novel I rewrote twice, that when I looked back on it, it didn’t seem to make sense anymore. But at the same time, I felt that I couldn’t change it. How could I possibly change it when this had been the only way to open the story for the three years I had been working on it?

This time around I approached it differently. What I focused more on was what the words were saying, and not how they were saying it. The idea behind it was more important than the phrasing. Here is the original first line as I had written it:

            I started failing geometry right around the time that I stopped liking girls.

I knew that these two details were important to the first line. Creating a sort of parallel between them seemed important to start the story off, because by the end of the chapter, my narrator has a crush on his male math tutor, which is the jumping off point for the entire story. So the context was never a problem, but I was never satisfied with the wording. It seemed a bit clumsy and also didn’t provide a proper insight into his character. Here is how I rewrote it:

            I decided to fail geometry around the same time that I stopped going out with girls.

My first goal was the fix the choppy writing that existed in the first draft, which wasn’t all that difficult. But I tweaked a few things not only to make the voice clearer, but to get the reader to keep going. I wanted to make it clear that his failing is a choice from the very beginning, at the same time that he chooses to stop dating girls. Nothing is accidental for him. And hopefully, the reader will be intrigued enough to keep going, to discover why he has made these choices.

Am I done? Probably not. But like any rewriting, it’s a process. You write, then rewrite, then rewrite again. Then when you finally get published the editors may change it, too. I would advise you to constantly rewrite your first line, even if it’s just a word at a time. Or at least keep in mind that it needs to change. You may not have the right perspective until you finish the entire first draft. 

The Blame Game

I do this a lot, and I’m really sorry. I’ll blog for a while, then stop for a really long time, and then come back saying how I’m gonna do things differently. And I never follow through. There are a lot of reasons and I seem to be trying to explain them to you every few months or so. I know the muse thing is my gimmick (I say this only to keep you from thinking I’m insane, ‘cause, you know, he’s real and everything…). But I also have to take the blame for my lack of writing. It’s easy to blame the fact that you can’t write on your imaginary friend. I'll spare you all my lame excuses or a thorough plan of how I'm going to fix everything. My plan is a bit simpler this time. 

1. Stop trying to plan.

I really, really, do want to blog three times a week. And I have ideas for certain days. And I'm going to try. But if I try to schedule myself, it never works, and I just end up doing nothing. So my goal is to just write. Even if I end up rambling about nonsense for an entire post, then that's ok. 

2. Accept the muse for all his flaws. That's why I love him. 

Do you think it's easy being platonically in love with an impulsive, promiscuous little sociopath? Because it's not. But I did create him so I have to live with him. Writing my book certainly isn't going to happen without him. Imagine if you spent years on your work in progress and then suddenly had to completely change your main character? Sounds heartbreaking, doesn't it? You're probably curling up into the fetal position just thinking about it. I have no intentions of getting rid of him, and probably couldn't even if I tried. 

3. Accept my own flaws. 

Yes, I struggle with getting things done. I get depressed. I hate my job. I have no time. I have next to no self-confidence. But I wouldn't be doing this if there wasn't a reason, if I didn't feel I have a story worth telling. I've never been that good at telling my own story, but creating something out of thin air seems to be worthwhile. I've seen stories unfolding in my head since I was eight years old. I don't really understand how other people don't. 

So that's it. If I blog three times a week, or even once a week, then at least I'll be accomplishing something. And maybe by some miracle I'll get my book done. Or come up with a title. Fingers crossed.