My MC is Terrible (or, My Book Epiphany)

So, I had a bit of a book epiphany. And it wasn't that my MC (you know who) is a terrible character. It's that he's a terrible person! Well, sort of. Bear with me.

It's always felt like there was something I was missing from the end of the book, something I couldn't figure out. It always seemed weaker, almost flimsy when compared to the beginning of the book. I couldn't figure out how to get my book to the same conclusion but to keep it strong along the way. It seemed the path it wanted to take just made it less interesting.

Well, I was kind of smacked in the head with an idea. At work, of all places. Now, I can usually zone out and think about these things without stopping what I'm doing, but this idea seemed so intense that I actually paused and stared off into space while I considered it (hopefully no one saw me, I'm pretty sure my mouth fell open a few times). I know when an idea is this strong, then it's probably the right way to go.

So, the thing about my characters' relationship in the book is that it's all about structure. Every moment is planned, calculated. Actually, pretty much everything my MC does is calculated -- except when he's driven by emotion. As teenagers are apt to be. So as more emotions get involved over the course of the novel, the structure kind of falls apart. But I realized, why does this particular character lose the structure? It's not really like him at all. Sure, he can slip for a moment or two, show some emotion, even if it's just for the reader. But he should be able to come back to his senses and always see everything from a few steps ahead.

I realized this was my problem. He stopped calculating things, figuring them out, being manipulative--things that have been central to his character from the beginning. Why? It seems that the end of the book came because of a buildup of emotion and not an intense thought process. He really should see it coming, actually, he should see every moment of the book coming. If he doesn't know when things will happen, he should at least be aware that they will happen. The end of the book always seemed to come out of nowhere, but I think there needs to be a more obvious build to it. When emotions come into play, he should be more analyzing of his own, to see how he reacts in certain situations and how that fuels what he wants to do next. He can't just be a slave to his emotions because he never has been before. He needs to stay true to his character.

I think the tricky part now is that I need my MC to keep some things from the reader. I kinda want him to have a bit of a reveal at the end that he saw everything coming, that everything was planned out and not as spontaneous as it seemed. Hopefully this will make the ending more devastating for the reader *insert evil laugh*. So while maybe he wasn't 100% heartless throughout the book, the end will kind of smack everybody in the face (characters and readers included). I think I just have to find a good balance between what he's willing to share with the reader and how he's able to hide the rest.

Ok, I know that was super vague and did not make much sense. But the important thing is that I THINK I FINALLY FIGURED MY DAMN BOOK OUT. Hopefully once I write it out it will all make sense.

Ever been smacked by a book epiphany? Have you ever realized your character wasn't acting like him/herself and that was dragging the book down?

Showing off the Insecurity

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

It's a busy day so I'll spare you all my personal nonsense (mainly that my poor Gizmo is sick AGAIN and I really can't afford to go to the vet right now...wait, this isn't sparing you, is it?) and dive right in...

First up, this month's optional question is: Have you ever slipped any of your personal information into your characters, either by accident or on purpose? 

Kinda sorta. I think I sometimes create characters who are versions of myself, or who share some personality traits. Jordan's best friend, Eric, is a lot like me. He's shy and awkward, and what ends up happening to him in the book kind of reflects some things that I went through with friends in high school. But it's very, very different, too, so it's not too obvious. 

I did, however, recently come to realize something about a major character that I also recently discovered about myself (what that is may be a little TMI for this post...perhaps another day!). It kind of makes a complicated character even more complicated, but I think it actually makes sense for the way I've written him. It kind of explains any unanswered questions. But I just kinda like how it was something I discovered about myself and the character! Like I had created this trait in him that I didn't even know was in me. 

And now for something completely different...

Today is also the day for the Show Us Your Writer Insecurity contest! Don't ask me why I decided to take part, I'm the least photogenic person on the planet (why does my forehead always look 10 times bigger than it does in real life???), but here goes nothin'...

Here's what you need to know about this photo:

1. I'm rockin' the IWSG swag with my sweet new notebook and mug (I love mugs!)

2. I'm also rockin' my math leggings (aka editing pants)

3. The red binder holds the third draft of Uneven Lines (so far...still only up to Chapter 12)

4. Yup, that pen on the binder is the OG FFP (I'm not lame, I swear...)

5. Coffee is life (especially when trying to edit) 

Ok, I'm done. Big shout out to my hubby for taking this photo (and the dozens of shots taken before this one that I didn't like).

Routine? What's That?

Yikes! I haven't blogged regularly in quite some time! So it's definitely time for me to get out of vacation mode and back into the swing of things. Whatever that means. I've always been really terrible at making a routine for myself and sticking to it. I procrastinate on things that have to get done, so you can imagine what happens to the things that don't have to immediately be done (*cough* writing *cough*). Sometimes I just feel like there's not enough time in the day to do everything I need and want to do.

There's work, obviously. I really like my hours compared to my old job (they're the same every day and I get every other weekend off). I'm home every day at 2:30 so you'd think that would leave lots of time for other stuff? Well..........not as much as you'd think. Probably because my job is physically demanding. I'm just always tired. The first thing I have to do when I get home is give my cat treats (you do not want to mess with the cat's routine...). Then I usually need something to eat myself and I'll catch up on a TV show. Then maybe if I feel like getting up I'll do some dishes or some other chore. My husband gets home at 4:30 and gets us iced coffees and then we pretty much just watch TV, have dinner, then go to bed around 9 or 10.

Ok, I know the glaring thing in that routine is that I watch way too much TV. I know. Guilty. I like TV, ok? Plus, with the whole being tired thing, my brain isn't always at full capacity. I'm not sure anything I would try writing at that time would be any good. But I don't actually try, so how would I know?

There's just so much I want to get done and never have the time or energy. I want to go to the gym at least 5 days a week, but there goes at least an hour and it will leave me even more tired. I want to read more. My 100 book goal this year is DEFINITELY not happening (I'm only at 11). And obviously, there's writing. I haven't worked on UL's third draft in almost two months (did I just admit that?). And I haven't been blogging that much either. Even when I write a post, I don't get around to visiting as many other blogs as I'd like.

I really want to switch things up but I don't know where to start. I'm way behind in my writing goals for this year, too. I thought I'd be done with the third draft months ago. I really wanted to write the second book in the series for NaNoWriMo, but I just don't think I'll be ready yet for it. I thought about doing Shiny New Story instead, but I don't think that idea's developed enough, either. I still have over a month to figure it out, but if I don't make a lot of progress on UL, I probably won't want to take myself away from it, either. I've just never fully committed to NaNo and I really wanted to do it this year.

So yeah. I don't do well with routines. I can't even make myself wash my face every night, for crying out loud. But I still keep trying. Maybe I can make a routine that works.

A Surprise Genre

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

I feel like I'm having deja vu from last month's post because once again, I am so busy I barely have time to write this post! Because I'm going on another vacation in a few days. Hubby and I are going back to Las Vegas for our first wedding anniversary (today is actually our dating anniversary--ten years!). I haven't started packing. I've been preoccupied because Gizmo was sick last week with another stress related UTI (I tried to change his food to a gentle formula...big mistake!!!). He's doing much better now, but I've had to clean EVERYTHING and do so much laundry.

*deep breath*

So, needless to say, I've been doing zero writing. And of course I'll bring some work on the plane but I'll probably just end up watching TV.

I think this month I'll defer to the optional question (I don't usually like to do them because EVERYONE does *shrug* but I also liked this month's question a lot): Have you ever surprised yourself with your writing? For example, by trying a new genre you didn't think you'd be comfortable in?

OH GOOD LORD YES.

*cough*

Let me put it this way: did I anticipate finding a very strong POV voice in a slightly sociopathic gay teenage boy? GOOD LORD NO. Literally none of those things. The only part of that I was familiar with was the teenager aspect. All my other narrators had been teenage girls. Jordan was a HUGE leap from anything I'd ever written. And it was scary as hell. But sometimes you have to go with your gut.

My story and I have been through hell and back but I love it to death. And Jordan has sunk his claws so deep into my brain that all my new story ideas have gay main characters, too, and I'm just fine with that. It was weird and unexpected at first, but now it kinda makes sense to me. I found a genre that fits. Now if I could just finish writing those ideas................

I'm hoping to get back into some kind of writing/blogging routine when I'm back from my vacation. I need to finish this damn book, after all.