01 September 2014

Jordan Takes Over, with Special Guest: ME!

Ok, ok, I take full blame for this one. When Heather M. Gardner asked for volunteers to pass on the Meet My Character Blog Tour to, I sort of jumped on board without even thinking. I soon realized the day I needed to post was also the first Monday of the month, which is of course the day I always let Jordan write a guest post. Uh oh. He wasn’t too happy. But in my defense, it is only my love and obsession for him that made me want to answer these character questions in the first place.

So I got to thinking—wouldn’t it be fun to have the blog tour AND Jordan’s post on the same day?! He didn’t share my enthusiasm, of course, but he’s going along with it. So we’re both going to be answering the questions! To minimize confusion, I’ll be typing in black and Jordan will be in blue.

Whoa, wait, what? Why do I have to be blue? I don’t want to be blue!
Ok, fine! I’ll be blue. There, happy?
Why can’t I be gray? Gray is my color. You know this.
Because my blog background is gray. You know this.
You think I pay attention to that shit? I just write my posts. I don’t worry about the details.
Can we start now?
No no no! You type in black, I’ll type in blue. There! Let’s get started now, ok?
So cranky…

First, business! I was nominated for the Meet My Character Blog tour by the awesome—
You call everyone awesome…
Shut up! Anyway…the AWESOME (deal with it) Heather M. Gardner!

Heather M. Gardner's love of books began on the hand-woven rugs of her small town library where her mother worked. There she had a never-ending supply of stories to read at her fingertips.

As a teen, her favorite genres to curl up with were romance and mysteries. When she started to create her own stories, they were the perfect fit.

Heather resides in New York with her best friend, who is also her husband, plus her talented and handsome son. She is currently owned by four stray cats.

Heather's a full-time mom, works part-time from home, a chocolate enthusiast, coffee junkie, cat addict, book hoarder and fluent in sarcasm.

Facebook Author Page: Heather Writes Romance
Twitter: @hmgardner
Goodreads: Heather M. Gardner

And now, for the questions! I apologize for any bickering or rambling that is about to happen. If you read the whole thing, you get a cupcake!
She's lying. There are no cupcakes. And if there were, I would have eaten them all. So there are no cupcakes.

1) What is the name of your character?  Is he/she fictional or a historic person?
  Full name?
If you must…
Ok! My main character is named…drumroll please…
From who? Me? I don’t think so.
*sigh* Jordan Mason Palmer! Although his middle name doesn’t come up in the book…
That’s because it’s STUPID.
Anyhoo, he’s a fictional character. 
That’s what she thinks.

2) When and where is the story set?
It takes place in modern day New York City. 
In the bedroom, mostly…
That’s not true!
Ok, on couches. And the kitchen.
I was trying to create juxtaposition between the busy city that the characters live in and their need to be isolated. So yes, it mostly takes place within the characters’ apartments. 

3) What should we know about him/her?
Where do I begin…?
Maybe I should handle this. Jordan is fifteen, pretty much lives alone because his mom is always working or…err…
She fucks her boss! 
Right, so for various reasons, she’s never home. But he’s ok with this. What’s unique about Jordan is that he’s always looking for something interesting—some way he can manipulate a person or play some kind of game where he is in complete control. He’s always looking for the next thrill. So for example, when the book starts, he’s trying to fail his math class just to see how long it takes the teacher to confront him. He’s kind of a borderline sociopath, honestly. 
     You left out the most important part!
     I like boys! 
Oh, I thought everyone knew that already. He’s a great singer, too! He likes walks in Central Park and people watching. And any kind of dessert, especially chocolate. 
     Are you telling people about me or trying to find me a date? 
      I'm not--
     Only cute boys need apply, thank you. 

4) What is the main conflict? What messes up his/her life?
My life doesn’t get messed up. I mess up other people’s lives.
What about when one of your friends punched you in the face? 
  That only messed up my complexion. 
Right, so, conflict! So when his teacher figures out his little game he calls Jordan’s mom, who, in her cluelessness (or maybe not…) hires a private tutor to keep him in line. What Jordan doesn’t expect is to get a huge crush on his new tutor, Tom. When he figures out that Tom is gay, he just has to find a way to get something to happen between them. But Tom is 28, so even when he admits to being attracted to Jordan, he refuses to do anything about it. 
Yeah, see, that’s where he fucked up. I don’t take refusal well. 
Since Jordan’s mind is constantly plotting, he comes up with a whole scheme that allows them to be physical but with specific boundaries. They start by just kissing and very gradually take it further. And it becomes a trade, really, where a kiss is worth something. Like, since Tom cooks—he makes Jordan dinner and then they make out for a while. 
You make it sound ridiculous when it was really GENIUS… 
The point is that the structure is always in place. Jordan gets whatever he wants and they get to be physical, but it’s still safe. 
You forgot to tell them that Tom is a pervert.
He’s an ephebophile. 
No one knows what that is! 
He’s exclusively attracted to a certain age group—like around 14-16. For obvious legal reasons, he’s repressed those desires but his guilt over feeling them has led him to become a recluse (besides doing his job). He agrees to Jordan’s game because it allows him to give in to those desires but with the strict boundaries in place, so it feels safe. Jordan controls every second of their relationship, which is what they both want, because Tom is afraid of losing control. AGH. Ok, I’m done. No wonder I had such a hard time summarizing this in a query…
Huh, what? Sorry, I fell asleep. 

5) What is the personal goal of the character?
Food and handjobs, mostly. 
     *glares* I’d say if you boil it down, his main goal is to be in constant control of the situation. Being able to manipulate someone who is nearly twice his age is a huge rush. But his more immediate goals are constantly changing as what he wants changes. The more he learns about Tom, the more he feels he can manipulate him and get what he wants. 
I wasn’t lying about the food…
I know you weren’t. 
He makes me pasta from scratch! And desserts! So many desserts…
The food is supposed to represent a hunger. First, a literal one for food because his mother has never been present in his life so he’s never had a home cooked meal or a cookie fresh out of the oven. Second, a sexual hunger, because he’s pretty much known that he’s gay since he was 8 years old but hasn’t been able to do anything with another guy until he meets Tom. And third is a hunger for life—something to be passionate about. He sees other people with their passions and he can’t fathom being able to care about something on that level, but that changes when he and his friend Eric start to explore their love of music. 
Whoa. That was deep. 
Thank you.
You didn’t tell them about the cupcakes! 

6) Is there a working title for this novel, and can we read more about it?
     Phew, ok, this is an easy one. The title for this novel is Uneven Lines, and the only place to read about it at this point is here on my blog. 
     Because it’s ALL she ever talks about. 

7) When can we expect the book to be published?
     Probably never, at this rate…
     Oh, come on, I can be very persuasive. Just point me at the agents!
     Writing the query from the character's point of view is a big no-no.
     Who said I was going to write it? I was thinking something like bribery. Or seduction...

Well, there you have it! I'm sure I lost everyone somewhere along the way...Now to pass the tour along to three more people! And wooooooooo I finally have all three! Is anyone still looking at this post? Crickets? 

Crystal R. Martin

Crystal R. Martin is an as yet unpublished author. She enjoys living a creative life and hopes you will give her stories a read.

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Crystal Collier

Unleashing the dream world, one book at a time 

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S.E. Dee

Born in 1987, Hackney, London, Shay suffered a major mishap at the age of two when she came across a pencil and sheet of paper. Twenty odd years later, you could say the result from that encounter was having her right hand replaced with a Bic Pen - blue if she can help it. (Hence her Blue Bic Blog and matching @bluebicblog)

As a stay at home mum raising a crazier reincarnation of herself, Shay often delves into the world of Young Adult/Adult Sci-Fi and Fantasy, but when escapism is compulsory, she’s not afraid to pen the wEiRd either…


  1. That was funny. I liked the line about the punch in the face only messing with his complexion.

  2. Jordan is fascinating. But, I'm betting he knows that already. :)
    I don't think you should give up on this story. It's got a lot of potential.
    The age difference thing is probably always going to be your issue.
    But, I can't wait to read more about it.

    Thanks for using the word 'awesome' in reference to me! I don't hear that much. :)
    And, thank you for joining me on this!

  3. That was so much fun! :) Have a terrific week.

  4. Interesting post. Liked the conversion painted with colors.

  5. Oh, I loved reading this. It was great. This novel is going to be awesome. =)

  6. I loved the commentary back and forth! It was very entertaining, and I enjoyed getting to know Jordan. Thanks for sharing this! I had a few laughs. :)