04 May 2016

So Many Insecurities

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I have so many insecurities I don't know where to begin! But that's what happens most months, actually. So I thought I would break it down.

Blog Insecurities 

I don't want to talk too much about the A to Z Challenge here because I'm saving that for my reflections post. I will say that this year's was kind of disappointing for me, and that's mostly my own fault. But right now I'm just glad it's over, and I hope to come up with a more fun topic next year so I can enjoy it more. I'm also insecure about writing new posts. This week has been easy, since Monday, Wednesday, and Friday were at least somewhat figured out way beforehand. And next Monday I'll post my A to Z reflections. After that? I have no idea. I'm also very close to both my 400th post AND my 5th blogiversary. I could probably make them happen on the same day, actually. I have no idea what I would want to do, though (and no, not a Muse Party).

Writing Insecurities 

I've gotten zero done on the revision front lately, which is kind of disappointing since I seemed to be on the right track for a while. I still haven't finished the first chapter revision. I know things will get so much easier once I finish it. The next few chapters don't need much work at all. And then besides a few major edits, I can probably fly through to the last third. When I get to the last third, however, I'll be completely lost again. It just seems so overwhelming that I don't even want to work on it. But at the same time, all I can do is think about it.

Life Insecurities 

Did I mention I have a wedding date? NBD, right? September 12 in Las Vegas. We've already got our hotel suite, flights, and the chapel booked. I'm looking at wedding dresses for the first time in a couple weeks and I'm petrified. I'm bringing my fiance because otherwise I will be a nervous wreck, plus I'm not superstitious at all. I am so not the type of person who likes to be the center of attention. I must be the most anti-bride of all the anti-brides who ever lived. So far we've got six people going and that's already too many in my opinion. I just want to hide.

I'm also trying to lose weight. I started Weight Watchers again and it's going pretty well. I've already lost ten pounds (although I think I cheated because I was definitely bloated for my first weigh in...the ladies know what I'm talking about). I want to exercise more but a few weeks ago I pulled a muscle and could barely walk. Work was excruciating at times and today is actually my first day without taking any Advil at all. I think the fact that we have the crappiest mattress ever did not help the healing process, but luckily we're getting a new one this weekend! I just hope it doesn't cost too much because I'm still super broke from that whole not having a job thing. Glad that's over! And do you know how much money it costs to eat healthy? So many fruits and veggies...goodbye paycheck...

Ok, I'm done. I think. What is everyone else insecure about?

19 comments:

  1. Congrats on the wedding date AND on losing those 10 pounds! (And that is so not cheating!)

    Maybe just keep focusing on all the good and positive going on in your life right now. And as people who went way more traditional wedding-wise (and kinda wish we hadn't,) I say embrace the different! Revel in it and relish it! :)

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  2. A wedding date??? No matter what other insecurities are gnawing at you, you must rejoice in that. Fantastic! So much excitement is coming your way. Cherish every moment of it and don't sweat the writing. It will come...

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  3. Congrats! That's fantastic news. I agree that it's definitely something to focus on and let the positivity rub off to your writing efforts. 400 posts and 5 years are awesome stats too. I'm never sure about post ideas either, but I wouldn't worry too much because your posts always make an interesting read.

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  4. Ooh! Wedding time! How exciting. See, if I were you, I'd totally be shopping online, selecting three dresses I liked, then going and trying on ONLY those. You're going to be the princess of the hour. Hope you can enjoy it!

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  5. Congrats on the wedding date!! That's so exciting! My brother and sister-in-law eloped in Vegas (I was the only one who knew ahead of time, but I stayed home with their dog), and they had a great experience. I'm such an anti-bride, that even though I've been engaged for 19 years, I've never even gotten close to setting a date. So enjoy all of this, and congrats on the 10 pounds (Like Madeline said, it's so not cheating.)

    Sorry that A to Z was disappointing for you. And if you're not feeling the revisions, don't force it. I don't think that helps much. (I know because I'm constantly doing that.)

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  6. Oh my goodness, I thought I was the only one who wasn't over the moon about planning my wedding. I was excited to get married, but the ceremony, the planning--ug. Thankfully my husband stepped in since he has dozens of cousins and knows his way around a seating chart. I did go to David's Bridal by myself (my mom lives too far away) to shop for dresses and I didn't hate it as much as I thought.

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  7. I'm sorry!
    Hey, my wife wasn't big on wedding plans either. Go simple and your style.
    Make it easy on yourself and just plan the two posts together.

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  8. Hey, you're doing a wedding with a dress and all so you can't be that anti-wedding. Hubby and I got married on his LUNCH BREAK at the court. Then we kept discussing having a reception later and eventually decided neither of us wanted to plan it and stopped bringing it up. =P

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  9. Woot woot for the wedding and weight loss! That's exciting times. :)

    I think after something like A-to-Z, many people need a break. Maybe taking a break will reinvigorate your revisions? Here's to hoping for the best!

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  10. Ahh, congratulations! Just do what feels right for you.

    On the writing front, did you take a break before you tried to start revising? Sometimes, that's needed even when we don't realize it. Take this time to not worry about it!

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  11. Hi, Sarah! I'm having such fun visiting IWSG members today as a co-host, and I enjoyed your post ~ so many things to connect with! Congrats on participating in the A to Z this year. I haven't taken the plunge yet! And congrats on approaching 400 post! My latest was #371. I know that that is an accomplishment! What a rewarding journey it has been to stumble into blogging and discover an entire new world. And congrats on your wedding in September. I'm sure you'll have lots of fun in Vegas! Good luck, too, with losing weight! Don't give up on the exercise; it is helpful in so many ways. Sometimes, when I've had a health setback, I've had to start back sitting in a chair and working with two pound weights. I'm sure your fiancé will think you're beautiful on your wedding day! And I do get the bloating thing, LOL!

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  12. You've got a lot on your plate! I'd say cut yourself some slack and focus on that lovely wedding ahead.

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  13. I can't wait for my wedding to be over. I'm so glad I'm not the only one - I love the idea of being married to my fiance (obviously), but planning the actual wedding? Hate it. I could rant all day! I think you have a lot of positives to look at - you managed to completed the A to Z Challenge (which more than can be said for me), you don't have very many major revisions to do on your book (from the sound of your post anyway!) and you're on track with your weight loss. I think you should celebrate the small things, and don't stress about the other stuff - just take your time and it'll all work out in the end :)

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  14. Best of luck with the diet! It's a lot of hard work, but you'll be glad to have a kick-ass body in time for the wedding. :-)

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  15. Congratulations on the date! How exciting. I'm so happy for you and your fiancee. I'm sorry you are struggling with so many insecurities but I agree with Lee, try to cut yourself some slack. You definitely have lots going on. Take care and hang in there.

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  16. Never heard of the insecure writer group. Seems like many of the A to Z writers are also part of this group too. I am too much of a perfectionist.

    Joy @ The Joyous Living

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  17. We honeymooned in Vegas! Almost had to get married there when we went to the Justice of the Peace the day before in Albuquerque, NM (with just our parents in tow) and the judge was busy with cases for the rest of the day. As long as those six people don't stay with you afterwards, it will be okay.

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  18. Congrats on the wedding. Deep breaths. Wishing you much happiness.
    Juneta @ Writer's Gambit

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  19. Congrats on the wedding date. With what you've already completed, you're more than 3/4 of the way there, wedding stress-wise.

    Father Nature's Corner

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