Finding the Passion

Hello, everyone! Today is the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! I'm feeling extra insecure so I fit right in. Check out Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog to learn more and join in.

I'll keep this post brief because I'm feeling beyond lousy. I have a cold whose main symptom is a constant headache. And we have to take Gizmo back to the vet later today for the FOURTH time. It's very frustrating when he keeps getting sick. Hopefully they can finally put a stop to it.

So I could talk about how I gave up on my NaNoWriMo book before I even started it, but I'm not really all that upset about it, honestly. I don't think I had planned this particular story well enough to bust it out in a month. Besides life getting in the way of my writing time, I just wasn't feeling it.

I feel like I have such a hard time being passionate about my writing lately. When I first started my novel, it was all I could think about. I couldn't do anything but write. Sometimes I forgot to eat. If I could write like I did back then I would be busting out two novels a month. But I just don't feel that way anymore.

I know everyone has said just to put it aside for a while, but the thing is, I have. I haven't looked at my book in over two months. I really want to work on it, but I also don't want to even look at it. Maybe it's because I know editing it is going to be hard. Maybe it's because I feel like no one is going to like my book, or they're going to take it the wrong way. I'm sick of not working on it, but I don't know how to start.

I guess I'll just take it one step at a time. I've had a couple more people offer to beta read for me, which I think will help. I just have to merge some of the edits I've already made with the last complete draft I have before I send it out. My editing draft is an absolute mess and there are a bunch of holes in it, but I also don't really want people to read the second draft as it is. I've got to tweak a few things first. But I will get it out there!

That wasn't brief at all, was it? Oh well. Time for some tea and aspirin.

Not Blogging Today

Nope. Not gonna do it. I'm sick. My cat is sick (AGAIN). I've already given up on my NaNo book (besides the life nonsense, I just wasn't feeling it). And if you think Jordan is around to write his monthly post, well, hahahahahaha. Yeah right.

Anyway, check out my Liebster Award post from Friday. It's much more entertaining than this one. See you all on Wednesday for IWSG!

Liebster Award!

This is a really, really long time coming since I’ve been nominated for this award, not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES, and I’ve just kind of been putting it off for forever. First I was nominated by Li at Flash Fiction, then Chrys Fey at Write with Fey, and finally, Nikki at Travels with Pen and Paper. Well, I’m finally doing it, and thanks so much to the three awesome ladies who nominated me. 

The Rules: 

1. Post 11 random facts about yourself.
2. Answer the 11 questions provided by the person who nominated you.
3. Nominate 11 more bloggers who have less than 200 followers and let them know they’ve been nominated.
4. Provide 11 questions for those bloggers to answer. 

I’ll be honest, the hardest part is coming up with 11 people to nominate, since most of the blogs I follow either have over 200 followers or they already have the award. But! I figured I could cheat, and since Nikki’s post also said to nominate “up to 11 bloggers,” I was totally on board with that. So, here we go!

11 Facts About Me

1. I’m horribly near-sighted, hence the glasses. I wear them for pretty much everything except reading.
2. My favorite color is gray.
3. My least favorite emotion is probably embarrassment. I hate it so much that I can’t even stand watching or hearing about other people being embarrassed.
4. I haven’t cut my hair in 3 years, not even a trim.
5. I can’t drink anything with carbonation because the fizz hurts my tongue. I haven’t had more than a couple sips of soda in my entire life, I’ve never even tried beer, and I don’t plan on drinking any champagne at my own wedding.
6. I own way more cardigan sweaters than any normal person should.
7. I’m really good at identifying celebrity voices in commercials and cartoons.
8. Most of the time you’ll find me in jeans and a t-shirt, but at heart, I’m a girly girl. Dresses, high heels, etc. I just rarely have a reason to dress up.
9. When I was three months old I had to have surgery to reduce fluid buildup in my brain (caused by hydrocephalus and Dandy Walker syndrome). I have a cerebral shunt in my head that’s basically a tube that drains the fluid. It’s possible that the symptoms no longer exist, but it’s not really worth it to have the shunt removed if it’s not needed. I can actually feel the tube through the side of my neck and I have a scar on my stomach from having it lengthened when I was four.  
10. I can’t do things like ride a bike or ice skate (probably due to poor balance). You can imagine how horrible my seventh grade field trip to the ice skating rink was.
11. I pretty much never listen to the radio, so I'm never up to date with current music. 

The Questions!

Ok, I’m also cheating on this part. Well, since I’ve been nominated three times, I’ve been given three sets of questions to answer! I didn’t want to bog this post down with 33 questions, so I decided to pick and choose my favorite questions (or maybe just the ones I knew how to answer) from each of the people who nominated me. The first four are from Nikki, the next four are from Chrys, and the last three are from Li.

1. What was your worst job? 

When I was 16 I sold makeup through mark.—a sort of younger division of Avon. The job itself wasn’t terrible, but teenage girls don’t have all that much money, so I didn’t sell all that much and ended up buying too much stuff for myself with the discount.

2. What was your favorite childhood toy? 

Not one in particular, but I was CRAZY about stuffed animals. I don’t know the exact number, but it’s over 300. I still have them all, but they’re in my storage unit.

3. What's your favorite vegetable? 

I’m a picky eater, so I could probably count the vegetables I like on one hand, but I’m gonna have to go with green beans. Except I’m really weird—I eat them with steak sauce. My sister does it, too. At some point in our childhood we were having steak and green beans and the sauce accidentally got on them and we realized how good it tasted.

4. Would you rather have a live in chef or live in maid? 

I’d have to go with maid since I love to cook but I’m very messy about it. It would be nice to have someone else clean it up for me. Actually, can I choose a live in hairdresser/makeup artist/personal shopper? Those exist, right?

5. On a Friday night, what are you most likely to do? 

My fiancé and I like to stay at home, have a few drinks (usually Malibu rum and some kind of juice), and order some scrumptious take out or I’ll make something like tacos. Then we’ll probably watch a movie or binge watch a TV show on Netflix. We’re practically hermits so it’s a lot of fun.

6. What is your biggest dream? 

You mean besides being a bestselling author? I secretly really really want my book Uneven Lines to be made into a movie (but only if I get to write the screenplay, obviously). I’m actually already convinced that the universe has sent me a sign that it will happen. No, I will not tell you what it was, since I’m also convinced I will jinx it. Yes, I know I’m delusional.

7. If your house were burning down, what would you take and why? 

After making sure my fiancé and cat were getting out ok, I’d grab my flash drive since it has all of my writing on it, my engagement ring (besides the obvious reason, it also belonged to my mom), and my Playbill binder (which has the Playbills to every play & musical I’ve ever been to).

8. If you were not in your current line of work, what would you be doing instead? 

I’ve always kind of wanted to have a bakery, or maybe just a cookie shop. I like coming up with new ideas for recipes. Ooo but I’d totally have to make cupcakes, too.

9. Have you ever witnessed a truly heroic act by someone else? 

The closest thing I can think of is when my dad jumped into our pool fully clothed to pull out my little cousin, who was probably about to drown. I think we look at it as more amusing than heroic at this point.

10. You've just had a novel published and the fanfiction community is going wild.  How do you feel about it?  Are you flattered, angry, resigned? 

Well, if it’s UL, I’m terrified, because I’m sure you’re all sick perverts…but I’m totally gonna read all of it. Hey! It doesn’t count as slash if the characters are already gay! Unless you paired up other characters…no! Do not do that! Stop it! Stop it right now! How dare you even give me those ideas??

11. You can choose any location in the world to pursue your writing, but you must remain there for the rest of your life.  Where would it be?

I absolutely love New York City, so I would want to move there. This may have less to do with my writing and more to do with my love of Broadway musicals… 

My Nominees!

I tried to find as many as I could but it's difficult! So I only have four. Go check out their awesome blogs!

S.E. Dee at Blue Bic Blog

Crystal R. Martin at The Write Life

Debra McKellan at The Write Mage

and Brian S Creek 

And finally:

11 Questions for my Nominees to Answer

1. If you could dress up as anyone/anything for Halloween, what would it be?
2. If you could only write one genre of books for the rest of your life, what would it be?
3. Where were you when you were struck with the idea for your current WIP? Did something trigger the idea or did you pull it out of thin air?
4. Who is your celebrity crush?
5. What literary character would you want to be best friends with? BONUS: Which one of YOUR characters would you want to be best friends with? Describe him or her.
6. You have to pull off a huge heist (such as robbing a casino like in Ocean's Eleven). Who do you want on your team? You can pick people you know, celebrities, or any fictional characters (but no magical powers!). 
7. What is your least favorite household chore?
8. Has there ever been a book/movie/TV show that made you sob uncontrollably?
9. Has one of your favorite books ever been made into a movie and you hated it? If not, did you love it? Why?
10. How do you take your coffee? Do you like flavored coffee? (Or what is your favorite tea if you’re a tea person?)
11. What would your demise be that gets you kicked out of Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory? (You can pick one from the book/movies or come up with your own!)

Not gonna lie, I had a lot of fun coming up with these. I hope they're not too obscure or too involved to answer! 

NaNoPrep: Research Before or After?

With NaNoWriMo fast approaching, it's about that time when most writers planning for it (or maybe just me...) go into panic mode. Have I thought this story out? Do I have everything I need to get an entire novel written in just one month? What if I don't? Am I doomed to fail? Should I even start?

I know I'm not 100% prepared to start writing this novel. I don't think I'm even 50% prepared. I think this is equally caused by the fact that I just decided that I was going to do NaNo, and let's be honest, I'm a procrastinator. I've got the basic story planned out in my mind, and I've thought over several different scenes, but I think there's still a lot about this story that I haven't figured out.

I'm not all that worried because I'm a pantser (I'm assuming all of you know what that means :P). I just have some sort of natural aversion to doing outlines. I usually don't plan what I'm going to write. I just write whatever scene is pestering my brain the most, then as I write more and more, start to piece everything together and figure out what's missing. Is it the most organized method? Definitely not, but I know what works for me.

What I've come to realize is that every book requires at least a little bit of research. If you're writing a realistic novel set in the real world, then you want to make sure all of your details are accurate. For this particular novel I'm planning on writing, I don't have to do a ridiculous amount of research, but I'm a bit worried that I don't have enough time to figure out everything before I start writing. So what should I do?

There are plenty of options, of course. I could get all of my research done before I start writing. I could research what I need as I'm writing it. Or I could just put all of the research on hold, write out the novel, then check the accuracy once it's done and fix any mistakes. Obviously the first two seem the most logical, mostly because if you write something without doing your research, you may find that what you wrote is inaccurate and you may have to rewrite the entire thing. But when it comes to something like NaNo, where you're trying to get as much writing done as possible in a short amount of time, you also don't want the research to trip you up and take up a huge amount of time.

I haven't quite figured it out yet. Most of the research I need to do involves the setting. I still have a few days to get my research done, but I also want to focus on figuring out a bit more of the story line, and--oh, I don't know, naming my characters. I also think I could just develop the setting the way I picture it and it won't be terribly inaccurate, or at least have any huge errors that I can't easily fix once I get all of my research done. I just don't want to be in the position where I finish an entire novel then find out it could never happen the way I wrote it. I don't think this could happen, but you never know.

I guess I'm going to take it one day at a time. And I've still got three days to get some research done.

I Hate My Book

I'm sure every writer goes through this phase when they're editing a novel. The high of writing the first draft is long gone and now you're ripping it apart trying to fix every tiny little thing that's wrong with it. It's not easy, and it's definitely not as fun as actually writing. It's one thing to know when something isn't working, but it's another to know how to fix it.

I've been in such a rut lately. I don't even want to look at my book, let alone work on it. I know I've been whining about this for a while now, so bear with me. It's just really frustrating when you've worked for so long on something and been so passionate about it and then suddenly you want nothing to do with it.

I know there are a lot of reasons for why I'm feeling this way. I think I'm still a little burned from sending my book to people I know. I mean, I sent it out to fifteen different people, and only one acknowledged that she finished it. Another two made a few comments here and there, but those stopped along the way. Everyone else said absolutely nothing, not even something as simple as, hey I finished a chapter. I'm wondering what the point was. I honestly don't even know if those other people read any of it at all. So if I can't get people I actually know to read it, how can I get strangers to?

Then of course there was the whole Pitch Wars fiasco. Don't even get me started on that. I don't blame it completely, but it is what triggered this rut I'm in, this desire to do absolutely nothing at all when it comes to writing and editing.

I'm hoping that maybe doing NaNoWriMo will help me in some way, being able to work on something different for a while. Because I've been doing nothing for quite some time and it isn't helping. I really want to work on editing, but every time I try it's like I can't even look at the words I've written.

Ok, I'm done ranting/whining. For now I'm just going to worry about getting my NaNo book outlined and ready and maybe when November is over I'll be in a better head space for editing. Fingers crossed.

Good News, Bad News

So I'm trying to get back into the swing of things when it comes to blogging. Sometimes it's hard to come up with ideas for blog posts, other times it's hard just to write them at all. But in the past, I've always found when I can't think of something to write about, then it's ok just to ramble. Or sometimes make a list. Or both. So that's what I felt like doing today. Here are some of the good AND bad things going on with my writing, and maybe a few from my regular life as well.

Good News!

Gizmo seems to be doing a lot better since his second shot on Monday. The vet also recommended getting a laser pointer so he could get more exercise and lose weight. I think watching him chase the red dot is more entertaining for me than for him, though...

Even though I said I wasn't going to do NaNoWriMo, I think I changed my mind. I'm going to do it, but with a different story idea that's been in the back of my head for a while now. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, so I figured I'd give it a shot.

I came up with a theme idea for next year's A to Z Challenge! I was convinced I wouldn't come up with one, at least not with enough time to plan it out. But I have more than five months now and I really like my idea. I have no idea how I'll come up with posts for the trickier letters, though. X? Z? *shudders*

I noticed our bananas were going bad yesterday so the obvious thing to do was to make banana bread. I kicked it up a bit by adding some shredded coconut and cinnamon. So yummy!

Bad News...

No editing on UL whatsoever. I did try a little brainstorming on the subplot front and may have figured out a few things, but then I worry that I'm taking it in the wrong direction. I think it's hard to get the whole idea out of my head and start from scratch.

I really don't think my brain is capable of coming up with a book idea that doesn't involve a forbidden and/or secret romance. Come on, brain, stop being so predictable.

I've never ever finished a NaNo book so part of me is already convinced that I'll give up halfway through like I did last year.


That's it, I think. I thought I had more bad news...which I guess is good news...

BRB

So I WAS going to do something super awesome and cool seeing as this is my 200th blog post (no idea what, but something). But yesterday morning all of Gizmo's UTI symptoms came back so I'm kind of in the middle of a nervous breakdown. I'm bringing him back to the vet for another shot in about a half hour. The guy I talked to on the phone this morning said sometimes it takes two to really get rid of the infection. I just kinda wish someone had told me that the first time and maybe I wouldn't have been freaking out yesterday. But anyway, I'm all stress and nerves right now so all I want to do after the vet is watch tv and possibly take a nap.

So, uh...yay for my 200th post?