My MC is Terrible (or, My Book Epiphany)

So, I had a bit of a book epiphany. And it wasn't that my MC (you know who) is a terrible character. It's that he's a terrible person! Well, sort of. Bear with me.

It's always felt like there was something I was missing from the end of the book, something I couldn't figure out. It always seemed weaker, almost flimsy when compared to the beginning of the book. I couldn't figure out how to get my book to the same conclusion but to keep it strong along the way. It seemed the path it wanted to take just made it less interesting.

Well, I was kind of smacked in the head with an idea. At work, of all places. Now, I can usually zone out and think about these things without stopping what I'm doing, but this idea seemed so intense that I actually paused and stared off into space while I considered it (hopefully no one saw me, I'm pretty sure my mouth fell open a few times). I know when an idea is this strong, then it's probably the right way to go.

So, the thing about my characters' relationship in the book is that it's all about structure. Every moment is planned, calculated. Actually, pretty much everything my MC does is calculated -- except when he's driven by emotion. As teenagers are apt to be. So as more emotions get involved over the course of the novel, the structure kind of falls apart. But I realized, why does this particular character lose the structure? It's not really like him at all. Sure, he can slip for a moment or two, show some emotion, even if it's just for the reader. But he should be able to come back to his senses and always see everything from a few steps ahead.

I realized this was my problem. He stopped calculating things, figuring them out, being manipulative--things that have been central to his character from the beginning. Why? It seems that the end of the book came because of a buildup of emotion and not an intense thought process. He really should see it coming, actually, he should see every moment of the book coming. If he doesn't know when things will happen, he should at least be aware that they will happen. The end of the book always seemed to come out of nowhere, but I think there needs to be a more obvious build to it. When emotions come into play, he should be more analyzing of his own, to see how he reacts in certain situations and how that fuels what he wants to do next. He can't just be a slave to his emotions because he never has been before. He needs to stay true to his character.

I think the tricky part now is that I need my MC to keep some things from the reader. I kinda want him to have a bit of a reveal at the end that he saw everything coming, that everything was planned out and not as spontaneous as it seemed. Hopefully this will make the ending more devastating for the reader *insert evil laugh*. So while maybe he wasn't 100% heartless throughout the book, the end will kind of smack everybody in the face (characters and readers included). I think I just have to find a good balance between what he's willing to share with the reader and how he's able to hide the rest.

Ok, I know that was super vague and did not make much sense. But the important thing is that I THINK I FINALLY FIGURED MY DAMN BOOK OUT. Hopefully once I write it out it will all make sense.

Ever been smacked by a book epiphany? Have you ever realized your character wasn't acting like him/herself and that was dragging the book down?

Showing off the Insecurity

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

It's a busy day so I'll spare you all my personal nonsense (mainly that my poor Gizmo is sick AGAIN and I really can't afford to go to the vet right now...wait, this isn't sparing you, is it?) and dive right in...

First up, this month's optional question is: Have you ever slipped any of your personal information into your characters, either by accident or on purpose? 

Kinda sorta. I think I sometimes create characters who are versions of myself, or who share some personality traits. Jordan's best friend, Eric, is a lot like me. He's shy and awkward, and what ends up happening to him in the book kind of reflects some things that I went through with friends in high school. But it's very, very different, too, so it's not too obvious. 

I did, however, recently come to realize something about a major character that I also recently discovered about myself (what that is may be a little TMI for this post...perhaps another day!). It kind of makes a complicated character even more complicated, but I think it actually makes sense for the way I've written him. It kind of explains any unanswered questions. But I just kinda like how it was something I discovered about myself and the character! Like I had created this trait in him that I didn't even know was in me. 

And now for something completely different...

Today is also the day for the Show Us Your Writer Insecurity contest! Don't ask me why I decided to take part, I'm the least photogenic person on the planet (why does my forehead always look 10 times bigger than it does in real life???), but here goes nothin'...

Here's what you need to know about this photo:

1. I'm rockin' the IWSG swag with my sweet new notebook and mug (I love mugs!)

2. I'm also rockin' my math leggings (aka editing pants)

3. The red binder holds the third draft of Uneven Lines (so far...still only up to Chapter 12)

4. Yup, that pen on the binder is the OG FFP (I'm not lame, I swear...)

5. Coffee is life (especially when trying to edit) 

Ok, I'm done. Big shout out to my hubby for taking this photo (and the dozens of shots taken before this one that I didn't like).

Routine? What's That?

Yikes! I haven't blogged regularly in quite some time! So it's definitely time for me to get out of vacation mode and back into the swing of things. Whatever that means. I've always been really terrible at making a routine for myself and sticking to it. I procrastinate on things that have to get done, so you can imagine what happens to the things that don't have to immediately be done (*cough* writing *cough*). Sometimes I just feel like there's not enough time in the day to do everything I need and want to do.

There's work, obviously. I really like my hours compared to my old job (they're the same every day and I get every other weekend off). I'm home every day at 2:30 so you'd think that would leave lots of time for other stuff? Well..........not as much as you'd think. Probably because my job is physically demanding. I'm just always tired. The first thing I have to do when I get home is give my cat treats (you do not want to mess with the cat's routine...). Then I usually need something to eat myself and I'll catch up on a TV show. Then maybe if I feel like getting up I'll do some dishes or some other chore. My husband gets home at 4:30 and gets us iced coffees and then we pretty much just watch TV, have dinner, then go to bed around 9 or 10.

Ok, I know the glaring thing in that routine is that I watch way too much TV. I know. Guilty. I like TV, ok? Plus, with the whole being tired thing, my brain isn't always at full capacity. I'm not sure anything I would try writing at that time would be any good. But I don't actually try, so how would I know?

There's just so much I want to get done and never have the time or energy. I want to go to the gym at least 5 days a week, but there goes at least an hour and it will leave me even more tired. I want to read more. My 100 book goal this year is DEFINITELY not happening (I'm only at 11). And obviously, there's writing. I haven't worked on UL's third draft in almost two months (did I just admit that?). And I haven't been blogging that much either. Even when I write a post, I don't get around to visiting as many other blogs as I'd like.

I really want to switch things up but I don't know where to start. I'm way behind in my writing goals for this year, too. I thought I'd be done with the third draft months ago. I really wanted to write the second book in the series for NaNoWriMo, but I just don't think I'll be ready yet for it. I thought about doing Shiny New Story instead, but I don't think that idea's developed enough, either. I still have over a month to figure it out, but if I don't make a lot of progress on UL, I probably won't want to take myself away from it, either. I've just never fully committed to NaNo and I really wanted to do it this year.

So yeah. I don't do well with routines. I can't even make myself wash my face every night, for crying out loud. But I still keep trying. Maybe I can make a routine that works.

A Surprise Genre

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

I feel like I'm having deja vu from last month's post because once again, I am so busy I barely have time to write this post! Because I'm going on another vacation in a few days. Hubby and I are going back to Las Vegas for our first wedding anniversary (today is actually our dating anniversary--ten years!). I haven't started packing. I've been preoccupied because Gizmo was sick last week with another stress related UTI (I tried to change his food to a gentle formula...big mistake!!!). He's doing much better now, but I've had to clean EVERYTHING and do so much laundry.

*deep breath*

So, needless to say, I've been doing zero writing. And of course I'll bring some work on the plane but I'll probably just end up watching TV.

I think this month I'll defer to the optional question (I don't usually like to do them because EVERYONE does *shrug* but I also liked this month's question a lot): Have you ever surprised yourself with your writing? For example, by trying a new genre you didn't think you'd be comfortable in?

OH GOOD LORD YES.

*cough*

Let me put it this way: did I anticipate finding a very strong POV voice in a slightly sociopathic gay teenage boy? GOOD LORD NO. Literally none of those things. The only part of that I was familiar with was the teenager aspect. All my other narrators had been teenage girls. Jordan was a HUGE leap from anything I'd ever written. And it was scary as hell. But sometimes you have to go with your gut.

My story and I have been through hell and back but I love it to death. And Jordan has sunk his claws so deep into my brain that all my new story ideas have gay main characters, too, and I'm just fine with that. It was weird and unexpected at first, but now it kinda makes sense to me. I found a genre that fits. Now if I could just finish writing those ideas................

I'm hoping to get back into some kind of writing/blogging routine when I'm back from my vacation. I need to finish this damn book, after all.

Jealous Yet?

Summer's not really for blogging, is it? I had planned on posting something right when I got back from New York after my birthday, but now two weeks have passed and the dust is forming around here. Well, since I don't really have any writing progress to talk about, I thought I'd just share some details and pics from my trip! Prepare to be jealous....

The bus trip from Boston to New York was smoooooooooth sailing. We left 13 minutes late but somehow got there early. I always think I'm going to get writing done when traveling but it never happens so I don't know when I'll learn. I read a bit, listened to music, and then dozed off. Next thing I knew all the signs indicated we were in the Bronx and I said, "already??" so it wasn't much longer until we got to Port Authority and then checked into our hotel.

First stop (like, immediately, because we hadn't eaten anything all day) was Black Tap! You've probably seen their Crazy Shakes all over the internet, so I just had to check it out and indulge my sweet tooth. (I wish the lighting had been better for the pics but I'm just not the type of person to bust out the flash and blind the bartender while my food is melting...) The burger was pretty good, too!

My actual birthday was pretty low key. We went out for breakfast and then did a little walking in Central Park (trying to channel the muse by doing one of his favorite activities but he wasn't paying attention...). The real event that day was dinner at Sugar Factory. They have these HUGE goblet drinks that they pour at the table and there's dry ice in the bottom that makes smoke come out. It was nifty. 

It also had lollipops and a candy necklace. Me drinking it for scale: 

Yes, it had alcohol, and yes I somehow finished it and yes I was a bit drunk but it was my 30th birthday so there. There was also dessert: 

I only ate about half of this because I could not get my husband to take even one bite. Party pooper. 

The next day we decided to be crazy and WALK from West 44th Street down to the Lower East Side because it would have been like a $36 Uber and I hate the subway and it was a nice day. We went to Koneko, which is a cat cafe! They had an actual cafe in the front and in the back there is a three floor section where all the cats are and we just hung out with them for an hour. All of the cats are up for adoption but I didn't think Gizmo would appreciate a sibling...I took way too many pictures to share so here are just a few:

BTW, my husband is definitely a cat guy. 

Then we had lunch nearby and walked all the way back to our hotel to get ready for...wait for it...*snicker*

Oh yeah! Did you know I tried to get tickets to Hamilton when it was still off-Broadway?? It was even more expensive back then, actually, so it didn't happen. I waited forever to see this. I've seen plenty of musicals but none where I already knew all of the songs. Of course it was amazing but I did already know everything that was going to happen. Plus I was waiting for the audience to sing along at certain points (LAFAYETTE!) but they didn't. Tsk tsk. 

I've also never been to a musical that my favorite actor used to be in. Was I judging the current King George? Maybe...I could write an entire essay on the psychological crisis of seeing this musical but I'll spare you. Still very awesome.

Ok, so I hate hate hate pictures of myself, but this was my outfit for the night. I don't go out all that much so I do like to dress up for the theater. My shoes will henceforth be known as Aaron and Burr because they were KILLING my feet! I'll be here all week, folks. 

Also, shout out to the best hubby ever. Our seats were in the very last row of orchestra, and there was actually a small gap in between them. I was sitting on the right side while my husband used the bathroom and this guy sat in front of me who was super tall and had an ENORMOUS head. Well, when my hubby came back he swapped seats with me so I could see better. *kissy face emoji*

And one of my favorite post-Broadway show treats is the devil's food cheesecake from Junior's. I can never eat the whole thing, though. 

And that's about it. I won't tell you about the trip back because it was HELL. I slept for about 13 hours straight on that Friday night. And then we went to a wedding the next day. Phew! It was quite a trip, though! I got to stuff my face with delicious food, hang out with some cats, and see Hamilton for my 30th birthday. Are you jealous yet??? 

So Busy I Can't Think of a Title

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

I almost forgot to write this post! In my defense, I'm busy busy busy. On top of work, I'm getting ready for my birthday trip to NYC next week where I will be eating lots and lots of food and FINALLY seeing Hamilton. Whoop whoop. If you follow me on Instagram, I'll probably be posting a lot. Mostly food. Watch out. 

Anyhoo, I don't really know what to write about. Well, I haven't been writing much in the past week or so. Because, you know, busy. My Camp NaNoWriMo goal kind of went down in flames. I only edited for just over 10 hours, waaaaaaaaaay short of my 60 hour goal. I did get through the dreaded Chapter 11 AND Chapter 12, so that's good. There has been a lot more rewriting in this draft than I thought there would be. I've been adding a ton more words to this draft. I'm sure at some point I'll actually get to the last third of the novel where I have to completely rewrite it. Not looking forward to that as much.

A new development on the editing front is that my husband has been reading my chapters and we've been talking about each one afterwards. I don't want any beta readers until this draft is done, and, well, I don't want anyone reading the last draft because it sucks. But he read the first draft way back when so he's at least familiar with the story and honestly, just talking about it out loud even with someone who isn't a writer helps me to figure things out.

Of course, since he's my hubby he has to say how he thinks it's good, despite the fact that he would never ever read this book if I wasn't the person who wrote it. And I kept asking him if he thought the voice was annoying so many times that he told me to stop. It is kind of a confidence boost because as I go through things, I can see the parts I got right. The symbolism is crazy at some points and I think I had a big stupid grin on my face when I was explaining it. I also kinda just love when he's reading and then laughs at a line and I have to ask which one was it (I can usually guess).

Well, that's about it. I'm off work tomorrow but then have to work four days until I leave for my trip on Tuesday. I still haven't picked out my bus ride books!

Planting Seeds

When you're writing a story, especially a novel, you probably don't want to give everything away right at the beginning. Some details are better when you save them for later. But how do you get there? Do you drop hints along the way? How do you build up to revealing something? 

I've noticed this concept coming up quite a bit while I'm editing my novel, particularly with my subplots. I've always called this method "planting seeds," as in, I'm planting just the start of an idea that will be in full bloom later on in the novel (that analogy works, right?). Sometimes I worry, though, if this actually works. By the time that idea is in full bloom, does the reader care anymore? 

Example time! One of my subplots in UL involves Jordan's friends, Brian and Eric. Every time we see them, it's brought up how Eric has a crush on a girl, but he never says who she is. At first, it may seem like this is useless information, especially when there are much bigger things going on in the main plot. But later on in the book, who this girl is and how she factors into the story are much more important. She's not so important early on in the book, but when she actually does show up, I'm hoping that it's not so random because I've been hinting at her all along. 

I've done something similar when it comes to certain character details. Maybe one character doesn't want to reveal something about himself, but since the idea has been brought up, eventually it has to be explored. Or, another example, there's a certain detail about Jordan's mother that he keeps secret from the reader, but later on in the book, he's forced to reveal it to another character. I've tried to drop hints up until this point but really spent a long time avoiding it (but on purpose!). When it's finally revealed, we can look back and think, oh that's what he was talking about! 

Basically what I'm trying to accomplish is to just have a moment where the reader should think, "oh, ok, this will definitely come up again later!" Even if it's not necessarily important to the plot right at that moment. But my hope is that planting these seeds will make the moments later on where the idea is actually relevant not so out of nowhere. Hopefully the reader will believe it because they at least knew something was going to happen. 

The thing I worry about is whether the reader will notice or even care when these hints are dropped. Or maybe when the real idea is revealed, they'll think back on all of those hints that went over their heads. 

Do you plant seeds early on in your stories?