Stuck in Many Ruts

*It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!*

I have been in such a rut lately. I know I've been talking about not writing for quite some time now, so much so that I actually skipped IWSG last month because I was so sick of talking about it. But it's not just the writing. 

I haven't been reading much at all. I've been stuck on the same book for literally the whole year so far, with no desire to finish it or to try reading something else. I feel like I don't know what I like to read anymore, so it's hard to decide. I have a few horror books on my wishlist recommended by a Youtuber I watch, and I don't typically read horror but I do like horror movies, so I thought trying something different would be a good idea. 

Speaking of movies, I haven't been watching too many of those, either (although I feel I should get some credit for binge watching the latest season of Stranger Things, especially since that last episode was movie length). I typically have a goal to watch 100 movies in a year, and I have so many streaming platforms with a ton of movies on my watchlists, but I've only watched 26 so far this year. I don't know what my issue is here, I think I just get sucked into watching reruns on TV on my days off instead of actually picking something to watch. 

I started using Letterboxd to track my movies, so if anyone else is on there, we can follow each other! You can find my profile here. 

I also haven't been using social media very much anymore. I very rarely post on Twitter or Instagram. Even when I've taken pictures, I just haven't had the motivation to post anything. I guess I'm experiencing social media burnout. I just don't have the desire to do it. 

The only thing I've been really focusing on lately is getting back into dieting and exercising. It's definitley something I need to do and if it's all I can motivate myself to do right now, then that's ok. I always work better with a deadline, and my husband and I are going to New York for our anniversary in September (I haven't been there in five years!), so I really want to lose some weight before then so I can look good! 

I don't really know how to get out of all these ruts. I try to just take things day by day. 

Highs, Lows, and Bracelets

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month's optional question is: It's the best of times; it's the worst of times. What are your writer highs (the good times)? And what are your writer lows (the crappy times)?

My writer highs usually involve, well...actually writing! I love getting new ideas and thinking about them nonstop, or flowing through a first draft and holding nothing back. And while editing and rewriting can be hard and tedious, one of my favorite things is when I actually figure something out and everything falls into place and feels perfect. 

Another writing high for me was getting a story published in the IWSG anthology Hero Lost: Mysteries of Death and Life.  

My biggest writer low was Pitch Wars, but we don't need to talk about that...I've had a few times where people read my work and I either got a negative response or no response at all. I have learned from these scenarios to not send out my work if it's not ready, and also who I should be sending it to. Just because someone seems excited to read your work doesn't mean they're actually going to do it. 

Not writing at all is also a pretty low time. It's hard to have absolutely no desire to write or even think about writing, but right now I'm just kind of going with the flow. I think the urge to write will come back eventually, but not until I'm ready for it. 

On a side note, a few months ago I mentioned that I wanted to get into jewelry making, partially just so I could do something creative, and I finally started! I'm just making bracelets so far because I have no idea what I'm doing and figured they were the easiest. I also just like bracelets.

These were the first four I made that went with the shirt I wore on Easter (lol), and considering the fact that I'd never made a bracelet in my life, I thought they were fairly decent; 

And these are the ones I made this past weekend. I've been playing around with what materials go better with certain beads and working on the technique, and I can already see the improvement. 

I'm just gonna keep doing it because it's fun and I like shiny things. I think someday it would be nice to actually turn it into income, but that's a long way away! 

Any writing highs or lows to share? What creative outlets do you have besides writing? 

No Ideas!

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

What am I insecure about this month? The fact that I have no idea what to write about! I've been in a rut for a long time and feeling very burnt out when it comes to writing. I've had little snippets of ideas here and there, like my subplot idea last month, but I haven't been doing any actual writing. 

I wish I was writing, but I don't really see this as a bad thing. I clearly needed the break from it, and I've been exhausted for a long time due to other things. It's not really something I want to force until it feels right. It's definitely frustrating that it's been so long since I've really written anything, but if I have absolutely no desire to do it, then it's ok to take a break.

I know I'm defnitely not done with writing forever. I don't know if I need to change my routine, wait until the inspiration strikes on its own, or maybe I just need a really long vacation (I haven't had more than 3 days off work since last September). Work definitely leaves me feeling exhausted, but I know that's not the only reason I can't motivate myself to write. So, for now, I'm just going to let things be and wait for those ideas to come naturally. 

Hijack the Subplot

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month's optional question is: Have you ever been conflicted about writing a story or adding a scene to a story? How did you decide to write it or not?

That's an interesting question for me because while UL has a controversial subject matter, when I first started writing it, I didn't really feel conflicted about it. As I started to develop and flesh out the story more, it became more difficult to balance writing this topic while trying to maintain some level of sensitivity. That's probably why I still haven't figured it out! One of the reasons, anyway...

Speaking of UL! No, I'm not actually writing anything. But I am doing some THINKING, which is better than nothing and has really gotten me excited. 

I've been working on figuring out the third act of this book for a while now, and completely reworked it from the previous draft. Only a few scenes were kept and most of what I've written is brand new. That doesn't mean I'm satisfied with it. Is it better than before? Yes. But is it what the story really needs? Probably not. 

One of the things I've worried about is that the third act is weighed down by the subplots. They take up a lot of space, maybe even more than the main plot, which definitely isn't a good thing. I know I need to cut down a lot or the end of this book is just going to drag on forever. 

So I had a random idea that may just speed things up. Basically, I'm going to have my MC reveal something to a subplot character way earlier than he previously did. I have two subplots in this book, and this is the less important one, so speeding things up will definitely help the book overall. I think I can wrap this subplot up earlier, and also this particular idea helped make certain things about these characters more realistic to me. 

I think it might be good to have this subplot not be as complicated as it previously was. The main plot and the other subplot both end on a heavy note, and while this particular subplot always ended with an upbeat tone, it took a long time to get there and things got a bit convoluted along the way. I think this change will make the subplot end more quiet and simple, which could help support the other plots by not getting in the way, and just helping to develop the main character. 

The only downside is that I'll have to rewrite part of Chapter 18, which is my favorite chapter in the whole book. It won't change what happens in the main plot in this chapter, but I have to figure out how this change will affect the mood and tone of the scene so that I can still have it end the same way. It's not that I don't think I can do it, but I just have to take the time to figure it out. 

If I can map out this subplot and make the changes I want, I really think it could work. And if it does work, then maybe, just maybe, the rest of the book will start to fall into place. I can only hope!

Focus on the Positive

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Once again I feel like I have nothing to write about, and I couldn't think of a response to this month's question, so I'm on my own here. I feel like I'll just end up spewing the same crap I've been talking about for months. And I haven't started writing again, so I can't talk about that. 

HOWEVER. I think I'll do something different this month and focus on some little, positive things. So I'm just going to make a list! I love lists!

- While I haven't done any writing, I have been thinking about it. Sort of. I've been trying just to read UL lately and listen to its playlist. While I'm hoping it will lead to some writing eventually, I'm trying not to force it and just let it come naturally.

- I'm back on my diet and I've been going to the gym more often. I haven't been going 5 days a week like I'd like to but that's really because it's very cold out and sometimes I just want to stay inside. But I have been trying some new healthy recipes so that has been fun. 

- Despite the diet, I will be having some cupcakes for the musiversary on the 15th, as required. And I will not dwell on the fact that it's been eleven years and I still haven't finished this book. And I will not share my cupcakes with Jordan. 

- I've been thinking about this for a while now, but I'd like to start making jewelry. I just feel like I need a creative outlet that isn't writing, and I got inspired by the idea (and bought lots of beads). Now I just have to actually learn how to do it. It would be awesome to eventually start selling jewelry, but I have to at least make sure I can do it first, so I'll start by making some things for myself. 

- For hubby's birthday in March, we're spending two nights at Foxwoods casino and going to our favorite restaurant there. We haven't gone away for more than one night in years so I'm really looking forward to it. 

- I started today with a little self-pampering. Just a bubble bath and a clay face mask but it felt great! I work too damn hard, I need to relax sometimes. 

Well, that's about it. I've been trying not to stress out lately, so I figured I'd focus on the little wins instead of the doom and gloom for once. I hope everyone's staying positive in this crazy world! 

Lost My Mojo

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month I'm a co-host! The other awesome co-hosts are Erika Beebe, Olga Godim, Sandra Cox, and Chemist Ken!

This month's optional question is: What's the one thing about your writing career you regret the most? Were you able to overcome it?

I know I've talked about this before, but definitely entering Pitch Wars. Not only was my book not even remotely ready for a contest like that, but the feedback I got was so negative that it sent me into a depression that I'm honestly not sure I've 100% recovered from. I've gotten back into my book several times since then, I've gained and lost the passion over and over again, but I think that was what started it. 

 

I mean, I'm so traumatized from the whole thing that I have "Pitch Wars" muted on Twitter. I don't ever want to hear a single thing about it ever again. 

My insecurities this month are slightly related. There isn't any specific reason for it, but when it comes to writing, or really being creative at all, I feel like I've lost my mojo. 

I just feel like I don't have a creative bone in my body right now. I have no desire to work on ANY writing, not just UL. That drive just isn't there. I know life has been tough lately, too, between work being extremely stressful (short staff for months and Covid is only getting worse), having to put Gizmo down in October, two deaths in my husband's family, and just the fact that anxiety and depression are issues I already struggled with, certainly not helped by everything that's been going on. 

I still feel optimistic sometimes. I like to be silly (see above gif). I try not to get weighed down with heavy things. I try to leave work stress at work. Hubby and I and have been having nice date nights by going to the movies and dinner, but I'm starting to feel nervous about going out in public again. So many people at my work are testing positive and we're all vaccinated. I also eat my feelings so I have been gaining more weight than I'd like. 

I just haven't been even thinking about writing lately. And between losing that and my cat, I feel like I've lost my social media identity. My Twitter was all about writing, Instagram all about the cat. It's so hard to figure out what to post now. I feel lost. 

I'm taking things one day at a time, though. I don't want to pressure myself too much and feel overwhelemd. My only writing goals this week were to write this post, do my co-hosting duties, and visit other blogs on my reading list or who comment on my post. In the past I would have tacked on a bunch more writing related goals for the week, but I think this is enough. Next week, I'll pick something else. 

My favorite saying has become "one thing at a time." When you're thinking of all the million things you want or need to get done that you think your brain is going to explode, just focus on what the very next step is. Then the next one, and so on. It's really helped my stress at work when I feel overwhelmed, and I think it could work for everything else in life, too. Don't focus on tomorrow if it's too much for you. Just worry about today.

Is It Over Yet?

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up! 

This month's opitional question is: In your writing, what stresses you the most? What delights you?

What stresses me the most? You mean besides EVERYTHING?? Right now, it's probably thinking about all of the work I still have to put into my book. I've been working on it forever and there's still so much I want to change. And I still don't know what to do with the last third of it, especially the ending. 

What delights me the most is when everything clicks and I'm able to figure something out. It can be anything from a major plot point to just figuring out how to rewrite a sentence. It always feels good when you know you've done something right. 

I don't know about you, but I'm ready for this year to be over. It's been a rough one for me. I've been really burnt out for a while and I actually haven't written anything in months. I haven't even been reading for a while, either. I'm hoping the new year can give me a boost of motivation to start getting back to normal and getting things done.

Are you glad the year is ending? What stresses or delights you about your writing? 

Crossing the Lines

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up! 

This month's optional question is: In your writing, where do you draw the line, with either topics or language?

Uhhh, have you been here before? Then you know that I DON'T draw the line. Actually, if we're going to go along with some literal and figurative moments in my novel, I only draw the lines in order to cross them (it's called Uneven Lines, after all). Look, see, actual lines:

I would like to think that I wouldn't write something any more extreme than the relationship in this book (because it's been very hard to figure out), but you never know what ideas will pop into your head. Never say never, right? But I will probably think twice about writing about a taboo subject again. 

This sort of relates to my struggles with trying to finish UL. You know, besides my lack of motivation and energy. I've had a hard time seeing the ending and I think it has a lot to do with figuring out who exactly is the audience for this book. It reads like YA (it's from the point of view from a 15-year-old), but there are a LOT of adult themes. There aren't *sex scenes* per se (except maybe one), but there are *sexual* scenes (about half of them are solo, if you catch my drift). And they don't hold back on the detail.

So that's part of my problem. If the previous sexual scenes were very detailed, I feel like the potential sex scene would also have to be detailed. It just fits the voice of the main character. But I feel like this book can't be YA if I go there. My struggles with the ending are part of this because I'm not sure anymore if this is the ending the story needs. But I guess that's a whole other problem that I'll have to figure out. 

One of my subplots, on the other hand, feels VERY YA. It involves high schoolers and coming of age and all that crap. I also worry about my subplots weighing down the last third of the book. I also think about how my two sequel ideas feel very New Adult. Is someone who reads the first book when my MC is 15 also going to want to read about when he's 20 and 22? 

So who exactly is the audience for my book? Besides myself?? Maybe figuring that out will help me figure out all the rest. 

What Does Success Look Like?

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month's optional question is: How do you define success as a writer? Is it holding your book in your hand? Having a short story published? Making a certain amount of income from your writing?

You know, I'm not quite sure what success would really mean to me. In fact, I think it's something that might change over time. My main goal would be to get at least one novel published, but once that is accomplished, I would need a new goal. 

I think my ultimate level of success would mean making enough money from writing to not need a full time job. I would love having the whole day to just work on writing and editing (and eventually marketing...I guess...). Right now I usually find myself too exhausted from my day job to work on writing too much. 

Speaking of exhaustion, I'm going to keep this short. Work has been really hectic lately and I haven't been feeling well, so I don't have much brain capacity. I have a nice long vacation next week which I desperately need! Hopefully lots of rest...and maybe even some writing? 

Still Burnt Out

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I didn't really know what to write about for this month, probably because I've been feeling the same way that I have for months. I just don't really have the desire to write at all. I was keeping up with the editing for a while (got 400 'then's down to 125!), but now I haven't been doing much of anything, except watching the occasional Youtube video and writing down a few notes when ideas come to me.

I think there are a lot of factors making me feel so burnt out, and not all of them are actually about writing. My job has been really stressful and busy lately and I'm just exhausted all of the time. I used to get up early on my days off to get things done, but now I sleep in. I haven't been going to the gym that much anymore and I've found pretty much every excuse to cheat on my diet (I like to eat my feelings, ok?). My energy level has just been so low lately, so it's hard to come home and want to do anything but relax and watch TV. 

I do feel burnt out when it comes to writing, though. There is still SO MUCH I want to fix in UL, not to mention the fact that I still don't quite know how to end it. Sometimes I feel like giving up on it, but I know that I can't. I've put so much work into it already and I just can't give up, but sometimes it's hard to keep going when it's already been so long and there's still so much to do.

I've thought about working on something different for a while. I'd like to get back to my NaNo book from 2019 (currently titled Sexy Fluff #1), but part of me wants to start over instead of just finishing the first draft. I feel like my rivals to lovers concept wasn't strong enough, like my characters weren't strong enough rivals. But I digress. I think I should finish the first draft and then go back and fix things in the second draft. 

It's probably a good idea to work on SF #1 because I actually feel a little bit excited about it? I just need to find the motivation. I started reading a book that's in the same genre, and I chose one by an author I'd read before and I really liked that book, but the one I'm trying to read right now is just...not good. So I thought it would inspire me to get to writing, and it's just not. But maybe trying to write a better book than this one will motivate me! 

Anyway, I've written way more than I thought I would, but the good news is that after work this Friday, I'm off for 6 days! I don't want to push myself too hard to work on writing unless I really want to, but either way, I think it will be good to have some time off work and relax, do a few fun things, and just unwind. Maybe by the end of my mini vacation, I'll have some of my energy back, and then hopefully the motivation will follow. 

Anything but a Quitter

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month's optional question is: What would make you quit writing? 

I think the short answer is...NOTHING. And I'm being completely serious. I mean, I've experienced pretty much everything that involves not writing--breaks, breathers, pauses, hiatuses, burnout, crushing depression, feeling like my writing is never going to be any good and no one will ever read it. But the one thing that I never did was quit. I just don't think it's in me. 

I've always been a writer. Ever since I was little, I imagined stories in my head. I don't think I could make that go away if I tried. Even if I had no intention to publish, I would still write for myself. I would still come up with stories and want to put them into words. 

I guess the only plausible scenario would be if I ran out of ideas, and that definitely isn't happening any time soon. I've still got plenty of ideas that I haven't even started yet. 

I have been feeling rather insecure when it comes to writing lately. I mentioned a while back that I had a three month goal of working on something writing related every day (and that I would reward myself with Cheesecake Factory when I finished). I was doing great for a while. Some days were more productive than others, sure, but I was doing it. 

Well, when June hit, at first I was feeling a bit burnt out. I was struggling to pick things to do every day, and for several days in a row I just watched Youtube videos about writing. I felt kind of guilty even counting that, but I was able to write down a few notes and get inspired from those videos. Not too long after, though, I got sick. I don't even know what I had. First I thought I had strep throat, but I tested negative. Then a couple weeks later I had a horrible headache for days and even a fever for a bit. I pretty much refused to go to urgent care because they couldn't do anything for my throat and I didn't want to go back, and I really just felt like I needed to rest. 

I did get better after a couple days, but I didn't do any writing whatsoever. Part of me was upset, but another part felt like I needed the break. I needed a few days to not have that pressure hanging over my head. 

But I did want to get back on track, so I decided to let July be my third month! It's going well so far. I've started slowly with a search for "that," which can be really easy to eliminate a lot of the time. My first sweep got 1255 'thats' down to 1062. I honestly thought it would be more, but I'm going to go back through it again and get rid of some of the trickier ones, or the times where there are way too many in the same paragraph or page. And then I'll move on to the next task.

Do you ever feel like you need a break? What would make you quit writing?

The Rewriting Rush

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month I'm a co-host! The other awesome co-hosts are J Lenni Dorner, Natalie Aguirre, Lee Lowery, and Rachna Chhabria!

This month's optional question is: For how long do you shelve your first draft, before reading it and re-drafting? Is this dependent on your writing experience and the number of stories/books under your belt?

For me, I think it depends on the story, and whether I am so excited about it that I just want to keep going, or if writing it was so exhausting that I need a little break from it. Or, if there's a deadline involved, you usually have to jump right into editing once the first draft is done. When I wrote the first draft of "The Last Dragon" for the Hero Lost anthology, I had to jump right back into it in order to submit it in time (and get my word count waaaaaaaaaaay down). 

Uneven Lines is a whole other animal. There have been so many versions and drafts and breaks and hiatuses that I don't even know where I am anymore sometimes. Technically I'm on the third draft (of the novel version), but there have been draft changes halfway through, and while I'm mostly editing right now, this draft isn't actually complete. I still haven't written the last two chapters. What happens isn't completely clear to me, and I hope getting the previous chapters to exactly where I want them will help me figure it out. 

Sometimes, in order to just get something done, I just have to pick a specific task and focus on that. I've been trying to purge all of the editing comments that I've left myself in the Word document for the whole manuscript. A couple weeks ago I tackled every "rewrite" comment, getting it down from 78 to 11, only leaving the ones that will involve a big rewrite (at least a page), or more brainstorming to figure it out. Most of the ones I fixed were either a sentence or a paragraph, so it was easier to go through and improve on those sentences. 

And you know what? Rewriting is really satisfying! There have been plenty of times where I've stared at a page of writing, having absolutely no clue and no desire to try editing it. But when I focus on a specific part, knowing that if I just take a moment and really think about it, I can fix it and make it better. And doing that feels great! 

Last week I went through my comments again, finding the ones that said "show," meaning that the sentence I wrote was telling when it should have been showing. There were only 22 this time, and I only left one incomplete because it's part of a whole page rewrite. 

But I just love the feeling of taking a sentence/paragraph that isn't so great and transforming it into something better. For instance, I had this passage marked in my manuscript: 

Before we could say anything else, the waiter came back and set our food in front of us. I wasn’t really hungry anymore, but we started eating because there was nothing else left to do. 

I had specifically marked "I wasn't really hungry anymore," with a "show" comment, because I didn't really think I conveyed why Jordan didn't feel hungry anymore. It took me a while to actually figure out what I needed to say in this moment, but I finally rewrote it as: 

The waiter came back and set our food in front of us, pulling us out of this moment and back to reality. I stared down at my plate for the longest time, not wanting it because that emptiness in the pit of my stomach didn’t feel like hunger anymore. I didn’t know what else to say, and Tom didn’t say anything, either. We started eating because there was nothing else left to do. 

Sometimes less is more, but I think in this particular instance, I needed more words to show how Jordan was feeling in that moment. I really like how this rewrite turned out. It's a really great feeling when you just know you've changed something for the better.

Do you like rewriting? How long do you shelve your first draft? 

Random Bursts of Motivation

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

I know I've probably mentioned this (many) times before, but I struggle with motivation, especially when it comes to writing. Like, I'm really good at motivating myself to do the dishes, but not so much at doing some editing or brainstorming. I don't know what it is. Sometimes I just feel like all the energy has been sucked out of me, and I just can't bring myself to do it.

When I actually do get motivated, it happens at random and fizzles out just as fast as it started. Sometimes I make a list of goals for the week and I get something done right away, then avoid the rest. Or another thing I'm constantly guilty of is researching different submissions for stories or poetry, bookmarking the websites, and then never actually making a plan to write or submit anything. Usually by the time I go back and look at them, the deadlines have passed or are too close to try to start writing something new. 

I have been working on my goal of doing something writing related every single day for 3 months. I think having a reward at the end is helping to motivate me (I promised myself a giant Cheesecake Factory to go order after the 3 months, and it will take me that long to pick what I want because I've been on a diet for quite some time and I also used to work there so I have a lot of favorites). It really is easy to motivate myself with food (or a fancy Starbucks drink), but I can't constantly be doing that because I'm also trying to lose weight. 

When I get into a slump like this, it really is hard to motivate myself out of it. But I am at least doing *something* every day. Even if it's just a few edited lines. I just wish those random bursts of motivation would come more often. Or that I could think of a reward that isn't food....

Do you struggle with motivation? What do you do to reward yourself? 

When Controversy Strikes

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

I almost forgot to write this post! Luckily, I looked in my planner last night and saw that today was IWSG Day! I really need to get better at blogging. And writing. But I am trying! One of my three month goals is to work on *something* writing related every single day, even if it's a tiny thing. I did already screw up and forgot to do something on Monday...oops. I was sleep deprived, ok? (It was the cat's fault!) I'm gonna do some extra work on one day to make up for it. 

Anyhoo, this month's optional question is: Are you a risk-taker when writing? Do you try something radically different in style/POV/etc. or add controversial topics to your work?

Let's see...my main WIP is about a relationship between a 15-year-old and a 28-year-old, so....YES. I wouldn't say I seek out controversial ideas. Most ideas I've had have just kind of hit me out of nowhere. And it's definitely tricky to do. You don't even want to know how many times I've told myself that no one is going to read my book. One of the many things that has held me back over the years, but I do keep going. Slowly. I do think the time has helped me understand the story better though, and where it was when I first started would not have been good. It was more of a forbidden romance at first, but with a lot of time and work, it's become a lot more complicated, in a way that I hope will make someone want to read it. 

When I started writing it, Jordan was definitely a unique choice of narrator for me as well. I'd pretty much only written female main characters before him. I feel like when it comes to writing, I'll try anything once. If an idea I like strikes me, then I run with it.

I think I'll cut this short since, you know...almost forgot to write the thing...I'll leave you with a picture of the cupcakes I made for Easter! I tried a tricolor frosting technique for the first time and I think it came out pretty good!

Writing Adjacent Activities

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month, I'm a co-host! The other fabulous co-hosts are Jacqui Murray, Chemist Ken, Victoria Marie Lees, Natalie Aguirre, and JQ Rose!

This month's optional question is: Everyone has a favorite genre or genres to write. But what about your reading preferences? Do you read widely or only within the genre(s) you create stories for? What motivates your reading choice?

While I think my favorite genres to read are also the ones I like to write (mainly fantasy or LGBT), I'll read pretty much anything if it sounds interesting to me. I like to read classic novels but I would never in a million years attempt historical fiction. I like the occasional sci-fi novel, but would never try writing one of those, either. When it comes to reading, I'll try anything once. 

Onto this month's insecurities! While I do wish I was actually writing, I feel like I'm getting there. Slowly. Like I'm on the road to writing--it's long and treacherous and filled with many obstacles and road side distractions, but at least I'm on it. I'm thinking about writing. And I'm doing some...let's call them writing adjacent activities. 

Last year, hubby and I signed up for a year's subscription to MasterClass, and like most things, I procrastinated and only started watching one a few weeks ago. I'll probably have to sign up for another year because there are so many writers! I started with Margaret Atwood's class, and I've written down some ideas it's inspired and some quotes, like this one that I really, really need to live by:

It's always better to actually do something--sit down at the keyboard, pick up the pen--rather than to brood about the fact that you're not doing it. Do it however crummy you think the result may be. At least you're moving. 

Other writing adjacent activities include a plan to make the ULTIMATE Uneven Lines Playlist. What makes it ultimate, you might ask. Well, I already have my main playlist, of course, but those aren't the only songs that I associate with UL. In fact, I've come to realize that there are quite a few songs that I associate with it. So I want to go chapter by chapter, putting those songs in order so they span the entire book. Will I have a song for every scene? Probably not, but it'll be close, and I think it will be a lot of fun. 

I also want to get back into editing, because at least that would mean accomplishing something. I really want to do a search for "was," and get rid of as many as possible. I've been avoiding it for a while because I knew it was going to be a BIG task (there are a lot of them...), but I think making the existing writing stronger will be a big accomplishment. And then hopefully it will lead to some actual writing. 

What kind of writing adjacent activities are you up to right now? Or are you actually writing??

Shake Things Up

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Since I'm struggling a bit figuring out what to write about, I thought I'd start with this month's optional question:

Blogging is often more than just sharing stories. It’s often the start of special friendships and relationships. Have you made any friends through the blogosphere?

I'd definitely like to think I've made a few friends through the blogosphere! While I've never met any of my blogger buddies in person, we keep in contact through other social media besides just reading each other's blogs. I think the type of friends you make through blogging are very important to have. You have a lot in common as writers and can lift each other's spirits in ways that people in your "real" life may not be able to. 

So back to my struggling to write...it isn't limited to blog post ideas. Despite all my efforts to make goals and get back into writing this year, I haven't written anything yet. The closest thing I've done to writing is putting together a book playlist that's been on my mind for a while. Whenever I set a writing goal, I just avoid it. Every time I start thinking about UL, I get discouraged thinking about all the work I still have to put into it. I've even thought about completely rethinking the last third of the book AGAIN. I know I should focus on the things I know have to be fixed before trying to figure out the rest, but I just feel burnt out with the whole thing. I want to find a way to shake myself out of this slump. 

Part of me thinks I need to write something fun. Something with absolutely no pressure. I feel like that was kind of the idea behind my Sexy Fluff stories, but they kind of got away from me. Maybe I've just thought about them too much. I think I need something simple, or maybe something really different. Try a different genre. Maybe try some poetry again! 

I feel like I just need SOMETHING to jump start my drive to write, because sitting around avoiding it isn't making me feel very good. 

How do you get out of a writing slump? 

Where's My Motivation?

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Well, it's a new year (finally! so long 2020! you won't be missed!), and with a new year usually comes a new surge of motivation. I've got a brand new fancy planner, even bigger and fancier than last year's. I do certainly feel motivated about certain things--continuing to eat healthy and lose weight (I gained two pounds over Christmas and New Year's, but that's not too bad, right?), getting back into productive habits, like cleaning every day, drinking lots of water, READING MORE (I only read 18 books last year). 

But do you know where I still have zero motivation? Writing. 

I don't know what it is. For the past couple months, I have just completely lost my desire to write. I don't even want to think about any of my stories. I realized recently that I used to always fall asleep thinking about one scene or another, but lately I haven't found anything that piques my interest. I've scanned over every story idea, every sequel, every self-indulgent never actually going to write it moment that I could possibly think of and...nope. Don't want to think about it anymore. 

I obviously don't want to be done with writing, but I also don't know how to get that motivation back. I've really always struggled with motivation, but there was always a tiny glimmer of that desire to write underneath whatever else was holding me back. Now, I don't even feel that. 

Maybe I've just been avoiding writing too much? Real life has certainly been stressful and exhausting for a while. Maybe if I just try to work on writing, eventually I'll begin to feel that spark again. 

I'm planning on trying a new tactic. For a while, I was trying to work on writing (or editing, brainstorming, etc.) for thirty minutes every day. I don't know if I responded well to that kind of pressure. If I couldn't think of anything to focus on, or if I just had too many other tasks, it was usually the one goal of my day that was incomplete. So I've decided instead to pick a few specific writing tasks that I want to get done each week. Most of them relate to UL, but I'll try to throw in a different story idea or a sequel to keep things interesting, and hopefully spark some motivation. This way, I can choose what time is best for getting a task done, and if I go a day or two without writing, I won't have to feel guilty about it.

How do you find motivation? Do you write every day?

Is It Next Year Yet?

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Can you believe it's December already? I'm sure everyone is excited for the year to be over. I think we can't help but hope that next year will be better. I mean, how could it possibly get any worse (knock on wood)??

For me, I really think I need some kind of a reboot. I'm stuck in a rut. I don't even have the desire to work on writing. Every once in a while I'll try to get into it, or at least try to get organized and make a plan, but I never follow through. I think the start of a new year could really help motivate me. I asked for a new planner for Christmas (and if I don't get it, I'll just buy it myself lol), one that's even fancier than the one I used this year. And more stickers! I want to be extra organized and really make plans for working on writing and other goals I want to accomplish. 

Part of why I haven't been writing is that I've been focused on other things, which I don't really feel bad about. I started back on Weight Watchers on September 21, and I've lost 25 pounds since then. I've been going to the gym five days a week, too, and it's all really paying off. But it definitely leaves me even more exhausted than I was just working my day job (and that already leaves me feeling pretty exhausted!). But, again, I think getting more organized and planning my weeks ahead of time will help me balance everything. 

I've also already finished my Christmas shopping! I was very determined to finish before December began, and I made my last online purchase on November 30. I knew the longer I waited, the longer it was going to take to have things shipped, so I just wanted it over with. I just have to wait for a couple more shipments and then I'll just have to put everything together. I've always been into making gift baskets and I got a lot of good ideas this year so I'm excited to put them together. 

So, that's about it. I'm focusing on losing weight and getting myself organized for next year. Then when January hits, I hope I'll have a better writing schedule figured out.

Are you ready for this year to end? Have you started your holiday shopping? 

Making a List

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

I don't know if you knew this, but sometimes writing is hard. Editing is hard, too. Rewriting is REALLY hard. When you're trying to polish a manuscript and make it as perfect as you possibly can, thinking about all of the things you still have to do can be overwhelming. Sometimes I feel like I don't know where to start. 

Luckily for me, I love making to-do lists. I rarely have a day off where I don't make a long list of tasks that I want to get done. So, when it comes to editing/rewriting, I decided I needed a list. When I was reading through UL to try to get my head back into the idea of writing, there were certain parts I knew needed big changes, others smaller ones. An awkwardly written sentence here or there can be easy to fix, but when there are entire scenes that I want to rethink, sometimes I just avoid working on them at all. 

So to ease into the process, I made a new list. I went through every chapter, noting particular moments that needed bigger rewrites than just a sentence or two. So instead of opening my manuscript and staring into the abyss, I can pinpoint where I need to start working. I know some scenes will be easier to fix than others. Some will need some extensive thinking to figure out what the story actually needs. Instead of getting overwhelmed by how much I need to get done, I can take it one step at a time, focusing on whichever part I feel I can accomplish when I sit down to write. 

I know I still have a lot to do, and I actually haven't even finished this list yet. Some of the later chapters need a lot of work. But some of the chapters don't need any work at all! I've also decided that Chapter 21 is getting the ax! There are a few moments in it that I can probably sneak into other chapters if necessary, but I like the idea of cutting down the length, especially in the third act (it's waaaaaaaaaaaay too long).

Eventually I'm hoping that every single list I could possibly create will be completed, and the story will be done. Then I suppose it will be time for new lists...publishing related lists, perhaps? I can dream...

Not Enough Hours in the Day

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Do you ever feel like there aren't enough hours in the day? I certainly do. I work full time from 6-2:30, then after work my husband and I go straight to the gym most days, since we're really focusing on losing weight and eating healthier right now. Then I like to do at least a half hour of reading, and do a little cleaning, and DISHES so many dishes why are there so many there's only two of us??? And now it's October so hubby and I try to cram in as many horror movies as we can all month (I like to watch ones I've never seen, he just wants to rewatch the classics...guess I do have time to do those dishes...). 

Anyhoo, what does this have to do with writing? Well, basically, that I'm not. At all. I'm not even trying. I'm not even thinking about trying, because I don't know what the next step is. For a while I was rereading chapters 1-26 of UL (not 27, because 27 is a trash fire...wait, have I said that before?), doing some editing as I went and leaving notes where I wanted to change things but couldn't figure it out on the spot. Which was great! It gave me something to do. Like reading, my goal is to just spend 30 minutes every day on something writing related. 

But then I finished my readthrough, and was left wondering, "now what?" Now, if I really sit down and think about it, there are plenty of things I could tackle. I recently decided that I'm most likely cutting Chapter 21, taking any really important bits and fitting them in other parts of the story. There are plenty of editing comments throughout the Word document that I will eventually have to tackle. I want to completely rewrite Chapter 27. And then I still have to write the last two or three chapters. 

I think my problem is that I just feel overwhelmed. I don't feel like I have a lot of time to write, and since nothing I need to do is easy, I'm not able to pick anything at all. When I have a specific task in mind, it's easy to devote 30 minutes to it. But when I've reached the end of a long, demanding day, and I have to actually choose something difficult to work on? I just don't want to do it. 

I think I need a new system. The 30 minutes a day is great, but I think I need to plan way in advance what I'll be working on so that I'm not deciding in the moment. Maybe I should even spend one day a week working on a different project (one of the Sexy Fluffs, perhaps??) so that I can have something new and exciting to motivate me and keep the drive to write going. 

How do you find the time/motivation to write? Any horror movie recommendations??