Blog Insecurity

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click the link to learn more and sign up!

So what am I insecure about lately? You mean besides the same old, same old, right? For once I actually don't want to talk about writing, since nothing's really changed (still). I think I've completely unloaded all of my insecurities on that at this point. But one never really runs out of insecurity, do they? 

I've had quite a few blog related things on my mind lately. I definitely don't have the same momentum that I had through most of last year, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I have a lot less time now to write more posts, so I'm lucky to get one post a week out. But I'd rather be writing something that actually means something than just trying to fill space.

There are also a lot of things coming up in the near future that have me feeling a bit insecure. The A to Z Challenge is coming up way too fast and I officially signed up the other day. But I'm still not sure on my theme yet. I have a few ideas but I'm having trouble figuring out which one to use. My initial idea that I also mentioned last week was guilty pleasures. I've come up with a bunch but I don't know if I have 26 guilty pleasures, particularly one for every letter. Most of the ones I've come up with are just TV shows or junk food. I'd really like to have more of a variety of topics but I just don't know if they're there.

My second idea would actually be writing related, most likely to be called "The Revision Project." It would be kind of a way of dissecting what parts of my novel need to be fixed, sort of as a way to actually get me back on the revision track. My worries with this is that it may be too personal. I feel like some of the posts may be slightly therapeutic and I'm just not sure if people will care. Plus I'll probably be dishing out a lot of information on the book which may not keep everyone interested.

Besides all the A to Z brainstorming, I've got my own blogfest coming up in less than two weeks! I'm really excited for it but I'm worried it won't be as good as the first one. I still haven't written my post for it yet either. The signups are slowly getting up there but I don't know if they'll match the first Muse Party Blogfest. I know people will have fun with it, but I still worry that they won't.

I think what I always worry about with anything is that no one will care. Maybe that's an insecurity I need to get over.

Lost & Found: Valentine's Edition Bloghop

Today I'm taking part in the Lost & Found: Valentine's Edition Bloghop, hosted by Arlee Bird, Guilie Castillo-Oriard, Alex J Cavanaugh, Denise Covey, Yolanda Renee, and Elizabeth Seckman. We're being asked to share a story of love lost or found. I decided instead of fiction or a personal essay, to share some poetry instead. And not just one poem, but two!

While I feel these particular poems definitely need some heavy editing, if I had tried to start fixing them, I would never be done, so decided to share them as is (otherwise I'd never get this post done!). The first poem is a more personal one, and tells a story of love first found and then lost. The second is based on a piece of fiction (and actually helped me create the last two lines of my novel), and is more about love not necessarily lost, but complete. Enjoy!

Origami Roses

She knew before it happened—

there was softness in his voice

and a looming February holiday.

One day felt longer than the months before—

the careful footsteps around each other,

the coy remarks and lasting glances.

He made her the center of attention,

forced to clutch a glass vase to her chest.

Two were received every hour—

vibrant red petals and green stems,

white tags asking of her commitment.

When he appeared with the final two,

her answer was easy to give;

she knew it after getting the first.

Those roses were elegant, everlasting,

but they weren’t real.

Though he labored over every fold

with sincerity and passion,

they would always be fake.

Maybe then she would have seen the end as possible,

instead of believing his emotions

that could not last as long as these symbols.

She would have preferred real ones

to wilt quickly for her; they would have been

much easier to throw away.

Complete 

He asks if I am happy.

Happy! What a strange word.

I couldn’t begin to comprehend

what it means. Which isn’t to say

that I am sad, either. But what

is there to feel when your work is done?

When you have molded yourself for so long

and find that there are no more bits

of clay to stretch, no marks to carve.

Happy? No. What I am is complete.

All my unfinished parts sewn together

and finding their place. And the pain

was entirely necessary, to rip up

all those pieces before they could

be brought together. Now I can say

that I am my own.

But what is left, after something

is complete? What can you do,

but move on to the next thing? 

**As an added bonus, I've also realized that while the poems themselves work for the theme, the fact that I'm showing you my poems at all does as well. Because what I've also lost is my love for writing poetry. Back in college I could write a poem a day, but at some point I just wasn't able to. Maybe by sharing and eventually editing my poems, that love and ability will be able to come back.

The Good, the Bad, and the Blogfest

I thought I would throw together another fun facts post, since I had way too many things I wanted to talk about. A few things are good, some others are not (or at least aren't yet!). Oh yeah, and some kind of blogfest, or something...

The Good

- I have this weekend off! Working every other weekend instead of every single weekend ever makes my current job infinitely better than my last one.
- My fiance had jury duty yesterday and luckily didn't get picked for a jury, plus came home early and since it was my day off, we got to go out to lunch and spend some time together.
- As much as I would have loved to go to the first ever Broadwaycon this past weekend, being in New York during the snowstorm would have been a disaster! While my main reason for not going was money, I'm glad I didn't cave in and go.
- The snowstorm didn't hit us too hard here. I walk to work, so all I had to do was put on some boots. Plus while I was working, my fiance cleaned all the snow off my car <3

The Bad

- I won't be switching to earlier hours at work because something went wrong with the person they hired to take my hours. So now I have to wait until they hire another person, and it's a really long process. Guess it's still 11-7:30 for me for a while...
- I didn't get to read any blog posts on Monday since I pretty much went to bed right after work. I also procrastinated too much on Tuesday and probably didn't get to everyone's posts like I wanted to.
- The A to Z Challenge sign ups have already begun! Can you believe it? I can't! I don't know if I can participate this year. If I can come up with a theme like, within the next week or so, then I can try to write my posts ahead of time. If I can't get them all done before April, then there's just no way I'll have time to take part.
- I have had a theme idea floating around in my head but I'm not sure if I have enough ideas for every letter: guilty pleasures. I think it could be fun but I'll I've thought of so far are a few TV shows and some junk food. I don't know if I have 26 guilty pleasures at all, let alone one for every letter of the alphabet.
- There was a bomb threat made to where I work on Monday night (and is also right up the street from my apartment). Luckily it turned out to be nothing. There have been a ton of bomb threats around my state in the news lately and they need to stop!

The Blogfest

In case you missed it, I'm hosting another Muse Party Blogfest! This one is the (Anti-) Valentine's Day Edition. Whether you love Valentine's Day or hate it, if you have a muse (or a character) you can still have fun at the party! Find out all the details and sign up here!

Well, that's pretty much all that's going on right now. Writing? you may ask. What writing? There was never any writing...kidding. I have no idea! Add that one to the bad list, I suppose. But I'm trying not to dwell on it.

Has your week been good or bad? Have any guilty pleasures? Have you signed up for the Muse Party Blogfest (you should!)??

The Muse Party Blogfest: (Anti-) Valentine's Day Edition

Blow up the balloons and grab your party hats, it's time for another muse party! After two seconds of much debating, I've decided it would be fun to get all of our muses and characters together for another day of shenanigans. But this time, there's a theme!

That's right, this party is a Valentine's Day muse party! Well, sort of. While I'm sure none of us are romantically involved with our muses (that would be weird on so many levels...), we do still love them (sometimes). Whether you have a real life Valentine or not, you may love Valentine's Day or hate it. I actually can't stand it most of the time, but since this party has absolutely nothing to do with sappy romance and greeting cards, I thought it would be fun.

It just so happens that my musiversary (that's muse anniversary for those of you playing at home) with Jordan falls on the day after Valentine's Day. So he's kind of always been my anti-Valentine. This year marks our fifth musiversary, so it seemed like a great time to celebrate and throw a party! 

So it's kind of an anti-Valentine's Day party. But also a Valentine's Day party. Basically it's whatever you want it to be. We're celebrating the most nauseating of holidays along with the most dysfunctional relationships we probably have--the ones with our muses. 

All right, I'll stop rambling! The details! The Valentine's Day Muse Party Blogfest will take place on Monday, February 15. I'll be hosting the party here and you and your muse can come! On that day you can post on your blog and answer the questions I've provided. I'll be answering them, too, and visiting all the other blogs to check out your answers! 

If you don't have a muse or don't want to bring them, feel free to bring a character from one of your books (published or not!). If you came to the first party, you can bring the same muse/character or someone different. Maybe we'll get to see how much we and our muses really love each other...

Here are the questions:

1. Who did you bring to the party? Is he/she your Valentine or anti-Valentine?

2. Which one of you is the more romantic person?

3. What gift are you giving to your (anti) Valentine?

4. Are you guys wearing red or pink (or black...)? 

5. Did you bring any Valentine's Day treats? 

6. Name a song for our Love Playlist or Anti-Love Playlist (or both)! 

7. Got a great anti/Valentine party game? 

8. Feeling the love or just feeling nauseous? How will you have fun at the party?

9. Has your muse been a good Valentine? 

*Jordan's Bonus Question (feel free to ignore him...): Did you bring me & Sarah a musiversary gift? (Because we've put up with each other for five years and I think we deserve something.)

Feel free to add any other details you'd like to share! And be as pro or anti-Valentine's Day as you'd like. Or both if you and your muse differ. Sign up on the Linky List below to participate! 

Who's Up for a Party?

I had an idea recently that I've kind of been on the fence about, so I figured I'd get some opinions on it before I made a decision. Last May's Muse Party Blogfest was a lot of fun and honestly, a much bigger success than I thought it would be. At the end of last year I wanted to do a Christmas themed one, but with the new job I just didn't have the time or energy to plan it. So I figured I would just do it again in May for my next blog anniversary. But then I realized it would be hard to come up with new questions for people to answer, and that would just be boring. So having a theme would help.

Well, Valentine's Day is next month. While I actually can't stand Valentine's Day, it just so happens that my anniversary with my muse happens to be the next day. So I thought, what better time to have a muse party? You've got a holiday and an anniversary all rolled into one! While I know I would actually like to do it, I don't know if I actually should. So I've been thinking about the pros and cons:

Pros:
- Obviously, I can come up with Valentine's Day questions which would make this different from the previous muse party
- It would be on Monday the 15th and I have that day off from work so I would actually have time to do it and visit everyone else doing it
- That day is my fifth anniversary with Jordan, so another reason to celebrate (I guess...)
- I still have over a month to pimp it out and get signups!
- I have all day tomorrow off to put a post together with the questions and signup list
- My linky list subscription is still good so I wouldn't have to pay for it :D

Cons:
- Well, it would be Valentine's Day themed but actually be the day after Valentine's Day
- It also happens to be President's Day and I know some people don't blog on holidays

Well, ok, not too many cons, so it seems kind of obvious, doesn't it? I'm just not sure if it's something that people would actually want to do, so that's kind of the point of this post. Let me know if you think it's a good idea and you'd want to join in and I will definitely put this together. If not, I'll probably just take a nap.

The Year of No Resolutions

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click the link to learn more and sign up!

It's that time of year where pretty much everyone has made a list of goals they'd like to accomplish at some point during the year, or just things they'd like to do better. Usually I'm the same way (although apparently my muse despises resolutions...), but this year I'm trying something different. I'm not making any actual resolutions.

I have a few reasons for this. First, I just didn't really have any time to think about it. My full time job pretty much takes up all of my time. The 11-7:30 shift was a lot more difficult than I anticipated. I spend most of the morning just getting ready (both physically and mentally) for work, and then after work I'm exhausted. I just want to eat dinner, maybe watch some TV and then pass out. My days off are usually spent doing chores like laundry and grocery shopping. So there's not a lot of time left for anything else. Luckily I'll be switching to an earlier shift in a couple weeks (probably 6:30-3) so I think I'll be able to make better use of my spare time.

But the other reason for not making any resolutions was that I just wasn't feeling it. I feel like I make the same exact goals every year and never accomplish them. Lose weight, finish my book, publish some poems, read 100 books. It just never works out. I'm kind of tired of the disappointment.

So I thought this year I would take a different approach. I still have the same goals I've always had, but I'm trying to think of them in a different way. I don't want to push myself on too many things so that I burn out right away and give up. I want to start tackling these goals in a more realistic way. One step at a time. Maybe work an hour on UL's third draft at this point, maybe go to the gym on this day, say no to pizza and get a salad. I don't want to try to do everything at once or think too much about what needs to be done in the future. Just try to do my best one day at a time. And if I need a day to relax and do nothing, then that's ok.

I have no idea if this approach will work but I guess without making any concrete goals, even if I accomplish one tiny thing, it will be a small victory. I've just got to take everything one tiny step at a time.

How do you tackle your goals? Did you make any resolutions this year?

Jordan Takes Over: New Year's Whatever

**The first Monday of every month, I let my muse take over the blog. I apologize in advance.**

First of all, I'd just like to point out that the last post on this blog was my post from last month, so that means Sarah is slacking off more than me. Let's all just keep that in mind the next time she yells at me.

Anyway, so it's a whole new year or something. Big freaking deal. People do the same thing every year, they say how they're going to change everything about their lives and do so much better and then two weeks later everything is back to normal. It's so lame. You know I hate lame things. What is it about a new year that makes suddenly makes people go all psycho?

I've never had a resolution. Well, mostly because I'm perfect. But that's not the point. Actually, it's really because if I want to do something, I just do it. I don't need that extra push of motivation that a new year supposedly brings. Ok, so maybe that isn't the best advice to give to everyone. Doing and getting the things you want doesn't always come easy. I'm not saying it's always easy for me, either. But sometimes trying to get those things and figuring out how to get them can be half the fun. But somehow people spend most of their time making excuses and not actually trying to do the things they want.

So let's say you've got something you want to get done. You want to read more or write more or lose weight or exercise or ask out that really hot guy in your music theory class (wait, what?). You have to ask yourself what's really stopping you from doing it and I guarantee that it's not the time of year. Like you've been telling yourself, oh, it's December, I can't start anything new in December. Well, why the hell not???? You just wasted a whole month where you could have been doing that thing you want to do! So you're still not writing and you're still fat and you're still not getting laid.

You know what else is super phony? The whole new year's motivation never lasts. Sure, you may have a few weeks where you'll actually feel productive and you really think it's gonna last forever, but it'll wear off. So why do people pretend that every new year is suddenly going to be different from all the previous ones?

This is what I want you to do. Stop giving a crap about what time of year it is. I'm serious. No lame excuses. If you want to do something, just do it already. If you need to think think about why it's so difficult for you to motivate yourself, then do that first. But stop relying on the beginning of the year to motivate you. January is sick of your bullshit.

JP

Jordan Takes Over: Too Much to Deal With

**The first Monday of every month, I let my muse take over the blog. I apologize in advance.**

So it's kind of been a ghost town over here lately. I've seen tumbleweeds, I swear. We're basically pulling off the bare minimum here--IWSG last week and my post today (because those are requirements!), but I can't really promise anything else. It's really a day by day thing at this point. Look, it's hard enough to come up with blog posts when you don't have any ideas, but then when you add on having no time to come up with said ideas, it gets even harder. I know what you're going to say, "But Jordan, helping with ideas is your department, why aren't you helping???" To which I would say, be quiet.

I didn't even really want to post this month but my birthday is next week and how else was I going to get all of you to wish me a happy birthday?? (I'll wait). We were actually thinking a while back of having a Christmas themed Muse Party Blogfest next week but with the whole new job thing, there just wasn't any time to plan it. So we'll probably have another one for the blog anniversary at the end of May. See? That's plenty of time. So we should start planning now...

People always complain about having no time. It probably gets more blame than your muses when you aren't able to write (which is hard to believe because you blame us for everything). There are always things in life that you have to do, and they usually push aside the things that you want to do. Time management can be a bitch. And if you've got way too much going on, you may miss what's going on around you.

I've got a perfect example! This year is the big 2-0 for me (thank God, felt like I was going to have to be a teenager forever!), and Book 2 takes place a few months after I turn 20. And there is a lot going on in that book. Seriously, if you think I have it easy, you are so wrong. I'm very busy. So let's break this down:

First of all, there's the basics: I'm in college full time and have a part time job on top of that. I have my band, so there's gigs, rehearsing, trying to write new songs. My mom is getting married (lame) and I'm supposed to give her away (so lame), so there's that. She's also getting rid of our apartment (pretending that she actually lived there in the first place) so I need to find a new place to live. THEN. I get contacted by a family member who I've never met (SPOILERS!) so that complicates things a lot. And on top of all of this, because I'm an idiot, apparently (don't quote me on that), I decide to throw a new boyfriend on top of all this mess.

So what happens when you have too much on your plate? Well, for me, it's that I'm too busy to notice that my boyfriend gets progressively more abusive until it is waaaaaaaaaaaay too late, but we won't get into that. For most normal people, it will probably lead to some kind of nervous breakdown. You may just hide in your bed for a week (which isn't always a bad thing). But chances are, you're definitely not going to have time to do the things you want to do.

So it may be quiet around here for a little while until things get sorted out. But don't worry, I'll still pop in every now and then to make it a little loud.

JP

When Does the Writing Start?

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Click the link to learn more and sign up!

I haven't been doing much blogging lately since I started my new job. Adjusting has been a lot harder than I anticipated. Mostly because I'm exhausted all of the time. I pretty much work all day, come home, eat something, then maybe watch a little TV before passing out. I hardly even turn on my computer unless I have a day off. I haven't quite figured out how to utilize my mornings better, since I don't start work until 11. Even when I get up early it doesn't feel like enough time to be really productive. 

But I didn't want to talk about work for this whole post. I wanted to talk about writing. Or lack thereof. I know I wasn't exactly writing much before I started the job, but I feel like I'm waiting around for the inspiration to strike. I know I have to actually try write before anything happens, and that I probably need the time and mental capacity to do so, which I just don't have at this point. 

But the fact that I'm not writing, and haven't in a long time, really makes me sad. I really want to write, but it's like the longer I don't do it, the harder it is to start up again. I feel like I just need some time, even just an hour or two, to sit down with no distractions and just force the words out. Even if they come out horribly, even if they have nothing to do with the piece I should be working on, at least it would be something. And then hopefully I can keep moving forward from there. 

I actually have this whole weekend off so I'm thinking it may be a good time to start. Just to write something. Anything at all. 

How do you start writing again after taking a (ridiculously long) break? How do you find time to write when there is no time?

Adjusting

I'm behind on a lot of things. The dishes are piling up to an obscene amount. I'm ridiculously behind on all of my TV shows (I also watch way too many TV shows). I was supposed to blog on Monday but that didn't happen. Don't even ask about writing. I know, I wasn't really writing before, but now I don't have the time or the brain capacity to do so. But at least I have a good reason.

I started my new job last week and it is exhausting. I wouldn't necessarily say it's more physically demanding than my previous job, it's just that my body isn't used to working this hard anymore. After work every day my feet and my back hurt so much that once I lay down it's hard to get back up again. The very first night I actually went to bed at 8:30. Luckily since then it hasn't been as bad but it's still a lot to get used to.

So there's a lot of adjusting to do. I'm still getting used to the whole working thing. I think once I adjust to the schedule and (hopefully) overcome the exhaustion, maybe I can get back into a routine with all of my other stuff. I just don't want to push myself too hard just yet. I don't want to force out a blog post if I don't have any ideas and don't really have the time to do it. So I'm thinking my posting will be a little sporadic for a while. If I come up with some good ideas I'll definitely try to post. Or even better, if I have some writing progress to report. But for now I'm just going to take it easy.

Luckily I have today off so I'm mostly going to try to catch up on the dishes and TV, and maybe try to squeeze in a little writing. I do have to work tomorrow though (boooooooo!) so I hope everyone else has a good Thanksgiving!

When Vagueness Goes Wrong

When we choose to be vague about something that we write, it always leaves things open to interpretation. Maybe that's what you want, and maybe it isn't. People may be able to figure out what you actually meant, they may just stare at it scratching their heads, or they may take it in the entirely wrong direction.

Ok, that paragraph may seem a little vague in itself. Usually you have to have a really good reason for being vague. It most likely shouldn't turn up in your fiction, unless, for instance, if your character is doing it on purpose. It's perfectly fine to confuse other characters but confusing the reader may be a bad choice. If the reader isn't in on it, or if you don't give an explanation for being vague, it may just make things confusing.

But there are times where you may need to be vague, but that can also go wrong. Take my blog post on Monday, for instance. When I was talking about my idea for a weird scene, I decided to be vague about what it was actually about. This was pretty much for one reason: censorship. Well, ok, spoilers, too, but that was more about who was involved in the scene rather than what. I didn't want to say what was happening because I figured it would make some people uncomfortable. While I'm totally fine with adult content in my books, my blog probably isn't the place for it. So I figured vagueness was the way to go. And that's where I went horribly wrong.

This is where vagueness can get you into trouble. I mentioned that my weird scene involved a character texting a family member while "something else" was going in. Now, I was totally fine with people having absolutely no idea what I was talking about. The point of the post was to talk about the idea of writing weird scenes, not about explaining what this weird scene was about. But at some point during the day I had a slap-myself-in-the-face kind of revelation.

I felt like people assumed I meant my scene was taking place in a bathroom, to which I would say, EW! Really, I'm open to writing about most things, and I've certainly written scenes that take place in a bathroom, but never involving the most common things one would do in there. Because, like I said before, EW! I can't imagine a scenario in one of my stories where that would be necessary. Some things are better left unsaid, really. As far as I'm concerned, my characters don't go to the bathroom. What I meant was that something sexual was happening, but I just didn't want to say it (because fiction-writing me is a lot braver than blog-writing me).

But maybe I'm wrong and people actually understood what I meant. Some of the comments were vague as well so I have no idea what my readers were actually thinking. Maybe I just overthink things waaaaaaaaaaay too much (what else is new?). But I'm also thinking bigger picture here. When you purposely try to be vague, you leave whatever you are saying up to interpretation. So readers can take it whatever way seems reasonable to them. If you're fine with people being clueless, that's one thing, but they could also take whatever you're saying in the entirely wrong direction. So we have think if being vague is really worth all the trouble.

Have you ever written anything vague? Did people take it the wrong way?

Embrace the Weird

Before I get to the actual post, I'd just like to thank everyone for their well wishes last week on my job hunt. I have good news! I got the full time job that I applied for!!! I have orientation next Monday and then start the next day. It's the 11-7:30 shift that I talked about, and I get every other weekend off, so I don't think this will cut into my blogging time. I think I will be taking next week off blogging, though, just to get situated (and work through all of the anxiety...). I'll probably still post this Wednesday (or Friday...or both...) but if not I will be back on the 23rd!

But anyway, onto writing stuff!

I recently had an idea for a scene, and I thought it was a little weird. Ok, technically, it was just part of a scene--the very end, actually, and it was in Book 3. I know, I'm getting way ahead of myself but I just can't help it. But I figure by the time I get around to actually writing the book, I'll probably have it completely figured out and that will make it easier to write.

About this weird moment--well, I don't think I should share the details because it's a bit inappropriate. Let's just say it involves a character texting a family member while...something else is going on. Hopefully you get it. If not, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that my first response to this idea was, "It's too weird! No one would actually do that!" But at the same time, it kind of felt right for the character. It was weirdly bizarre, but in a fascinating and entertaining sort of way.

So what do I do with this scene? Forget it or just go with it?

My initial response was just to forget about it. A million different thoughts cross my mind all the time when it comes to these stories, but I don't always use all of them. But the more I thought about it, the more I liked this moment, not in spite of its weirdness but because of it. Sometimes people do weird things, and those things are usually more entertaining than the normal, boring, or everyday moments that are more likely to occur. So if it's weird, but still believable, why not use it?

What really made sense was that the moment felt right for the character. It actually seems like something he would do. There's actually a scene in the first book that has the same kind of weirdness (it involves lemon bars...I won't get into it...), and I really love that scene. It works in the moment. And if something works, then there really isn't any reason to get rid of it.

The thing about weird scenes is that they definitely won't always work. They have to fit the story, the characters, even the particular scene that they're in. Yes, these moments can seem strange, but they also have to be believable. But if your only reason for not using a particularly weird idea is just because it's weird, then maybe you should rethink it. Sometimes your instincts are right, and those weird scenes can turn out to be something great.

Do you ever come up with weird scenes? Do you try to make them work or get rid of them?

Rambling Insecurity

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click the link to learn more and sign up!

Like with most of my blog posts lately, I have no idea what to write about. Sometimes it just feels like my brain has stopped working. Or sometimes I feel like every idea I come up with is something I've written about before (I couldn't even tell you how many times I've written a post about not having ideas).

Which isn't to say I'm not incredibly insecure. I've just probably already mentioned all of my insecurities several times before. I still haven't actually written anything for quite some time. I keep trying to motivate myself to just write something, even if it's something silly or pointless or short or poorly written. Just something.

I'm hoping things may actually get easier once I have a real job again, which will hopefully be soon. I had not one, but two job interviews on Monday (the insecurity over that could take an entire post). I applied for a full time position, but by the time they called me they only had part time, but I interviewed anyway. Only yesterday I got another call that the full time is available again, so I'm hoping I get that. It would be an 11-7:30 shift, which I would love since my last job sometimes had me working until 1 or 2 in the morning. Plus that still gives me plenty of time in the morning to blog, which I was afraid I'd have to cut back on if I worked full time again.

But anyway, my real point is that if I have an actual full time job, then all of my free time can be exactly that: free. I can do whatever I want. I don't have to worry about having to spend every second trying to make money just to pay my bills. So I will actually have more time to write.

I don't know yet if I should say my time trying to break into freelance work was a failure or not. Maybe it's just not what I really want to do. So maybe it's a better idea just to have a regular job and work on what I really want to write in my spare time. Then maybe some day I can make enough money to only do that (if I'm really really lucky).

But I think for now I just have to take it one step at a time. I'm pretty sure I've said that before.

Jordan Takes Over: Be a Rock Star

**The first Monday of every month, I let my muse take over the blog. I apologize in advance.**

Hey, guess what! Sarah has a job interview this morning so I get to take over! Oh wait, I was going to do that anyway...yeah, yeah, first Monday, blah blah blah. Hey, SHUT UP. Trust me, you don't want to make fun of me, because then you'll end up on my bad side and that is not a place you want to be.

Anyway. Most people have a thing. You know, that thing that you're really good and that you actually love to do. I'm sure for most people reading this, writing is your thing. For me, it's music. You may know what your thing is the second you're born or it may take several years to figure out. And if you're really really lucky, you can find a job that involves your thing. But even if you can't, you should never let that passion take a backseat, or even worse, slip away.

Luckily for me, I will only have two jobs in my lifetime. I started working at a music shop when I was in high school (selling instruments, maybe giving voice lessons...we're still working out the details...writers...ugh). Second job: rock star. You think I'm kidding, don't you? Just wait until you see all my future Grammys. So both of my jobs involve the thing I'm passionate about (one slightly more successfully than the other, but you get the idea).

But it wasn't always going to be this way. I'm not usually one to give up control in any situation, but when it comes to this Book 3 nonsense, I had zero say in the initial plot line. But that's not the issue here. Before the idea for this book came about, we didn't have any idea how or even if my books would end. But all of the ideas never involved me actually becoming a rock star, which is just plain stupid. I mean, come on, you've got a fictional character who should be a rock star, then you make them one. Right?

Which leads me to the bigger picture here. If you've got this thing, this passion, then you should be utilizing it to the best of your ability. Now, maybe everyone out there isn't lucky enough to become a rock star or a bestselling author. Maybe that's not even what you want. But whatever it is that you want to do, you should be doing. Don't let it take a backseat to stupid life--you know, stupid jobs, stupid relationships, stupid everything. Even if you just have a few minutes every day to work on that thing that you're passionate about, you should be doing it.

So do your thing. Be a rock star. Don't let your whole life be one boring mess.

JP

The Listing Hop

To celebrate eight years of blogging, Bish Denham is hosting a blog hop! All we have to do is make a list. Well, I love making lists, so I hopped right on board with this one. Happy blogiversary, Bish!!

Ok, while I really do love making lists (writing this blog post is on the top of today's to-do list!), it took me forever to come up with something for the hop. I just wanted it to actually be interesting and possibly writing related. Last week I talked about how I was thinking about some scenes from Book 3 and how if those particular scenes were inspiring me the most, it was ok to work on them, even if Book 3 isn't my main focus. Since it's almost November, for a split second I thought, "hey, why don't I try to write Book 3 for NaNoWriMo?" and then immediately realized what a horrible idea that was. So, here they are:

Reasons Why I Should Not Try to Write Book 3 for NaNoWriMo

• I haven't outlined Book 3 yet (I know, I don't outline, but for the sequels I'm trying to get ahead and be organized about it)
• I haven't written Book 2 yet 
• What I really should be working on is the third draft of Book 1 (yeah, yeah...)
• There are probably a few things I need to figure out for Book 1 that will be important in Book 3
• Ok, probably Book 2, too
• I have zero understanding of how the music industry works and since that's the subplot of Book 3, I should probably do a lot of research first
• I still haven't come up with a name for Jordan's band (!)
• Most of my characters don't have last names yet: Eric (ERIC! He's been around forever and I haven't given him a last name! Shame!), Adam, Ben, ok, pretty much everyone...
• I still need to change Joe's first name. Can't commit to a new one. (It may be Max. Maybe. Possibly.) 
• Ben's wife needs a name, too. (Karen? I don't know...)
• I still have not come up with an accurate way to describe Adam's hair 
• I've got way too many characters who feel like popping in for just one scene and I need to figure out what else to do with them (I'm looking at you, Ethan, Paul, Emma, Anthony, Allison, Abby, Ben)
• Utilizing said characters will make this the longest novel ever
• Actually, I probably need to write Emma's side book first, too
• At this point the plot is comprised of just a whole lot of sex scenes and I need to tone it down (they can't ALL be so important that I can't skip over them but try telling that to my brain right now)
• There's just no way I'll have time to write a whole novel in a month
• I've never ever won NaNo and I don't think it will happen this time, either
• I'm crazy, but not that crazy

All right, I'm done. I didn't think I actually had that many reasons. So yeah, not happening. Hope everyone tackling NaNo does not have a list like this!!

A Commitment on Top of a Commitment (on Top of Another Commitment...)

This post has ZERO to do with writing. Except for the fact that I'm writing it. That still counts, right?

I've been engaged for almost two years. Whenever you tell someone you're engaged, the immediate response is, "SO WHEN'S THE WEDDING?" which I actually find super annoying. I have no idea when I'm getting married. So why do I have to feel so awkward telling people that? Why does it even matter? I can't exactly tell people "well, I don't have any money for a wedding but I don't really just want to run to the courthouse for a marriage license either." On the other hand, I'm kind of getting sick of not being married, too. So where's the compromise?

I think I've always known that I wouldn't want a big wedding, and not just because I can't afford it. I'm a very introverted person and I hate being the center of attention. And being a bride is pretty much the epitome of being the center of attention. I really don't have that many friends and there's a lot of drama with my family, so I feel like having a big wedding would be more hassle than it's worth.

So I've been trying to figure out forever what kind of wedding I want. It hit me when my fiance and I were talking about going back to Las Vegas. We went last year and he had been once before and we both love it there. We've been wanting to go back for a while and we've often joked about getting married there (because that's what you do, right?). But then I started to take the idea seriously. It felt like a good compromise--having an actual wedding ceremony but not having it be a huge deal. I'd say we're 90% on board with the idea but we haven't actually said "this is what we're going to do."

http://bit.ly/1W40q2p

Well, it may be time for a commitment. I figured if we did get married in Vegas I would want a short dress and I found one online that I really liked. It was relatively cheap but I figured I would hold off until we made a decision. Well, I just looked at the dress again and right now it's on sale for $99.99. Holy crap. If I want this dress, I should definitely buy it now. But it's not just the dress. I have to commit to the whole thing.

If I buy this particular dress, it means the Vegas wedding is definitely happening. I do love the dress but I can't picture actually wearing it anywhere else. If I wait, the price could go back up or even worse, they may run out and I'll have to find something new. On top of that, I really really really want to lose a lot of weight before I get married. So I have to figure out what size to order. If I get a size that's too small for me right now then I absolutely HAVE to lose weight in order to fit into it. But if I get a size that does fit me now that means I can't lose any weight at all (which I would hate).

So committing to a dress is way more than committing to a dress. I have to commit to actually cracking down and losing weight. And I have to put my foot down and say this is the kind of wedding I want and I don't care what anyone else thinks. Oddly enough, I think the actual commitment of marriage is probably the easiest part for me to commit to. It's everything else that's complicated.

Write Anything

I'm sure a lot of writers have a specific process for working on a story. Maybe they outline before they start writing, or start at the beginning and go straight through to the end. Outlines have never really been my thing, so I've always been more of a pantser than a planner. But I think I take the pantser thing to a whole other level. Because not only do I pretty much never outline, but I don't write things in order, either.

I can honestly say the only thing I've ever worked on 100% in order from the first chapter to the last was the second draft of Uneven Lines, and that was a half edit/half rewrite. So really I've never written anything from start to finish. Why? I usually work on whichever part is inspiring me the most. Especially with a first draft, there will usually be one or two scenes that I'll keep thinking about over and over again until I actually write them down. Once they're finished, they're usually replaced by something new. It can be any part of the story, so most of the time I write out of order, but with a general idea of how things will eventually tie together.

Sometimes this strategy works, and other times it doesn't. Maybe that's why when I'm not feeling particularly inspired by anything, I don't work on anything. And not writing just seems to lead to even less inspiration, so it becomes a vicious cycle. So what do you do when you rely on that inspiration and it just isn't happening?

There are a few options. You could force yourself to work on a specific part. Maybe something you think will be easy, or just the next part of the story. Or you can just wait it out and hope for any spark of inspiration. I try to pay extra close attention to that voice of inspiration. There usually isn't a day that goes by where I'm not thinking about some aspect of my story, whether it's my main project, one of its sequels, or even just some random bit of background info on a character. I'm trying to get into the mindset of just going with the flow. No matter what part I'm thinking of, start writing.

Lately, for instance, a few scenes from Book 3 have been on my mind. When I was trying to fall asleep last night, some actual words started to pop into my head (and they weren't terrible!). So why fight it? Just because I really should be working on the first book instead? At this point I'd be thrilled to write anything, especially if it's within the universe of the story I should be working on. It would still be better than nothing.

So instead of just thinking about these other ideas, or just jotting down a note here or there, why not write a whole scene? Maybe even a whole chapter? Sure, it may be a distraction from focusing on the first book, but if I'm not actually working on it, why not take advantage of the inspiration? I've let it slip away way too many times to just not write anything. I think it would be better to write something unnecessary than to not write anything at all.

Do you write things in order? What do you do when a different project is distracting you from your main one?

Where We Want to Be

Everybody has goals, whether they're writing related or not. Some may be easier to achieve than others. When it comes to writing goals, you probably have big ones--like become a bestselling author, or writing x many books--and some smaller, more short term ones--like get to a certain word count or finish the next chapter. Even the smallest goal can be daunting if it isn't coming easily to you. So how do we know we're on the right path? How do we get where we want to be?

If you're constantly changing your goals or adding new ones, you may never be 100% done, which is a good thing. If we were completely done with our writing, well, we wouldn't be writers anymore. As long as you have new goals or ideas, you'll never really stop. But at the same time, you do actually want to achieve your goals. We all want to finish the book we're working on and get it published, then maybe we'll write a sequel or start a whole new idea. The possibilities for new goals are endless, but the first step is to finish the goals you've already made.

Figuring out how to achieve these goals can be tricky. I know for me, just trying to edit my novel is difficult right now. For some it may be getting the first draft done, others figuring out how to get published. We each have our own separate goals to work on, and they can be as diverse as the story ideas themselves. It helps to focus on one goal at a time. Yes, you may have those big, long term goals, but those are hard and take time to achieve. If you focus on one small goal at a time, you may find it a bit easier.

Or you can have different stages of goals. For instance, my main goal is to get the third draft of my novel done. It's not a huge goal, but it isn't small, either. My first smaller goal is to finish editing the first chapter. Once that's done, the next goal will be the second chapter, then the third, and so on. Some of these goals will take more time than others, depending on how much editing actually needs to be done. But for me, I think going chapter by chapter will most likely be the best way to go.

Getting to where we want to be can be a long, difficult process. It helps to have that big picture goal in mind, but to not focus too much on it. Focus on the smaller goals that are right in front of you. If you take things one step at a time, the journey may not seem so long.

Where are the Ideas?

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click the link to learn more and sign up!

I'm not entirely sure I have any new insecurities to share. A whole lot of the same old ones I've been talking about for months and months, but nothing new. So I guess that's good? I pretty much took September off blogging (only wrote 4 posts) so I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. Blogging was always the thing that came the easiest even when every other aspect of writing seemed impossible, so when I was struggling to even come up with one blog post, I wasn't sure what to do. 

I guess the blogging thing is part of a bigger insecurity, which I know I've already talked about a million times, but it constantly bothers me. I never seem to get ideas anymore. I used to get them all the time. Now, I'm not asking for a new novel idea every day, but maybe a poem here and there. Maybe less writer's block with the blog posts. I feel like my editing ideas for my novel have even slowed down. That may have something to do with the fact that I'm not actually editing, but still, where are the ideas?

I miss the excitement of getting a new idea and planning it out. The last time I felt that was when I came up with the third book idea for my series, and that was in March. And I still haven't really written any of it (let's not even talk about books 1 and 2). I just feel creatively drained. I know there are things I could do to fix it. I should be reading more. I should be trying to actually edit Book 1 or at least looking at it every day to figure things out. But I'm still avoiding it. 

So maybe I should make small goals for myself. Read for a half hour every day. Just look at part of my novel, whatever part is at the front of my mind, and maybe I'll be able to rewrite. Stop watching so much TV and just listen to some music for inspiration. Maybe if I try to feed that creativity, the ideas will start flowing again. 

How do you get ideas? What do you do to jump start your creativity? 

Jordan Takes Over: Own It

**The first Monday of every month, I let my muse take over the blog. I apologize in advance.**

Can you believe it's been two months since I last posted? I know, you missed me terribly. We'll have grief counseling later on today. Ok, not really. But anyway, September apparently was the anti-blogging month around here so I just went with it and took a nap.

Today, however, I have a great topic to talk about. Brace yourselves. It's all about accepting your story for what it is and not trying to change it for the wrong reasons. Which I guess could be said about a lot of things in life, but I don't have all day and what do I look like to you, some kind of life coach? Please. 

Where was I? Oh, right. STORIES. So for whatever reason, you wrote a story. It can be any kind of story. And you can have whatever kind of reasons for writing it. Maybe it's something you worked really hard to come up with, or maybe it's just some random idea that popped into your head and you have no idea why. Whatever the story and whatever the reason, once you have that story, it's important to stay true to it.

I'm not saying that you won't change things once it's written, because you will. LOTS. Some things have to change. Scenes can be cut, rearranged, or just rewritten. You can add new things in, change characters around. There are a million things. But at its core, the story you're trying to write shouldn't really change.

What I'm trying to say is that whatever kind of story you're writing, own it. If it's a trashy romance, make it trashy. If it's an elaborate fantasy, make it elaborate. And if it's controversial, own that, too. Don't try watering it down just because you feel you have to (I'm not talking about anyone in particular here or anything. Nope nope nope.). Yes, it may be hard and most of the world will be against you, but there are people out there who will jump all over that sort of thing. If your story speaks to you, then there will be other people out there who will get it, too. So let your story be what it needs to be.

If you're trying to change your story not because you really feel it needs to be changed, but because you're trying to please everyone, then you're just a big sellout. Whether you chose this story or it chose you, there's a reason you're writing it, so stick with it. It's your story, so own it.

JP

Until Next Week...

I'll keep this super short because I'm still not feeling well and still have zero blog post ideas. Most of my cold from last week is gone but I still keep having a really bad cough at night. And it makes sleeping difficult so it's still making me pretty miserable throughout the day even when I don't feel sick. But anyway, I'm planning on taking the rest of the week off blogging, and hopefully can come back next week with some new ideas. In the meantime, I'll probably be job hunting. My money is running out and my freelance work is not cutting it. So hopefully within a month or so I'll have a full time job again. I have no idea what that will mean for my blogging but we'll see what happens when I get to that point. I'm hoping if I can get a job with a more structured schedule than my last one (which was crazy hours and different every week) I can create more of a routine for myself with writing and everything else I'd like to do. 

Ok, I've rambled enough. I'll be back next week!

The Productivity Curse

I'll keep this short because I'm kinda feeling like crap. My fiance has had a cold for about a week and I think I finally got it. It's mostly just a cough but since it's the first day of the cold AND just so happens to also be the first day of a certain time of the month (TMI, sorry!), I just kinda want to crawl under the covers.

This sort of thing seems to happen to me all the time. I was all set to be super productive today. I was going to exercise and clean my apartment and get lots of writing done. Now I'm thinking I'll probably just watch TV all day and eat whatever the hell I want instead of trying to diet. I even made a huge to-do list for today but I doubt much of it is going to get done (luckily the first thing on the list is to write a blog post, so maybe I can feel at least a little productive).

Seriously though, every time I make a plan to be super productive, something happens to throw me off. I'll get sick or the cat will get sick or there will just be too much noise. There's always something. Which I guess is just a lesson in life. There is usually something trying to throw you off your game. Sometimes it's easy to fight through it and ignore it. But when it's something like a cold and one of my goals is to exercise every day, it's not so easy. I could probably find a way to sit here and get some writing done even if I don't feel well. But I can't push myself to do something if it isn't physically possible.

I guess I'll just have to take this week one day at a time. Hopefully I'll be feeling better tomorrow and be able to get into the routine I wanted. If not, I'll just be in bed chugging cough syrup and aspirin.

Blog Breaks are OK

I didn't blog at all last week. I didn't plan it, but it just happened. Didn't write any posts, didn't read any posts, didn't even tweet all that much. Sometimes a break is just necessary, even if you don't plan it or even see it coming. I'm just trying to get it into my head that taking a blogging break is not the end of the world.

I think a lot of bloggers worry that if they take a break, everyone will forget about them, which is pretty silly. You'd have to take a pretty long break for people to actually unfollow your blog. You may have to actually give up blogging altogether. Chances are you'll still have some followers who will hold out until you actually say you're not blogging anymore. So that fear is pretty much just paranoia. If you take a week or even a month off, no one is really going to care. Once you get back into it, they'll still show up and read.

Part of my problem is that pretty much the only time I'm actually writing something is when I'm blogging. So if I stop blogging, then I'm not writing at all. I would feel better if I took a blogging break in order to get some work done on my novel. But that's not likely to happen. Also, earlier in the year I tried very hard to blog three times a week, and I kept up with it pretty well. But at a certain point I started to feel burnt out. I had no ideas left and didn't really want to blog anymore.

So last week when I just didn't feel like it, I said, screw it, I won't. I usually like to say when I'm taking a break but I didn't even want to do that. I'm trying to figure out the best way to get back into blogging and actually enjoy it. Well, I do find that blogging is a lot easier when I'm being productive with other writing and have something to talk about. So maybe if I was working on other things the blog ideas would come more naturally.

I'm also not holding myself to the three posts a week requirement. I'd like to still do it, but if I can't, then that's ok. I'm still going to blog every Monday but then Wednesdays and Fridays will happen if I actually have something to write about. I do have a few ideas for some fun, non-writing related posts which would be great for Fridays, too. And I may or may not be planning another blogfest for later in the year (shhhhhh!!!).

But in the meantime, if I take a day off here or there, I'm not going to feel bad about it.

When do you usually take blog breaks? How long are they?

Writing Stuff

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Click the link to learn more and sign up!

Something I tend to be insecure about is my identity as a writer. A lot of writers stick to one genre, others can write pretty much anything. I feel like I'm somewhere in between. I have written different genres, but it seems like I stick to the same one for years at a time and then move on to something else. If someone asked me what I write, I wouldn't really know what to say.

I have, however, always liked my Twitter bio (which I've never changed): "I write stuff. There's an imaginary teenage boy in my brain who helps me. Otherwise, I'm pretty normal." Short, sweet, and to the point. Well, it's Twitter, so it has to be short. But sometimes I read it and feel like a complete fraud. There's the "I'm pretty normal" part, which is a stretch, but we won't get into that. And I think I hear someone saying "who the f*** are you calling imaginary???" to which I would say, "BE QUIET YOUR POST IS NEXT WEEK."

But really it's the "I write stuff" part. How true is that? Am I actually writing stuff? Well, yes and no. I haven't written a poem in probably three years. I haven't really worked on my novel (except for a few tidbits here and there) for one year. All I ever really write are blog posts. So can I still call myself a writer? Well, I still want to write, and I still get ideas, so the passion is somewhere in there even if it's so far buried I don't know where to find it.

On the other hand, it's pretty vague, which works for me. Not "I'm an aspiring novelist and poet." Not "I'm working on my WIP and hope to be published soon." Just, "I write stuff." It's entirely true. Sometimes it's just a blog post or a tweet or an email. Sometimes it's a random line of dialogue from Book 3. Sometimes it's an editing note for Book 1. It's not always a lot, but it's usually something.

So maybe I can't say a lot about being a writer. But I can say that I write stuff.

Out of Coffee, Out of Ideas

Our supply of K-cups is getting dangerously low and since it's the dreaded "every bill is due" week, I have zero money to spare. Yeah, I have a credit card, but I'd like to stop using it for a while until I can pay a good chunk of the balance off. So there's a good chance I will actually run out of coffee within the next few days.

Sometimes you run out of things. Toothpaste, cat food, time, money, patience. You probably run out of at least one thing every day. What I always seem to be running out of is ideas. Novel ideas, poem ideas, blog post ideas. That happens just about every single time I have to write a blog post. I have no clue. I can only write about the fact that I'm not writing so many times without annoying people or repeating myself. I've even talked about running out of ideas before, and here I am again. But what do you write about when there's nothing to write about?

The first thing I figured I had to do was to go a little easier on myself. If I don't feel like blogging three times a week, no one is going to care. It's ok to take off a Friday now and then. Not every blog post has to be this great revelation or writing tip that's going to make a huge impact on everyone, either. It's ok to ramble, too. You can tell people about your vacation or your pets or just anything that's going on in your life.

I actually started to have a good idea today, but I figured it would be better suited for Wednesday's IWSG post, so I'm saving it. I like to hoard my good ideas for the right days. Like if I actually do happen to come up with a great writing tip post idea, that's a good post for a Monday. Something silly or more personal may be better for a Friday. There's a lot of timing and planning involved, even if it's on a day by day basis.

But more often than not, I'm coming up with my post ideas the day I'm supposed to post them. It's hard to keep up. This happens with a lot of things, actually. I'm usually too busy doing one thing to even think about another. So maybe I run out of time more often than I run out of ideas. Or I just don't have the time to come up with ideas. Who knows?

I guess I'll just tackle one goal at a time, one day at a time. And enjoy the coffee while I have it.

Cutting and Consolidating

A lot of the editing process involves figuring out what parts of your story are actually necessary. When you're writing the first draft, it's great to just let the ideas flow and not hold yourself back from getting them out. Once you're at the editing stage, however, that's when you really need to start analyzing the story and realizing which parts need to go. This could be as small as cutting individual words or as big as whole scenes and chapters.

Every cut won't seem obvious right away. The line by line edits may be easier to deal with first. You'll know if a particular word or phrase feels awkward or just doesn't work. You may need to rewrite a sentence, or you may realize you don't need that sentence at all. Figuring out the best way to get the story across without using a lot of unnecessary or unfitting words will help to polish the overall story and make it better.

Cutting scenes and chapters won't be as easy. You may spend a lot of time trying to rewrite a scene that isn't working to finally realize you don't actually need it. The scene doesn't even need to be bad for it to be cut sometimes, either. You may have written a great scene, but as you develop your story more and more, you may realize it just doesn't fit anymore. Deciding to cut a large chunk of story can be an emotional process. You may try to rationalize keeping it, but if it isn't going to work, eventually you'll come to realize it.

Of course, cutting isn't always the only answer. Maybe you have a scene that has some necessary moments or information, but the important parts aren't quite long enough to pull off a whole scene. You may be able to move whatever information is necessary to a different scene or chapter. If you're trying to fill in a whole scene or chapter and most of it is unnecessary, it will probably slow down the story or even make it seem boring. You always want something important to be happening in order to keep the reader interested.

The realization to cut a whole chapter actually took me by surprise. Now that I'm working on the third draft of my novel, I've come to realize that my sixth chapter actually isn't necessary and slows the story down. There is definitely some important information in there, but I know I can move it to the previous chapter and still have everything go smoothly. So making this cut will help speed things up within the story, as well as getting rid of a lot of unnecessary words. Now that I know I have to squeeze in the important stuff into a shorter scene, rather than an entire chapter, I'll really have to think about what words are necessary to get the point across.

Have you ever cut a whole chapter? Or consolidated two parts into one? 

I Can't Write Anymore

Sometimes I think that to myself. Ok, all the time. I can't write anymore. It's not that I don't want to--I really, really do. It's that I can't. I can't come up with ideas. I can't put words onto the page. Can't can't can't. 

Ok, if I really dissect that, I'll find it isn't true at all. I still come up with ideas. 90% of them may involve the same characters, but they are new ideas, at least. I've come up with a bunch of ideas for editing my book. I still somehow manage to write a blog post three times a week (mostly), although that can often be a struggle. I even wrote three paragraphs on Friday night. They were from a scene in Book 3 and I may not even use them, but at least it's something. 

But there's still that mental block that tells me I can't do it anymore. I remember in high school sitting at my desk with a notebook using every second of down time to get words onto the page. Why is that so hard now? I used to write poetry all the time, but I haven't in years. The ideas just don't come to me anymore. 

I know I have several different reasons for not being able to write. I know what they are, but I still can't bring myself to just push through them and do it. Maybe the answer is to just stop giving a crap about what other people think, or how horrible the words come out. I can always rewrite. And I can certainly just write something for me. Just keep working on it until I like it and then maybe try to send it out into the world and see if someone else does. 

As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that maybe that is my big hangup. I never write for me anymore. I try way too hard to get things perfect. I want the words to already be perfect in my mind before I even try to write them, so most of the time I just end up staring at the blank screen. I think I just need to not give a crap anymore. Write what I want and then see how it goes.

Excuses, Excuses

So I didn't write a blog post on Wednesday, or even look at a single post from anyone else. And I didn't feel bad about it one little bit. On Tuesday I woke up with a sore throat that was turning into a full blown cold by the next day. I mean, who gets sick in August?? Me, apparently. So I just didn't feel like blogging. It happens from time to time.

It's a hard thing to keep up with, especially when I try to blog three times a week. It's hard to come up with ideas sometimes, so when you pile on not feeling well onto the mental block, you just don't even feel like turning on your computer. But it's ok, right? People take week or even month long blog breaks and nobody really cares. I just always feel like I should tell people when I'm not blogging, but I've already written so many "I don't feel like blogging" posts that another one just seems silly.

But getting sick has really thrown me off with everything. I tried restarting my diet on Monday but now that's out the window. Mostly because my cold has limited me to four food groups: oatmeal, scrambled eggs, Powerade, and coffee Coolatas. I just want to lay in bed and watch TV and not do anything else--like say, exercising.

This has gotten me thinking about excuses. We make them all of the time. We put things off. It usually takes me awhile to make the bed every day just because I don't want to disturb my cat. There are a million things I seem to be putting off at any given time--going to the doctor or dentist, getting my hair cut, *cough cough* finishing the third draft of my novel *cough.* I can't even begin to tell you all of the excuses I've had for putting off my diet or not going to the gym.

I've got a million excuses for not writing, all of them piled on top of each other. I think it really boils down to just not feeling like it. Of course, that feeling is caused by a million other excuses. So at what point do I stop making excuses and just start writing already? I don't know! I feel like I always have all the answers, but actually working through things and getting something done is easier said than done. But maybe if I stopped making excuses, it will be a little bit easier. Who knows?

What do you make excuses for? Writing????

You Can't Please Everyone

One of the things you have to keep in mind not only with writing, but with any kind of entertainment, is that there is no possible way to please everyone. Every person can't possibly like everything--every book, song, movie, TV show, and so on. We all have different opinions. Everyone has a favorite color or a favorite food, right? You may not be able to understand how someone could love something that you hate (like how I will never understand why some people like Fifty Shades of Grey...), or vice versa. The bottom line is that while there will usually be an audience for everything, that audience isn't made up of everyone.

Say you went to a movie with your friend and you loved it, but she hated it. You both saw the same movie, right? But the way it impacted each of you was completely different. Or if you go to a comedy show, and everyone in the room laughs at a particular joke except for you. Does that mean the joke isn't funny? Well, that depends on how you look at it. To you, it isn't, but to several other people, it is. It's not something that can be clearly defined.

We always say that people are entitled to their opinions. Everyone has specific things that they like. You may like a certain genre of books or movies, and that's what you stick to. Or you may like a little bit of everything. What we like can be something broad like genre, or it can be on a smaller scale, like a particular writing style or point of view.

I think the thing that stings with getting a bad review is that you wish this person never read your piece in the first place. We always wish that our books would only find that target audience, but it doesn't always happen. Ideally, you would want every person who reads your work to love it, but even if they like your genre or other aspects that make up your book, sometimes it still just doesn't work out. It doesn't mean that your book is bad--it just wasn't right for that person.

I don't think I would look at bad reviews if/when I got them. For one, I just know I don't have the thick skin for it. But also, there really isn't a point. You can't exactly change a book once it's published just to please more people. You wrote what you wrote. Hopefully your book will find those people who will enjoy it.

How do you feel about reviews? Do you read the bad ones?

When to Reveal Character Traits

If you want your characters to feel like real people, then they should have different traits to make them seem realistic. What sort of traits you give each character will depend on the story you're writing and the characters themselves. What exactly is important for the reader to know about this character? It could have to do with physical appearance, hobbies, beliefs, or pretty much anything you could think of being important to convey a character's personality. But when exactly should you let the reader know about these traits?

The answer won't always seem obvious. It can depend on when or if a certain trait is important within the story. If you want your readers to know what your characters look like, it's probably a good idea to convey that as early as possible. Of course, you don't really have to convey this information at all if you don't want to, but if you wait until halfway through a novel to show what your characters look like, it may seem strange. It's probably best to get it out early or not at all.

It's important not to force these sort of traits on the reader all at once. It should just come up naturally within the story. You wouldn't want to dump every single detail about your character like the reader was looking at their dating profile: "he was tall with brown hair, brown eyes, liked going for walks and listening to music and..." Sounds silly, right? Whatever trait you're revealing should feel natural within the scene itself, but it should also be important to the story. If you mention a character's hobby and it never comes up again, maybe you didn't need to mention it at all. If it's something that they do several times during the story, then it's something your reader needs to know.

What I'm actually struggling with right now is revealing my narrator's sexuality. It is definitely relevant to the story by the end of chapter one, but it's not something that's actually discussed between the characters for several chapters. So he has to tell the reader that he's gay before he tells anyone in the story. I originally had it come up in the first scene (in the giant info dump I talked about in Monday's post) but I realized there was already a lot going on in that scene and his sexuality really wasn't important to know at that point. So I'm planning on moving it to the second scene. I think I have it figured out but I won't know for sure until I actually write it (like most of the editing I still haven't done...)

While there are plenty of character traits that your readers will need to know, figuring out where to reveal them can be tricky. You'll need to decide what is actually important and how early on in the story it should be revealed, but also making sure these facts aren't just dumped on the reader out of nowhere.

How do you reveal character traits? Which traits do you think are most important (or least important)?

First Scene Nonsense

Figuring out the first scene in your book can be tricky. It's the first thing your reader is going to read, so you want to hook them and get them wanting to read the whole story. But the scene should also make sense within the overall story. You have to make sure this particular scene is the right one to open the book. Once you figure all of this out, then you have to make sure you actually write it so that it meets these requirements. But like most things, it isn't always easy.

I've been thinking a lot about the first scene in my book lately. Actually, I've been avoiding it. I know I need to rewrite it so that it makes more sense and hooks the reader more. I've always known when and where it takes place, and pretty much everything that happens in it, but despite that, I still can't get it quite right. So lately I've just had no idea what to even do with it.

I think one of the problems is that there's a lot going on, but not in the scene itself. There's a lot of exposition--the narrator is conveying a ton of information to the reader and I'd say only half of it is actually relevant to the scene. It's important to his character, but it really doesn't need to be said within the scene itself. So I guess I've already figured it out. I should move this information to another scene. I really have no idea how to bring it up now, but that's probably a blog post for another day.

The second problem is that while the first scene is necessary to the story, it does kind of require some catching up on what has happened before the story begins. I've basically always had this idea that these books would start with the main character already in the middle of some scheme, because that's basically what he's always doing (especially in the first book when he's only 15, causing trouble is pretty much his only hobby). So this first scene is actually the end to something he already started, but it sets in motion what is actually the main plot of the book. So while it is necessary, there is some needed explanation. I just worry that it may seem odd to the reader.

The good thing is that I think I'm on the right track to figuring out my first line. I was never really crazy about the way I had it in the second draft, but I had no idea how to change it. A few nights ago I came up with something, and while I don't think it's perfect, I think what the line is saying is where I want it to be. I think it's getting the point across, but I'll probably need to rewrite it a few times to get it exactly the way I want.

So these are the editing issues I've been tackling lately. And that's just one scene!

Save the Good Idea for Monday...

I had an idea for a blog post today, because I did a whole lot of thinking and a little bit of writing last night. I thought it would be great to talk about that--the things I figured out, things I still need to figure out. But the more I thought about it, I realized...it's really more of a Monday kind of post.

Fridays aren't really heavy traffic days for blogging. A lot of bloggers don't post on Fridays; others will do short posts to sum up their weeks or just tell you what they're doing over the weekend. For me, at least, I get a lot less comments on Fridays than on a Monday or Wednesday. So I thought, do I want to use my good idea on a day where I won't get a lot of feedback? Heck no! So yeah, this post is going to be a bit of a throwaway. But I'm ok with that.

With the writing I did last night I managed to come up with a new first line for UL. I'm not crazy about the line itself, but the concept is where I want it to be. I think I'll need to rewrite it a few times to where it's exactly the line I want. I'm not entirely sure if I want to share the line in Monday's blog post. I would love to get people's reactions to it, to see if maybe it's already good enough and I'm just overthinking it. But I certainly don't want people to feel obligated to rewrite it for me. Actually, I would hate that. I want to write my own first line. So maybe I won't share it, but talk about what's going on with it.

Other than the first line/first scene/first chapter nonsense, the only other thing going on is that it's my birthday on Sunday! Remind me to change the age in my bio on Monday to 28. Honestly, I kinda hate birthday time. I'm not really a center of attention kind of person. I don't need gifts but asking for money feels weird. And I really really really hate all the Facebook messages from people I haven't talked to in years. But anyway, my fiance and I are going out for dinner tonight and my dad's making his world famous cheeseburgers for me on Sunday. There goes my diet!

Well, that's about it. What is everyone else doing this weekend?

When Does Bitterness Leave?

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click the link to learn more and sign up!

I noticed something trending on Twitter the other day that made my stomach turn: Pitch Wars. "UGH" was my immediate response. 

Honestly, writing-wise, doing Pitch Wars was the biggest mistake I ever made. There's a part of me that wants to rant and scream and tell everyone I possibly can not to do it. But I think the odds of someone else having my exact experience are actually very slim: first, having a controversial story, then having an a-hole mentor send unnecessarily cruel feedback on just your first chapter, and also being the kind of person who is prone to depression and anxiety and will let this sort of thing eat away at you. On the other hand, seeing as how there's roughly a 10% chance of getting picked if you enter, I also feel like it's just a giant waste of time. So in the best case scenario, you're still going to be disappointed. 

I wish I didn't let things get to me so much. It's not the first time I've been bullied. It definitely won't be the last time my writing will be critiqued (although I feel if my book was already published I would handle it in a completely different way). But at what point do you stop grinding your teeth when you hear something mentioned? When does that bitterness go away? When I think of something that happened in the past that still leaves me feeling bitter, the thought usually passes fairly quickly. You get over it eventually. Maybe just because Pitch Wars wasn't so long ago, it's still bugging me.

Or maybe it's just because it's kept me from writing. I hate the fact that it's almost been a year since I've really written anything. I've come up with a ton of ideas on how to edit my book, but I haven't actually done any of them. I hate when people tell me it's ok to take a break, because it's just been way too long. But every time I think about working on my book, I just wonder--what's the point? If everyone's going to hate this story and hate me for writing it, why should I bother? But I can't let it go because I've put so much effort into it and I think there's something there that people just aren't able to see yet.

So I guess I just need to try to make people see it. Nothing is ever going to happen if I don't start writing again. That's probably what I need to do to get over the experience. Nothing would be a bigger "f you" than being successful. If I don't write, then they win.

Jordan Takes Over: The Voices in Your Head

**The first Monday of every month, I let my muse take over the blog. I apologize in advance.**

First of all, let me just set a few things straight here. If Sarah is telling you I have a boyfriend, IT'S A LIE. Because A) that's not my thing (I mean commitment, not guys...keep up with me, people!), and B) technically I'm only 19 and I don't get together with this guy until we're 22. So there. Plus, hello spoilers! Oh, who am I kidding? By the time Book 3 gets published (assuming it does) you'll forget all about this. In that case, let me tell you...

OH I'M KIDDING. Relax. But anyway, this leads me to today's topic: having multiple characters telling you what to do. It can be extremely difficult when you're being pulled in too many directions by several different ideas or characters. Who do you listen to (uh, me, hello?)? Which idea is more important? Is it just the voice that seems the loudest?

I guess it depends on how many voices and where they're coming from. If you've got several different book ideas going on in your head at once and a strong urge to work on all of them, it can lead to trouble. You'll probably get things mixed up--characters showing up in the wrong book, things like magic or aliens popping into your contemporary romance. Just imagine the chaos if you took all of your book ideas and combined them into one. Scary, right?

So the easiest thing to do is work on one book at a time. I know, I know, easier said than done. I'm not saying you can't jump back and forth. But give one book a good amount of time and attention before you switch gears. Maybe wait for the inspiration to run out and then switch to get it going again.

But you've also got the issue of different characters within the same book or series pulling you in different directions. Maybe you've got minor characters wanting to be more important. Or maybe ideas from every book in your series are hitting you at once. If the characters are the same, it probably won't be as confusing to work on more than one. But if you're throwing your attention everywhere at once, is every piece you're writing going to come out perfect?

Ok, so maybe the easiest thing to say is that listening to the loudest voice is probably the right way to go. Whatever idea, character, scene, book, whatever, is occupying your thoughts the most is the one that you should be working on. Then if you finish that idea, that voice in your head may actually shut up and you can move on to the next one. If you're lucky.

So maybe I'm not always the loudest voice. It probably just means I'm sleeping.

JP

Not Feeling It Today

I think I've used that blog title before...

Yeah, so that flash fiction I talked about posting didn't happen. See what happens when I promise things? I'm just not gonna say anything about it until it's actually done. But I will post it on a Friday. Because that's what people do, right?

The thing is, I don't really feel like blogging about anything else. I kinda don't feel like doing anything at all. I'm having a bit of a life crisis, worrying about money, having trouble sleeping. I'm gonna have to get a real job soon because my savings is running out and I can't make enough with my freelance stuff to pay all the bills. I really wanted to wait until we moved to get a job but I just don't think there's enough time. We still haven't figured out when we're moving, either. So I'm screwed, basically. I was supposed to get so much more done in the time since I quit my job and I just haven't.

Maybe I should have saved this rant for IWSG! Oh well. I'm off to try to earn some money...