L is for Love (A Four Letter Word)

Ok, I'm making this a quick one because I'm on a ridiculous twelve hour double today. Yes, on a Monday. Who the hell has to work doubles on a Monday?? Well, me, apparently.

I know today's post is about "love," but it's also about language. When people ask me if my book is a romance, I always hesitate to say yes. While there are some romantic elements, the plot is a bit more complicated than one you might usually find in a romance novel. So the word "love" isn't something I like to carelessly throw around in the book. That's why I only use it once. I call it one of my curse words.

My characters are in a situation where if they were to fall in love with each other, they could never say it. My narrator certainly isn't someone who would ever admit to being in love, partly because he's too young but also too jaded and cynical. He has no use for love. Both characters are so flawed that even if they had love, they could never make it last. They both know this, so they can never acknowledge it.

So keeping this in mind, I've been a bit sneaky in the writing process. It's not something everyone is going to notice, but if anyone does, that one use of the word "love" is going to punch them in the face. Sometimes you use the word "love" more casually, like, "for the love of God," or, "I loved that pizza!"  I don't even do this. I'll do a search on each chapter to make sure I didn't accidentally let the word slip.

I'm perfectly fine dropping swears here and there throughout my book, but if "love," pops up, well, then we've got a problem!

Today's the last day to enter my giveaway! You could win a $25 Amazon Gift Card or some awesome writing tools. Ends tonight at midnight and I'll announce the winners on Wednesday!

K is for Kissing

I've only written two complete novels in my life (the first one three times, don't even get me started...), and even though they are very different stories, I tend to notice certain similarities between them. Like how I always find a way to get my MC's parent(s) out of the picture so they can pretty much do whatever they want. The biggest similarity in both, though, is that kissing happens. A lot.

My first novel was a fantasy about immortal beings who drew the life force out of their victims by kissing them. Sometimes I over-analyze this concept since I was fourteen when I came up with it and had never been kissed. Maybe I was fascinated by the idea. It did make writing kissing scenes a bit difficult since I really had no idea what it was like. But since it was a fantasy and there were more important things to focus on than the kiss itself, it made it a bit easier.

Fun fact, that is somewhat pathetic but you'll probably "awwww" for days over it: I didn't get my first kiss until I was twenty, and the person I had it with is now my fiance. I've never kissed anyone else.

So anyway, onto my current WIP. Since my characters are in a relationship where they can't have sex (one is 15 and the other is 28), but they're still attracted to each other, they end up kissing a lot. Like seriously, all the time. There's usually at least a short kissing scene in each chapter. The issue I find myself having is to keep each new scene interesting without it just being a repeat of the last one. I mean, there's only so many ways you can describe a kiss, right?

I think the trick is to mix it up a bit. Sometimes I'll write a page long make out scene, other times just a sentence or two to imply that it happened. Sometimes you want to give the reader what they want, other times you'll want to drive them nuts waiting for more. Luckily for me, a major part of the story is that the physical relationship progresses very slowly and methodically, so that, for example, the first tongue slip is a huge deal. So anything even slightly different from the last kissing scene is worth mentioning.

It's not all physical, either. You'll want to get into the character's head, too, examine how they're feeling while the kissing is happening. First kiss scenes can be particularly fun, if not also terrifying. That's where the thought process is going to be most important. The characters will probably be nervous and excited. And a first kiss isn't always perfect, either. Just do whatever works for your story and characters. If it needs to be sloppy and disappointing to create just a little more conflict, or to let down your character's expectations, then that's ok. But it's ok if it needs to be perfect, too. That earth shattering, heart stopping first kiss will always be fun to read about.

Don't forget about my 100 Blog Followers Giveaway! Ends Monday night! Super easy to enter and you could win a $25 Amazon Gift Card!!

J is for Judgment

I worry about a lot of things, especially now that people are actually reading my second draft. You know, people besides my fiance who just says everything is wonderful. I worry about being judged, and for a lot of different reasons.

I worry about people judging the story as a whole. Either saying it's not good enough or it's too messed up for people to like. I worry that people don't see the story or the characters the way I see them. And if that's the case, then maybe they're right to judge me because I haven't done a good enough job writing to get my point across.

I worry about people judging my writing style. Maybe they don't like the voice, and I've worked so hard to craft it into something distinguishable. Maybe they don't like the use of swearing, although I've tried to tone it down to where it's realistic and not unnecessary. Maybe they don't like when I start a sentence with a conjunction. But I can't help myself! Whoops...Maybe they don't like my excessive use of dialogue. Maybe they don't believe my characters could be real people.

Maybe they'll judge my book as being something superficial when I was going for something deeper. Maybe they'll miss all the intricacies. I can't be there to point every tiny detail out. Maybe they just won't get it.

Ok, maybe I should have saved this post for the "P" day for Paranoia...but anyway, just some things to get all flustered about for no reason. On with the rest of the day.

There's still time to enter my 100 followers giveaway! (93...getting there!) You could win a $25 Amazon gift card or some writing goodies. It's not just for new followers--if you've been here all along, you can enter, too!

I is for Inventing

You may not think of writers as being inventors, but really, that's exactly what we are. Sometimes we're just inventing a simple story, other times an entire universe. Even though it's all in our heads (or on paper, once it's written), there's a lot of work that goes into it.

If you read a fantasy or a sci-fi novel, you can understand how much work went into inventing the world of that story. I used to write fantasy (and probably will again) and I feel like I only scratched the surface on developing the world in which my characters lived. You can have fantasy elements in the real world, or you can completely create your own universe. Either way, there is a lot of work involved. While fantasy gives you a bit more room to do what you want, it still has to make sense. Once you create the world, you have to stick to the rules of that world, or the reader is going to notice. If you're writing a vampire story, and suddenly you feel the need for a dragon to show up, you'd better sure that all of these creatures can exist within the same universe. Nothing can be random and there has to be a reason for every choice you make in the story.

If you're writing any genre of realistic fiction, it's less about the world the characters live in and more about the story itself. You have to be sure any interaction with the outside world makes sense, like researching your setting, making sure the way your characters talk is actually realistic. If your characters go to a real place, then you're not going to be able to fool anyone who's actually been there. As for the story itself, it has to make sense, too. You want to make sure the characters act in a way that's realistic. You're not inventing a a whole universe, but the tiny little world that your characters live in. A lot of stories are character driven, and in this case, your characters are going to be your most important inventions.

I think most writers understand that when they get the first spark of a story idea, there's going to be a lot of work involved with getting that story written. You have to invent characters, situations, and sometimes, an entire world. Of course, it's not all work. It can be a lot of fun, too. :)

H is for HELL NO

Sorry, everyone, but this post is a total cop out. I have strep throat. I'm going to spend the day in bed with some Popsicles, Gatorade, and penicillin.

If you didn't check out my post from yesterday, you totally should! You could win a $25 Amazon Gift Card or a Moleskine notebook and disposable fountain pen, all just for following my blog!

Hopefully I'll be back with a real post tomorrow. Or I could stand for "Infection..."

G is for Giveaway!

I'm so excited about today's post, because I'm doing my very first giveaway!!

I was at 79 blog followers when the A to Z Challenge began. I noticed how quickly that number started to rise, and realized that I was very close to reaching 100 followers, and probably would before the challenge ends. So what better way to celebrate than to thank you guys for following? A giveaway!!!

I've got two prizes, first a $25 Amazon Gift Card. Second is a Moleskine notebook and a Varsity disposable fountain pen (faux fountain pen...get it?!). Just like mine (the picture below is of mine, you'll get brand spanking new ones). Basically all you have to do is follow my blog! If you're stopping in for the first time or you've been following me forever, you can enter. You can get bonus entries by leaving a comment on this post, following me on Twitter, tweeting about the giveaway, and answering a trivia question. It's pretty easy to find, but I have edited my "About Me" section so that it's not TOO easy for you ;)

The giveaway will run until midnight next Monday and I'll announce the winners on April 16. Good luck!


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F is for Foster (Or, Maiden Names & Pen Names)

Most of my coworkers call me by my last name, Foster. Actually, my boss will scream it at me whenever he sees me. On the rare occasions when he's called me by my first name (like, literally once or twice), I had to point it out--"You just called me Sarah." "What?! I did?" Despite all this, I never really thought about my last name being part of my identity, that is, until I got engaged. Now, I get asked all the time, "What's your new last name gonna be???"

Well, here's the thing. I'm not entirely sure if I'm going to change it. And it has nothing to do with some sort of feminist viewpoint or anything. Part of me just doesn't find it necessary. I've spent 26 years with this name, why change it now? I don't think taking my husband's last name would create a stronger connection with him. It feels more like changing a part of my identity just because people expect me to.

Honestly, though, part of my decision has to do with my writing. Now, obviously I haven't published anything yet, but I also haven't done any wedding planning yet either. And I always thought that if I published anything before I got married, I wouldn't change my last name. Of course, this isn't going to be the only deciding factor, but if it does happen, it could be a big one.

Which leads me to pen names. If I really wanted to, I could publish my book under any name I choose, or any variation on my own name. For a long time, I thought I'd include my middle initial, but I think I've moved past that desire. And replaced it with slightly rational fear. At least, I think it's rational. See, sometimes I worry that if the first book I publish is gay fiction, then my publisher is going to make me change my name, maybe make me use initials to hide my identity as a woman. Which I absolutely can't stand. I know I'm probably way over-thinking things, as well as getting way ahead of myself (how about I finish writing the book first, right?). But it's not like I never thought about it.

Considering the fact that writing involves pretending to be someone else a lot, I really just want to be myself. I don't want to have to hide behind my book or my husband's last name. I want to do things my way. And an identity is something that only I can create.

E is for Editing

E is for Editing. Because that's what I'm doing. Or trying to do. Because I'm really tired. I worked all day. I have to work tomorrow. I have to get up at 6. I might just go to bed right now. Or if I'm lucky I'll get through one scene. I'm not sure my brain is working properly, though. I mean, I can't even write a good blog post. Is anybody else really glad to not have to blog tomorrow?

Oh, by the way, I have no idea what my F post will be yet, but my G post is going to be pretty awesome. You should come back and see it. Just sayin'.

D is for Danger

When you're writing a book, you want to keep the tension as high as you possibly can. You don't want the reader to get bored. This doesn't necessarily mean that every moment needs to be a nail biting, on the edge of your seat sort of scene. There doesn't need to be a disaster on every other page. But the threat of a disaster could keep things interesting.

Since my novel is about the relationship between a 15-year-old and a 28-year-old, obviously there's a lot of danger involved. My characters know that their relationship has to be a complete secret, and that if anyone found out it would be disastrous. That thought process is certainly present in the book, but it's not at the forefront. The lives these characters lead allow them to be isolated without much threat of getting caught. Honestly, having my characters get caught has never been an option. It’s the obvious route to take. And I don’t want my book to end up like an episode of Law & Order. It's just not the story that I'm trying to tell. But that doesn’t mean that there won’t be the occasional brush with danger.

There are times when the danger is going to be more obvious. When the killer is inside the house. When there's a high speed car chase. Or in my book, when Jordan's mother comes home unexpectedly. Those are the easy times to maintain tension. The reader is already going to be nervous, hoping everything turns out ok for your characters. It's when you have moments between these sort of crucial scenes where tension can be a bit tricky.

I had a good learning experience when I wrote the first draft of my novel. There's one particular scene about halfway through the book where Jordan is sitting at the lunch table at school with his friends, secretly texting with Tom about their upcoming weekend together. Really, I hadn't thought the scene through beyond their conversation, and the fact that I need to occasionally throw in scenes with Jordan's friends to move the subplot. So it was his friend Brian who chimed in, asking who Jordan was texting. At first, I wrote the next line as:

                "Your mother," I said quickly, shoving the phone back into my pocket.

I realized the problem immediately. With the phone in his pocket, the evidence disappears. Where does the scene go from here? Just boring lunchtime banter. I had to think about how this scene was going to work as a whole. Why have the texting conversation while Jordan is at lunch? It could have just as easily happened when he got home from school. The conversation and the setting had to compliment each other. So there had to be some sort of reaction. I rewrote the line as: 

               "Your mother," I said quickly, placing my phone down on the table in front of me. 

It was such a subtle change but it did so much for the scene. Now the phone is out in the open, and Brian is able to grab it and look at it before Jordan can stop him. Instead of being a boring, useless scene, now there's a hint of danger. Jordan has to get his phone back before Brian sees too much and come up with an explanation for what he does see. The whole scenario gets him thinking how he needs to be more careful, how maybe maintaining a secret relationship isn't as easy as he thought. 

Without the danger, this scene would have been really boring. It might have been cut entirely when I wrote the second draft. But because of one tiny little change, there is tension and suspense, even if just for a moment. Danger doesn't always have to be life or death. Sometimes it can be subtle, moving the plot from one scene to another. Even if it's overcome quickly, hopefully the readers will still have that one moment when they're holding their breath.  

C is for Cupcake

In the past few years, I've created a Valentine's Day tradition that will probably last the rest of my life. And it's all my book's fault.

Food plays a huge role in my book. In the first chapter, Jordan shows a certain level of disdain for everything he's forced to eat, that is, until Tom walks into his life holding a key lime pie. Part of the relationship my characters create revolves around food, and there are plenty of scenes with food descriptions. The idea of hunger has a more symbolic use, besides just being actually hungry for food, but hungry for the things you desire and life in general. But that sort of hunger can be revealing, and that's exactly what Jordan is afraid of.

So there's a cupcake scene. It's in the third chapter and it's probably one of my favorite scenes in the whole book. I do have a lot of fun writing in depth food descriptions, which this scene obviously has. But it's also a very revealing scene. There's an unspoken attraction between my characters and even though they can't acknowledge it, they're both very much aware that it exists. The tension gets to be so much that actually eating this cupcake is almost a sexual experience.

But anyway, onto the actual cupcake! I've made them twice, because why not? I honestly don't remember how I came up with the idea for this scene, or even the flavor of the cupcake. But since in the book, Tom makes these cupcakes for Valentine's Day, I've started making them, too. This year I brought them to work and they were a big hit. The cake is vanilla with just a hint of lemon, with raspberry filling and raspberry buttercream. I'm honestly not that great of a baker, but they get better each time I make them. Someday they'll be perfect.

And, no, I did not create the recipes myself. My fictional characters can be that good, but not me. So since I should give credit where credit's due, and because you totally want to make them, check out the recipes for the Vanilla Cupcakes, Raspberry Filling, and Raspberry Buttercream.

B is for a Blue Binder

All right! *cracks knuckles* I'm going to attempt to combine my A to Z Challenge post with my IWSG post. If you haven't heard of the Insecure Writer's Support Group, check out Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog to learn more. Here goes!

                

I went into a Staples recently, spent about five seconds in one aisle, then walked out empty handed. I had one of those paranoid moments when I was afraid the staff would think I stole something. But that's a different kind of insecurity, I suppose. The kind of insecurity I was really feeling at the moment was a sort of desperate need for perfection. Or maybe I was just being really picky.

Ok, ok, I'll explain. I was looking for a binder. But not just any binder. I need a binder in which to put the second draft of my novel. I haven't printed any of my revisions yet, and I like having a hard copy as well as a digital one. But this is my life's work, my masterpiece--it can't just go anywhere!

I've mentioned before that my novel has colors. You know, like a sports team or a school would. My high school's colors were black and teal, college was purple and gold. Well, my book is gray and blue. I don't know when it happened, exactly. I just started associating each color with one of my main characters, and then I started wearing these colors together a lot, and it just kind of stuck. I could go into extensive details about why I chose these particular colors, but that's probably a story for another day.

I have my first draft printed and stored in a gray binder. It took me forever to find the perfect one, and had to buy it online, actually. See, I knew that it just had to be gray, that putting my book in some random colored binder would be a violation to myself, my muse, and the universe. It just wouldn't have felt right. And so for my second draft, of course it has to be blue. But the right kind of blue. One that I haven't been able to find yet.

Ok, this is about more than just a binder, really. It's not even about seeking perfection like you would when you actually write your book. It's more about balance. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and that the universe has a plan for everyone. Oddly enough, I'm pretty sure I've figured most of that plan out. I may be right or I may be completely nuts, only time will tell. But in the meantime, I have to do what feels right. If I stuck my second draft in a pink binder, it would make me cringe every time I picked it up. Does that make me insecure? Probably.

Anyone else picky about where you store your hard copies? Figure out the universe's plan for you yet? Or do you think I'm crazy?

A is for Adventure

Actually, today I want to talk about three adventures--one I'm starting right now, one I've been on for what feels like forever, and one that I'm planning for the near future.

I think choosing to be a writer, or even just writing a particular story, is like embarking on an adventure. You have to prepare yourself, plan things out. It takes a lot of commitment and a lot of work. You might encounter obstacles along the way that you didn't expect. But you learn to work past them. I think the only difference with writing is that sometimes it's hard to know when the adventure is over. 

Obviously today is the first day for the A to Z Challenge. Most of you would probably agree that this is a sort of adventure. Not only do we have to blog for 26 days, but have each post correspond with that day's letter. Some people have even committed to themes, although I chose not to take that route. I figured all of my blog posts are usually about writing in some way, anyway. Or maybe I just ran out of time to come up with something more specific. But anyway! I've made the commitment. I haven't done all that much planning. Sometimes it will be difficult. But mostly it will be fun, and hopefully I'll get to connect with a lot more writers and bloggers in the process. 

I've been on another writing adventure for quite some time. I've been working on my current WIP in one form or another for over three years. It started as a short story for a college class, and that could have been the end of it. I could have edited it, maybe tried sending it to a literary magazine. But I made a different choice. I thought there was a lot more there beneath the surface, so I decided instead to adapt the story into a novel. That took a lot of work. At times it was exhilarating, at other times frustrating. Life got in the way, lack of inspiration, dealing with anxiety and depression. It's taken me a lot longer to get where I am, but I think the momentum has picked up recently. It took me about two and a half years to write the first draft, but the second draft is coming along a lot faster. Maybe fixing the novel's problems is easier than figuring out what happens in the first place. But this adventure still seems never-ending. Once the second draft is done, then there's querying, agents, hopefully a book deal. And it won't end there, either. It's scary, but I'm looking forward to it. 

And then there's this new adventure I'm planning. I'm hoping within the next two months to quit my job and try writing full time. This is beyond scary. But I think it's time to do it. There are a few things I have to get in order before leaving my job, but I'm hoping to be out of there by June. If I could devote all of my time to writing, then I could get so much more done, instead of just struggling day to day to get out a paragraph because I'm too tired or have no time. I really need to do what's best for me at this point, and staying at a job I hate just because I'm used to it and it feels safe isn't the right choice anymore. 

Well, those are my adventures for the moment. What sort of adventures are you embarking on? Looking forward to meeting some new people through the A to Z challenge!

Another Kind of Doomsday

Today's doomsday is a lot scarier than the one I had last week. Today my staycation is over and I have to go back to work.

It was not nearly as successful as I thought it would be. The week seemed to fly by. I did get three chapter edits done, but that's pretty much it. No agent research, no working on a resume or query letter. No A to Z posts written. I wanted to get so much more done, but it just didn't happen.

So yes, I'm starting the A to Z challenge tomorrow without a single post written ahead of time. I know how horrible this is. But I've also been a procrastinator all my life, so it should turn out ok. Hopefully I'll be able to get some posts done in my free time instead of writing them all daily. That could be a disaster.

Some kinda sorta good news--I went over my bills and figured out how much money I need every month, and based on my savings right now, I could survive 13 months without a job. This is good because it's a lot more than I thought it would be. I was really only planning on being jobless for 3 to 4 months at the most. So I'm thinking that this plan could work out. There are a lot of things I have to do before I put in my notice at work, though, but I want to get them done as soon as possible. I've really wasted enough of my life at this job already.

Oh wow, is this the most depressing day ever? I think I'm making the right decision, but I do want to finish my second draft first. That way I'd be in a good place with my writing and honestly, I want to get reactions from the people I work with who are reading it.

Well, I suppose it's almost time to get ready for work. Boo hiss.

Doomsday!

Just popping in real quick today. I know I haven't blogged in forever. I also haven't written in forever. But today is DOOMSDAY and I must spend the whole day writing. 

Oh, it's not nearly as bad as I make it sound. It was just another one of those deadlines I set for myself forever ago that I once again didn't meet. But it's also the sort of thing that will hopefully kick me in the butt. 

It's also the third day of my staycation and I have gotten nothing done yet! It's ok, though. Monday was my fiance's birthday and yesterday was my laundry/errand day. So now it's writing time! I also really really need to plan some A to Z Challenge posts. I haven't thought of a theme yet so I'm thinking I probably won't have one, but obviously every post will be about writing. 

But since it's DOOMSDAY I will be working on the second draft today. All day. That's it. So...off I go! 

Surrender the Sky Cover Reveal

I'm stepping one toe out of my comfort zone and helping a fellow writer reveal her cover! Isn't it gorgeous?? Congrats, Meradeth!

The third book in the Sary Society series, SURRENDER THE SKY, has a shiny new cover!

Release Date: May, 2014

Synopsis:

Gabby lives by two unbreakable rules: don’t expose her kind, the Sary, and don’t fall in love—too bad some rules are made to be broken.

When Gabby’s most difficult charge accidentally shoots her in front of a class full of students, the event exposes her carefully hidden identity. She shifts from looking like a normal teen to her secret Sary form, revealing her wings and the existence of her kind—immortals who try to keep people from committing suicide. Her incident attracts the attention of the next leader of the Sary, Jassen, who offers her an impossible bargain: she can keep her wings if she makes amends with those who know the truth. Things get more complicated when a rebel Sary, intent on exposing them to the world, starts interfering with Gabby’s work. And there’s no denying her attraction to Jassen, who is torn between his duties and his heart. With threats at every turn and her immortality on the line, Gabby has to find a way to save the Sary or surrender the sky forever.

Surrender the Sky is a stand alone title that follows COLORS LIKE MEMORIES and THE CHEMISTRY OF FATE, with cameos from several of the characters in the first books! It will be available in May wherever ebooks are sold!

Join in the celebration for a $10 Amazon gift card! Use the rafflecopter below for entries :)
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Find Meradeth Houston online at: www.MeradethHouston.com
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, and of course her blog!

Step by Step

Thanks to everyone who stopped by on Wednesday and left me their thoughts. I really appreciate it. I think I got some good advice that I'll definitely take into consideration. This certainly isn't a decision I can jump into headfirst. It's going to take some time and a lot of planning. So I came to a realization this morning that was actually really amusing.

The people I should really be taking advice from are the characters in my book.

I know, I know, sounds crazy. But it was kind of staring me in the face the whole time. Early on in the book, Jordan compares figuring out their relationship to a math problem the two are working on. "Step by step, right?"

Anyway, I could go on for days describing my characters and how their relationship relates to my thought process right now, but I'll skip ahead. The first thing I have to do is plan. Lots and lots of planning. I have to make a list of the things I want to get done before I even put in my notice at work--pay off my credit card, figure out how much money I spend on bills each month, get my savings up to a certain amount. I also really want to finish my second draft before leaving my job because a lot of my coworkers are reading it and I just really want to get some responses in person. Can't help myself, really. And if I can get my book query ready by the end of my staycation this month, I'll be in a better position than I am now.

This whole thing is going to be a long, step by step process. I'll want to create my non-working daily schedule, map out every single goal I have in mind. But I honestly think that it's going to happen within the next few months. Best case scenario, my book gets published and I earn enough to not work (I can dream, ok?). Second best, I get my resume done and find a job that I actually like, or get into freelancing so I can work from home. There's plenty of possibilities that are all better than the situation I'm in now.

We'll see how it goes. For now I just have to take it one step at a time.

Job Insecurity

It's that time again! The first Wednesday of every month is the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Click the link to visit Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog and learn more!

I had an interesting day on Friday. I spent the morning writing a blog post which I was really excited about, then spent the rest of the day visiting other blogs and getting another chapter edited before sending it out to my readers. One reader got through the chapter right away and even quoted it on his Facebook. I had work at 5 and I was in such a good mood that I couldn't stop smiling. But then, of course, I was at work. It didn't take long for the smile to vanish. I realized that this is a pretty accurate representation of my life at this point.

When I first started at my job almost three years ago, I was in a tight spot. The place I had worked at closed the day before my college graduation. I had no job and needed to quickly find a place to live as well. I was desperate. So when I applied and was told to come back for an interview, I was just glad to get anything. Since I hadn't quite figured out what sort of career I wanted, I thought this would be a good job to have while I finished my novel and figured things out.

Well, that was a long time ago. If you've been to this blog often, you know how long it took me to get the first draft of my novel done. And if I really admit it, my job is at least partially to blame for that. I have an erratic schedule that's never the same week to week. When I work days, I'm usually too tired afterwards to get anything done. When I work nights, I spend the whole day dreading going in. Honestly, this job had the opposite results of what I originally thought. It kept me, and still keeps me, from getting what I need to get done.

I've been thinking about it for a while now, and the more I consider it, the more of a good idea it seems. I've considered finding another job, but I don't know what sort of career I want if writing books doesn't work as quickly as I'd like. I don't want a lateral move--a job that has nothing to do with what I care about or went to college for. And after almost three years and several raises, I would probably be forced to take a pay cut if I changed to another random job. That's part of why I've stayed at my job for so long. I've always been a hard worker, as well, and am in a slight position of authority/importance. I know if I left my job I'd be letting a lot of people down.

But there comes a point where I have to think about myself. My job makes me miserable. It's not what I want and honestly, I've put up with it for far too long. But what I'm thinking about doing is not getting a new job. It's having no job at all, at least for a few months. I have enough money saved to cover bills for quite some time, although I am concerned with eating up my savings. It may be necessary for my sanity, though. What I want to do is take a few months to focus completely on writing. Finish my book, get queries out, spend more time blogging and networking. I could also search for freelance jobs or even a full time career that's related to writing or publishing. I mean, I don't even have a resume, because I never have time to sit down and do that sort of thing. If all of my time could be focused on writing, it wouldn't be like it is now, just getting whatever I can done in my little free time. I could make a schedule for myself, work on specific things every day, have goals in mind.

I'm not really sure what exactly I want to do yet. I know I have to give it a lot more thought before I take any action, talk to different people, and have things mapped out. It could take a few months just to get to the point where I can quit my job. I'm definitely open to some advice here. But the thought of it isn't all that scary. It's exciting. Which leads me to believe it's the right thing to do.

Jordan Takes Over: Just Calm Down Already

**The first Monday of the month, I let my muse take over the blog. I apologize in advance.**

You writers can be so uptight. I mean, seriously, one second you're off on some creative binge, and the next you're all, "this crap is never going to amount to anything!" I've just got one thing to say about that: cool it! Just fucking cool it!

Look at it from my perspective. I'm not exactly the commitment type, but Sarah and I have been together for three effing years. That's longer than all of my relationships combined. And trust me, I would not stick around for nothing.

But this post isn't about trusting your muse--I'm sure I've said that all before (or have I? I don't remember...). This is about anxiety. Oh, what's that? You don't get anxiety? Are you a writer? Oh, well in that case...LIAR! It's not just about nerves--every time you tell yourself that you're no good, that's anxiety. You're too worried about spending all this time working on your writing and having it never amount to anything. But you're looking at it the wrong way. So what if it's crap? Everything starts out as crap. No one is brilliant on the first try (No, not even me. But I'm talking like, when I write songs. Not *ahem* other skills...). The point is that you have at least a scrap of a good idea underneath all the shit, and that you understand what needs to be fixed.

You're really just looking at anxiety the wrong way. I think anxiety is awesome. I mean, come on, it makes your heart pound, puts you on the edge. It's something raw and visceral. If you focus too much on this "woe is me" bullshit, then you're gonna lose the whole experience. Think about what being anxious is actually doing for you. If you just walked around thinking you were perfect all the time (hey, shut up, this isn't about me), how could you ever find the flaws in your work? You'll just think it's wonderful and send it out thinking you'll be some overnight star. And then what happens? Well, you get rejections, and you have no idea why. Because you're so goddamn perfect, right?

See the problem? In the long run, a little anxiety can be good for you. That doesn't mean you should be consumed by it. Trust me, I've been with a few guys who were all, "I'm terrible, I'm nothing, I'm doomed to hell just for existing." It gets annoying after a while. Plus, they were usually the nicest, sweetest people you could imagine.

So for fuck's sake, stop being so hard on yourself. And just calm down already.

JP

WIP: The Movie

Ok, ok, I didn't really need that much convincing. Today I'm joining in on the WIP: The Movie bloghop, hosted by Kyra Lennon and Rachel Schieffelbein. The idea is to "cast" the characters in your WIP and post photos of the actors and actresses who would play them. You also get to share songs you would put on your movie's soundtrack. Sounds like fun, right? And since I never ever think about these sort of things (wink wink), I just HAD to participate!

Of course I'll be choosing characters from Uneven Lines. I think it's funny because I never intended to dream cast my characters, since it's something I've never done for any other book. But if you think about it that way, I never meant to write this book in the first place either. Sometimes the universe has other plans for you. The same thing goes for the soundtrack--I never thought I'd find a song that would fit my story. Now I can't help but find song after song that fits some aspect of it, but I have limited myself today to the main playlist. As for the characters, I'll be focusing on the main three from Uneven Lines.

Ok, I'll get the boring part out of the way, since I don't have a dream actor for Jordan, but how could I possibly go through a post without mentioning him? I usually describe Jordan as a 15-year-old mostly gay sociopath in training. Since most of his life is boring, he'll do anything just to feel a bit of a rush, whether it's failing math on purpose, or seducing a man nearly twice his age. He's good looking (and knows it), and when he finally figures out exactly what he wants, then he won't take no for an answer.

Since I don't go around Googling actors who might look like my characters, I just haven't come across anyone who I thought looked like Jordan and could also pull off playing him. But that's ok, because I actually don't want to. Let's say in a perfect universe my book does get published and does get turned into a movie. Well, I really don't want to have my heart set on someone for the most important character and then have someone else play him. Since Jordan is fifteen, I'd be picking a teenager who will probably be well into his twenties by the time my book is even published. Obviously actors play younger roles all the time, but for Jordan, it just wouldn't work. I don't think anyone playing him could be over 18. BUT, whoever does play him will have to be confident, charismatic, and have a "smile that can kill." And we can be best friends...that's not creepy, right?

Ok, enough ranting. Onto the psychotic fun part!

The next character is Tom, a shy 28-year-old professional math tutor who also has a flair for cooking (cupcakes!). His inner demons cause him to be closed off and reclusive, and although Jordan thinks he's just paranoid, it's his darkest secret that gives Jordan exactly what he needs to forge a sort of twisted relationship with Tom. They're complete opposites, but they understand each other completely, knowing exactly how to give each other what they want, but also where to cut the deepest.

My pick for Tom is (of course!) Jonathan Groff. I was obsessed with Spring Awakening long before I started this book, so it didn't take me long to realize that the way I pictured Tom in my head looked exactly like Jonathan. And the obsession grew...er, exploded...from there. What can I say? I'm a sucker for an adorable gay man. Seriously, I will watch anything he is in (Looking is getting a second season, woop woop!!). I've made two separate trips to New York to see him. There was already an entire paragraph devoted to a description of Tom's blue eyes in the book, but I rewrote it a bit after I met Jonathan--you know, after my heart restarted since I didn't know he had blue eyes until that moment.


Oh right, I promised you guys a picture. Ok, just don't look at me. I will never cut my hair that short again *strokes long hair*...Anyway, this was from October of 2011 after a play called The Submission. I don't know if you're familiar with the concept of stage door stalking, but basically you wait for the actors at the stage door of the theater to get autographs and/or pictures. I actually hate doing it because it gives me ridiculous anxiety and I don't know what to say. So this was the only time I've ever done it. But I am so glad I did because I would be kicking myself to this day if I had chickened out. He was a total sweetheart :)

Last but not least is Jordan's mother, Allison. She's a 30-year-old single mother who had her son when she was 15. She's not exactly proud of her life choices, so it's nearly impossible to form a relationship with her son. She spends most of her time at work (what she actually does is never mentioned in the book, but I imagine she's some sort of secretary/assistant at a law firm), but she's also her boss's mistress, and knows exactly how to reap the benefits. Nice clothing, fancy dinners, nights out, and money for an apartment where she can send her mail and hide her son away.

I picture Allison being played by Anne Hathaway (I had to find a picture of her before she cut her hair, and this one just screamed Jordan's mom). It was her performance in The Dark Knight Rises that did it for me. Allison is jaded and cynical, and basically an older, female version of Jordan. This is why they can never be in the same room for very long--way too much tension.

And now for the soundtrack! It took me a long time to craft it perfectly, but it feels just right. I know I've posted it here before, but I made a couple changes since then. I used to have Christina Perri's "Jar of Hearts" towards the end, but with the way I wrote the end of book, it didn't seem to fit anymore. So I scrapped it and swapped in "Demons" by Imagine Dragons, which seemed to perfectly fit the way Tom views his relationship with Jordan. As for a big "theme" song, I'd go with "The No Seatbelt Song" by Brand New. Tom is ok with being used by Jordan, and if he could choose to be with anyone it would be Jordan, but he knows it's impossible. And definitely "Handcuffs" for the sex scene. I could write a whole essay as to why that song is perfect for the scene. And since we're talking movies, I can really picture the opening credits set to Duncan Sheik's "Stripped," with Jordan walking around Central Park on a cold morning before school. One of his favorite things to do is escape from the city to the most nature-like place he can find, and the song also reflects his need to figure Tom out, or strip him down to the bone.

I know, I know...tl;dr. But there were pictures! And music! Hope you enjoyed my madness. Now I'm going to check out everyone else's posts for the day!

Where the F*** Do I Fit In?

I'm having an identity crisis.

If you've been watching the #mswl page on Twitter today, you know it features agents tweeting about what kinds of manuscripts they're looking for (or I think that's the gist of it...I only discovered it today :/). And as I'm working through the second draft of my novel, I've started to give some serious thought to querying. But I'm kind of at a loss.

I fully understand that first I will have to research literary agents to figure out who and where my book will fit in with. I'm sure I'll find several that I'll feel comfortable sending query letters to. The problem is when I actually sit down to write that query letter. Writing a blurb or synopsis doesn't faze me, really. I've got a draft already, and yes, it needs work, but it's a start. What I worry about are labels.

Every book is supposed to fit into a specific genre, right? Sometimes more than one. Like, you can have a YA paranormal romance. That's several elements rolled into one. But still, it's very clearly defined. What if I don't know exactly how to define my book?

Ok, so the whole straight-girl-writing-gay-fiction thing is a crisis for another day. Obviously I wouldn't send my book to any agency that wouldn't accept gay fiction, so I plan on identifying my book as such. My real problem is the age bracket. I don't really know where my book falls. My protagonist is fifteen, but I don't really see the book as being YA. There's a lot of swearing and some sexual situations (that are in no way held back like you would usually see in YA). But can I pass off a book that's written from the point of view of a fifteen-year-old to adults? I've read descriptions for NA, as well, and that doesn't feel quite right, either.

I also worry about falling into a niche as far as genre goes. Yes, right now I identify as writing gay fiction, and I do have other ideas in that genre. But I also have ideas that don't fit. I know I don't have to limit myself, but if I develop a fanbase from my first book, will they be disappointed if I write something different?

Blah, ok, I'm sure I'll figure it out. I'll find my agent soul mate, just like I found my real one, and my fictional character one, and my cat one...I'm a firm believer in having more than one soul mate...

Another issue I'm having is whether or not to participate in an awesome blog hop this Friday! It's the WIP: The Movie Bloghop, hosted by Kyra Lennon and Rachel Schieffelbein. If you haven't heard of it, you get to "cast" your WIP, sharing pictures of the actors and actresses you would want to play your characters, as well as sharing music that would be on your movie soundtrack. I'm on the fence about actually doing it, partially because I pretty much shared all of this info in my 100th post, and because I'm just really awkward about sharing these sorts of details in the first place. But it sounds so awesome! I could definitely go into more detail about my choices if I participate, and I do have songs picked out for specific moments, so that would be fun to share. Plus I could possibly maybe share a photo I have of myself with one of my dream actors from a couple years ago. I really hate pictures of myself but I mean, how many people have actually stalked MET their dream actors???

Ok, here's the deal, dear readers. You have two tasks. One is to check out the link for the blog hop and sign up, because it's a really awesome idea. And don't try to pretend you don't think about these things. Two is to convince me to sign up as well. I think I will make my decision by tomorrow night and hopefully join the linky list, then post sometime on Friday.

Well, go on, convince me! <3

Blog Anxiety!

I don't even want to write this post! No, seriously, I'm freaking out. I'm going through one of those phases where even going to my blogger page makes me cringe. And I know I should write more blog posts and definitely visit other blogs but all I really want to do is work on my second draft. Or sleep. Yeah, I pretty much just want to sleep.

All right, so I'll take this one step at a time. The Valentine's Day cupcakes were a big hit at my work. Of course all two dozen were gone in about five seconds because I work with vultures, so I had to stash a few for some of my favorite people. No one made any snide comments about them being the same cupcakes from my book, so I guess no one has made it to chapter three...boo hiss. Not a single cupcake erection...

As for the New York trip, it was fun but did not really live up to my expectations. It was just too cold to really go out and do anything that actually happens in my book...like wandering around Central Park. I did manage to sneak in a few food moments, of course. I guess I'll have to go back during a warmer month if I really want that picnic. Plus I was just waaaaaaaaaaay too tired from work the day before to go wandering around. We did, of course, see Jonathan Groff's show at Lincoln Center, which was so awesome I have no words. And I did not take a single picture of anything...not even food...sorry. *apologetic shrug* I did, however, only wear gray and blue all weekend (my novel colors) and looked damn good doing it, if I do say so myself. But for the most part we were hermits in the hotel room. It was nice to just get away, though, and you know, not be at work.

I'm almost done with the seventh chapter of my second draft. Which is great, but I do wish at least one person would acknowledge the fact that they're reading it. The responses have dwindled down to nothing. I have had a few people tell me that they're waiting to read the whole thing to comment, which is fine, but I'm kind of an attention whore and need at least a little acknowledgement, especially when I think it's a really exciting moment in the book. Oh well, we'll see how it goes. In Chapter Eight, my characters have their first "date" so maybe that will create some interest.

And for some strange reason (always blame the muse!) I'm developing an idea for a new novel. I know, I know--what the hell is wrong with me? I think it's a cute story idea but needs a lot more thought before I'm putting pen to paper. But at least it will give me something to work on once I've finished the second draft and sent out my queries. Ah! Queries! More anxiety!

I still have no idea what my theme should be for the A to Z challenge, but luckily my staycation from work is the last week in March right before it begins, so there's plenty of time to figure it out!

Ok, I think I'm done. I do have a tendency to ramble, don't I? Oh! Just a quick mention, Shay De Flory over at Blue Bic Blog just had her 100th post and gave my blog a shout out, so I thought I'd return the favor! Check it out!

Let the Muse-iversary Adventure Begin!

Happy Valentine's Day! Or as Jordan calls it, "one giant pink nightmare." Ok, honestly, I don't really care about Valentine's Day. I used to hate it, but that hate has grown into indifference over the years. Luckily, my fiance doesn't care about it either. And of course, I have to work, and it'll be one of the busiest days of the year.

Part of the reason I don't care about V-Day is that February 15th is WAY more important to me. Tomorrow marks the third anniversary of when I started my book, way back when it was just the first few lines of a short story. It's one of those things that feels like it was so long ago and sometimes like it just happened yesterday. It's crazy to think that I'll probably start sending out queries by the end of March. Yikes!

So since February 15 is the day that Jordan was created, I look at it as our anniversary, so I came up with the word muse-iversary. You can imagine how thrilled he is about this. But hey, he's the second love of my life whether he wants to admit it or not, and we're kind of stuck with each other at this point.

I would post something tomorrow, but I'm going to be busy busy busy. I'll be on a bus all day to New York, then out having lots of fun for the night. I just heard it's supposed to snow tomorrow (where the hell did that come from), and I got a cold two days ago. I'm wondering if the universe is playing tricks on me. Really, it wasn't my idea to go on this trip. The universe demanded it. Ok, let me put it this way, if your dream actor for one of your characters had a concert on the anniversary of when you started your book, in the city where the book takes place--isn't the universe telling you to be there?! That's what I thought, anyway. Now it seems to be telling me something different. Oh well, I'm way too committed at this point! But I don't think there will be any picnicking in Central Park. I'll have to save that for another time, I suppose. Mostly I'll just be stuffing my face with whatever food I can find that is also in my book.

Ok, this was supposed to be a short post and I've been rambling like a psychopath. If I take pictures on my trip, I'll post them sometime next week. But there's a good chance I'll chicken out on whipping my phone out in every restaurant to take pictures of my food. And when people stare at me, I can just say, "What? I have a blog, ok?"

Part of the Valentine's Day/Muse-iversary extravaganza is making the cupcakes that are in the third chapter of Uneven Lines! This is the second time I've made them, and honestly, I'm not that great of a baker. So I have this problem where my cupcakes don't live up to the description I wrote in my book. I guess I just can't compete with my fictional characters...oh well, they certainly are pretty! And the raspberry buttercream is yummy!

Do Your Characters Have Chemistry?

I'm about to send out Chapter Five of Uneven Lines to my readers, which is the point in my story where my characters finally admit they're attracted to one another. One of the issues I've been thinking about as I write the second draft is whether or not the readers will actually believe that this attraction exists. I worry that I might just have the characters say it without actually showing it before they get to this point. So all this worrying makes me think on a broader scale--do my characters have chemistry? Or do I just think they do?

Ok, so if you're writing any type of romantic story, you'll have the characters who are going to get together. Some way or another it's going to happen. I think the bigger issue here is will the readers want them to get together, and will they believe it when it happens? It's all about how you write it. If your characters seem flat and boring, and there are no sparks between them when they interact, then the reader isn't really going to care that they get together. Or even worse, they might stop and say, "These two people just don't click at all. They'd never get together in real life." You definitely don't want that.

I think there's a lot that goes into it. I'm writing in first person, so there are plenty of moments where I can sneak in little details that show the narrator's attraction. But it has to go both ways, too (shut up, Jordan, I know what I said...). Unless your whole story line involves one character being completely smitten with someone only to be completely rejected, the other person has to show some interest, too.

But let's talk about what chemistry is, exactly. It's really just the way two people interact. It can be good or bad. When we talk about chemistry between people, we usually think of it as having to do with attraction. Two people meet and something just clicks. You think of good actors having chemistry with their costars, as well. When it comes to fictional characters, I think it's a blend between these two concepts. You'll want to show that your characters are actually attracted to each other, and create a certain dynamic between them. But you also want to entertain your readers. You want your characters to act like real people, but on a different scale. You want to show only the moments and details that are interesting.

How do you do this? It really depends on the relationship you want to ultimately create. Chemistry between your characters is all about drawing them together and having them interact in a way that is believable and interesting to your readers. You want the reader to just be dying to get to the next scene when these characters get together again. But you also need progression. It can start with them making googly eyes at each other, then maybe some innocent physical interaction--a hand on the shoulder, slapping someone's knee if they say something funny. Have them flirt like crazy. Just don't overdo it--your reader wants to get to the juicy part.

There are different kinds of chemistry, too, when it comes to fictional characters. It isn't always between the two love interests. In my book, Jordan has chemistry with his mother and his best friend, Eric. It's about how characters interact. They'll have a certain dynamic with each person they're close to. You even want chemistry between your protagonist and your villain. It doesn't mean they have to like each other. But there's a certain something between them that draws the reader in and makes them want to see them interact. The sparks fly whenever these characters get together--it doesn't really matter if they're going to jump into bed or wring each other's necks. Or both.

So do I think I did a good job of creating chemistry between my characters? Well, it's not really up to me to judge, at least not at this point. If my readers find the relationship intriguing, if they get to this chapter and scream "YES, FINALLY!!!" then I probably got something right. If they just yawn and say, "so what?" then I'll have to go back to the drawing board. We shall see.

Blog Momentum

Ok, since I'm trying to get back into my blogging schedule, of course I have to participate in the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click the link to visit Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog and learn more! 

Sure, I've got plenty of insecurities about having readers for my second draft (Jordan attempted to address some of them in Monday's post). What if no one likes it (ok, that one was pretty much stamped out right away)--or, what if a few people hate it? What if I can't keep up with the editing and people lose interest? These thoughts pop up from time to time, but I'm not all that worried about it. I think the second draft is going well and I really like hearing people's responses to it. 

So what's really getting to me, and this may sound a bit weird considering where I'm writing this, is the blog. I just really haven't been feeling it lately. Yes, part of it is that I can't come up with ideas. But honestly, most of the time I just don't feel like blogging. I don't feel like going on and on about the same crap over and over again. I don't want to bore you talking about my second draft in every post. I could try to come up with writing advice, but nothing comes to mind. I guess all my creative energy is focused on the second draft. Which certainly isn't a bad thing, but I worry the blog is suffering because of it. 

I don't visit as many other blogs as I usually do, and my post from Monday was the first post in a long time that didn't get any comments. I'll partially blame that on the fact that I wrote it late in the day, but still, I really don't want to lose momentum. 

Blogging used to be exciting. It just doesn't feel that way right now. When I was keeping to my schedule to get up to my 100th post, it was fun. Co-hosting IWSG last month was a blast, too. Without any specific goals in mind, it's a lot easier to say, "maybe I'll post something tomorrow." 

I am looking forward to the A-to-Z Challenge, although I still have no idea what I'm going to write about. I had thought about coming up with a different obsession or something important to me for each letter, but I'm thinking if I do enough planning maybe each post can relate to writing somehow. We'll see. There's still almost two months to plan. 

Well, that's enough insecurity for one day, don't you think??

Jordan Takes Over: Better Late than Never!

Yeah, yeah, I know I didn't post last month and it's almost the end of the day, but you read the title, didn't you? I didn't even want to do this one. But Sarah kicked me and said all I do is sleep, fuck, and sing songs. I said, excuse me, that's not true. I also stuff my face. WITH FOOD. Christ. Perverts.

So lately miss writer lady and I have been wandering in second draft land. For this past week or so we've been deep in the trenches of Chapter Four. It's rough, man. There's like, a big giant math problem, AND symbolism, AND ridiculous amounts of flirting. So basically it's the hardest chapter to get right. So yeah, it's taking a while.

Ok, I feel as though I need to share some of the random insecurities she's having (uh, excuse me, shouldn't we save that for Wednesday? Stop treading on MY post). Anyway, having readers is equal parts exciting and terrifying. Not for me, of course. I don't really give a shit. I mean, I don't mind getting on people's nerves in real life, so why would I care if reading my story annoys people? But yeah, you're not really gonna have a successful book if people don't like the narrator. You could probably get away with it if there's a love to hate me sort of situation, but if they think I'm just whiny and annoying they're probably not going to get through the whole thing.

Oh for fuck's sake, would someone please tell her I'm not going to compare myself to Holden Caulfield AGAIN? And also to stop hovering over my shoulder while I write MY post? Which is mine???

I swear, one of these days we're just going to have one big cat fight. I'm so going to win.

I think I was making a point somewhere. Oh! Well, we've pretty much gotten two kinds of feedback: either people absolutely love it or they don't say anything at all. I'm sure some of them haven't even started reading yet, which is ok. But then she's wondering if there are people who have read it and aren't saying anything--do they not like it? Did they give up after the first chapter? Or are they just waiting to read more to make a comment? I mean, who the hell knows? Or cares, really?

Anyway, if you don't like me then I can tell you exactly where to stick the story. Too much?

See you next month!

JP

Checking In!

I thought I'd check in because I just realized I haven't blogged in TWO WEEKS. Yikes.

I dunno, I just haven't been feeling it lately. I guess that's because my focus has been more on the second draft of Uneven Lines. Which is good. Really good. I finally caved and got a group of readers to send each chapter to as I write them. I think it's good way to motivate myself, since I now have people actually waiting for the next chapter. I've finished the first three chapters so far, and I think without this I still would only have one done.

I've read one book toward my goal of 100 for the year. So yeah, that's clearly going well.

Aaaaaaaaand less than three weeks until my muse-iversary trip!! It's exciting! Mostly because I won't have work for three days! I did eventually book a hotel room and bus tickets. Still working on figuring out what to do while we're there. Since I'm nuts, it's going to all be things that happen in my book--so food is important, obviously. I'll be off the diet that weekend so I can stuff my face. I'll probably wait until it gets closer to make any final plans so I can know what the weather is going to be like. I still want a picnic...

So that's it, pretty much. Not all that exciting, I know. But surprise surprise, I have to go get ready for work now.

When Do You Hold Back?

I read somewhere once that a character should not masturbate in the first three chapters of a book. Too bad that's exactly how I start Chapter Two!

There's a time and place for everything, but how exactly do you figure that out when writing a novel? I've been struggling a bit with my opening line to the second chapter, since I love it but it also kind of worries me: "I didn't like jerking off, but sometimes it was necessary." I like it, it fits the voice, but is it too much to open a chapter with? Are my readers going to laugh or be disgusted?

Well, I suppose anyone who's disgusted by that line should know that it only gets worse and probably shouldn't have picked up my book in the first place. But for those who really are interested in this particular story, is a line like this going to scare them off? When is it ok to be completely inappropriate?

I guess it depends on the story you're writing. And it's not just about vulgarity, either. You have to make sure every moment, every sentence, even, fits in with the overall tone and voice of your book. There are times when you can be subtle, and there can be times that make your reader gasp. You really need both to have a good balance. But I think the question that's really been on my mind lately is, should you ever hold something back in your book because you think it's too over the top?

I think I've already answered that question. It all depends on the story you're writing. And on the scene you're writing, actually. The reader is going to be able to tell if a moment, or even a single word, doesn't fit with the rest of the scene. It will take them out of the book for a moment, make them realize it isn't real. And you don't want that. So it's not even about holding back, it's about being genuine. Yes, I start the second chapter of my book with my narrator talking about masturbation. But he's a fifteen-year-old boy with a new crush. What else would he be doing? It's real, so I think it works, the weak-nerved reader be damned!

So mix it up a little. If the reader needs to be punched in the face, then you should punch them in the face. If your characters swear, and it fits your genre, then let them be who they are and talk how they want to talk. Of course, you don't want to overdo it. Every word has to be carefully planned out. It has to be necessary. You don't want swearing just for the sake of swearing. You want your characters to have real voices. Know what works for them and for the story. Never hold back just because you think you should. Hold back only when the story needs it.

In Which I Ramble...Again

I mean, I know I've forced blogging before, but I'm getting a bit ridiculous...

Thanks to everyone who stopped by on Wednesday for IWSG. I loved reading all of your comments, and I got eight new followers that day (woohoo!). 

Bout of Books is not going so well. I finished my first book this morning. I don't know what I expected, really. I barely have time to think, let alone read! But I'll keep going. I have this Sunday off. It's a miracle! No, really, I requested it off, though. I kinda want to watch the Golden Globes. What? Don't look at me like that! Award shows have a weird way of motivating me. 

Work is driving me nuts. I'm exhausted and barely have any time to do what I actually want to do in life. I'm considering more and more the idea of taking some time off just to write. I mean, quitting my job and not getting a new one for a few months. But the thought of that is also terrifying. I know I'll have to plan it out a lot before I even consider it. I'd like to be in a better place with my writing before I do. I'm thinking of taking a vacation at the end of March to figure things and out and just write. I also have my trip to New York in February that I'm excited about. Maybe it'll give me an added boost of motivation. Oh and I did finally book a hotel room and bus tickets, so now it's all about figuring out what to do while we're there. I'm so excited! 

I am, however, feeling a bit more motivated to work on the second draft. I even wrote a few sentences. Maybe Jordan's finally back from whatever rampage he went on since his birthday. Muses can be fickle. I still haven't quite figured out how to map out the next few chapters. But I'm taking it one step at a time. I know what needs to happen next, so I'll just work on that for now and see where it takes me. I did something interesting as well, inspired by one of the comments from Wednesday--I don't write in multiple POVs, but I did write a short little piece in the POV of the other character. And it actually helped me to figure a few things out. It is important, even when writing in first person, to consider what the other characters are feeling. That way their actions and responses can be more genuine. 

Ok, I think I'm done. I still haven't made the bed yet or brushed my teeth...yuck...

The Second Chapter Two

It's that time again! The day for The Insecure Writer's Support Group. This month I have the honor of being a co-host. As always, the IWSG is hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh and my fellow co-hosts this month are Bob Milne, River Fairchild, and Julie Dao. I'm looking forward to checking out a lot of blogs today and meeting some new people.

I should probably admit that I've been avoiding writing the second draft of Uneven Lines (Ooooh. Sorry, actually having a title kind of gives me chills. It's so shiny!). I did already rewrite the first chapter, but that was the easy part. Nothing in the first chapter had to change, structurally speaking. The things that happened in the first draft are the same things that happen in the second, just with a whole lot of new words to tell them. 

Now I'm faced with Chapter Two. And it's not nearly as simple as the first. I knew that in the second draft I was going to have to break the existing chapters down, often having each scene be its own chapter. Most of the chapters in the first draft were too long, so this seemed the most logical way to make them shorter. I also find that having a lot of scene cuts within a chapter can be disjointing for the reader. But it's easier said than done. Chapter Two has three scenes in it, but I really don't feel like any of them can stand on their own. But together, the chapter feels jumpy. The scene cuts bother me. So I'm not sure what I should do.

I've thought about rearranging. I could put the first and third scenes together, but the third scene reveals something that I don't want revealed right away. And the second scene isn't nearly strong enough to be its own chapter. I don't want the reader to be bored so early in the book. Then that makes me wonder if I need the scene at all, but without it the subplot won't get started early enough.

I guess the easiest answer is to rewrite, rewrite, rewrite. This is probably the hardest chapter to figure out. Most of the scenes later on in the book will be able to stand on their own as chapters. I probably need to write some new scenes to help make these early chapters stronger. Which isn't so bad, really. I love writing new scenes. 

So how do you deal with rewriting weak chapters? Do you find you have to rearrange a lot of scenes when you start editing? 

I hope everyone has a good day. I certainly will because I got the day off work to go visit as many blogs as I can!

Announcements, Blog Hops, and Challenges

I know, I know, it's the first Monday of the month and usually my muse takes over. But it feels like Jordan and I have kind of taken a break from each other since the 100th blog post. Hopefully this little vacation will be over soon so I can get back to work on the second draft. Neither of us was really feeling the post today, plus I have a few announcements to make, which isn't really his thing. At all. Maybe if he comes up with something good to say, I'll let him take over next week.

First off, today is the first day of the Bout of Books read-a-thon! Not making a lot of progress so far, but I do have the day off (unexpectedly), so there will be lots of reading later on. I don't really have any goals in mind, since I don't usually read at all, so my goal would be just to get any reading done.

I did something crazy over the weekend. I ordered a Kindle. Shocking. I know. I've always sworn I would never get an e-reader. I like holding an actual book in my hands. I have two major reasons for getting one, though. One being that I live in a studio apartment and barely have enough room for the books I already own. Two, I've been wanting for like, ever to start reading the books of my fellow bloggers. I think getting the electronic versions will be the easiest (and honestly, cheapest) way of doing so. They'll be easier to keep track of, I think. Hopefully I won't have a nervous breakdown trying to read books on a screen. I'll let you know how it goes.

As part of Bout of Books, I'm entering the Challenge & Giveaway over at Bookish Comforts. The challenge was to fill your cart at The Book Depository with books reaching a total under $100. It was tricky coming up with the right amount, but after a lot of browsing, I pulled it off. Click to see the larger image:

$99.15. Not bad, if I do say so myself. 

All right, one more announcement! This Wednesday is the posting day for The Insecure Writer's Support Group. And I'm co-hosting this month!! I'm really excited. If you haven't signed up already, you really should. It's a great support system of bloggers--you can vent your own insecurities, help others with theirs, and meet some great people. 

Ok, I'm done. I swear. Oh wait, not really. If you look on the right side of my blog, you'll see I changed my Goodreads widget to show my challenge for 2014: 100 books! I know, I'm crazy. It'll never happen. But as usual, I'm going to try. 

News and Such

Ok, ok, so I'm pretty much forcing myself to blog right now. I have to go dig my car out of the snow so I can get to work tonight (hooray!), and there's no gas in it so hopefully it starts! Nah, should be fine. Right?

Anyhoo, some quick personal news--I got engaged! Yup yup yup. My boyfriend of six years proposed on Christmas Eve. It was a total shock to me and pretty much everyone knew besides me. The ring was my grandmother's engagement ring and my mom used to wear it before she passed away, so it's really special to me. And, not gonna lie, it was kinda nice to go to work that night and show it off. :)

So! I guess this is the part where I talk about resolutions. Well, I don't really have any. I've tried making them before but it never really works out. Just like every year I buy a planner and use it for about one week before never touching it again. So I didn't buy one this year! It would just be all the usual nonsense anyway--write the second draft, lose weight, get poems published, blah blah blah. I've needed to do all that stuff for a while anyway.

But what I've been really slacking on lately is reading. Don't get me wrong, I love to read. Most writers do. I actually think I write better and more often when I'm reading. The problem is that I don't have a lot of time. Once you factor in a full time job, sleep, household chores and errands, and well, TV, I'd rather spend my free time writing. But I think this year I want to get a head start on my reading goals. Every year I say I want to read 100 books, and I always barely even make it to 20, if that.

A few weeks ago I discovered the Bout of Books read-a-thon, and I thought I would join in. It seems to be a good way to get a jump start on my reading. If you haven't heard of it, here's the description from their blog:

The Bout of Books read-a-thon is organized by Amanda @ On a Book Bender and Kelly @ Reading the Paranormal. It is a week long read-a-thon that begins 12:01am Monday, January 6th and runs through Sunday, January 12th in whatever time zone you are in. Bout of Books is low-pressure, and the only reading competition is between you and your usual number of books read in a week. There are challenges, giveaways, and a grand prize, but all of these are completely optional. For all Bout of Books 9.0 information and updates, be sure to visit the Bout of Books blog. - From the Bout of Books team

So that's it. Check it out if you'd like to sign up! I've started piling all my books that I intend to read. We'll see how far I get.

I hope everyone had a great New Year!