02 October 2013

The Stupid Sex Scene

Ok, so I've decided it's about damn time to kick my butt back into regular blogging. And what better day to start! It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. Check out Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog to learn more. 

First Wed of Every Month

Lately I’ve been insecure about a lot of things. What I want to do with my life, what sort of career I should be pursuing, how to get back into blogging and trying to do something with the piles and piles of poetry that I’ve written.

But mostly it’s this stupid sex scene.

Ok, really, it’s more about finishing the book in general. It’s about figuring out how the book should end. Because obviously I know what needs to happen (sex scene, duh), but it’s a bit more difficult figuring out why it happens. As I was writing the book, whenever I would think about the ending I would always say to myself that I would know what to do when I got there. That I just couldn’t picture the ending without getting through the rest of the plot first. Well, now I’m here, and I still don’t know.

And yes, there’s also the sort of physical mechanics of the sex scene that are bothering me. I still don’t know how vague or graphic to make it. I feel like going in between will be some sort of cop out. Making it vague might make sense to the plot, but I feel like it would also disappoint my readers if they go through the book waiting for the juiciest part and it just fizzles out. But writing a straightforward, graphic scene doesn’t feel right either. I mean, I haven’t exactly held back in any descriptions before in the book, but none of those were actual sex scenes. There was always a limit.

I try to tell myself constantly, “Ok, just write it one way and see if it works. If it doesn’t, try another.” But every time I even try picturing the end, it’s like my brain shuts off. Like it’s just too difficult to deal with and figure out. And I’d rather just watch TV or something. But I want, no, need to finish this freaking book, like, right now. I just can't figure out how to do it. 

I suppose the best thing to do is just to write and write, and write some more. Even if it's horrible. Because then at least there will be something. Even if I have to rack my brain for twenty minutes just to get one sentence down. It's better than nothing. And if I keep trying, maybe I can figure it out. 


  1. I find that looking at the writing success of others can help me find my way. Perhaps you could pick apart someone else's success to inform your own. Happy IWSG Day!

  2. Whenever I need to write a sex scene, I always end up writing several drafts of it. It's like I'm getting into a body of cold water or something and need to work my way in a little at a time. I start off with the PG rated version and work my way up until I find the level that's right for the story.

  3. It seems like you've answered your own dilemma: just write. Write, write, and write some more. Get something done. The magic comes in editing.

    Thanks for posting!
    (October IWSG co-host)

  4. I avoid writing sex scenes since I start thinking about it too much, get distracted, and then I'm not writing and doing something else instead.

    Wrote By Rote

  5. Hopefully you don't have the same issue as Lee. I like MJ's suggestion, but it works work backwards as well. Write it as graphic and explicit as you can and then change all the OMG words to nice ones.

  6. Good luck!! No way I could write one at all. I did good to include a kiss or two in mine.