Like with most of my blog posts lately, I have no idea what to write about. Sometimes it just feels like my brain has stopped working. Or sometimes I feel like every idea I come up with is something I've written about before (I couldn't even tell you how many times I've written a post about not having ideas).
Which isn't to say I'm not incredibly insecure. I've just probably already mentioned all of my insecurities several times before. I still haven't actually written anything for quite some time. I keep trying to motivate myself to just write something, even if it's something silly or pointless or short or poorly written. Just something.
I'm hoping things may actually get easier once I have a real job again, which will hopefully be soon. I had not one, but two job interviews on Monday (the insecurity over that could take an entire post). I applied for a full time position, but by the time they called me they only had part time, but I interviewed anyway. Only yesterday I got another call that the full time is available again, so I'm hoping I get that. It would be an 11-7:30 shift, which I would love since my last job sometimes had me working until 1 or 2 in the morning. Plus that still gives me plenty of time in the morning to blog, which I was afraid I'd have to cut back on if I worked full time again.
But anyway, my real point is that if I have an actual full time job, then all of my free time can be exactly that: free. I can do whatever I want. I don't have to worry about having to spend every second trying to make money just to pay my bills. So I will actually have more time to write.
I don't know yet if I should say my time trying to break into freelance work was a failure or not. Maybe it's just not what I really want to do. So maybe it's a better idea just to have a regular job and work on what I really want to write in my spare time. Then maybe some day I can make enough money to only do that (if I'm really really lucky).
But I think for now I just have to take it one step at a time. I'm pretty sure I've said that before.
Trying to break into freelance writing was not a failure - you learned from the experience and that will stay with you. That's a success! A different one than you were aiming for, but still.
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed for the interviews!
Trying to write while worrying about your job situation is something I can relate too. It's hard. Fortunately I have a job again, so I'm slowly getting back into writing. Hopefully you'll get settled soon too.
ReplyDeleteI hope things work out well for you. I know personally, I am more productive in my writing when I'm at work. I think escaping the house helps me. I'm taking a week off next week to get writing done, and I think I'm going to have to hide in the garage for a change of scenery.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with the interview!
I think it's really good that they called you to let you know about the full time job. That means you're in the running, in my opinion! And once that weight is off, YES, you'll be so free! Now, where can I get an 11-7 job?!
ReplyDeleteThat's what I do! I have a part time job and the other half of the day, I spend writing. I think it bumps up your creativity when you aren't sitting staring at a blank screen all day:) Good luck on the job hunt!
ReplyDeleteThe hours on that job sound amazing. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI've found, while I was working, my creative juices flowed much better than they do now where I've got endless amounts of free time. I'd writing snippets between customers. I'd overhear so many things that it undoubtedly led to inspiration.. so I hope that for you!
I'd say just take what you learned from freelancing as succeeding.
ReplyDeleteI remember when I was jobless, the stress of trying to scrape money for bills was hard on writing. Having a day job actually made writing easier.
Ooh! I'm hoping this job comes through for you. That would be epic. There's nothing more stressful than struggling to pay the bills.
ReplyDeleteI have my fingers crossed for good news on your job. And I hope that you can write again once you do have a full-time job. It's hard to do anything when you're stressed about money and bills. I don't think you trying to break into freelance was a failure. I bet you learned a lot and what you learned will come in handy.
ReplyDeleteHope you get that job. Wow, I can't imagine working until two in the morning.
ReplyDeleteHaving a schedule will help you as well. That free time will become precious and you'll be more productive.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you! After uni, I couldn't get a job for six months and it was awful - I felt so down about it that I couldn't even really use the time productively to write. Don't think about your freelancing as a failure - you learned from the experience and now you can move onto something bigger and better :). Wishing you the best of luck!
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed the job situation works out! Hopefully, having a routine will make your creativity flow again. :)
ReplyDeleteJobs can be an excellent source for new writing material.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get it!
When I'm stuck with my poetry, I write haiku. Three lines and *poof* a new work has appeared. It helps get over the anxiety of thinking I'll never write again, which makes things easier.
The pressure of writing to make money can stymie creativity. Fingers crossed for the job :-)
ReplyDeleteFinding that balance is tough. There are things I do for money just to keep it coming in that aren't my dream. Giving over to that dream is difficult though. Will being more than author and speaker be enough?
ReplyDeleteOne step at a time is still true, even if we've all said it before. It works.
ReplyDeleteHooray for those interviews! I hope you land the job that's right for you.
Ooh fingers crossed!!! Also . . . every time we try something new, no matter the outcome, we learn something, and that's definitely not a failure ;)
ReplyDeleteOne step at a time is much better than the alternative, you can do it just keep pressing forward.
ReplyDeleteI hope you hear good news about the job. It can be very stressful to worry about money, so it's no wonder you've had a hard time writing lately.
ReplyDeleteWishing you well, and much luck!!!! Take Care!!!!
ReplyDelete