Second Draft Woes

It's that time again! The first Wednesday of every month is the Insecure Writer's Support Group day. Check out Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog to learn more!

There’s plenty for me to be insecure about lately. I’m insecure about my NaNo book, but I think Jordan pretty much covered that on Monday. So I’m aware of what isn’t working, and I’m just trying to push through with it, hoping that my narrator grows a backbone.

What I’m really insecure about is diving in to the second draft of my newly finished novel. For several reasons. The first of which is that editing is scary! It’s so different from writing a first draft. The first draft is fun; it’s passionate. It’s all about words flying onto the page and not worrying about how perfect they are. Well, editing is more about hard work. It’s about getting those words to be perfect. I don’t even know if that’s possible. In poetry, people say that the work is never really done. A poet can even look at a piece they’ve published and think of ways to make it better. Is the same true for fiction? There’s a lot more to work with, so you’d think that every time you looked at one page you’d find a word or two to change. So when does it end?

I’m also nervous because I really want people to read my story, and I’ve had some people express interest in it, but I’m afraid to give it to them. I don’t know if I should wait until I have a second draft. But then I think, wouldn’t it be easier to combine my own edits with whatever critiques they have, rather than doing two revisions? But there are some portions that I know need to be fixed. There are some parts that embarrass me and I don’t want anyone to read yet. I know Chapter Eight needs a complete overhaul. The setting doesn’t feel developed enough. I’m still uncomfortable with the sex scene. And some of my potential readers are gay men, so I have this fear in the back of my mind that they’re going to tell me how wrong every single aspect is, not just with the sex scene, but with how the characters act and well, everything!

So I’m not sure what to do. Give my first draft out or fix everything that I know is wrong with it first? 

But I’m just dying to get some readers who aren’t my boyfriend who just says everything is wonderful. I’m having these fantasies of going into work and having someone come up to me and say, “I just finished Chapter Twelve and I hate you,” or “Oh my God…that fight scene…I was in tears!” I want it so bad. But what if I don’t get that? What if everyone hates it? Or thinks I’m some kind of weird pervert for coming up with it in the first place? 

I don't know what to do but I guess this is just the sort of thing I'll have to deal with when I actually publish it. Some people are going to love it, some will hate it. Some people will get what I was trying to say, others will think it's sick and wrong. I'm still hesitant to give it out even though I think for the most part it's a good story, just with a few hiccups. But I also feel I should give it out now while people are still interested, before they forget all about it and don't care anymore.

What do you think? Should I give out my first draft or edit first? Anyone else going through the second draft woes? 

Jordan Takes Over: Creating a Voice

**The first Monday of every month, I let my muse take over the blog. I apologize in advance. **

Sarah wanted to write a quick little paragraph to introduce this post but guess what? I get one post a month and it’s MINE. So no. No no no. I’m plenty good at explaining things.

But first, holy shit I haven’t posted since we finished the book! No one has given me any credit! You know it’s not entirely my fault that it took so long, right? But we won’t get into that. I mean, yeah, the end was tough, but I don’t think everyone is just peachy spilling their guts over how they lost their virginity. So there. But yeah, it’s done! I won’t get into the second draft woes. She’ll probably write about that on Wednesday. *heavy sigh*

So I guess we’re taking a break to write about VAMPIRES. Ugh. Whatever. It’s only a month. But it’s kind of like being in a relationship with someone for a while and then they turn to you and say, “Oh by the way, honey, I love this super lame thing and you have to love it, too!” And you’re stuck.

But anyway, we’ve been writing away on this thing for only three days and she’s already having doubts about it. I mean, like, put on the brakes and give up sort of doubts. Because she’s got good ideas, but they’re just not translating to the page the way she wanted. As usual, I figured out the problem right away. And it’s all about voice.

The problem is the narrator, Alex. He’s a wimp. He’s not even a good vampire and he can’t decide who or what he’s attracted to—boys, girls, or just someone whose blood smells tasty. He refuses to kill anyone and that’s really what gets him into trouble with the bad guy, who’s still nameless, by the way. Needless to say, I don’t like him. And I had absolutely nothing to do with creating him, thank you very much.

The other characters are cool. Jackelyn is the best—she used to be a slayer who tried to kill Alex and when he beat her instead of letting her die he turned her into a vampire. So since they’re eternally linked or whatever, or because she just wants to annoy him to get revenge, they live together. And she kinda still wants to kill him. Benny, the love interest, isn’t exactly a strong character, but he’s well developed. He’s sort of fragile and naïve, and he was abused as a kid and is afraid of the dark. I mean, come on, you’re dating a vampire and you’re afraid of the dark? That’s some complex stuff right there. Oh, and the baddy is just sadistic for the sake of being sadistic. Who doesn’t love that?

I’m getting off track here. I’m supposed to be talking about voice. Your character’s voice is never gonna come to you instantly. No, not even mine. When Sarah first wrote the short story about me, guess what? It sounded like a girl’s voice. It takes a while to craft a unique voice. The first step with me was to just throw in a bunch of f-bombs and then we worked from there. Now it’s hard for her to NOT write in my voice. It’s like second nature. It’s probably because I’m so awesome. Does my voice annoy you? I’m not as bad in the book, I swear.

So I know why this book is bothering her so much. Alex doesn’t have his own voice yet. Sure, it’s fine for the character to be wishy-washy because that’s something for him to overcome. But his voice shouldn’t be, and right now it is. There’s nothing very striking about it, nothing to distinguish him from anybody else. But honestly, we’re probably not going to make it perfect AND get the whole book done within a month. The best thing we can do is make the story interesting, and then if she wants to go back and edit, then we can craft the voice into something better.

But if she keeps WORRYING about it, then nothing is going to get done. Nothing. We just need to go with it.

JP

NaNo is Here! Gay Vampires, Shorter Chapters, and Why I'll Always Be a Pantser

The time has come! It’s finally November 1!!! The first day of NaNoWriMo. I’m so excited to finally be doing this. I just hope I’ll have enough time to get it done.

I guess I’ll start by revealing the plot of my NaNo book, since I’ve been so psychotically secretive about it. You might as well know it all. Here’s the synopsis I’ll be posting on my NaNo page for Blood Lust (Blech. Titles. Why do they vex me so?):

Alex is still breaking in his fangs. The vampire who made him is long gone, and he’s stuck with Jackelyn, his psychotic protégé—a former slayer who may still want to kill him. With only two years of being a vampire, he’s taking immortality one night at a time. But after saving a boy from a group of bullies, everything changes. Benny is shy and a little damaged. And he’s gay. For some reason Alex feels drawn to him, and is now forced to question his sexuality along with his existence. When he finally accepts the relationship for what it is, a new threat arises when an older vampire comes into town, wanting to probe into every aspect of Alex’s life. Now Alex must protect his human companion and prove his love, not only to an unbeatable enemy, but to himself.

Thaaaaaaaaaaat’s right. I’m combining my love of fantasy with my love of gay fiction. Someone had to have seen this coming. Besides my sixteen-year-old self. This all started with a really bad short story that I wrote, and then I tried to develop the characters more, but it just never worked out. But it always stayed in the back of my mind, and now I feel like I’ve finally figured it all out.

Obviously my NaNo book is going to be completely self-indulgent. That doesn’t mean that I don’t think it’s a good story. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, plotting out scenes in my mind, repeating lines of dialogue over and over so that I would remember them. But I haven’t written down a single word. I’m really a pantser when it comes to writing a book. I don’t like to outline. I don’t usually even write in order.

My favorite thing about a new story is to imagine the scenes in my head like a movie, sort of indulging myself with the story before I write it down. If you can’t enjoy your own ideas, then how can you expect other people to enjoy them? The images will usually plague me until I get the words down, and then they’ll be gone. Since these scenes will relentlessly bother me until they’re written, I don’t really worry about forgetting them. It’s actually bittersweet to write them down and let them go, but I can always go back and reread.

For a while I’ve thought about plotting out Blood Lust, maybe making an outline or just writing down ideas for a few scenes. But every time I tried, it just didn’t feel right. Because that’s really not my style. And I’ve learned not to fight my instincts when it comes to writing. They’re usually right.

Some good news! On the editing front, I had an intense two days of marking up my manuscript, and managed to get through the whole thing. It was like editing boot camp, with the muse as a drill instructor, screaming, “What do you mean you’re hungry????!! Food is for wimps! Pick up the goddamn pen!!!” (Side note, Jordan says he could never be a real drill instructor. Too much distracting eye candy.) Surprisingly, there aren’t really any scenes that I feel need to be cut. Several that need to be rewritten of course, or trimmed down, but everything feels necessary to the story.

What I have realized is that my chapters are waaaaaaaaaay too long. I need to break them up. For the most part, I think each individual scene could work as its own chapter. My next step before rewriting will be an outline of sorts (gasp!), writing down each scene with a brief summary, maybe on notecards. I’ll be able to see what scenes can stand on their own, maybe shuffle a few around, and, the most exciting part, writing a few new scenes to fill in the gaps. If I can somehow manage to balance this with NaNoWriMo, I think I’ll have a second draft by the end of the year. Then I’ll probably get some readers and maybe even start querying. Ahh! Scary times.

Well, I’ve got to start cranking out my NaNo book. I’ve got work all this weekend, so I’m aiming for 3,000 words then I’ll do a lot more during the week. Of course, Jordan will be taking over on Monday for his monthly post. I have no idea what he’ll be writing about, so that probably means he doesn’t either. Now that’s scary. 

An Abundance of Symbolism

I was a sophomore in high school when we read Lord of the Flies. It was a long, grueling unit filled with endless discussions and essay topics. We would even take paragraphs and break down every single word to show how they symbolized this or that. Every word in the book had its place. This sort of thing happened a lot in high school English classes: they want you to pick out themes and symbols and figure out what the author was really trying to say.

Well, I wasn't buying it. I'd been writing since I was eight years old and I had not once tried to put any symbolism in anything I had written. I was convinced that no writer ever actually did this on purpose, and that English teachers just found all these things in books to give us more work. I thought all writers really did was tell stories. Anything else was accidental.

If I could go back and talk to my sophomore self, I'd probably slap her. Because I love, love, LOVE symbolism. Of course writers put it into their stories on purpose! We're geniuses. But she was half right. Sometimes it is accidental. But that doesn't mean we don't notice it.

I use a ton of symbolism and other devices to weave a more intricate story. Remember how I subtly use cannibalism to be symbolic? Yes, on the surface, you're just telling a story. You've got characters and setting and plot. But underneath is where all the juicy stuff lies. Stuff that not everyone may even notice. I think that's the most fun part about it.

Most often, symbolism is used in the form of an object representing a more abstract idea. That doesn't mean you have to limit yourself to whatever is lying around your character's house. I feel that underneath my main story line is an intricate web of linking moments, characters who mirror each other, words that are repeated a specific number of times. And if you brush up on your Ancient Greek history, you might know exactly why I have a scene where my characters are looking at statues in a museum.

Sometimes it works the other way around. Sometimes I have to figure out why I put a particular object in a scene and then figure out how I can make it work in a symbolic way. If I didn't find a way to make them work, they would seem awkward and out of place. Like any other moment in your novel, there needs to be a reason for it. You don't want to have something there just for the hell of it.

Symbolism and other literary devices can be a lot of fun if you know how to make them work for your story. I could ramble for days about it, and probably will again. Hopefully this made at least a little sense. :)

Breaking Promises and NaNo is in a Week???? Whaaaa?

I almost made a promise at the end of my last blog post. I was planning on writing up a quick synopsis for my WIP (doesn't seem like a fitting title anymore, Editing in Progress? Work in Post Progress? Work in Grueling Never-ending Not a Whole Lot of Progress?). You know, to fully explain all of my vague descriptions of plot and for all those people who have asked me "what's your book about?" Luckily, I made no such promise, because I don't really feel like it today. I know it's going to take a bit of time to get it just right. So all I will promise is that I will eventually at some point post it. When? I don't know. But soon.

I think it's important not to make promises when it comes to blogging. Even if they're small, even if you don't have a lot of blog followers, it's not a good idea because you might not always be able to deliver. I've done this a few times--you know, the "stay tuned and I'll explain everything on Monday" sort of thing. Well, what if someone was really looking forward to that Monday post? And what if it never happened? And then you come back on Friday apologizing and offering excuses. Yeah, 'cause I've never done that or anything.

You need to be able to keep people's attention. If you break a promise, they may stop checking out your blog altogether because they won't trust you anymore. Chances are it isn't nearly as serious as this, but you never know. You wouldn't want to lose even one follower just because you were too tired to keep a promise you made a few days ago.

It's important to really think things through. If you already have the next post written, then it's ok to promise it. If you're just planning on it, it might be better to not say anything. You may change your mind and not want to write that post at all. It's happened to me before. Luckily I didn't make any promises on the blog, but I have said on Twitter something like, "I think I'll post about this tomorrow!" And then the next day changed my mind. Sometimes the idea doesn't seem as appealing or even feels embarrassing to write about.

Anyway, I've rambled way too much about this. It's only a week until NaNoWriMo!!!! I'm working next Friday night (boo!) so I won't be able to participate in #writeclub. But I think I'll request Friday nights off for the rest of the month. The writing sprints usually help me get a lot done.

All right, since it's only a week away, I guess it's time to reveal something big about my NaNo idea. GENRE. In case you didn't figure it out by Jordan's incessant hinting, it's...drum roll please...VAMPIRES!!!!! I'm so excited to be going back to my fantasy roots. But there is a twist, as well, so that this story will tie in all of the things I love to write. It's hard to decide on a genre on the NaNo site, as they've got Fantasy as well as Horror & Supernatural. I wish I could pick several genres. Oh well, I'll figure it out.

I guess I'll throw in some bonus info, too. My super awful, probably been done a million times, pending title for my NaNo book is Blood Lust. Yeah, I know, it's terrible. But at least it's something.

How do you feel about breaking promises? Excited for NaNo? Are vampires Fantasy or Horror? And do you still need a NaNo buddy? My NaNo name is sarahafoster. Let's buddy up!

To Blog or Not to Blog

My goal for this blog is to post something every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Most of the time, however, that doesn't happen. For all of my various excuses, I think I've really narrowed it down to two.

The first reason we'll call exhaustion. I think this covers both long work days (like my 13 hour shift last Monday) and just generally being tired. So even if I have time to write a blog, sometimes I'm just too tired to actually do it. I know this isn't a very good excuse, but I'm sure most of you can also relate. Also, the solution to this problem is pretty obvious. I need to write my posts ahead of time. I could even type the posts up on Blogger and just save them rather than posting. Then on the posting day, just click Publish. It's that simple.

Of course, it's easier said than done. Finding the time to get a bunch of blog posts done is difficult, especially when there's editing and NaNo prep, and well, life. And there's also the problem that is my second reason for not blogging regularly: not having any ideas.

I think my two problems are combined most of the time, actually, but it's the second one that really stops me from blogging. How do you blog when your mind is blank? When there are no ideas that pop up, nothing interesting going on to tell everyone about. I'm in between things right now, I finished my book and I'm waiting for November to start my NaNo book. So there's nothing going on right now. I haven't gotten deep enough into editing to offer any progress or advice. So what the hell do I write about?

That was my problem for today and answering that question will only work for this one post. If I have the same problem on Friday, then maybe I won't blog at all. Which leads to me to an even bigger question: is it better to not blog or to blog about nothing?

I suppose the obvious answer is that you must, under any and all circumstances, blog something. Surely you can find something to talk about, even if you're just rambling about life in general. I guess the only problem with that is that you still want your blog to have some focus. I write about writing, so if I'm not writing, then what do I write about? What sort of topics are going to intrigue my followers or anyone who stumbles upon my blog or my tweets to actually read through to the end? Should I be writing about more topics, things that interest me or relate to my writing somehow? I really don't know. But it is something I've been thinking about.

So what do you think? Blog or not blog? Where do you get ideas from? Should I expand on the things I write about?

Post Book Stress Disorder

I know, I know, I said I would blog on Monday. I forgot that I also had to work thirteen hours that day. Yeah, that was fun. I don't really have an excuse for the other days, except maybe exhaustion.

Anyway, I feel like I'm having some sort of anxiety attack. And I have no idea why. I don't think it's because I have to go back to work tomorrow for a twelve hour shift. It might be because I feel like I've wasted my two days off, not accomplishing much besides watching a couple movies and a trip to Wal-Mart. It might also be because I have no idea what to do next.

Maybe this is all subconscious. Maybe being in the stage where my book wasn't finished was a safe place. Now I have the daunting task of editing, then query letters, then rejections. It's terrifying.

But this is supposed to be a happy time! And it is, really. I'm glad the book is done. I suppose I should start with the tale of how I finished. Last Friday, a miracle occurred, and not in that I finished the book, but that I had the day off. Since my boyfriend was going out, mostly my plans consisted of eating leftover chicken tacos and watching a movie on demand that I'd been dying to see. But I also figured I had time for writing.

Back during my vacation in July, I discovered the magical Twitter hashtag that is #writeclub (check out the website here). At the time, a small group of writers were using it nightly, but its real purpose is for Friday nights. This is when writers get together and write for 30 minute sprints, not stopping until time is up. It runs for at least twelve hours, starting at 7 PM UK time. So that's 2 PM for me. And I thought I'd get an early start in the afternoon, then do my planned activities and get back to writing late night when my inspiration is really at its best.

What I didn't plan for was the muse being so active. On the first sprint I joined, I stared at the blank screen for at least five minutes. I couldn't think of how to start my last chapter. Then I thought to myself, "It isn't going well." And then I typed it. And it just seemed to work. It's exactly how Jordan feels at this point in the book, about his relationship, about his life in general. This sparked a whole scene in my head, a discussion with his best friend, Eric, who usually ends up being unintentionally insightful. And so the words started flowing.

And I just kept writing. I only stopped once to have dinner (yes, tacos). I never watched my movie. The breaks between the writing sprints were agonizing because I just wanted to keep going. I would cheat and write a few sentences when I wasn't supposed to be writing at all. And, by some other miracle, at exactly ten minutes before midnight, I typed out the last line. At this moment, I think I had a good panic attack. I couldn't breathe for a moment. The last line, which I had never once envisioned, was perfect. The ending was heartfelt and sad, but real. The sex scene, which certainly wasn't perfect, still had a good balance of vagueness to vulgarity. You only know what the narrator is comfortable telling you. All in all, it was a good wrap up for the entire novel, the main theme saying not that you should embrace every aspect of who you are, but that you are helpless to fight it. I know, it's a bit daunting, but while it's not a happy ending, it is an ending of acceptance.

So it was done. First my Twitter account was bombarded with congratulations, then after I announced the event on Facebook, several coworkers offered their support over the next few days. Of course, it was often followed by the inevitable, "what's your book about???" that I'm always too terrified to answer. But that's probably another issue entirely.

Well now it's been a week. I've let the joy settle and now I'm really starting to think about editing and finally deciding on a title. It goes between excitement and mind-numbing fear. And that's probably why I'm stressed out. I know I should also be plotting out my NaNo book, but part of me also just wants to write it out of thin air once November 1 hits. I'd love to join #writeclub tonight, but I don't actually have anything to write. Just a whole lot of editing. I do want to also write a brief synopsis that I can post on here so that my readers can actually know what the book is about besides all my constant vague references.

So I've got editing, I've got NaNo. I want to write poetry again and even personal essays. There's a lot to do. Strangely enough, I think the last two sentences of my novel are quite appropriate, despite the fact that there's still a lot of work to do, and I'll never really move on:

What's left, anyway, after something is complete? You just move on to the next thing.