It's that time again! The first Wednesday of every month is the Insecure Writer's Support Group day. Check out Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog to learn more!
I think I'll start by telling you what I'm NOT insecure about:
I'm not insecure about failing NaNoWriMo miserably. At a certain point, it just didn't feel right to be working on it any more. I'd rushed in, hadn't developed the characters enough. The voice was slowly starting to shape itself but it still wasn't good enough. I felt like I was forcing myself to write it, and the words weren't as good as they could be.
I'm not insecure that November was my very first perfect blogging month. I posted every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, with no exceptions. Sure, some posts weren't as thought out as others, but I still managed to pull it off.
I'm not insecure about diving headfirst into editing and crafting a second draft. Yet.
Ok, what's really weighing down my mind is this 100th post I have coming up on December 15. Yes, I know that's a Sunday. It's also my muse, Jordan's birthday (if you've never been here before and haven't seen me talk about it fifteen billion times). So the timing seemed kind of perfect for me to have my 100th post be on that day rather than on one of my usual blogging days.
What I'm concerned about is making this post live up to its potential. Making it be everything I want it to be and everything I've promised it would be. Getting enough people to see it. Having the people who do see it not think it's stupid. I know it's going to be a long post, so I'm worrying that some people won't get through the whole thing. And then sometimes I just feel like I'm going crazy.
I'm insecure about what to write. I've decided to share 100 fun facts about my book, whether it's about characters, my writing process, or what music I listen to in order to write. Pretty much anything. But where I'm fine telling you my characters names and how many f-bombs are in the first draft (Yes I counted. You'll have to check out the post to see!), I'm really weird about sharing other details.
It's not just because I don't want to completely spoil my book before I even finish writing it. I'm not giving a lot of plot details away. More like things you wouldn't find by reading the book. But there's a lot of things I'm sharing about myself. Finding 100 facts to write is difficult, so after all the obvious things come to mind, I have to dig deeper. And there's some things I'm uncomfortable sharing.
They're not all ridiculously personal things. Some things I'm just really awkward about sharing. Like the original title for the short story, or my dream casting for my characters. I don't know why I'm so weird about these things. And then there's my issues with identifying as a gay fiction writer, which comes up in a few of the facts I've written. It's like part of me wants to share all these things with the world, and part of me just wants to keep it all to myself.
I'm also just afraid that no one's going to care at all.
Ok, really, it's not all doom and gloom. This just seemed like a good day to vent. I really am looking forward to my 100th post, and coming up with these facts is a lot of fun. I'm also finally going to post the synopsis for my book on that day. So if you're interested in all my nonsense, come back on December 15 and check it out!