The Editing Storage Unit

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

When I first moved into my apartment, I got a storage unit. I had a lot of stuff that wouldn't fit into my tiny studio apartment, so it was helpful to have a place to store all the stuff that weren't necessities but I still wanted to keep. What you may not know about a storage unit is that the longer you have it, the more they charge you. After a while, I was getting frustrated with being charged more and more and I wanted to get rid of it. So...I had to get rid of some stuff.

Unpacking that unit was not something that happened overnight. It took time to decide what I truly wanted to keep, and what I was actually ok getting rid of. It kind of happened in phases. I would sweep through the unit, finding the things I was ok tossing, bringing home stuff I knew I wanted to keep. Then I would give it some time. I found that a few months or even weeks could help change my mind about whether or not I really needed something. This continued until I was able to empty the unit, and eventually I repeated the process with all the new clutter and boxes filling my apartment. I felt like I wanted to keep something? Ok, keep it. But a few weeks later? I might just change my mind. 

What does this have to do with writing, you might ask? Well, I kind of think of all of the changes I want to make to my book as filling up a storage unit. Every big rewrite or tiny little edit jammed into a 5x5 cube (ok, probably something bigger...at least a 10x15...). Somewhere buried deep in the back is a box labeled "write Chapter 29." And to get it all done, I just have to pick away at it. 

Some things are easy to fix right away. A word choice here, an awkwardly written sentence there (I write "AWK" in the margins just like my AP English teacher. She'd be proud). I just go through each chapter, fixing what I can in that moment, skipping what I can't. I figure if I just give it time, I'll be able to eventually figure it out. 

If I can someday clean out every single item from that storage unit, then maybe I can say the book is done. And it's a good thing it's a metaphorical storage unit and I won't miss my rental payments, because I don't think anyone on Storage Wars would be interested in bidding on my edits.

IWSG and Keep Writing with Fey Blog Hop

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

What am I insecure about this month? Well, I've just recently (like the past two days) been getting back into working on my flat character arc for Jordan, and it's led me to the conclusion that the third act of my book is WAY too long. I know I'm going to have to cut some things, and I do have a few ideas that immediately jump out at me, but I know it's still going to be a grueling process. But I'll just take it one step at a time. 

Today is also the day for the Keep Writing with Fey Blog Hop to celebrate the release of Chrys Fey's new book! We're supposed to share a story about writer's block, depression, and/or burnout, and how we overcame it or what we are currently doing to heal. 

If I'm being totally honest, I think I'm experiencing some form of writer's block or burnout right now. I've kind of had to force myself to do anything writing related. None of my ideas have excited me lately. I've just had no desire to write. 

It's tough because I've been working on one book for so long and it's taken so much to figure things out, and I'm still not done (see above!). Plus I constantly think about how when I actually DO finish this book, no one will want to read it. I don't think an agent or publisher would touch it with a ten foot pole. So why do I keep going? Maybe because I've come this far, I can't just give up. I have to see it through to the end, no matter what that end may be. 

My strategy with pretty much everything, like I said above, is to take it one step at a time. If you try to pile on too much or think too far ahead, it can get overwhelming. I just like to focus on one thing at a time. Right now, it's to make myself work on something writing related every day. This can be working on my character arc, brainstorming, or editing. If I don't want to actually write, it's ok. I just want to be able to say I did SOMETHING. 

Catch the sparks you need to conquer writer’s block, depression, and burnout!

 

When Chrys Fey shared her story about depression and burnout, it struck a chord with other writers. That put into perspective for her how desperate writers are to hear they aren’t alone. Many creative types experience these challenges, battling to recover. Let Keep Writing with Fey: Sparks to Defeat Writer's Block, Depression, and Burnout guide you through:

 

·        Writer's block

·        Depression

·        Writer's burnout

·        What a writer doesn’t need to succeed

·        Finding creativity boosts

 

With these sparks, you can begin your journey of rediscovering your creativity and get back to what you love - writing.

 

 

BOOK LINKS:

 

Amazon / Nook / iTunes / Kobo / Goodreads

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Chrys Fey is the author of Write with Fey: 10 Sparks to Guide You from Idea to Publication. She is also the author of the Disaster Crimes series. Visit her blog, Write with Fey, for more tips on how to reverse writer’s burnout. https://www.chrysfey.com/

Falling Flat

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

I mentioned in my last post that I was having some health issues, but I got everything checked out and it's all good. Not really sure what was causing my head pain but it seems to have gotten better on its own. I have a few theories, including having to wear a mask for eight hours in a hot kitchen or maybe my hair is just too long. But I digress...

Getting back in to writing is still pretty difficult. I was doing a lot of editing just to be doing SOMETHING. Mostly getting rid of unnecessary and overused words. I know a big project is to rewrite Chapter 27, so I'll probably get to that soon. But the ending of the book still doesn't feel quite right. 

I've been trying to figure out character arcs. As I've learned more about them (thanks to a book we read for the IWSG book club!) I've felt that UL has more of a flat arc. I say "more of" because, well...it still doesn't feel quite right. Maybe that's part of my problem? But I'm getting ahead of myself. 

One of the main aspects of the flat arc is that the main character doesn't change, but changes the world and other people around him. This is where I think UL fits in the most (with some exceptions, but more on that in a bit). By the end of the book, Jordan is pretty much in the same spot he was in the beginning. The last line of the book really hammers that home. 

The only exception would be one of the subplots, which definitely has its own arc, and this one's positive. I guess the discord is partly coming from the idea that in the subplot, Jordan does go through changes and ends up in a better spot than the beginning of the book. I think this can still work even with a flat arc in the main plot. He's changed in some ways, ways he actually always knew he needed to change. But in some ways, he hasn't changed at all. 

I guess where I'm struggling is the idea of a character's "truth." In a flat arc, the main character already believes a truth and uses that to overcome the world's lie. My problem here is that all I can really come up with is that Jordan's truth is, "I can get whatever I want if I try hard enough/manipulate people in just the right way." The "lie" would be something like, "society has rules that need to be followed." Which isn't really a "lie," right? Or maybe in the context of this book, it is, because Jordan knows he can get around rules to get what he wants. He's a bit of an antihero, so his truth isn't going to be some righteous quest that's going to change the world, after all. 

Am I answering my own questions? Maybe I just want someone else to tell me that this actually does work. I'm going to try to map it out, either way, and see if that sparks any ideas or changes. 

Real Life Gets in the Way

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month's optional question is: Writers have secrets! What are one or two of yours, something readers would never know from your work?

I don't *think* I have any real secrets. If they were reading Jordan's book, they may be surprised that I am literally his polar opposite. No idea how that guy came out of a shy nervous wreck's brain. Actually, I think this works more in reverse. If a lot of the people I know in real life read what I wrote, they wouldn't believe I wrote it. Plot, characters, genre, language--all of it. They never would have guessed this was what I was writing.

Well, I gotta be honest, I haven't been doing much writing lately. I really was on a roll for a while, mostly with editing UL (since I still haven't quite figured out those last two chapters...). But real life kinda slapped me in the face and I've got some health issues to deal with now. I started having pain in my head, right where I had a shunt put in when I was an infant. It's never hurt me my whole life so I knew something was wrong. And trying to get to a doctor right now is a PROCESS, let me tell you. The good news was that it got me to get a physical for the first time since I was a teenager (yeah, I'm one of those people who avoids the doctor until absolutely necessary). I have a virtual appointment with a neurosurgeon on Friday. I'm just really worried because I'm sure if something is wrong, I'll most likely need surgery. But one thing at a time, right?

I've just been really exhausted lately between being in pain and my anxiety going through the roof pretty much nonstop, plus still working at a hospital full time. So my writing hasn't even been on my mind. I kinda wish it was because I could use the distraction, but I just don't think my brain works that way. When I'm worried or dreading something, that's all I can think about.

This afternoon I'm getting together with some coworkers for some kind of social-distancing-around-the-pool-party, so that should be fun, at least. I may be late getting around to other blogs (unless your post is up at 4 AM EST because I try to read some before work like the psycho that I am). Hope everyone is doing well!

Just Keep Writing...or Editing...or Brainstorming...

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Has it been a month already? March felt like it took six years but April took about three days. So which plague comes after the murder hornets? Don't remember that part in the Bible...

This month's optional question from the IWSG is: Do you have any rituals that you use when you need help getting into the ZONE? Care to share?

I've probably mentioned this before, but I've always been very in tune with my characters, and my routines to get into the WRITING ZONE, if you will, usually have to do with them. Listening to music has always been a way to get in the zone for me, but even moreso now because Jordan is a musician. I actually realized that lately I haven't been listening to music (since that happened mostly at the gym and the gym is closed), and my desire to write was pretty much zero. I started listening again and my urge to write has slowly been creeping back. The muse is fickle. 

Anyhoo, I've been trying really hard to at least WORK on writing, if not ACTUAL writing. I'll probably have to explain that. I've added to my daily checklist of goals to work on writing for at least a half hour. But this doesn't necessarily mean I have to be writing. It could be editing, making lists of things to eventually fix, brainstorming ideas in my journal. It just has to be writing related. So far I've been sticking to it every day. 

This past weekend I spent a lot of time writing in my journal. I really like taking a basic idea that I feel I haven't gotten quite right or needs more exploration and just letting my thoughts run free until I've figured it all out. I kid you not, I wrote NINE pages exploring the symbolism of Jordan's phone. You'd think, well, all teens have phones, right? Haha WRONG. It's actually symbolic of not only his secret keeping, but also the isolation he forces on himself.

Literally titled "phone stuff"

It's ok, you can tell me I'm insane. 

All this brainstorming has also read to some mini-revelations. Basically certain parts in the story where I think I can do better. Every time I think of something, I jot it down in a separate journal where I've basically laid out (or am in the process of laying out) all of my editing and rewriting goals. I've already got HUGE lists for rewriting Chapter 1 (because is a first chapter ever really finished?) and Chapter 27 (because it's a trash fire).

And maybe at some point I will actually write the last two chapters of the book. But I'm hoping that by getting all of this other stuff done, not only will I feel more accomplished, but maybe the ending will become clearer.

Keep Calm and Purell

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Since I am pretty much a giant ball of stress, I will just skip to this month's optional question:

The IWSG’s focus is on our writers. Each month, from all over the globe, we are a united group sharing our insecurities, our troubles, and our pain. So, in this time when our world is in crisis with the covid-19 pandemic, our optional question this month is: how are things in your world?

Boy, oh boy! Did I mention that I was a giant stress ball? Well, I work in a hospital kitchen, and things are CRAZY right now, as you can imagine. While our overall patient count has dropped significantly (because no one is going to be there if they don't absolutely have to), and the days are really long and slow, there are also a TON of precautions in place and things seem to be changing every day. It's a lot to keep up with and my anxiety is probably at an all time high.

We are being very safe. We have to wear masks everywhere we go in the hospital (except in the kitchen, which is good because it's hot in there and those things already make it hard to breathe!), we don't have contact with a lot of patients who are under certain precautions, we can't even go in certain sections of the hospital. The newest change is that right when we get to work, we're asked if we have any of the coronavirus symptoms. They're not checking our temperatures yet (unless maybe you have the symptoms? I'm not sure because luckily I don't), but I'm sure that will be next. My hands are also very raw from all the Purell and hand washing.

Besides the added stress level at work, though, honestly, things don't feel that different. Probably because I'm a hermit who never leaves my apartment anyway, and I also still have to go to work every day. I'm definitely grateful to still have a job.

How's the writing going? you might ask. Yeah, that's not happening right now (kind of like my diet...). I pretty much just want to decompress and watch Netflix (got one episode left of Tiger King!). Since my schedule hasn't changed at all, and my stress level is high, I don't see any writing happening in the near future unless I'm really struck by an idea.

I am still trying to actively think about Chapter 28. So you never know...

Multiple Projects, Multiple Options

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up! This month's awesome co-hosts are Jacqui Murray, Lisa Buie-Collard, Natalie Aguirre, and Shannon Lawrence! Wait a second! I missed one...hold on...need my glasses...Sarah Foster? Never heard of her...

Hi! Welcome! If you've never been here before...sorry, I'm weird. 

This month's optional question is: Other than the obvious holiday traditions, have you ever included any personal or family traditions/customs in your stories? 

Not really. I've definitely never inserted any of my own traditions or customs into my stories. The closest thing I can think of is in Uneven Lines, it's kind of a periodic ritual for Jordan and his mom to eat ice cream together. It's something that happened a lot more when he was little, but as he gets older and their relationship gets more strained, it happens less often (and not until Chapter 14!). But I think it helps to show they can have their moments of a normal mother/son relationship. 

Now I want some ice cream...

I'm a little scatterbrained lately. Kind of all over the place. I keep jumping from one story idea to another, letting my thoughts (and fingers, when I actually sit down to write) fly free. And you know what? I kinda like it. 

Ok, so I KNOW my main focus should be Chapter 28 of Uneven Lines. I'm so so close to finishing that third draft. However, it's probably the most difficult chapter to write, for more reasons than I can count. And the words are not coming easily to me. I'm chipping away at it very slowly, but at least at this point it is no longer a blank page with nothing but "Twenty-Eight" at the top. 

But I also have other projects I want to work on. There's my NaNo win from last November, Sexy Fluff #1 (I'll come up with a title eventually...), then there's the exciting, action packed, although not quite as sexy but I'm still calling it Sexy Fluff #2 (see above), and how could I forget Shiny New Story (what's a title?)?? Although it isn't really shiny OR new at this point. 

The thing is, I want to write all of these books, too. And I figure, if I can't make the words happen with UL, it's better to be writing SOMETHING than nothing at all. So I've been doing a bit of story hopping lately, just trying to get my ideas down whenever they strike me. I completed an unfinished chapter in SF#1, outlined SF#2, and lately a lot has been coming to me with SNS, so I've been writing that for the past few days. I've been keeping track of my word counts in my fancy planner, really just trying to up the word counts for everything every week, even if it's just a little bit. 

Look, it even worked the first week! 

Did it work the next week? Well...sort of...two of them went up...but one was UL! So yay! 

I think I just like having the options. If I'm stuck on one story, I can work on a different one. If a particular scene pops into my head, it's ok to write it, no matter what story it is. Also having some first draft freedom with my other stories is nice since UL is in its third draft and I want everything to be PERFECT. It's nice to change to something with less pressure. 

In the end, aren't some words better than no words? 

Do you work on multiple stories at once? What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? 

Not Feeling It

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Well, another IWSG post and I am definitely feeling insecure. I'm in such a rut when it comes to writing. Probably because I'm not writing. At all. Usually that would be enough to depress me, but I don't even feel that pull to write. I haven't even been thinking about my stories all that much. I'm just not feeling any of it.

I'm not sure what happened. Maybe it was a lot of things. Maybe I burned myself out doing NaNo because after winning on November 30, I haven't written a single word of Sexy Fluff #1. I've barely even looked at it. I knew I needed a bit of a break after writing so much every single day, but I haven't written more than a sentence or two of anything since then.

For a little bit, I thought I was at least on the right track with Uneven Lines. If I wasn't actually working on Chapter 28, at least I was thinking about it. Now the thoughts have seemed to fizzle out as well. I don't really think about it at all. I just feel like all my motivation and inspiration has vanished.

I know a big part of it is that my day job leaves me physically drained (and sometimes emotionally). All I want to do when I get home is relax and not think. Then I'm also actively trying to lose weight, which means time spent at the gym (and more exhaustion) plus a lot of grocery shopping and meal planning. Then I'm trying to do other daily tasks like cleaning and reading. Writing is usually the last thing on my mind, but it seems the longer I go without doing it, the worse I feel.

I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to pull myself out of this rut. I don't know how to make time for writing because even when there is time, I just don't want to do it. There aren't any ideas in my head to put down on paper. I could barely come up with an idea for this blog post.

I don't even know how to end this blog post! Well, as my hubby would say, "Now that I've brought the room down..."

New Year, New Plan(ner)

It's the first second Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

It's a new year so that means it's time to start anew and try to kick my butt into gear on getting all the things done that I didn't get done last year. Sounds like a broken record, right? I feel like I get a fresh start every new year and then all that motivation just fizzles out to nothing. Well, this time, I have a plan. No, wait, I have a planner! Is there a difference? Sort of...

One of the Christmas presents I was most looking forward to (not that I just send my husband my Amazon wishlist or anything...) was a fancy planner for 2020. I really want to crack down and get organized with all of the writing and non-writing (*cough* lose weight *cough*) goals that I always have but never seem to accomplish. Well, when I finally got my hands on said planner, I loved it! It's super fancy, with monthly and weekly breakdowns, daily checklists, places to reflect, and STICKERS. I've barely begun to use it and I'm already excited. 

So how will this help me? Well, it's really easy to make BIG goals. Like, finish my novel. Lose 60 pounds. What I like about this planner is that not only do you make those big, year-long goals, but then you break it down. It has sections for 3-month goals, then monthly goals, and even weekly goals. I'm a person who likes to take things one step at a time. I can get overwhelmed real easily and that just leads to me watching a lot of TV and eating a lot of junk food. But if I can break everything down into smaller goals, then it doesn't seem as daunting. 

For example, one of my big goals is to finish Uneven Lines. So, for the yearly goal, I wrote that I want to finish the third draft and get it published, or in the process of being published (because that could take awhile). Then for my 3-month goal, I put just to finish the third draft. For January in particular, my goal is to write Chapter 28. But since even that is a huge task, my goal for this week is to actually just read through the entire draft so far. Not only to refresh myself (spent all of November doing NaNo and December doing nothing), but to get a feel of what really needs to happen in this chapter. I'm sure I'll edit a bit as I go, but this particular task doesn't seem difficult at all. It could actually be fun. 

You're supposed to reward yourself for accomplishing goals, but I can't think of any rewards that aren't food...

Then next week, my plan is to start journaling some ideas (something I've been doing with the last third of the book as I completely gutted the last draft), and then hopefully but the next week, that will lead to some writing. And hopefully at that point I'll find the writing easier. It won't be something that seems so difficult that I'll just avoid it entirely. And then maybe I can actually get it done. 

I like the way this planner breaks everything down so I don't have to figure it out all at once. I'm sure my goals will change and adapt as the year continues. I don't need to figure out my goals for later in the year right now. I can literally just focus on this week, with just a hint of an idea of what will be next.

Do you use planners? Do you break down goals into smaller ones?

Better Late than Never

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up! 

HEY! SO! I wouldn't necessarily say I forgot to write my post for today. It's more like, I forgot that it was the first Wednesday of the month. In my defense, I have been very busy lately. Between NaNo and Thanksgiving and thinking about Christmas, and working full time, and my sister-in-law is getting married this Saturday, and I had to go to the dentist...I've been a little preoccupied. I didn't even blog at all last month besides my IWSG post because I was too busy with NaNo. 

But when I was browsing Facebook on my lunch break at work and I saw the IWSG's post for today, well...I may have lost it for a second. But I'm writing it now! 

I guess that's the thing I'm most insecure about right now. Because I am in no way insecure about my NaNo project! Because...that's right...

I WON!!! I actually wrote 50,000 words in the month of November. Sexy Fluff #1 is going well, although it's definitely not done yet. But 50k!!! I still can't believe I actually did it. It was actually a really nice break to not only work on something different, but something that was a lot lighter than my usual stuff AND had that first draft freedom. If the words sucked, I didn't care! I just kept going. 

So I guess the big question is...now what? I still have to finish SF#1, but I really should bring my focus back to UL. I've only got two chapter rewrites to go and it'll be done! Of course, one of those chapters will be particularly difficult, but I'm hoping working on SF will in some way help? By just shaking things up and by also writing a few perfectly normal sex scenes will at least help get the jitters out for the one I have to write for UL. We'll see when I actually try. I've been too busy to write the past few days! But I loved writing every day during NaNo. I'd really like to stick with that. 

I think my main focus should be on finishing UL, and maybe one day a week working on Sexy Fluff. But what will probably end up happening is that I'll just go wherever the inspiration takes me. 

The Thing I Said I Wouldn't Do...

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Before I get to my nonsense, I think I'll start with this month's optional question, which is: 

What's the strangest thing you've ever googled in researching a story?

I feel like I've researched a lot of questionable things for different stories. I think I've mentioned before how I know way too much about age of consent laws, so that's definitely up there. Recently, I started some research for a story that included googling "can you break someone's hand by squeezing it" and "is strangling someone considered attempted murder?" (Turns out it's not, BTW, and the way I picture it happening in the story will only be a misdemeanor, which surprised me).  I've also got a new story idea that I know will require lots of things that will probably get me on some watch list, including bombs/explosions, computer hacking, bullet wounds, and methods of torture. Should be a fun time! 

So if you follow any of my Twitter or Instagram posts, this won't be a surprise, but remember my last blog post, where I said I came up with a new story idea? A sexy fluff idea? And I gave a very vague statement about not even considering doing NaNoWriMo for it? 

Well, PLOT TWIST! I changed my mind at the last minute, decided to write the damn thing for NaNo, and I'm already over 10,000 words in. I...don't know how this happened. Oh, right! Because I'm crazy. But! I am not insecure!

There is so much about writing this story that is so refreshing. First of all, it's a MUCH lighter story than what I'm used to writing (sexy fluff, after all). Plus, it's a first draft, so the usual pressure I put on myself to make everything perfect isn't there. If it sucks...who cares?? Just keep writing! Plus long rambling sentences and endless dialogue are welcome for NaNo since you want to get to those 50,000 words! 

And so far, I've been beating the daily word goal EVERY SINGLE DAY. It's so weird but I love it. Ok, I know I need to get back to UL and tackle Chapter 28 (the second to last chapter!) but I'm taking a break from it while I do NaNo. I thought of it this way: usually it takes me months to do a chapter rewrite. And I spend a lot of that time not doing any writing at all. So I figured, what will it hurt to take one month off, and also potentially write an entire novel in that time? 

I also got ANOTHER story idea, most likely for my potential pen name, from a dream of all places. Right now I'm calling it Sexy Fluff #2, although it involves a lot more action, whereas SF #1 is a pretty straightforward romance. I so don't need it right now because I have to finish UL of course, and then I'll have Sexy Fluff #1 to edit/rewrite once NaNo is over. It's a long line of ideas. I guess I'll just take them one at a time. 

Let Crappy First Drafts Lie

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Well, another month has passed and where am I on my third draft progress? Err...about the same place I was last month. Ok, ok, not exactly the same place! For my last IWSG post, I said I had written 3 pages for Chapter 27. So, good news...I currently just went onto page 11! So, obviously, words are happening. Just very slowly. And we will ignore my concerns that this chapter is turning out way too long and I'll probably have to split it but that will leave me with 30 chapters and I need them to be UNEVEN, hello??? *deep breath* Yes, ignoring that for now. 

I know one of the big reasons this chapter is taking forever is the fact that I don't often make myself just sit there and write it. Especially on a work day, I just kinda want to sit there watching TV and go to bed early. But another problem is that when I actually do sit down to write, I find it very difficult to actually get the words out. I know it's because I want those words to be perfect, and sometimes it's just hard to make it that way. Probably the worst thing I do is that I won't even write a sentence down until it's perfect in my head. So when perfection isn't happening, words aren't happening, either. 

But I think something kinda clicked. At one point while working on 27, I said to myself, "UGH. This feels so first drafty." Then I realized...well, it basically IS a first draft. While I'm working on the third draft of the novel as a whole, almost everything I've written past Chapter 19 has been brand spankin' new. Not rewritten, like everything before it, but completely new stuff that never even happened in the first two drafts. So the words I'm writing right now are essentially a first draft. And can you make a first draft perfect? HELL NO!

It's difficult to part with that idea of finishing this draft and basically having it ready to go, but I think if I keep clinging to it, I'll never even get to the end. I just have to put the words down and if they're kinda crappy, just let it be. I can always go back and fix it. I just have to look at everything before Chapter 19 to see how great things can turn out if you just keep working at it. But you can't fix what isn't there. And trying to make it perfect before it's written will just lead to a whole lot more waiting. 

So I'm plowing through this chapter. Even if I think some moments are illogical. If I think two characters should have gone deeper with a certain conversation but can't quite figure that out right now. If some moments were too drawn out, but others were rushed. I may not know how to fix certain things, but I'll at least know what needs to be fixed. And maybe some time and distance will make the figuring out much easier.

I'll Figure It Out Eventually

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

What am I insecure about this month? Well, probably the fact that I haven't been doing much writing. At all. For those of you keeping score at home, I'm still on Chapter 27. I don't know what is so difficult about it. It's not really difficult at all. I know exactly what needs to happen. I even made an outline for it! And I'm a die-hard pantser, so you can imagine how difficult that was for me. It's just, for some reason, actually sitting down and making myself write just isn't happening. 

I guess I can't be too hard on myself because I have *occasionally* gotten some words down. I've got 3 pages done on Chapter 27, which is something, at least, but I don't feel like I've gotten very far with it. I think it's going to be a very long chapter. I'll get through one chunk of it and then get stuck, and just stay stuck for days. 

I've been working on Shiny New Story a bit as well, which I swear will get a title someday, especially since it's not really new anymore, but is still very shiny. Sometimes I like to dive into that when I'm feeling blocked, to try and get the creative juices flowing a bit. It helps to work on something that's a first draft and I don't have to think so much about getting all the words perfect. I just wish it would lead me back to my main project. 

Something I'm not insecure about? The aha moments! One of my favorite things about writing is figuring things out. When you have a problem that you can't see your way out of and eventually it comes to you. I was working on Shiny's first chapter and I was trying to create this suspense between my two main characters, like you think they're just friends and there's a reveal where you realize they're actually a couple (which is probably silly because the blurb would totally give that away, but I digress...). My problem was that I was starting the chapter with the characters not seeing each other for a week. Wouldn't they immediately run into each other's arms and start smooching? That sort of killed my suspense. But since the scene took place on a farm, I had one character working on something, and figured out...his hands could be dirty! The character has to wash up first, which gives time for the two characters to talk before anything romantic happens. It was such a simple idea but I think it really made the scene work the way I wanted. 

I love those moments because it makes me think I'll always be able to figure things out eventually, no matter how impossible they may seem. I just would like that to be sooner rather than later when it comes to the rest of Uneven Lines. Please?? I'm talking to you, brain. 

Here's some really good news! I'm on vacation starting this Friday for a week and a half. Another vacation?? you're probably asking. Yeah, I took a lot of time off this year because I always have way too many hours accumulated by the end of the year. But anyway, that is lots and lots and lots of writing time! I'm hoping it'll be like my boot camp for Chapter 26 back in June, where I just spent all day every day (mostly) working on it. Maybe I could even...dare I say...finish the whole third draft? No way, right???

Full of Surprises

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

I'm on vacation from work so that means I can visit many many blogs today at a reasonable hour. It also means I'm going to actually try to get some writing done. I mean, yesterday was my lazy recovery day and today is blogging day, so...

I'm still working on Chapter 27. Actually, I haven't been working on it much at all. I don't know the exact reason. I just haven't felt like it. Maybe writing Chapter 26 took a lot out of me, but I think it's been way too long for that to still be an excuse. I guess I'm just having a motivation problem. I know everything that needs to happen in this chapter, so it's not like I have anything to figure out. I just have to actually make with the words.

Well, since I'm not at work this week, I can't use being tired as an excuse. Bring on the words!

Onto this month's optional question: Has your writing ever taken you by surprise? For example, a positive and belated response to a submission you'd forgotten about or an ending you never saw coming?

Uhh, literally everything? Seriously, go tell my teenage self about the story I'm writing. She'll think you're crazy, and she'll wonder where the vampires are.

Sometimes I'm surprised by random lines, like there's no way I could have come up with them on my own (because Jordan is writing the book, not me, duh). There's one in particular that always comes to mind, but it involves a bad word. Well, ok. I took "whatever floats your boat" but replaced "boat" with a male body part. One of the many lines that I didn't write. And yes, I know that makes it not rhyme anymore. It still works, trust me.

My biggest surprise is actually my entire idea for Book 3. It involves something that I swore would never happen. I'm so secretive about it, which I know is silly since I haven't even published Book 1, but I am keeping this concept locked up in my brain. I did tell my husband, but he probably forgot. When I first got the idea, I thought, wait, this wasn't supposed to happen. But the more I thought about it, the more I fell in love with the idea.

So if I ever finish this book, maybe someday I'll get to that surprise book idea.

Country Music, Chest Hair, & Cupcakes

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Someone please tell me how it's July already! And how I'm still not done with this book! I am making progress, though. I finished Chapter 26! I had a staycation at the beginning of June and spent every single day (mostly) working on it all day long (mostly). Boy was it difficult! I had two super intense scenes in the same chapter because that's the kind of masochist I am. But it's done! And it's not terrible! I think? It has some killer lines. I think it has the most important line in the book. And I gave it to Jordan's mom of all people! She doesn't deserve it! She's terrible! Oh well...

So I'm winding down with this book. Too bad the ending is the hardest part to write. I'm trying not to force it, just let the ideas come to me in their own time. I know everything that has to happen in Chapter 27 so once I actually sit down and WORK ON IT it'll get done pretty quickly. I wish I could be on vacation all the time (you know, as long as I was getting paid). I think I will end up having 29 chapters. I wanted to push it to 30 to have a nice even number, but as my husband pointed out to me, the word UNEVEN is in the damn title of the book *facepalm*. Plus 29 feels like such an uncomfortable number to me. It's perfect! 

Anyhoo, moving on to this month's optional question: What personal traits have you written into your character(s)?

Oh! This is a fun one! So I pretty much have nothing in common with Jordan. Maybe that's why I like writing him so much. We really are polar opposites. But in a book where pretty much everything has some sort of hidden or symbolic meaning, I've found that Jordan has a few random dislikes just because they're things I dislike, like country music and chest hair. I just don't like these things. I couldn't force Jordan to like them. I'm sure there are other things that I dislike that Jordan could like or dislike, but these were the only ones that came up in the story. 

My second most important character, Tom, bakes a lot, which is definitely something I like to do. This may be a chicken and egg situation, though. I did take a cake decorating course when I was 13 so I've always been interested in baking, but my signature nowadays is definitely cupcakes. But I only got obsessed with making cupcakes after writing about a cupcake that Tom brings Jordan in Chapter 3. So being obsessed with cupcakes is just because I'm obsessed with my own book...

One of the things I would love for someone to ask me if this book is ever published and anyone actually reads it, is "are you more like Jordan or Tom?" To which I would say, "lol I'm Eric." Eric is Jordan's best friend and is a shy nervous wreck. I don't think I'm exactly like him, but I'm definitely most like him. Another thing I think we have in common is being really passionate about something (for Eric, it's music) but being terrified to share it with the world or even people we know. 

Oddly enough, it's Jordan who gets Eric out of his shell and showing off his talent. Hopefully he'll do the same for me. You know...if we can FINISH THE BOOK! He's a good friend (when he wants to be) but he's a terrible muse. Don't tell him I said that...

Feeling Out an Ending

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

This month, I'm also a co-host (what what!). I haven't done it in so long and it's so much easier than it used to be! But I'm psychotic and since I don't have work today I want to visit as many blogs on the list as I can! Be sure to check out the other co-hosts: Diane Burton, Kim Lajevardi, Sylvia Ney, Jennifer Hawes, and Madeline Mora-Summonte! 

This months optional question is: Of all the genres you read and write, which is your favorite to write in and why?

Well, ever since Jordan sunk his claws in me (sorry not sorry), all of my other story ideas have also been LGBT. Although it hasn't been a lot of ideas, honestly (Shiny New Story and Shiny New Story: Fantasy Edition are pretty much it). Jordan hogs all of the attention. I've always gotten more attached to a character or a particular story idea than a genre. And it usually takes me a loooooooooooong time to finish! Don't ask about the fantasy novel I started when I was 14, rewrote twice, worked on several sequels & prequels, and then gave up on.

Jordan wants me to say that HE is my favorite genre ever. He's not wrong.

Anyhoo, moving on...

I am slowly, slowly chipping away at Chapter 26. It's ok that it's taking a while, really, because it's a very complicated chapter. I think even after I finish it, I'll have to give it some time and go back through it again. Maybe after the whole book is done. But since this is basically a brand new scene, I don't really expect to get it perfectly polished like I've done with the earlier chapters in the book. 

Well, once 26 is done, I know exactly what happens next in the story. Woohoo! I'm wrapping up my second subplot in Chapter 27. It may run into 28 as well. I'll see when I get there how long it is and if it needs to be broken up. So then all that's left to do is to end the main plot! 

Oh, if only that were easy. I've always known the ending to my book, and I feel like it's the right ending to the story, but I think I have a hard time explaining *why* it's the right ending. I mean, it's not exactly an ending that readers would want. I don't think that makes for a bad ending, though. As long as it feels right for the story, it should work, even if it's disappointing. Right? Maybe disappointing isn't the right word. I think it's a realistic ending. 

Basically, I can think of two ideal outcomes for my characters' relationship, being either they break if off before something extreme happens, or they stay together forever. I find the first idea boring, and the second one very unrealistic. The ending that actually happens isn't something I can see anyone rooting for, but I think it feels right for these characters. But I also worry if the ending I chose is predictable. There are a few mini twists here and there leading up to it, but I don't think anyone will be extremely surprised that it turns out this way. 

I don't know, maybe it all depends on how good of a job I do writing it. If it feels right, and I can pull it off in the right way, then ultimately it'll be the right ending. 

Oh, well, I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it. I've still got a little ways to go. I think finishing this book will feel super weird, actually, since I've been working on it FOREVER. I won't know what to do with myself. 

How do you know when an ending is right? 

Character Motivations

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Hey, did you know that writing a novel can be super complicated? Crazy, right?? 

For those of you keeping score at home, I did finish Chapter 25 (including the music playing scene I was struggling with! I think it came out pretty amusing). Now onto Chapter 26, which can only be described as a DOOZY. Basically, I'm wrapping up a subplot with a big fight scene (verbal, not physical), immediately followed by something HUGE in the main plot. And since it takes place back to back on the same night, I'll want to keep it in the same chapter (unless it feels like it's going to be 20 pages long or something).

But while it's pretty heavy on the surface, there is also A LOT going on underneath. Since I write in first person, it's easy to convey what my main character is thinking, as well as what he's actually saying. Which is good in this particular chapter, the first half of which is a big fight with his mother, because he can't actually say the real reason that he's angry with her, because it would give away a huge secret. He shows his real anger but basically has to create a cover story for having it.

Seems complicated enough, right? But that's not actually what I'm struggling with. The trickier part is figuring out what's going on with the other character, Jordan's mom. I think she's an interesting character because while most of the time she seems terrible, she does have her motherly moments. So the thing I need to figure out is her motivation in this scene. Basically, she did a thing that really really upsets Jordan. But the bigger question is why did she do it? It seems like she's trying to punish Jordan, but is that because it's the right thing to do as a mom, or because she's actually trying to hurt him (did I mention her terribleness?)?

Phew. Ok. I know I'm super vague about this, but the main point is that character motivations can be hella complicated. Especially when you aren't in that character's head. Sometimes you have to take a moment to actually jump into their head and figure out what's going on in there. I can't really guess at her motivation to make this scene work, even if Jordan is guessing the whole time. I have to know, even if that means also creating his mom's ENTIRE BACKSTORY (that I totally thought I didn't need to figure out until Book 2. Darn.). Because some of her motivations go back to when he was born.

I think it's even more complicated, because the more I think about it, the more I realize the answer to what her motivations are is that it's both things. On some level, she does hate Jordan, she wants to hurt him simply for existing. But there's also some motherly instinct in there, too. I think the biggest part of this scene is getting her to admit the worst part of her motivation. That is what's going to hurt the most and make Jordan run off and lead to the next HUGE SCENE which I will not be telling you about. *insert evil laugh*

I don't know if any of that made any sense at all since I'm the only person who knows what's going on in my book. But basically, character motivations can be tricky. But they can also be complex. Sometimes a character may not even understand why they're doing something, or they just don't want to admit it to themselves.

Do you like complex characters? Can a character have conflicting motivations?

Can This Book Write Itself Already??

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

Here we are again! I think I've gotten into the habit of checking in with these posts on where I am with my third draft of Uneven Lines. Last month I was on Chapter 24. Things went a little differently  than I expected because I was creating a GIANT subplot chapter, which I wasn't really comfortable with. I only have a few super long chapters in the book and they're really only that way because they take place over the course of one day. I decided to break up this chapter by scenes.

So, suddenly Chapter 24 was magically done! And I'm almost done with 25. I literally just have one snippet of a scene to finish. I think I'm struggling with it because it involves my characters playing music, which I always find very awkward . But, you know, my characters decided to be musicians, what can I do? Luckily there isn't a lot of it in this book and I don't really have to worry about it until the sequels. But for those I'll probably have to write some original song lyrics and holy crap I am not looking forward to that.

I think I have an idea of at least some dialogue to finish this scene. Basically, Jordan has a new friend Madison over (they're plotting a master scheme, as one does), and knowing his friend Eric has a crush on her, tells him to bring his guitar over and they play a few songs (possibly some horribly cliched ones). And then it goes something like this:

Madison: Can't you play something from this decade?
Eric: If you don't like The Beatles, you're not human.
Jordan: True, but I'm more of a Stones guy.
Eric: You know, I could tell that about you.
Madison: CAN'T I JUST LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT??
Jordan: .....
Eric: ......
Jordan: I also like Taylor Swift...

Or something like that? I dunno, I'll figure it out. I always do. Even if it takes me days. Or weeks. Or months. Or years. I'm not even kidding, sadly...

Anyhoo, the IWSG's optional question for this month is: If you could use a wish to help you write just ONE scene/chapter of your book, which one would it be? (examples: fight scene / first kiss scene / death scene / chase scene / first chapter / middle chapter / end chapter, etc.)

You mean besides the aforementioned scene? Can I pick the whole rest of the book? It's not a lot, actually. No, wait! I pick the sex scene. I've already written that like three different times and I'm still convinced I'll never get it right. But I think maybe I can't picture it properly because I'm making so many changes to the end that I'm just not there yet. I have to get there before I can see it.

If I could wish the rest of this book done, I definitely would. Especially the parts I don't have figured out AT ALL. I'm definitely not an outliner, but this is basically what I have left after I finish 25:

- Wrap up Subplot #1
- MAJOR MAIN PLOT EVENT
- something something
- Wrap up Subplot #2
- something something
- something
- SEX SCENE
- Last chapter/denouement type deal

Yeah, wishing for all those something somethings to write themselves. And the sex scene. And the last bit. Because I think the very very end of the book kind of has to point to what exactly I was trying to say through the whole novel. And I feel like I got it horribly wrong in all my previous drafts. I *think* I'm still keeping the last two lines intact, and those should help me figure it out because I've always felt like they say a lot.

I think all I can do at this point is take it one step at a time. So I should probably get back to that music playing scene...

Random Editing

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click here to learn more and sign up!

I'm really quite terrible keeping up with blogging lately. I've only done IWSG posts for months. I don't know, I think partly it's a motivation thing, or it's an idea thing (or lack thereof, I should say). I don't want to stop blogging but I don't feel that drive to do it like I used to. It could just be that I want to focus on my book and can't give my attention back to blogging until it's done. That sounds like the best reason, right? I'll go with that.

This month's optional question is: Whose perspective do you like to write from best, the hero (protagonist) or the villain (antagonist)? And why?

This is actually a tricky question for me! Not because it's hard to choose, but because I don't really give myself a choice. I always write in first person, so I'm always writing from the point of view of the protagonist. And it's been quite a long time since I've written a story with a typical villain, too. So I guess I choose the protagonist because that's the character whose head I want to be in, because it's his/her story to tell. I'm sure writing villains is fun, but I just haven't come up with a story where I needed to write from that perspective.

On the other hand, Jordan is a bit of an antihero, I suppose, so maybe I get the best of both worlds. Or maybe I just like really flawed characters...

Every month I feel like I make just a little bit more progress to update on. Last month I was on Chapter 23 and this month I'm on...Chapter 24! I'm actually more than halfway through it, so it may even be done by the time you read this post (fingers crossed!).

I've recently realized that while I'm working a lot on the book and trying to finish it, what I'm really doing is revising. I've been calling it editing this whole time but I'm a big fat liar because I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO BACK AND EDIT THIS THING WHEN I'M DONE. Ok, ok, it's not a HUGE project like this whole third draft has been. But I still need to go through and edit my overused words and whatnot. And let's not forget SHOW DON'T TELL. I have mixed feelings about that rule. Ok, so, Jordan thinks A LOT and over-analyzes everything, so yeah, there's a lot of telling. But I do need to make sure the spots that NEED to be showing are actually doing so.

But what I have been doing to kind of keep the daunting task of editing from being too scary is keeping track of the little things I think of along the way to go back and change. The random or weird things. The things I think back on wondering why the hell I did that.

So, of course, I've started a list! Which is equal parts useful and ridiculous. Hopefully some of these will make sense out of context, or at least be good for a chuckle:

Random Things to Edit

• Find another word for “gorgeous” to describe Tom in Chapter One. We all know that’s Jordan’s word. 
• Are we really supposed to believe that Tom whisks egg whites by hand for the soufflé but then busts out a hand mixer to make cookies??
• I think the “tell me you'd rather have just my lips” line in Chapter 22 would be more powerful if Tom just came out with it instead of Jordan asking it - shows desperation
• Make sure Eric calls Jordan by his first name at least once and never by his last name
• The “I think it’s just two” line in Chapter 7 is probably a hitting-the-reader-over-the-head-with-a-cast-iron-skillet kind of moment 
• Possibly add more math stuff and also more cannibalistic undertones
• Be consistent with Jordan's present tense thoughts--italicized or no? I’d rather have them not italicized even if that’s an editor’s nightmare but either way, make sure it’s consistent 
• Make sure Brian's name is never typed as Brain...especially because he doesn't have one...

And that's it *so far*. I'm sure other ideas will hit me in the head as I go back through the story. That's after I finish the third draft. Which I'm still working on. And should probably get back to...