13 December 2013

Post 99: The Dialogue Awards

That's right, this is the 99th post! That means the 100th is only two days away! I'm really excited. I hope everyone enjoyed the blurb I posted on Wednesday, and thanks to those who left comments. Now there's just one more thing to do before the big day...

It's The Dialogue Awards!

I originally wanted to share some dialogue with my 100 facts, but I realized there were far too many lines that I liked. It was hard to pick just a few. So I decided to devote a whole post to some of my favorite lines of dialogue. Some of the categories are typical, some are ridiculous. I wanted to give every character a chance to be featured, as well as include some of my favorite moments. I tried to pick ones that could still shine out of context.

Do we need a drum roll? Or dramatic music? No? Ok.

Most Adorable:
            Tom: "You’re cute. Can I keep you?"

Most Shocking:
Jordan: “I’m amazed I wasn’t an abortion.”

Best Back and Forth Banter:
Jordan: “Couldn’t spring for a coffee?”
Tom: “Are you allowed to drink coffee?”
Jordan: “Am I allowed to make out with a twenty-eight-year-old?”
Tom: “Touché.”

Best Lie That’s Actually Kind of True:
Jordan: “Mom, there’s no easy was to say this. I started prostituting.” 

Best Inappropriate Comeback:
Tom: “What good could possibly come from it?”
Jordan: “I dunno, orgasms?”

Best Dialogue That Has Lasted Since the Short Story Version:
            Tom: “You’re fifteen.”
            Jordan: “It’s just a number.”
            Tom: “Yes, a big flashing red number. With sirens.”

Best Just Before the First Kiss Line:
            Tom: “Oh, for crying out loud, haven’t you ever kissed anyone before? Just hold still and close your eyes.”

Best Tom is Crazy When He's Cooking Line:
Tom: “You can’t rush risotto!”

Mom’s Best Line:
            Mom: “You know, I really do miss when you were a baby. You didn’t talk.”

Best “What the Hell is My Stupid Mom Doing Here?” Discussion:
Tom: “I feel terrible.”
Jordan: “Why?”
Tom: “Because every instinct is telling me to punch your mother in the face and snatch you away forever.”
Jordan: “I think if you just ask she would let you. Actually, she might sell me to you.”

Best “We’re Not Entirely Certain Who the Adult is in this Relationship” Line:
            Tom: “Are you kidding me? You’ve never had a cookie fresh out of the oven? Were you born forty years old?”

Best “It is what it is” Line:
Jordan: “No, having a sugar daddy has worked out great for my mom. And I don’t even have to fuck you.”
Tom: “Please don’t call me that.”

Best Words of Wisdom from Eric:
Eric: “Oh. You mean…? Oh! Is it that guy? From your date? Is he your boyfriend?”
Jordan: “Shh! No, he’s not…I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. You really want to know this stuff?”
Eric: “I dunno, that sort of thing might gross out someone like Brian, but it’s cool with me. I’d tell you if I had a date with a girl, right? We’re friends.”

Best Brian Still Doesn’t Know That Jordan is Gay Line:
            Brian: “Christ, Palmer, are you going out with a vampire? I hope she sucked your dick that hard.”

Best Dialogue That Shows Theme (Possibly Also the Saddest):
            Jordan: “But it’s who you are. You can’t fight who you are. I can’t, either. That’s why I can’t stay. You always knew that. You knew you couldn’t keep me.”

There you have it! I did too much, didn't I? I'll understand if you skipped a few. Or if you think I'm just nuts. If not (or if you're totally ok with that sort of thing), be sure to come back on Sunday for the 100th post! I should probably get back to work on that...


  1. Hahahaha, Mom's best line is awesome. :)

  2. Really liked the Mom line, too, as well as the 'were you born forty years old?' one. =) My husband actually doesn't like desserts warm out of the oven. I know, right? Crazy.