When Does the Writing Start?

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Click the link to learn more and sign up!

I haven't been doing much blogging lately since I started my new job. Adjusting has been a lot harder than I anticipated. Mostly because I'm exhausted all of the time. I pretty much work all day, come home, eat something, then maybe watch a little TV before passing out. I hardly even turn on my computer unless I have a day off. I haven't quite figured out how to utilize my mornings better, since I don't start work until 11. Even when I get up early it doesn't feel like enough time to be really productive. 

But I didn't want to talk about work for this whole post. I wanted to talk about writing. Or lack thereof. I know I wasn't exactly writing much before I started the job, but I feel like I'm waiting around for the inspiration to strike. I know I have to actually try write before anything happens, and that I probably need the time and mental capacity to do so, which I just don't have at this point. 

But the fact that I'm not writing, and haven't in a long time, really makes me sad. I really want to write, but it's like the longer I don't do it, the harder it is to start up again. I feel like I just need some time, even just an hour or two, to sit down with no distractions and just force the words out. Even if they come out horribly, even if they have nothing to do with the piece I should be working on, at least it would be something. And then hopefully I can keep moving forward from there. 

I actually have this whole weekend off so I'm thinking it may be a good time to start. Just to write something. Anything at all. 

How do you start writing again after taking a (ridiculously long) break? How do you find time to write when there is no time?

Rambling Insecurity

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click the link to learn more and sign up!

Like with most of my blog posts lately, I have no idea what to write about. Sometimes it just feels like my brain has stopped working. Or sometimes I feel like every idea I come up with is something I've written about before (I couldn't even tell you how many times I've written a post about not having ideas).

Which isn't to say I'm not incredibly insecure. I've just probably already mentioned all of my insecurities several times before. I still haven't actually written anything for quite some time. I keep trying to motivate myself to just write something, even if it's something silly or pointless or short or poorly written. Just something.

I'm hoping things may actually get easier once I have a real job again, which will hopefully be soon. I had not one, but two job interviews on Monday (the insecurity over that could take an entire post). I applied for a full time position, but by the time they called me they only had part time, but I interviewed anyway. Only yesterday I got another call that the full time is available again, so I'm hoping I get that. It would be an 11-7:30 shift, which I would love since my last job sometimes had me working until 1 or 2 in the morning. Plus that still gives me plenty of time in the morning to blog, which I was afraid I'd have to cut back on if I worked full time again.

But anyway, my real point is that if I have an actual full time job, then all of my free time can be exactly that: free. I can do whatever I want. I don't have to worry about having to spend every second trying to make money just to pay my bills. So I will actually have more time to write.

I don't know yet if I should say my time trying to break into freelance work was a failure or not. Maybe it's just not what I really want to do. So maybe it's a better idea just to have a regular job and work on what I really want to write in my spare time. Then maybe some day I can make enough money to only do that (if I'm really really lucky).

But I think for now I just have to take it one step at a time. I'm pretty sure I've said that before.

Where are the Ideas?

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click the link to learn more and sign up!

I'm not entirely sure I have any new insecurities to share. A whole lot of the same old ones I've been talking about for months and months, but nothing new. So I guess that's good? I pretty much took September off blogging (only wrote 4 posts) so I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. Blogging was always the thing that came the easiest even when every other aspect of writing seemed impossible, so when I was struggling to even come up with one blog post, I wasn't sure what to do. 

I guess the blogging thing is part of a bigger insecurity, which I know I've already talked about a million times, but it constantly bothers me. I never seem to get ideas anymore. I used to get them all the time. Now, I'm not asking for a new novel idea every day, but maybe a poem here and there. Maybe less writer's block with the blog posts. I feel like my editing ideas for my novel have even slowed down. That may have something to do with the fact that I'm not actually editing, but still, where are the ideas?

I miss the excitement of getting a new idea and planning it out. The last time I felt that was when I came up with the third book idea for my series, and that was in March. And I still haven't really written any of it (let's not even talk about books 1 and 2). I just feel creatively drained. I know there are things I could do to fix it. I should be reading more. I should be trying to actually edit Book 1 or at least looking at it every day to figure things out. But I'm still avoiding it. 

So maybe I should make small goals for myself. Read for a half hour every day. Just look at part of my novel, whatever part is at the front of my mind, and maybe I'll be able to rewrite. Stop watching so much TV and just listen to some music for inspiration. Maybe if I try to feed that creativity, the ideas will start flowing again. 

How do you get ideas? What do you do to jump start your creativity? 

Writing Stuff

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Click the link to learn more and sign up!

Something I tend to be insecure about is my identity as a writer. A lot of writers stick to one genre, others can write pretty much anything. I feel like I'm somewhere in between. I have written different genres, but it seems like I stick to the same one for years at a time and then move on to something else. If someone asked me what I write, I wouldn't really know what to say.

I have, however, always liked my Twitter bio (which I've never changed): "I write stuff. There's an imaginary teenage boy in my brain who helps me. Otherwise, I'm pretty normal." Short, sweet, and to the point. Well, it's Twitter, so it has to be short. But sometimes I read it and feel like a complete fraud. There's the "I'm pretty normal" part, which is a stretch, but we won't get into that. And I think I hear someone saying "who the f*** are you calling imaginary???" to which I would say, "BE QUIET YOUR POST IS NEXT WEEK."

But really it's the "I write stuff" part. How true is that? Am I actually writing stuff? Well, yes and no. I haven't written a poem in probably three years. I haven't really worked on my novel (except for a few tidbits here and there) for one year. All I ever really write are blog posts. So can I still call myself a writer? Well, I still want to write, and I still get ideas, so the passion is somewhere in there even if it's so far buried I don't know where to find it.

On the other hand, it's pretty vague, which works for me. Not "I'm an aspiring novelist and poet." Not "I'm working on my WIP and hope to be published soon." Just, "I write stuff." It's entirely true. Sometimes it's just a blog post or a tweet or an email. Sometimes it's a random line of dialogue from Book 3. Sometimes it's an editing note for Book 1. It's not always a lot, but it's usually something.

So maybe I can't say a lot about being a writer. But I can say that I write stuff.

When Does Bitterness Leave?

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click the link to learn more and sign up!

I noticed something trending on Twitter the other day that made my stomach turn: Pitch Wars. "UGH" was my immediate response. 

Honestly, writing-wise, doing Pitch Wars was the biggest mistake I ever made. There's a part of me that wants to rant and scream and tell everyone I possibly can not to do it. But I think the odds of someone else having my exact experience are actually very slim: first, having a controversial story, then having an a-hole mentor send unnecessarily cruel feedback on just your first chapter, and also being the kind of person who is prone to depression and anxiety and will let this sort of thing eat away at you. On the other hand, seeing as how there's roughly a 10% chance of getting picked if you enter, I also feel like it's just a giant waste of time. So in the best case scenario, you're still going to be disappointed. 

I wish I didn't let things get to me so much. It's not the first time I've been bullied. It definitely won't be the last time my writing will be critiqued (although I feel if my book was already published I would handle it in a completely different way). But at what point do you stop grinding your teeth when you hear something mentioned? When does that bitterness go away? When I think of something that happened in the past that still leaves me feeling bitter, the thought usually passes fairly quickly. You get over it eventually. Maybe just because Pitch Wars wasn't so long ago, it's still bugging me.

Or maybe it's just because it's kept me from writing. I hate the fact that it's almost been a year since I've really written anything. I've come up with a ton of ideas on how to edit my book, but I haven't actually done any of them. I hate when people tell me it's ok to take a break, because it's just been way too long. But every time I think about working on my book, I just wonder--what's the point? If everyone's going to hate this story and hate me for writing it, why should I bother? But I can't let it go because I've put so much effort into it and I think there's something there that people just aren't able to see yet.

So I guess I just need to try to make people see it. Nothing is ever going to happen if I don't start writing again. That's probably what I need to do to get over the experience. Nothing would be a bigger "f you" than being successful. If I don't write, then they win.

Get Out of the Funk

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! As always, the IWSG is hosted by the awesome Alex J. Cavanaugh. Check out the group's website to learn more and sign up!

So I've been in a bit of a writing funk for about, oh...ten months or so. I'm not even kidding. I've barely touched my WIP in that time. I've had a revelation here or there, jotted down some ideas or a random line of dialogue, but that's it. Nothing major. No new scenes or major editing done at all. Part of me really wants to work on it, but another part just wants to avoid it.

The thing is, I've always had big, big dreams for this particular book, but I think I'm so hung up on them not coming true that I don't even want to bother. I know the road to those dreams is going to be very long and filled with obstacles. It's going to take a long time. I'm pretty sure most people are going to be against me. Finding the people who "get it" isn't going to be easy.

I've been thinking about giving up on those dreams because honestly, they're not realistic at all. But I've come to realize that I don't have to. I should use the dreams to motivate me, not to keep me from working. Because right now, the only thing standing in my way is me. I can't even start out on that obstacle-filled road if I don't get the book done first. So why am I already giving up?

I was thinking lately how bad I want these particular dreams and I thought, why shouldn't I have them? I think I've got something good and interesting here and even though not everyone is going to get it or like it, there must be some people out there who will. So why not try for those dreams? I won't know for sure if they're unattainable until I reach the end of that road.

Will this new found attitude lead to actual editing and writing? I hope so. I won't be able to get anywhere if I don't at least try.

Still Not Writing

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click the link to learn more and sign up!

Well, I think I'm finally done with blogging milestones for a while. My 4th anniversary and my 300th post were only a week apart. From here on out I think it will just be normal blog posts. I know I should probably take a break from blogging for a bit but I've already made it this far into the year with a perfect record (posting every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday), so I'd like to see how far I can get. 

It's also been exactly a year since I quit my day job, and I can't believe it's been so long already. I feel like I haven't accomplished anything. I am still making some money, but I haven't even tried to break into freelance writing. I haven't finished my novel or started querying it like I thought I would. I haven't even submitted any smaller pieces to literary magazines. That was kind of the point to taking the time off, so I would actually have time to work on these things. Well, that and the fact that my job made me completely miserable. But I just thought we'd have life figured out at this point. I wasn't supposed to look for another job until we figured out where we were moving, but that still hasn't happened. 

I think the writing thing is what bothers me the most. I still have this mental block when it comes to working on my WIP. I just don't want to work on it. I think about my sequel ideas more than the first book, but I don't actually work on those, either. I don't know, maybe I'm just scared because I know how hard it's going to be to try to get this book published. Maybe there's a part of me that just doesn't want to bother. But I've worked so hard on it already, and I feel like there has to be a reason that I started writing it. I just wish I could get the desire to work on it again, because I'll never be able to even try to publish it if I don't finish it first. 

Well, I guess that's about it for this month's insecurities. Maybe by next month I'll get to tell you that I actually wrote something. That would be incredible.

Another Crazy Month

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Click the link to learn more and sign up!

So it's finally May and the A to Z Challenge is over. Most bloggers would want to take a second to breathe. Well, not me, apparently. I feel as though this month is going to be just as psychotic as the last, only with less focus. I've got so much going on and so much I need to do and I feel like it's impossible.

First of all, I'd really like to keep the blogging momentum going, which is great in theory, but can be exhausting. It's mostly because I haven't missed or skipped a day at all this year (I've posted every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, except of course for April where I posted every day except Sundays!). I'd really just like to keep that going. There are two major problems I see, however: running out of ideas and just burning out.

Then, of course, like the crazy person that I am, I decided to host a blogfest at the end of the month (see shameless plug below). It's not like it was a spur of the moment idea. I've been thinking about it for months. But it's still a big thing to take on.

I also really really really want to finish rewriting/editing Uneven Lines by next month so I can do Pitmad. I don't think it's going to happen but I'm probably not going to officially give up until that day comes. It's the rewriting that drives me nuts. You'd think after four years and writing it three times already, I would have figured out how to properly end this book. Nope!

And then there's life stuff. My fiance and I are trying to figure out what to do with our lives, where we want to move to, when we want to get married, yada yada. My money is close to gone so I have to figure out what to do about that and I spend pretty much every second of every day doing crowdsource work just because it's something. And we're also going to Florida at the end of the month for his grandfather's 80th birthday, and I'm all in a panic wondering if they have wifi because if they don't that means I can't blog or work or pay my bills and I will just be a nervous wreck.

*deep breath* All right, I'll wrap this up before it turns into a novel. Maybe I just need to take a little time each day to relax. Drink tea or do yoga or something. Or try to schedule myself. Oh, who am I kidding? That never works! I'll probably just continue to live life like a chicken with its head cut off!

SHAMELESS PLUG!!!!

For my fourth blogging anniversary, I'm hosting a blogfest! It's a party where you can come and bring your muse or a character from one of your books. Click the picture to get all of the info and sign up! It's happening on May 25 and all you have to do is answer some questions about you and your muse, some of the things you like, and how much fun you'd have at my virtual party! So join in!!! :D

The Anxiety of Naming a Character

**My theme for this year’s A to Z Challenge is THE NAME GAME. Everything you’d want to know about naming characters. I’m also going to attempt (miserably) to tie in today’s post with my post for the Insecure Writer’s Support Group. Click the link to find out more!**

So you have a character. You’ve got the beginnings of a story planned out—things that will happen to him, people he’ll come across, decisions he’ll have to make. Maybe you already know what he looks like, who his friends and family are, his hobbies, hopes and dreams. But there is one very basic thing that you need to figure out in order to convey this character to your readers. Your character needs a name.

But what if you don’t have a name for him yet? The first thing I would say is: DON’T PANIC. Oh, you’re not panicking? Well, I had to tie this post in with insecurity somehow, so pretend you’re panicking!

Ok, so first, calm down. There are going to be several things that you’ll need to figure out while writing this particular story. Some can be easy, others can be difficult. Figuring out a name for your character could be either of these. Sometimes a name will just pop into your head like the actual character told you himself. Other times it could take weeks or longer to figure out. You could go through lists and websites and every resource you can find of names, never seeming to find the one that feels just right.

But seriously, don’t panic. Think about all the factors that could help you make a decision. What kind of character is he? When does the story take place? What are his parents like? You have to think of your character as a living, breathing person, and not just a figment of your imagination. What sort of influences from his family and culture would be used when he was given a name?

Perhaps the most important thing is to listen to your character. You’ll know when a name feels right, and when it doesn’t. Maybe the first name you come up with won’t be quite right and it will have to change. Maybe you’ll need to start writing the story before the name comes to you. But eventually you will figure it out and your character will have a name.

Do you ever panic when naming a character? Stay tuned for more in depth posts on the different aspects of naming characters!

A Very Detailed (And Color Coded!) Schedule

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Click the link to learn more and sign up!

Like most months, I'm plenty insecure. Still trying to figure out the third (and hopefully final) draft of Uneven Lines, and also trying to figure out life. My fiance and I really want get out of where we live and hopefully move to New York within the next few months. It's one of those things that I really want but at the same time find terrifying. Of course, I know I'm afraid of change but it really needs to happen. 

What I'm really trying to do is get more organized. There are so many things I have to do, whether it's working on the book, exercising and eating right, reading more, trying to find a job or figure out how to branch out into freelance writing. It's a lot and I think I get easily overwhelmed so that's probably why I don't get a lot done. 

So my new strategy is a schedule. A very detailed and planned ahead schedule. I couldn't find any templates I liked online, so I made my own in Excel, breaking each day down by the half hour from 7 AM to 11 PM. Then I figured I absolutely needed colored pens in order to mark things in by category. Who wants to look at entire schedule in boring black ink? These categories seemed to cover pretty much everything I would need or want to do in a given week. 

And here is the actual schedule for this week. It's still a work in progress. 

And the second page. Yes, we watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy every night like an old couple. And I'm trying to make sure I brush & floss my teeth and wash my face every night before bed, since I'm really inconsistent with it. 

I'm still filling in some of the blanks but all of the major stuff is there. I'm not too worried about the weekends since my fiance doesn't work and we usually just figure out what we're doing as we go, anyway. And I really only get things done when I'm by myself. One of my biggest downfalls is just watching pointless TV all day, so with this schedule I can actually work in when I'm watching all of my shows, whether it's when they air or on demand the next day. And I won't watch TV at any other time (I hope!). 

I don't know if this extremely structured schedule will help me or get very tedious right away, but we'll see. I've never tried being this organized before so I think it's worth a shot. 

Do you stick to a schedule? What are your tips for being productive? 

How Do We Deal with Fear?

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's once again time for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. *insert drum roll here* This month I'm a co-host! So I'll be stalking...err...visiting lots and lots of you. As always, the IWSG is hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh, and my fellow co-hosts this month are Gwen Gardner, Dolorah, and M. Pax!

Something that causes a great deal of insecurity (for me, at least) is fear. Fear is something that holds you back, that keeps you from achieving your goals. There are plenty of reasons to be afraid, and it isn't always easy to find ways to work through it. If you manage to erase one fear, you might just run into another one. 

I'm afraid of a lot of things. I think everyone's go-to fear is failure. We worry that all of this work we put into what we do will never amount to anything. We're afraid we'll never get an agent or a book deal, or even if we do get published, that the book will never sell. Sometimes it's tough to keep going when you're constantly worrying if it's even worth the effort. 

But that's really only the beginning of the fear spectrum. You can be afraid of something even if you want it, maybe just because it's different and scary. I'm terrified of change, despite the fact that I desperately want things in my life to change. I'm even afraid of success, because I worry that I don't have the personality to deal with all of these elaborate fantasies of what a successful life could be like. I don't think I can live up to my imaginary self. 

I worry that I'm just not capable of figuring out everything that needs to be figured out in my manuscript. And even if that happens, if I somehow get it done, I worry that it will be a complete flop. I worry that people just aren't going to get it, or they're going to take it the wrong way and be offended. It's already happened more than once and I'm not sure how I would even deal with the situation besides saying, "it's just a story." I worry that people are going to think that I assume too much, or that there's some level of hatred inside of me that really is just nonexistent. How do I make people get it?

You can see how easy it is for fear to just build up and build up. There are so many reasons for it, so it's hard to escape it completely. I don't have all of the answers yet. I think it's important to try and deal with one thing at a time--block those fears from my mind until they're actually worth worrying about, if they ever are at all. Because right now, the only thing fear is doing is holding me back. 

How do you guys deal with fear? What scares you the most when it comes to your writing? 

Let the Dream Die

It's once again the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click the link to visit Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog and learn more! This month we've been asked to include a short intro about ourselves, so here goes:

I’ve been writing since I was 8, but am as of yet unpublished. I’ve been working on my novel, Uneven Lines, for nearly four years (yikes!), and hopefully someday you’ll get to read it. Sometimes I write poetry. I’m 27 and live in a studio apartment with my stand-up comedian fiancé and my cat Gizmo. I have no idea when I’m getting married, but I’m totally fine with that. If you browse through my blog, you’ll definitely come across Jordan—he’s the 15-year-old narrator of my novel and my muse/the annoying voice in my head/the third love of my life. 

Boom! 100 words exactly. By the way, Jordan's monthly post was this Monday, and he still wants your questions!

So what am I insecure about this month? Oh, the usual. I still haven't even looked at my novel since September. I know exactly what my issues are but I just can't seem to work past them and get back to editing. I want to actually find an excerpt to use for a blog post on Friday, so maybe just reading it will get me back into the swing of things. 

One of the big problems I have is that I dream big. Everybody dreams about getting a publishing deal and all of the things that will happen afterwards, right? Well, I think I overdo it. I won't get into the crazy details, but it is something I think about on a daily basis. It would be great if it was motivating me to work, but it's not. 

It sort of reminds me of when I drink alcohol--I'm always very aware of how intoxicated I get. With the whole dreaming big scenario, I'm extremely delusional, but I'm also aware of how delusional I am. I tell myself things could not possibly happen in the exact way I imagine them, but I keep imagining. 

Here's the thing--I fully believe that everything happens for a reason and that the universe will on occasion send signs. I also believe that I actually got a sign that these dreams will on some level come true. It freaked me out when it happened, but now I'm wondering if it was a sign--or was it just a bunch of coincidences at once? I can't really know until it actually comes true, but that could take a long time. So I worry that I'm putting too much faith in it and not enough in myself. 

I worry that dreaming too big is holding me back. That I'm too afraid of it not coming true, or even of it actually happening, because that would be scary. Great, but scary. I don't want to give up on the book, of course, because I've put way too much work into it, but I'm wondering if I should give up on the dream. Maybe it would be better to just let it die and not think about it, and put all of my focus on the book itself without even thinking about getting it published until it's done.

What I'd like to do is to not let the dream die, exactly, but set it aside. Stop worrying about the future and focus on the present. I'm not going to get anywhere if I don't finish the book first. The universe can't help me with that. It's all up to me. 

Starting from Scratch (Somewhat)

It's that time again! The first Wednesday of every month is the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Click the link to sign up! And be sure to check out the IWSG Guide to Publishing Beyond, which is available now. It has a lot of great advice on writing, publishing, and marketing, and it's FREE! I contributed a piece on choosing between first and third person. Thanks to Alex J. Cavanaugh and everyone else who helped to put the anthology together.

I've got plenty to be insecure about this month. I'm not looking forward to Christmas at all. I need to really start figuring out what my next step is going to be in life because I've been slacking off way too much. And I'm still trying to figure out how to throw my muse a birthday party.

But I don't want to overwhelm you guys so I guess I'll talk about the book. Sounds ominous, right? I'm still avoiding it. I think about it all the time, but I can't bring myself to work on it or even read it. I know I have to do a massive overhaul of the last third of the book, but it's hard to figure out how to change things.

I'm trying to take on a different mindset. I basically want to start with a blank slate, at least from a certain point. I want to pretend I've never written that last third so that I can come up with some ideas that are new, and not just keep rewriting the same moments that didn't work in the first place. 

It's scary, but also kind of fun, because coming up with new ideas is always more interesting than editing to me. I still have a few scenes I plan on reusing, and ultimately the book will still end the same way, but I'm hoping for a lot of things to change along the way. When I finally adopted this mindset and started thinking about what would happen next, I immediately came up with a new scene that will help flesh out a subplot. I had this block for so long, where I knew things weren't working but had no idea how to fix them. Wiping the slate clean has helped me get through that.

Do I have everything figured out yet? Definitely not. But it's one step in the right direction. 

Finding the Passion

Hello, everyone! Today is the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! I'm feeling extra insecure so I fit right in. Check out Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog to learn more and join in.

I'll keep this post brief because I'm feeling beyond lousy. I have a cold whose main symptom is a constant headache. And we have to take Gizmo back to the vet later today for the FOURTH time. It's very frustrating when he keeps getting sick. Hopefully they can finally put a stop to it.

So I could talk about how I gave up on my NaNoWriMo book before I even started it, but I'm not really all that upset about it, honestly. I don't think I had planned this particular story well enough to bust it out in a month. Besides life getting in the way of my writing time, I just wasn't feeling it.

I feel like I have such a hard time being passionate about my writing lately. When I first started my novel, it was all I could think about. I couldn't do anything but write. Sometimes I forgot to eat. If I could write like I did back then I would be busting out two novels a month. But I just don't feel that way anymore.

I know everyone has said just to put it aside for a while, but the thing is, I have. I haven't looked at my book in over two months. I really want to work on it, but I also don't want to even look at it. Maybe it's because I know editing it is going to be hard. Maybe it's because I feel like no one is going to like my book, or they're going to take it the wrong way. I'm sick of not working on it, but I don't know how to start.

I guess I'll just take it one step at a time. I've had a couple more people offer to beta read for me, which I think will help. I just have to merge some of the edits I've already made with the last complete draft I have before I send it out. My editing draft is an absolute mess and there are a bunch of holes in it, but I also don't really want people to read the second draft as it is. I've got to tweak a few things first. But I will get it out there!

That wasn't brief at all, was it? Oh well. Time for some tea and aspirin.

Sufferin' Subplot!

I know I have a stuffed Sylvester the cat somewhere, but don't ask me to dig it out...

Anyway, today is the first Wednesday of the month so that means it's the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! It's also the one year anniversary for the IWSG website! If you're looking for my submission for The IWSG Guide to Publishing and Beyond, err, well...I haven't written it yet. I'll go ahead and blame my writing slump, and maybe my tendency to procrastinate. But I can think of several high school and college essays that were done at the last minute and still came out amazing, so this will be my project for the day! I know what I want to write about, at least, so, fingers crossed!

Anyhoo, whenever IWSG day rolls around, I feel like I always waste it. I usually vent about some minuscule problem or dilemma that having just one or two people respond to it makes me feel better or reinforces something that I already knew in the first place. It's great to get feedback, but on a day where I usually get three times the comments, I feel like I should be talking about something more meaningful. So that's what I'm going to try to do from now on.

I've been talking about my editing woes a lot lately. Basically I've been avoiding it like the plague. There are a ton of reasons behind this, but part of it is that I'm having a really hard time figuring out how to fix all of the problems in my novel. I'm starting to think I have to completely scrap the last third of it and figure out how to get to the ending. I've always known how the book needs to end, I'm just not sure I got there in the right way.

A lot of my problems come from the subplot. I think I have two options at this point: either scrap it or find a way to make it reflect the main plot more. There are a lot of parallels in my book--parallel moments, parallel characters, parallel LINES (there's geometry--it makes sense, I swear!). So my subplot should parallel the main plot in some way. I think what I was going for is to show how my main character is constantly manipulating people in some way--so this should go for the minor characters as well as the main ones. But I don't think I got that point across very well.

What worries me is that I can't quite figure it out. Every solution I come up with seems stupid, but I think I'm relying too much on what I've already written. I think up to a certain point it works, but once my MC has made the decision to basically destroy one his friends, it didn't really go where I wanted it to. It ends kind of weakly, and I want my MC to have more control of the situation, and honestly, be a bit more evil.

I'm also worried that having this subplot will weaken the book as a whole. Do I even really need it? I know I need these minor characters to have certain moments happen, but besides that, is it necessary? Do you think subplots just distract from the main plot? Or do they enhance it? I guess that all depends on if they're done right, but I'm still not sure about mine. I think I need to reevaluate why I need it, and try to revamp it so that it makes the story better.

What does everyone think? Are you for or against subplots? And if you'd like to help me brainstorm (and just for fun!)--how would you get revenge on someone who hurt you? 

'Twas the Night Before PitchWars

It's that time again! The first Wednesday of the month is the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Check out Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog to learn more!

Before I get into it, let me spoil it by saying I did not get picked by a mentor for PitchWars. I didn't really expect to, but I'm not necessarily sorry I entered. I always get that feeling that my work isn't good enough, so why the hell did I let four people read it? That could be an entire IWSG post in itself, but I decided to have a little bit more fun with this one.

Knowing the PitchWars picks were being announced at midnight, I of course decided to stay up and find out. But as the night slowly (I mean, very slowly) crept toward that time, it got harder and harder to deal with the wait. So here was how I spent my night, trying to kill time and ignore all the anxiety and insecurity that was waiting to take over. Enjoy!

8:00: Watch the making of Frozen special on ABC. Why? What do you mean WHY? Haven’t you been here before?? Learn a lot of fascinating stuff and laugh hysterically at least once. Killed an entire hour! Only looked at PitchWars Twitter feed during commercial breaks, I swear.

9:00: Do my daily routine of exercises—crunches, lunges, squats, lifting weights, etc.  

Go back on laptop to find 33 new tweets on the PW feed. Eat some watermelon. Stalk the feed relentlessly.

9:30: Wash ALL the dishes! Except one. It needs to soak.

Look at the feed again. One mentor I submitted to is tweeting but I’m already certain she hasn’t picked me because she’s been tweeting hints for the past few days. It’s definitely not me.

Claw my way to the very back of the fridge & find a Yoplait chocolate whips yogurt. EPIC SUCCESS. See that it’s expired. EPIC FAILURE. Google if it’s safe to eat expired yogurt. Upon research and smell/taste test, decide to eat anyway. Still good.

Missed 13 new tweets during yogurt expedition. See fellow potential mentees are tweeting about how their MC met the love interest with #lovestory. Decide not to touch that one with a ten foot pole.

Step over very fat cat sprawled on the floor to use the bathroom. Forget where I left my glasses. Oh they're in front of the TV. Riiiiiiiiight. Cat is now sprawled across my notebook.

Remember I put a Gatorade in the freezer and should probably get it out so I can have a drink and not a popsicle.

10:00: Still two hours to go. Try not to have a panic attack, especially because I KNOW I'm not going to be picked. Still singing “Let it Go” to myself.

Try to ignore extreme thoughts of self-doubt. Well, no one I sent my book to actually read it, so NO ONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD IS GOING TO READ IT. Who the hell is going to buy gay fiction written by a straight girl anyway? What the hell was I thinking?!

Self-doubt: 1. Sarah: 0.

Reread blog post from Monday for a good laugh and because I’m pretty sure Jordan doesn’t even know what anxiety is. No, wait! Yes he does, but he thinks it’s a good thing. He feeds on it—gets a rush from it. Try to channel his attitude—it doesn’t work.

Thinking there’s no way my manuscript is good enough to get picked and what the hell was I thinking by entering in the first place?!

You know, I really should have just started watching Frozen at 9:00. This would have killed so much time.

Open up new flat iron I bought earlier in the day since my old one died a horrible death. Wonder when the hell did flat irons get so skinny? New one is 1 ½ inches wide, the biggest one I could find and about ½ the size of my old one. I have a LOT of hair, people. Aint nobody got time for that. It’s quite spiffy, though. And pink! And comes with a stand!

10:20: Floss and brush teeth. Brush teeth while checking Twitter feed.

This happens: I see fiancé putting on socks. “You’re putting on socks?” “Yup.” “Aren’t you going to bed soon?” “……….Oh yeah.” He takes socks off.

Do ridiculous nighttime face washing routine. Come back. It’s only 10:34. Heavy sigh.

10:48: Fiancé goes to bed. I isolate myself with my laptop on our tiny corner table that is more junk pile than table at this point.

11:00 Tune in to Whiskey, Wine, & Writing, very thankful that they’re doing this show since it will kill a whole hour and be lots of fun.

12:00 Brenda Drake’s website crashes because of all of the views. Is anyone surprised? Blog finally goes up! I go through the list. Did I get picked? Nope. Did my beta reader get picked?? Nope. Ehhhh….oh wait, someone I talk to on Twitter got picked as an alternate! Yay? It’s the only joy I can hold onto, so let me have it, dammit!!!

12:26 Ok, seriously, time for bed. 

How Accurate Do You Need to Be?

Hey, everyone! Guess what day it is! It's the Insecure Writer's Support Group posting day! Ok, I'll stop with the exclamation points. No, wait, one more...today I have the honor of being a co-host!! Oops, that was two. Anyway, as always, the IWSG is hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh, and my fellow co-hosts this month are Joylene Nowell Butler, Lily Eva, and Rhonda Albom. Don't forget to check out the IWSG website, too!

So what am I insecure about this month? Still working on the third draft of my book and not getting as much done as quickly as I'd like. Despite my efforts, I keep gaining weight every week, but I'm really determined to eat better and exercise more, since my will power usually tends to fizzle out by Wednesday. And (this isn't necessarily an insecurity, but it is driving me nuts...) my birthday is this Saturday and my present from my fiance has been sitting on my dresser since LAST Saturday. *sigh* I really don't like to ruin surprises, but come on, it's not fair! And it's heavy, too, so I know there's more than one thing in there...

Anyway, this is what has really been bugging me lately: SETTING. It's something that continuously perplexes me, to the point where I feel I'll never get it right. Ok, so my novel takes place in New York City, a place I've visited many many times--but I've never lived there. And my MC has always lived there, grew up there, and I worry that this won't be believable because I haven't. For the majority of my novel, there isn't much to worry about. The characters are usually very isolated and the two main settings are their apartments. So within the confines of those scenes, I really don't have to worry about setting. I also like the juxtaposition of them having to be so isolated in such a busy and populated city. But those moments when they do go out into the world--I worry that I haven't gotten it right.

I also did some research that worried me about the accuracy of my book. So when I first started writing it, I knew my MC was a freshman and that he was failing his math class. When I was a freshman, I took Geometry. Back in middle school, some people were able to move on to Pre-algebra in 7th grade, where others took another year of a more basic math class. So while some freshmen took Geometry when they got to 9th grade, others were taking their first year of Algebra. Anyway, since I took Geometry, and I figured my MC is a smart and clever guy, he probably would, too. So that's how I wrote the story.

But the more research I do on the NY school system, the more I feel that this wouldn't be possible. From what I've found, it seems that all students take Algebra in their freshman year, then Geometry as a sophomore (doing internet research is tricky, so if by some miracle someone reading this went to school in NY, I beg you, enlighten me!). If this is true, it throws a giant wrench in my plot. I really can't change his math class to Algebra at this point--Geometry just works better as far as how I've worked in themes and symbolism. There's also a scene where my characters are solving a geometric proof that I seriously CANNOT cut. I can't. It's too good, and too important. I also can't make my MC older, since his age is important to the plot. So what should I do?

I'm wondering if it actually matters. What is more important, being true to the story, or being accurate with the structure of the school system? Is anyone really going to notice if I get it wrong? It's not like it's on every page of the book. Is this a detail that should matter at all? I'm not sure. I may just be over-thinking this. My gut is telling me to leave it be, and if someone calls me out on it, I can explain how I thought being true to the story was more important than getting one tiny detail right.

Phew! Ok, now that I've vented, I've got a lot of blogs to visit. *cracks knuckles* Off I go!

Some Minor Insecurities

It's that time again! The first Wednesday of every month is the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Click the link to visit Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog and learn more!

Well, I can't sleep, so I figured I would get this done now. I'm actually sitting in the empty bathtub with my laptop since my fiance is sleeping and I would wake him up with all of this typing. Oh, how I wish for two rooms.

I think I'm slightly insecure over several things right now. Not majorly insecure, just slightly.

I'm thinking of going to the Cape Cod Writers Conference in August. I don't know. I'm not very good at interacting with people. I can picture myself just going to the workshops and then sitting in my car for the rest of it. It would also cost a lot of money that I probably shouldn't spend, and it falls on my birthday weekend so I would be there the entire day. I was excited about it at first, but the more I think about it, the more I feel like I don't want to go, or that I shouldn't.

I finished my read through/ marking up with a red pen of the second draft a few hours ago, which means I have to start my final (hopefully) rewrite of Uneven Lines. This is kind of scary, for several reasons. First, I have to actually get it done. I have to fix all of the problems. I have to rewrite that damn sex scene (which will NOT be vague, I have decided after an email discussion with my only beta reader. Basically all of my fears about the buildup not being released would definitely be true if I were to make it vague). I should probably get a few more beta readers, you know, real ones, since all of my friend/coworker readers never said anything, not even that they read it at all (there's an insecurity all on its own!). I have to rip apart the subplot and figure out what the hell it's doing there. And I really want to get this done within a month. I want to get queries out (scary!). I want to actually do something with this book because I feel like I've been working on it my entire life (ok, not really).

I have to clean my apartment because I have a friend coming over this weekend. I have to figure out something to cook that I won't ruin! And dessert! Cupcakes? I always make cupcakes...

Anyway, I think I would stay up all night writing if it weren't so damn hot in the bathroom with the door closed. Off to bed.

Stress Postponed

It's that time again! The first Wednesday of every month is the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Click the link to visit Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog and learn more!

I have plenty to be insecure about right now, but I'm not really thinking about it. I'm putting it off until next week because tomorrow I'm getting on a plane to Las Vegas with my fiancé. I'm planning on five days of relaxation and fun, and if I'm lucky, maybe I'll win some money, although I'm certainly not going to try anything but slot machines. Mostly I just want to eat, drink, and lounge by the pool. 

Of course, when we come back next Tuesday, I'm sure reality is going to slap me in the face. Last night was my last shift at my job. It was a weird feeling, because I know I'm going to miss a lot of the people there, but I will not miss actually working there. Not one little bit. I'm sure it's going to be a little bit scary not having a source of income anymore, and to watch my savings go down as I pay my bills. But I'm hoping it will all be worth it in the end. 

I'm also a bit stressed out about my book. Sometimes I'll think, hey I'm almost done! Then I'll think the exact opposite--that there's so much work still to do. Ok, yes, there is a lot of work to do. But I'm not going to do another rewrite, just a lot of editing. I'll also have a lot of time to work on it. I'm thinking I'll work on my book at least three hours every day, as well as looking for freelance work, publishing jobs, and agents to eventually send queries to. My whole focus is going to be on building my writing career. 

So yeah, there's a lot to be stressed about. But I'll worry about that next week. Right now, my bags are packed, my Kindle is charged, all my high heels are shoved into my suitcase. And I've got my second draft and a red pen for the plane ride. :)

Insecure About Not Being Insecure

It's that time again! The first Wednesday of every month is the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Click the link to visit Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog and learn more!

I was struggling to come up with a topic for today's post, mostly because I haven't been feeling very insecure lately. I got through the A to Z challenge, I'm almost done with the second draft of my book, and I'm nervous about leaving my job, but not really insecure. I know in my gut I'm making the right decision. It's still almost a month away so I'm trying not to think about it too much yet. 

I've been thinking about how close I am to trying to get my book published. Once the second draft is done, I'll go through another round of edits, but not a rewrite this time, so it probably won't take very long. There's just a few things to iron out, I think (of course, when I hear back from my readers I may find out how wrong I am...). And then I'll start querying. It's exciting and scary but I'm actually not feeling very insecure about it. 

Here's the thing--I'm not scared of rejection. Not at all. I've already been told by someone that my story is horrible, and I really don't think any agent would respond that way (as long as I do my research and submit to the right agents, of course). I've already been hit with the worst, so even rejection would be better than that. I also accept that fact that I'm going to be rejected. Lots of times. I see it as part of the process. It's going to happen and it's just something to get through. 

My lack of insecurity is actually what worries me. What if I'm wrong about how I feel? What if that first rejection comes and I just break down? What if I can't handle it? Is my lack of fear a good thing or is it setting me up to fall even harder? I guess I won't know until it actually happens.