It's once again the posting day for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Click the link to visit Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog and learn more! This month we've been asked to include a short intro about ourselves, so here goes:
I’ve been writing since I was 8, but am as of yet unpublished. I’ve
been working on my novel, Uneven Lines, for nearly four years (yikes!), and
hopefully someday you’ll get to read it. Sometimes I write poetry. I’m
27 and live in a studio apartment with my stand-up comedian fiancé and my cat
Gizmo. I have no idea when I’m getting married, but I’m totally fine with that.
If you browse through my blog, you’ll definitely come across Jordan—he’s the
15-year-old narrator of my novel and my muse/the annoying voice in my head/the
third love of my life.
Boom! 100 words exactly. By the way, Jordan's monthly post was this Monday, and he still wants your questions!
So what am I insecure about this month? Oh, the usual. I still haven't even looked at my novel since September. I know exactly what my issues are but I just can't seem to work past them and get back to editing. I want to actually find an excerpt to use for a blog post on Friday, so maybe just reading it will get me back into the swing of things.
One of the big problems I have is that I dream big. Everybody dreams about getting a publishing deal and all of the things that will happen afterwards, right? Well, I think I overdo it. I won't get into the crazy details, but it is something I think about on a daily basis. It would be great if it was motivating me to work, but it's not.
It sort of reminds me of when I drink alcohol--I'm always very aware of how intoxicated I get. With the whole dreaming big scenario, I'm extremely delusional, but I'm also aware of how delusional I am. I tell myself things could not possibly happen in the exact way I imagine them, but I keep imagining.
Here's the thing--I fully believe that everything happens for a reason and that the universe will on occasion send signs. I also believe that I actually got a sign that these dreams will on some level come true. It freaked me out when it happened, but now I'm wondering if it was a sign--or was it just a bunch of coincidences at once? I can't really know until it actually comes true, but that could take a long time. So I worry that I'm putting too much faith in it and not enough in myself.
I worry that dreaming too big is holding me back. That I'm too afraid of it not coming true, or even of it actually happening, because that would be scary. Great, but scary. I don't want to give up on the book, of course, because I've put way too much work into it, but I'm wondering if I should give up on the dream. Maybe it would be better to just let it die and not think about it, and put all of my focus on the book itself without even thinking about getting it published until it's done.
What I'd like to do is to not let the dream die, exactly, but set it aside. Stop worrying about the future and focus on the present. I'm not going to get anywhere if I don't finish the book first. The universe can't help me with that. It's all up to me.
I don't think there's anything wrong with dreaming big - how much fun those dreams can be! I think the trick though is to make sure to keep reality in sight - the work, the learning, the successes and failures, etc. It can all be good!
ReplyDeleteI don't believe in coincidences. Keep at it. You will reach that dream, and I'll be here cheering you on the whole way.
ReplyDeleteHappy 2015!
Dreaming big is important - it keeps you moving forward. It may never happen, but it'll lead to smaller, more achievable dreams. My biggest dream is to win the Booker Prize (I even have a year in mind). It's been my dream since I was 18, and I'm not giving it up, not until 2030 anyway.
ReplyDeleteI think dreaming big is important too. Don't let your dream die! I'll be with Crystal cheering you on. :)
ReplyDeleteIf the big dream is stymying your work, then setting it aside (but keeping it alive) sounds like a good idea. Don't put too much pressure on this particular story---it's extremely rare for anyone to hit it big with their first book. But finishing it will be a major step in getting you where you need to be to make that dream come true.
ReplyDeleteDare to dream big. We don't always get what we want but we usually get what we expect, so expect great things to happen with your writing.
ReplyDeleteAnd I love the name Gizmo.
I've been in your shoes before, wondering if I should just give up, too scared to look at the project anymore because what if it's not 'the one?' But the only way to find out if it is the one is to keep writing. And I completely believe in signs, too. Jump back in the water, you'll feel better.
ReplyDeleteKeep writing! Sometimes it helps just to focus on the story and forget the end-goal until you have a finished book. But definitely don't give up! :)
ReplyDeleteI started writing when I was 12 and worked on that first book for about ten years. And it's still not published. lol I also wrote three books to follow it during that time though. I sure hope I can share those and you can share Uneven Lines! We just can't give up.
ReplyDeleteI started writing when I was 8 as well. I've had lots of articles and such published, but I had to self-publish my books. I wish I'd started submitting when I was your age. Keep at it, don't ever give up.
ReplyDeleteI've been writing since I was 7 and didn't start writing a novel I was serious about publishing until I was 19, and once I started college, the process slowed down greatly for me. But don't let yourself get in the way of what you want. If you truly feel like it's best to set it aside for now, do it, but if there's something that's saying keep going, keep going!
ReplyDeleteKeep on writing! No dream is too big. Sometimes we just have to take little steps to get there. :)
ReplyDeleteDon't let the dream die just try and shift the focus a little. My dreams definitely help me get through the bad days, everybody's got to have something to wish for. For some it's travelling to some far flung place, completing a sky dive, or landing that perfect job. Sadly for us writer's the 'dream' can be a lot harder to achieve than some of these but that doesn't mean we shouldn't strive for it. I like your idea of reading through your novel, maybe going back to it with a fresh pair of eyes will be the inspiration you need to get going again. Best of luck, Sarah, we are all routing for you.
ReplyDeleteI think we've all got the writer's blues. Is it so contagious that even blogging about this malady is so easy to spread? IDK but we need to kick it to the curb and right soon.
ReplyDeleteYou and me both, *G*
Agree with all the commenters above! I dream big, and bigger even more. It's okay because I know that there is no harm to it. Dreams take work to fulfill and I use it as my fuel. Keep at it!
ReplyDeleteI dream big, but don't trust to the dreams to just happen on their own. There's a lot of work that has to go into bringing a dream to fruition. It's like that joke about the man who kept praying to G-d to let him win the lottery. He got angry after a while and shook his fist at the heavens. The answer from G-d? "Help me out you schmuck! Buy a ticket!"
ReplyDeleteSome say there are no such things as coincidences. Think of them as nudges and now you need to make things happen, rather than waiting for them to happen. Take your destiny into your own hands. You go girl!
ReplyDeleteYou've made some very interesting comments. I once heard the words "let go of the dream." The strange part was it came from my mother. The year was 1996...she died in 1987. After that, I did let go...it didn't die but transformed.
ReplyDeleteAfter pursuing agents & publishers in 2007 (37 rejection letters), my husband, who I got together with in 1996 (check the date above), suggested I put book one aside and start on another, which I did. Long story short, at a conference in 2011 I pitched the first book to three agents (because it was a completed novel). Two of the three wanted to see the manuscript. After dusting off the pages, my hopes sunk like a rock in a swimming pool. My writing was horrible. Had to rewrite the entire book, which ended happily, being published in July 2012 (by a small publisher in FL). Then I was already half-way through book #2 which was released Sept. 2013.
I'd suggest letting go of what you "think" is your dream, sit back, twist your kaleidoscope and move forward, and...good luck:)
I'm guilty of big dreams too, but I am unrepentant about it. I have huge fantasies that reality cannot touch. Every set back? Every rejection? That is just more fodder for the docudrama that will be my life. I mean, how boring is an instant success story? Throw in the human drama with its ups and downs- now that's a story! A story that will come true- even if it takes me to my death bed scene to make it happen. The only thing that can stop me is if I quit. You keep dreaming lady- dreams never hurt nobody! (English language butchered purposefully)
ReplyDeleteI don't think its possible to dream "too big." That's what dreams are for - stretching our imaginations, letting ourselves think about huge giant unrealistic fabulous things. Please keep dreaming big.
ReplyDeleteGOALS, though, are different. It's definitely a problem to have goals that are too big. Goals need to be small and incremental, so that you can achieve each one and then build up to that huge dream. It IS possible!
Fantasizing about what can happen seems to be normal, but you have to work to get there. Here's hoping the future holds great things (and you know what they say about the future turning into the present).
ReplyDeleteKeep on dreaming big, Sarah. I get paralyzed if I have a big project. But when I break it down into manageable parts, I can deal with it. Best wishes!
ReplyDeleteKeep the dream, set some smaller goals, and make it happen! You can do it!
ReplyDeleteI got started writing at the very late age of 40 (I'm 49 now), and even though it took me almost 4 years to get a story published, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I definitely wouldn't advise giving up the dream, but perhaps should put aside the Great American Novel for a while and work on another story. Betcha it will be better than that first one.
ReplyDeleteFather Nature's Corner
I think you already know the fear is big part of holding you back. I know that's true for me. If we can't dream big, what do we have? Keep dreaming and aiming for it, and it will be great. As you said, it's all up to you. And you can do it, we know you can. 2015 is the year ;)
ReplyDeleteYes, finish! You can do it. Then you get to have real fun and make that baby shine. Your dreams are not too big :)
ReplyDeleteWhen I take a break from my manuscripts, I find reading through it (without editing) helps me get back into the swing of it. It's hard not to stop and edit, though ;)
ReplyDeleteSo don't give up because of fear. You'll only regret it.
I worked four solid years on my first novel. Much like you I dreamed really big and put a lot of pressure on myself to accomplish something I wasn't ready for. It started to affect my family life. The best thing I did was let go of that novel and choose a smaller press. I learned so much from the process. It helped me feel like I could reach my goals if I made them realistic enough. It also put me on the path of learning what I needed about myself.
ReplyDeleteWhat do I really need from my writing career? How do I do THAT?
I still get freaked out by my dreams, but for the most part I'm back to enjoying writing for the joy it brings me. There are so many ways for me to share those stories with the world. In the end that's all I really ever wanted. To live in my fantasy worlds and share it with others who would enjoy them too.
Good luck and keep dreaming!
Don't give up on your book! Don't let your "dreams" do anything but urge you on. In that order. Get the book done, then dream while working on getting it published, or publishing it yourself. It's all about priorities. Get the book done first. Doesn't matter how long it takes. If dreaming helps keep you going, then dream, but don't lose sight of the first important thing: you can't succeed if you don't have a book! Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog and happy new year!
ReplyDeleteBut dreaming big will stretch you. If you only dreamed small, you won't achieve as much. Maybe having many sizes of dreams would help.
ReplyDeleteIt's great to have ambition. I'm sure your book deserves a great deal and I look forward to reading it. But I think writing is the time to block out all outside pressures and just do what you need to for the story. Easier said than done. But you can overstress yourself thinking about "business" matters while creating. Keep listening to Jordan if he's talking!
ReplyDeleteI think dreaming big is GREAT. Just also with a heaping side helping of "there are a lot of steps between here and there".
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are I do not want to be on my death bed wondering "what if" because I never finished my book(s). Gotta take that Leap of Faith and roll those dice!
ReplyDeleteVery interesting thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong with dreaming big.
You can achieve anything you put your mind too. It takes hard work and perseverance. Keep at it!
Thanks for stopping by my blog on IWSG day!
Writer In Transit
I don't think we can make ourselves stop dreaming big dreams, nor should we. But just focus on one step at a time. :) Good luck!
ReplyDeleteIt's hard not to dream big! As writers, we have BIG imaginations so of course we're going to envision amazing things for our lives as authors. What I've had to learn is to take those dreams and GO AFTER THEM. Sure, I'd much rather NOT do the work but live in the fantasy. That's not how it works, though. Go after those dreams, one at a time, and you'll see them come true. OR you'll find a new dream, a bigger dream along the way! The key is to keep moving forward!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog for IWSG!
Jen
Once you stop dreaming all is lost. All writers need to keep the dream alive. Persevere-Persist-and Patience...
ReplyDeleteHi Sarah
ReplyDeleteSometimes life interrupts are dreams. If that happens, you're not giving up, just living life. I have questions which you don't need to answer but you can think about them.
Are you a member of your local writers group? If not join.
Are you in a good critique group? If not join.
I'll read your other post and see if I can answer some questions.
Nancy
I think you should dream at all levels! Big, small... or you could partition the big one into smaller ones!
ReplyDeleteI don't think you should give up, but add to. Add something you know is obtainable. :)
I really get this. I often dream too big at times, and then it all freaks me out and I end up not doing anything for days, weeks, months. I've come to realize that I have to focus on smaller goals, maybe even as small as what I want to accomplish today. It's a work in progress, but it is helping me have more writing days.
ReplyDeleteDon't let big dreams scare you, and don't ever give up on them. My dream has always been to be a published author. It has taken me nearly thirty years, but I'm publishing my first book in February. Just keep at it and you'll get there.
ReplyDelete