F is for Foster (Or, Maiden Names & Pen Names)

Most of my coworkers call me by my last name, Foster. Actually, my boss will scream it at me whenever he sees me. On the rare occasions when he's called me by my first name (like, literally once or twice), I had to point it out--"You just called me Sarah." "What?! I did?" Despite all this, I never really thought about my last name being part of my identity, that is, until I got engaged. Now, I get asked all the time, "What's your new last name gonna be???"

Well, here's the thing. I'm not entirely sure if I'm going to change it. And it has nothing to do with some sort of feminist viewpoint or anything. Part of me just doesn't find it necessary. I've spent 26 years with this name, why change it now? I don't think taking my husband's last name would create a stronger connection with him. It feels more like changing a part of my identity just because people expect me to.

Honestly, though, part of my decision has to do with my writing. Now, obviously I haven't published anything yet, but I also haven't done any wedding planning yet either. And I always thought that if I published anything before I got married, I wouldn't change my last name. Of course, this isn't going to be the only deciding factor, but if it does happen, it could be a big one.

Which leads me to pen names. If I really wanted to, I could publish my book under any name I choose, or any variation on my own name. For a long time, I thought I'd include my middle initial, but I think I've moved past that desire. And replaced it with slightly rational fear. At least, I think it's rational. See, sometimes I worry that if the first book I publish is gay fiction, then my publisher is going to make me change my name, maybe make me use initials to hide my identity as a woman. Which I absolutely can't stand. I know I'm probably way over-thinking things, as well as getting way ahead of myself (how about I finish writing the book first, right?). But it's not like I never thought about it.

Considering the fact that writing involves pretending to be someone else a lot, I really just want to be myself. I don't want to have to hide behind my book or my husband's last name. I want to do things my way. And an identity is something that only I can create.

E is for Editing

E is for Editing. Because that's what I'm doing. Or trying to do. Because I'm really tired. I worked all day. I have to work tomorrow. I have to get up at 6. I might just go to bed right now. Or if I'm lucky I'll get through one scene. I'm not sure my brain is working properly, though. I mean, I can't even write a good blog post. Is anybody else really glad to not have to blog tomorrow?

Oh, by the way, I have no idea what my F post will be yet, but my G post is going to be pretty awesome. You should come back and see it. Just sayin'.

D is for Danger

When you're writing a book, you want to keep the tension as high as you possibly can. You don't want the reader to get bored. This doesn't necessarily mean that every moment needs to be a nail biting, on the edge of your seat sort of scene. There doesn't need to be a disaster on every other page. But the threat of a disaster could keep things interesting.

Since my novel is about the relationship between a 15-year-old and a 28-year-old, obviously there's a lot of danger involved. My characters know that their relationship has to be a complete secret, and that if anyone found out it would be disastrous. That thought process is certainly present in the book, but it's not at the forefront. The lives these characters lead allow them to be isolated without much threat of getting caught. Honestly, having my characters get caught has never been an option. It’s the obvious route to take. And I don’t want my book to end up like an episode of Law & Order. It's just not the story that I'm trying to tell. But that doesn’t mean that there won’t be the occasional brush with danger.

There are times when the danger is going to be more obvious. When the killer is inside the house. When there's a high speed car chase. Or in my book, when Jordan's mother comes home unexpectedly. Those are the easy times to maintain tension. The reader is already going to be nervous, hoping everything turns out ok for your characters. It's when you have moments between these sort of crucial scenes where tension can be a bit tricky.

I had a good learning experience when I wrote the first draft of my novel. There's one particular scene about halfway through the book where Jordan is sitting at the lunch table at school with his friends, secretly texting with Tom about their upcoming weekend together. Really, I hadn't thought the scene through beyond their conversation, and the fact that I need to occasionally throw in scenes with Jordan's friends to move the subplot. So it was his friend Brian who chimed in, asking who Jordan was texting. At first, I wrote the next line as:

                "Your mother," I said quickly, shoving the phone back into my pocket.

I realized the problem immediately. With the phone in his pocket, the evidence disappears. Where does the scene go from here? Just boring lunchtime banter. I had to think about how this scene was going to work as a whole. Why have the texting conversation while Jordan is at lunch? It could have just as easily happened when he got home from school. The conversation and the setting had to compliment each other. So there had to be some sort of reaction. I rewrote the line as: 

               "Your mother," I said quickly, placing my phone down on the table in front of me. 

It was such a subtle change but it did so much for the scene. Now the phone is out in the open, and Brian is able to grab it and look at it before Jordan can stop him. Instead of being a boring, useless scene, now there's a hint of danger. Jordan has to get his phone back before Brian sees too much and come up with an explanation for what he does see. The whole scenario gets him thinking how he needs to be more careful, how maybe maintaining a secret relationship isn't as easy as he thought. 

Without the danger, this scene would have been really boring. It might have been cut entirely when I wrote the second draft. But because of one tiny little change, there is tension and suspense, even if just for a moment. Danger doesn't always have to be life or death. Sometimes it can be subtle, moving the plot from one scene to another. Even if it's overcome quickly, hopefully the readers will still have that one moment when they're holding their breath.  

C is for Cupcake

In the past few years, I've created a Valentine's Day tradition that will probably last the rest of my life. And it's all my book's fault.

Food plays a huge role in my book. In the first chapter, Jordan shows a certain level of disdain for everything he's forced to eat, that is, until Tom walks into his life holding a key lime pie. Part of the relationship my characters create revolves around food, and there are plenty of scenes with food descriptions. The idea of hunger has a more symbolic use, besides just being actually hungry for food, but hungry for the things you desire and life in general. But that sort of hunger can be revealing, and that's exactly what Jordan is afraid of.

So there's a cupcake scene. It's in the third chapter and it's probably one of my favorite scenes in the whole book. I do have a lot of fun writing in depth food descriptions, which this scene obviously has. But it's also a very revealing scene. There's an unspoken attraction between my characters and even though they can't acknowledge it, they're both very much aware that it exists. The tension gets to be so much that actually eating this cupcake is almost a sexual experience.

But anyway, onto the actual cupcake! I've made them twice, because why not? I honestly don't remember how I came up with the idea for this scene, or even the flavor of the cupcake. But since in the book, Tom makes these cupcakes for Valentine's Day, I've started making them, too. This year I brought them to work and they were a big hit. The cake is vanilla with just a hint of lemon, with raspberry filling and raspberry buttercream. I'm honestly not that great of a baker, but they get better each time I make them. Someday they'll be perfect.

And, no, I did not create the recipes myself. My fictional characters can be that good, but not me. So since I should give credit where credit's due, and because you totally want to make them, check out the recipes for the Vanilla Cupcakes, Raspberry Filling, and Raspberry Buttercream.

B is for a Blue Binder

All right! *cracks knuckles* I'm going to attempt to combine my A to Z Challenge post with my IWSG post. If you haven't heard of the Insecure Writer's Support Group, check out Alex J. Cavanaugh's blog to learn more. Here goes!

                

I went into a Staples recently, spent about five seconds in one aisle, then walked out empty handed. I had one of those paranoid moments when I was afraid the staff would think I stole something. But that's a different kind of insecurity, I suppose. The kind of insecurity I was really feeling at the moment was a sort of desperate need for perfection. Or maybe I was just being really picky.

Ok, ok, I'll explain. I was looking for a binder. But not just any binder. I need a binder in which to put the second draft of my novel. I haven't printed any of my revisions yet, and I like having a hard copy as well as a digital one. But this is my life's work, my masterpiece--it can't just go anywhere!

I've mentioned before that my novel has colors. You know, like a sports team or a school would. My high school's colors were black and teal, college was purple and gold. Well, my book is gray and blue. I don't know when it happened, exactly. I just started associating each color with one of my main characters, and then I started wearing these colors together a lot, and it just kind of stuck. I could go into extensive details about why I chose these particular colors, but that's probably a story for another day.

I have my first draft printed and stored in a gray binder. It took me forever to find the perfect one, and had to buy it online, actually. See, I knew that it just had to be gray, that putting my book in some random colored binder would be a violation to myself, my muse, and the universe. It just wouldn't have felt right. And so for my second draft, of course it has to be blue. But the right kind of blue. One that I haven't been able to find yet.

Ok, this is about more than just a binder, really. It's not even about seeking perfection like you would when you actually write your book. It's more about balance. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and that the universe has a plan for everyone. Oddly enough, I'm pretty sure I've figured most of that plan out. I may be right or I may be completely nuts, only time will tell. But in the meantime, I have to do what feels right. If I stuck my second draft in a pink binder, it would make me cringe every time I picked it up. Does that make me insecure? Probably.

Anyone else picky about where you store your hard copies? Figure out the universe's plan for you yet? Or do you think I'm crazy?

A is for Adventure

Actually, today I want to talk about three adventures--one I'm starting right now, one I've been on for what feels like forever, and one that I'm planning for the near future.

I think choosing to be a writer, or even just writing a particular story, is like embarking on an adventure. You have to prepare yourself, plan things out. It takes a lot of commitment and a lot of work. You might encounter obstacles along the way that you didn't expect. But you learn to work past them. I think the only difference with writing is that sometimes it's hard to know when the adventure is over. 

Obviously today is the first day for the A to Z Challenge. Most of you would probably agree that this is a sort of adventure. Not only do we have to blog for 26 days, but have each post correspond with that day's letter. Some people have even committed to themes, although I chose not to take that route. I figured all of my blog posts are usually about writing in some way, anyway. Or maybe I just ran out of time to come up with something more specific. But anyway! I've made the commitment. I haven't done all that much planning. Sometimes it will be difficult. But mostly it will be fun, and hopefully I'll get to connect with a lot more writers and bloggers in the process. 

I've been on another writing adventure for quite some time. I've been working on my current WIP in one form or another for over three years. It started as a short story for a college class, and that could have been the end of it. I could have edited it, maybe tried sending it to a literary magazine. But I made a different choice. I thought there was a lot more there beneath the surface, so I decided instead to adapt the story into a novel. That took a lot of work. At times it was exhilarating, at other times frustrating. Life got in the way, lack of inspiration, dealing with anxiety and depression. It's taken me a lot longer to get where I am, but I think the momentum has picked up recently. It took me about two and a half years to write the first draft, but the second draft is coming along a lot faster. Maybe fixing the novel's problems is easier than figuring out what happens in the first place. But this adventure still seems never-ending. Once the second draft is done, then there's querying, agents, hopefully a book deal. And it won't end there, either. It's scary, but I'm looking forward to it. 

And then there's this new adventure I'm planning. I'm hoping within the next two months to quit my job and try writing full time. This is beyond scary. But I think it's time to do it. There are a few things I have to get in order before leaving my job, but I'm hoping to be out of there by June. If I could devote all of my time to writing, then I could get so much more done, instead of just struggling day to day to get out a paragraph because I'm too tired or have no time. I really need to do what's best for me at this point, and staying at a job I hate just because I'm used to it and it feels safe isn't the right choice anymore. 

Well, those are my adventures for the moment. What sort of adventures are you embarking on? Looking forward to meeting some new people through the A to Z challenge!

Another Kind of Doomsday

Today's doomsday is a lot scarier than the one I had last week. Today my staycation is over and I have to go back to work.

It was not nearly as successful as I thought it would be. The week seemed to fly by. I did get three chapter edits done, but that's pretty much it. No agent research, no working on a resume or query letter. No A to Z posts written. I wanted to get so much more done, but it just didn't happen.

So yes, I'm starting the A to Z challenge tomorrow without a single post written ahead of time. I know how horrible this is. But I've also been a procrastinator all my life, so it should turn out ok. Hopefully I'll be able to get some posts done in my free time instead of writing them all daily. That could be a disaster.

Some kinda sorta good news--I went over my bills and figured out how much money I need every month, and based on my savings right now, I could survive 13 months without a job. This is good because it's a lot more than I thought it would be. I was really only planning on being jobless for 3 to 4 months at the most. So I'm thinking that this plan could work out. There are a lot of things I have to do before I put in my notice at work, though, but I want to get them done as soon as possible. I've really wasted enough of my life at this job already.

Oh wow, is this the most depressing day ever? I think I'm making the right decision, but I do want to finish my second draft first. That way I'd be in a good place with my writing and honestly, I want to get reactions from the people I work with who are reading it.

Well, I suppose it's almost time to get ready for work. Boo hiss.